i don't know. i don't know why i always think the worst of things. maybe because it's better than thinking the best of things and being a fool.

im so edgy at home once its dark out. i dont know what it is. im completely afraid of being alone right now. i need to stop watching court tv! too much unsolved mysteries, emergency 911, forensic files. : (
i would feel safer no longer living downtown.

we talked a little more. i really do believe there is nothing more left uncertain about the move. so we will be living together the question still being where. im confident things will work themselves out even if we dont find 'the perfect place' it will be perfect enough just having a love bungalo together. haha. bowling tonight was fun. im pretty ( Read more... )

i need to get registered for school. i need to head over and speak to a counselor. boy do i not want to start just yet. and boy can i not wait for darren to come home. we started talking about moving in together before he left. we both had this huge excitement for it, have this huge excitement for it. but it came about somewhat strangely.. .me ( Read more... )

why does that make me feel so bummed? there is no reason i should take it personally. i wish i understood. i wish i didnt get so excited over things and push. once i figure this out and stop worrying about my future living situations ill be fine. sometimes i just feel like i didnt know what i was getting myself into with this and its definitely ( Read more... )

well im starting to feel a little seclusive again. its been awhile and a long while coming. i havent drank all week or gone out and partied and its nice. ive been really sleepy. i feel like ive been tired all the time for months now. i thought it was from too much socializing but as it turns out.. when the socializing stops the sleeps keep coming. ( Read more... )

well yet another mothers day. yesterday afer work me emily and mallory trecked up to phoenix to see pigeon john and rjd2. it was awesome seeing john.. last time i saw him was almost a year ago. he got us all in for free which was nice since the show was like 20 bones. rjd2 blows my mind.. ive been getting back into the undergrond hip hop scene ( Read more... )

ahh i really should write in here more.. i started reading through some of my old posts.. man am i a trip.. one day happy one day devastatingly sad. i knew i had a tought year or 2 but damn. still getting used to using a mac.. fuck chainsaw is biting my feet! shes a bitch sometimes but i lurve her. still debating new york.. sarah ashley and scott ( Read more... )

life is good! watch the secret! im off the depression medicine i was on.. ive been off for awhile.. i think its been good for me. i needed it back then, i dont feel like i do anymore. ive got things in order here.. i have a little kitten.. a little home.. everything in it is mine and everything stays where i leave it.. three little dogs run around ( Read more... )

im not really sure what i am doing right now.. at first it meant nothing.. now its all i think about. i cant even be nice anymore.. i know i make it obvious.. i know im ruining things... i wish i cared..i know im going to look back at some point and totally regret the way im handling the situation.. but at this point.. it just doesnt mean enough to ( Read more... )