I wish I could say that I have my happily ever after sitting at home waiting for me at night. But it slipped through my fingers without a word. I lost the one person in this world that gave me hope again. That showed me that I could love again. I lost again. All hopes of something new, exciting, different, have now been crushed with no turning back ( Read more... )

I don't know who else to turn to to hold my deepest secrets, but you. My journal of a million years. Pain has overcome me today and I find it beating on old wounds. This girl, has brought me back to life, and her pain has resurrected my own. I never meant to fall for her, but now everything that hurts her, hurts me. Everyone that messes with her, I ( Read more... )

It's been a little too long since I've put down how I feel. We'll go with almost 2 months. If that's specific enough. I've gone through a pile of things since I've last updated. One of them being, I fell for someone new. I don't just like this person, I want this person. And, need this person. She is the only person that has ever made me forget ( Read more... )

I guess that I realize more and more everyday that I shouldn't trust a single soul with the things that I feel or the things that happen to me. I've learned that even the poeple that have been there for long periods of time, people you thought that you could confide in, will stab you even harder in the back.

Samantha, is the whom I am referring to ( Read more... )

Today I find myself unable to stop thinking about Martin. Not much of a surprise, I know. But I really miss him. I wish I could rewind time and I would have never left him. Never been lonely. Never had to breathe without him. He would be here, in my arms. But time has changed us. Time has torn our one world into two that are so unbearable. I can't ( Read more... )

I can't stand the way life can push you down so fast. The way it crumbles away from you without warning, without reason. I don't know what I did to deserve this round of displeasure, but I'm really rolling in it now ( Read more... )

I broke up with James. We lasted about 2 and half months. I thought that the strength I had to forget about Martin was really there. I guess it was all just pretend. I didn't break up with James for Martin. I KIND OF broke up with James because I couldn't feel as strongly toward him as I did Martin. I can't be with him if I want more than anything ( Read more... )

All day today I was upset, like really down. I didn't talkt o anyone. Didn't smile. Just did all of my work and just sat consumed in my own thoughts. It took me all day long to figure out what was really wrong with me, why I was so down. I have moved from place to place to place. I hate doing it. I hate having to move in with my friends. I hate ( Read more... )

It wasn't really all that hard once I thought about it. That was the problem then. I never wanted to think about it. I didn't ever think about it. I just went after him, everytime just so that he could let me fall, again. But this time, I did it. I thought about it, thought it completely through. I know that I don't need him. I know that he hurt me ( Read more... )

I can't even smile anymore. I don't remember how. Martin. He came back. It's been 8 months since I've seen him. He came looking for me to try to talk to me. I don't know why and I don't know if he'll come back a second time. I wasn't working when he came to see me. Will he come back? Should I care? I want to, but I don't know. I'm with James. We've ( Read more... )