I am mad-- the insane kind of mad. It's currently 5:30am and I've been up for 18 hours packing. Why did got make things so damn attractive that I bought so many of them. I've bought nothing bug things. I systematically packed away each item of entertainment many hours ago. Brilliant. I left room in a box for my sanity, but now I don't know where it ( Read more... )

People give great advice about things, assuming you want to be told to go to IKEA. I wanted to buy a couch and of all the unsolicited advice I got, all of it was: "try IKEA". Hey, maybe I thought of looking for furniture at the most popular furniture store in America; or: Hey, maybe I don't want to decorate my house like a dorm lounge at the ( Read more... )

The difference between truly great and only sort of great people is their frequency and skill at insulting others. Let's look at some examples. Sort of Great scientist Niels Bohr would often say to his rival scientists "you are offensive to me in some way" which is a good insult, but not great. Truly great scientist Albert Einstein would say "Yo ( Read more... )

Women are funny things. They lie to batman about how much they weigh, but are offended when I wear my necklace of human ears--hey I earned that. With women, you have to compliment them often, and it's hard to know what is a compliment and not. Like: "awesome! You have webbed feet!" doesn't go over so well, while "Jesus, Skeletor, if you miss ( Read more... )

The universe is infinitely old right? So logically, at some point, someone or something must have buried gold in my house. I've already begun pulling up floorboards and digging holes. Hopefully I'll also find a cool new weapon that I can trade to the government to be exempt from the law. It'll be old though, pretty close to infinitely old, so it'll ( Read more... )