Jensen/Jared - The Past Never Stays There - chapter 14/14 NC17

[angels3]

Title : The Past Never Stays There - Chapter 14/14

Author : angels3  aka Angela
Beta : munimula - who is the best beta ever and any mistakes left are so mine, and there will probably be a plenty as I had to rework some things after she sent it back to me.

Word Count :   6655

Pairing : Jensen/Jared

Supporting Characters : Eric, Kim, Sera, Mike, Tom, Chris, Steve, Chad,  Kylan  (who is a figmant of my imagination

Disclaimers : They don't belong to me because if they did.............................

Warnings : RPS   NC17

Summary : This is the sequel to When Things Come Crashing Down.  It starts immediately where that story  left off.
You know that person that Chris never had the name for?  Well he may soon get it.  Jensen and Jared have to deal with someone from Jensen's past


Chapters -   1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10   11   12a   12b   13a   13b   14

Kylan

PDF for The Past Never Stays There

Jared had been chagrinned to realize Chad had been right and the first night Jensen was conscious he'd had a fit when Jared had left the bathroom without putting his shirt on first. Jensen was shocked at how much weight Jared had lost in such a short amount of time, and he'd been far from pleased at the discovery, needless to say he took steps to correct the problem immediately.

He had made Chris and Steve take Jared to the closest restaurant, not fast food he'd railed, an honest to God sit down and take your time restaurant and feed him. He'd told all three of them, he wanted to see the bill when they got back, because he didn't trust any of them. Chad had been hiding outside the door giggling and obviously not quietly since Jared had lifted his head from his dressing down long enough to glare at his friend and stick his tongue out on the way past. Chad had just waved them goodbye and flounced into the room to keep the fire breathing dragon company. Jensen hadn't been all that happy with him either for letting Jared's health suffer, but calmed down when he was told that the only way Chad had been able to get Jared to eat at all was to bring food to the hospital because Jared wouldn't leave.

Chad had made the decision to leave a few days later when he was positive Jensen was well enough to continue bullying Jared into taking care of himself. Jensen had finally talked Josh and Mack into going back home a week after he came out of the coma. Jensen had argued that Mack had missed too much school already and Josh's vacation wouldn't last forever.

He'd spent the better part of three weeks in the hospital recuperating from his injuries, and trying to get Chris and Steve to go home and take care of each other. Jensen knew they needed some time alone to reconnect without the stress of everything that had gone on. Jensen's heart monitor had sped up so much when Jared had finally told him about Steve's electrocution and his short time with no pulse that the alarms had gone off and sent everyone into a panic.

Jensen's parents had actually been easier, they'd left a couple of weeks after his release when they were positive he was settled and Jared was able to take care of himself as well as Jensen. Chris and Steve had been the hardest to get to go home. Well, Chris had, Steve had been willing to give Jensen the space he needed but Chris had dug his heels in and refused to be budged. Jensen had finally made a deal with Chris that if his next doctor's appointment went well that he and Steve would head home.

He knew that Chris had dealt with what he could at the time, but the rest had been pushed aside until he felt he was in a safe place to let it out. While being away from the hospital and in his friend’s home was a safe place, Jensen understood that Chris wouldn't truly let go until Steve, and he were alone. Which was why he was sure Steve agreed to the deal before Chris could even open his mouth. They both could tell the lid that Chris had been keeping on his anger and fears was about to blow.

The taxi had picked them up two weeks ago to deliver them to the airport and Jensen had shut the door with a relieved sigh. He'd called them four days later to make sure they had both been taking care of each other and that they were okay. Which brought him to the here and now. He'd waited as long as he was going to wait, and now he was taking matters into his own hands.

Jensen was frustrated, and he was going to remedy that situation tonight!

Jared was out doing Jared things, Jensen hated shopping as a rule, but he hated window shopping with a passion. Why anyone wanted to go store to store just to look was beyond him and anytime Jared got that gleam in his eye, Jensen would hide behind a book or script and beg off, not that Jared would allow him out of the house right now anyway. He'd had to promise to keep the phone on his person at all times and not do anything the doctor had made him swear not to do until he was cleared. Jensen knew the only reason Jared relented then and left him on his own was that they were both in some severe need of alone time. As much as they loved each other and enjoyed spending time together. A month and a half of almost non-stop togetherness was enough to grate on anyone's nerves.

Jensen had called Mike and asked him to pick up the dogs, ensuring Jared couldn't use walking or feeding them as an excuse to dodge Jensen and his plans for the evening. Tom had dropped off a bag of groceries that Jensen had requested and Jared wouldn't be home for a while, so he had plenty of time to get everything ready. While he worked, he tried to decide the best way to get what he wanted. Jared had thwarted every attempt at sex Jensen had tried, and if he didn't know Jared better he'd have thought that it had to do with Kylan's assault. In his weak moments he wondered if maybe he shouldn't dirty Jared by being with him again, but every time that thought assailed him, Jared would do something so sweet it made it difficult to swallow around the lump in his throat.

The no sex thing was seriously driving him nuts, though. There'd been no sex of any kind, no rutting, no blow jobs, hell, there'd been no hand jobs, unless it was his own hand when Jared had been asleep or gone. Nothing, and he'd had enough, thank you very much. The lack of sex had stemmed from the doctor making the grave mistake on the day he'd been released of ordering him not to do anything strenuous for a month. Jared took it upon himself to interpret that meant sex as well, and if Jensen were in the mood to think logically, sex with Jared was the definition of strenuous.

However, he was too fucking horny to be logical when he felt fine, except for the constant hard on and throbbing in his balls whenever Jared was near him. He was pretty damn positive the doctor hadn't meant sex and if he had, well, that was just too damn bad because he was going to be having some tonight, and it wasn't going to be with himself.

Jensen finished getting things set upstairs and quickly moved to the kitchen to get supper going. He'd had the steaks marinating, so he got the salad ready and the baked potatoes in the oven while he was waiting for the grill to heat up. He'd put them on once Jared called to tell him he was on the way home, a habit he'd gotten into in the days after the kidnapping, not that Jared hadn't been considerate before but now he never missed calling ahead. Jensen thought it was as much to reassure himself that everything was fine in his absence as it was to reassure Jensen that he wouldn't be late.

Thirty minutes later, as Jensen sat at the table drinking a cup of coffee he was only able to sneak when Jared was out, the phone rang. Jared told him he'd be home in less than a half an hour, and to decide what he wanted to watch later tonight. Jensen didn't bother telling him the only thing he planned on seeing tonight was personalized porn.

He was just removing the rolla when he heard Jared’s car pulled into the drive. Jensen almost dropped the tea pitcher when Jared skid into the kitchen, his face creased with confusion, sniffing the air like a dog on the scent of a chase.

"What are you doing?" Jared asked, concern creeping into his words.

"Making supper," Jensen answered, stating the obvious.

"I can see and smell that," Jared retorted, exasperated. "I guess I should have asked, why are you cooking supper?"

"Because I'm tired of takeout, and I wanted to," Jensen explained mildly. He refused to get angry, even if Jared was an overbearing Neanderthal when he was worried.

"Okay, but I could have cooked when I got home."

"Something always sets off the fire alarm when you cook."

"It does not!" Jared exclaimed, outraged.

Jensen just stared at him until Jared caved.

"It's not every time," he pointed out petulantly.

"Waving the pot holder in front of the alarm to keep it quiet doesn't count," Jensen said, grinning at Jared's pout.

"Fine, but when suppers over I'll clean up while you go relax in the bath."

Jensen turned around so Jared couldn't see the triumphant grin on his face.

"Only if you take one with me," Jensen responded, turning back around to hand Jared the plate of potatoes so he could carry the steaks to the table, and waited for an answer.

Jared stared at Jensen, trying to decipher what exactly was going on. He had a feeling he was being manipulated, but he couldn't figure out to what purpose. Jensen had obviously already gotten his way concerning supper, and he knew if he opened the dishwasher, Jensen's favorite coffee cup would be in the rack. He was well aware of his boyfriend's tendency to sneak coffee when he was out, but at least it kept the stimulants to a minimum if he didn't let on that he knew.

Jared was positive if he confronted Jensen on his stolen caffeine fix then the stubborn man would figure there was no reason to sneak and just pick back up his ten cup a day habit. Jared had been trying to get him to cut back a long time before the attack, but he wasn't going to waste the opportunity that had presented itself, when the doctor had ordered Jensen to lay off the massive quantities of stimulant he typically ingested.

Jensen sat down to wait patiently as he watched Jared try to figure out what was going on. He remained patient, refusing to give anything away that would bring his plans to a halt.

Jared narrowed his eyes a second before he smiled. "Sure, if you'll sit here and rest while I take care of the dishes and the grill."

"I don't mind watching you work," Jensen answered, smiling when Jared rolled his eyes.

Jared kept the conversation flowing as usual, they talked about Mac making up her school work and Megan's new boyfriend. The one Jared was threatening to take the shotgun home to scare with. The dinner was so normal Jensen could almost believe the last several months hadn't happened at all. Unfortuantely Jensen had never been able to lie to himself even when it would have been a lot more pleasant.

Jensen true to his word sat and watched Jared clean up the kitchen and then head outside. Jared made him jump when he stuck his head back in the door ten seconds later.

"Where're the kids?" He asked, confused and feeling a little guilty that he'd been so preoccupied with Jensen overdoing it that he hadn't even realized the dogs were missing.

"Mike picked them up, said he was going to hang out with Tom and figured they could play with their doggy friends." Jensen breezed through the lie, trying hard not to twitch under Jared's scrutiny.

"Okay. Do I need to pick them up tomorrow or is he bringing them back by?" Jared asked, still a little perplexed.

"He said he'd call. He didn't know if he was going to stay over or come back this way tonight."

"All right," Jared shrugged and said cheerfully before disappearing out the door again.

Jensen breathed a sigh of relief at dodging that bullet. He'd hoped Jared would just assume the dogs were upstairs and not ask questions, but he hadn't held his breath. He took the opportunity to start the bath water and light some of Jared's candles. He had no idea where the man kept buying them from, but every time he turned around, there was a new on in the house.

He stripped down and grabbed the shower gel and sponge, rolling his eyes and promising himself to pick on Jared some more for his girly bathing supplies. Jensen sank down into the hot water, sighing as the ache in his bones eased. He didn't know if it was a residual effect of the cold he'd endured, or if it was psychological, but he couldn't seem to stay warm.

The cold would settle in his bones and make his teeth chatter. Jared had caught him with the electric blanket turned on high when he'd fallen asleep one afternoon and had nagged until Jensen finally told him about being cold all the time. After that, Jared had made sure the thermostat was set a little higher and that Jensen always had socks on. He also kept making hot tea, which Jensen despised but drank anyway. He knew Jared was trying to help, and if he took the time to make it then Jensen was going to drink it and smile doing it.

Jared climbed the stairs, pulling his shirt off as he went. He was profoundly grateful that when he'd bought the house, he'd had the bathroom remodeled and had the biggest bathtub he could find installed. Jared still thought Jensen was up to something, but he was never going to say no to a bath together, a fact that made them late on more than one occasion, but he was not going to think about it or he'd have to jerk off before he got in the tub. Abstinence was definitely not fun, but he didn't want Jensen overdoing it so he was going to keep his hand to himself no matter how hard that was.

He entered the bathroom to the sent of mulberry and flickering candlelight, shocking him into silence for a second. Jensen was laying at the back of the tub and looked like he had no intentions of moving. Jared shivered at the picture of wet shimmering skin. He quickly finished removing his clothes and stepped in, settling himself between Jensen's spread legs. He felt a little off center being in the front since he usually took the back. He loved having Jensen lay back and rest his weight on his chest, loved being able to wrap his arms around the lightly tanned freckled body and run his hands over the warm, wet skin.

Jared was suddenly very happy that he was sitting in the front, otherwise he'd have difficulty hiding his growing hard on since it would have been stabbing Jensen in the back, and that wouldn't get him anywhere but trouble. He'd kept a running mantra in his head for the past two weeks that the absence of sex was not going to kill him, and it was for Jensen's well being. His head and heart listened exceptionally well, but his damn libido was giving him hell.

Jensen bit his lip, trying to stifle the laugh that bubbled in his chest when Jared moved his hands into his lap. He knew Jared was just as frustrated as he was. The only problem was Jared was just as stubborn too. That worked in their favor most of the time, but when they were on opposite sides of a viewpoint, it made things that much harder, pun completely intended.

Jensen plucked the gel and sponge off the tray, working up a lather. He started with Jared's neck, working down his back in slow circles, using his free hand to slick through the soap and massage hard muscles and taut skin. Jared moaned and leaned forward to make it easier to reach more of his back. Jensen rinsed the soap off and placed a kiss at the top of Jared's spine before pulling him back to rest against his chest.

He soaped up the sponge again and set to work on each arm, settling each one gently in the water and rinsing what was left. Jensen smiled at the low moans that slipped past Jared's lips every time he stroked along a particularly sensitive spot. He paid special attention to Jared's nipples, sliding the edge of the sponge around and around, grazing the pebbled flesh with firm and then barely there pressure. Jensen leaned forward just enough that he could nuzzle behind Jared's ear and blow cool air down the length of his body, watching intently as the dark pink nub puckered even more.

Somewhere in the back of Jared's mind was the thought that he should be taking care of Jensen, but he couldn't make himself move. The molasses thick desire pooling in his veins and weighing down limbs left him basking in the erotic stimulation. He groaned low in the back of his throat when Jensen pushed his hands away from his cock and placed a sharp nip to his ear.

"Mine," Jensen mouthed into his neck.

Jared whimpered, leaning his head back on Jensen's shoulder, and dropping his hands down to grip Jensen's thighs. Jensen lathered the sponge again, working it across Jared's abs and stomach. He smiled into the wet heat of Jared's shoulder when his hand slid past the water line and his fingers skimmed lightly along the hair trailing from navel to the base of Jared's cock.

Jared's hips thrust up, seeking friction. He'd given up trying to stifle his moans when he'd resorted to panting to keep from coming. Jared couldn't think past the blood rushing in his veins and the throbbing between his legs.

Jensen kept his fingers loose as he stroked up and down Jared's length, the water slicking the movement over silky heat. Jensen dropped the sponge he didn't even realize he was still gripping and slid his hand along Jared's thigh and down the crease. His fingers tip toed along the quivering muscles and under until he could stroke the satiny weight of Jared's balls, rolling them gently in the palm of his hand.

Jensen smiled when Jared groaned and rolled his head from side to side. He nipped at the taut line of flesh, sucking a mark into the top of Jared's shoulder, biting down over the bruising area. Jensen slid his tongue along the indention his teeth had left and kissed the sting away.

"Jensen," Jared gasped. "Please......"

"Please what? What do you need Jared?" Jensen whispered in his ear.

Jared moved his hand to cover Jensen's slowly stroking fist and tightened their grips, speeding up the motion and gasping when Jensen's hand slid from his balls, stroking along the tender flesh behind them. He could hear the water sloshing against the side of the tub as he writhed at the pleasure spiraling through his body, his breath coming quick and shallow before his eyes slammed shut, and he gritted his teeth. His hips stuttered and his body tried to fold in on itself as his orgasm ripped through him, shooting milky white into the soapy water.

Jensen trapped Jared against him with an arm around his chest to keep him from drowning when his body bowed forward. He loosened his grip but continued to stroke Jared through the aftershocks, letting go only when he heard the choked little moan Jared always made when stimulation became too much.

It took Jared several minutes to calm his racing heart and catch his breath, the thrum of release still weighing down his body. He could feel Jensen's heart jack hammering against his back and the hard length of cock nestled between their bodies. Jared smiled faintly at finally having figured out what Jensen was up to, provided several minutes late, and he'd fallen for it. There was no way he'd leave Jensen needing him and not give him what he was asking for, but they'd be doing it on his terms now. He had no intention of letting Jensen get hurt ever again, even if the stubborn fool thought he was fine.

Jared stood, twisting so he could pull Jensen up with him, covering his mouth with his own. He slid his hands down Jensen's back, moving him to the edge of the tub before stepping out and lifting Jensen over the side. Jensen's squeak of surprise lost in the greedy battle of dueling tongues and clashing teeth. Jared walked them backwards through the bathroom and into the bedroom, water sliding off their bodies and leaving small puddles on the floor behind them.

He felt Jensen hit the bed with the backs of his legs, and he moved his arm around Jensen's back to control their descent onto the sheets below, sliding them forward until Jensen's head was resting on the pillows. Jared pushed to his elbows and looked down at his boyfriend's flushed face, bright green eyes staring back and a small smirk twisting up one corner of his mouth.

"You think you're so smart don't you?" Jared asked, dipping his head to lick the droplets of water sliding down Jensen's neck onto his shoulder.

"Hmm..." Jensen hummed, rolling his head to the side to give Jared better access.

Jared sucked a bruise on the fragile skin covering Jensen's neck, licking over his mark, excitement coursing through his blood at the shiver that racked Jensen's body. He pulled himself away from the tempting curve of Jensen's shoulder to cup his chin in his hand and look at heavy, lidded eyes.

"You won that round, but we're doing everything else my way," Jared growled, leaning down and sucking Jensen's bottom lip between his teeth, worrying the swollen flesh until Jensen bucked up against him.

Jared grabbed his hip, pressing him to the bed and stilling his motions. "No, if you want this then you're going to lay still and let me do it. I'm not going to let you push yourself too far."

"Jared....." Jensen whined.

"No. You can either agree with the terms, or I'm going to crawl off this bed and go take a very cold shower," Jared declared, watching the war of desire and irritation play across Jensen's face. He relaxed when desire won because he didn't know if he actually had the will power to get up and walk away.

Jensen relaxed under him, giving Jared his answer even without the verbal confirmation. "I can still touch though, right?" Jensen asked quietly.

Jared smiled down at the pout tugging at Jensen's features. "Yes, you can touch. You can even kiss, but you can't do your usual calisthenics the way you normally do," Jared said, kissing the tip of his nose.

"Fine," Jensen sighed, throwing his arms wide in a 'have at it' gesture.

Jared knew he was smiling his 'shit eating' grin as Jensen called it, but he really couldn't help it. He'd missed the physical connection they had through sex, and he wanted to give Jensen what he needed as badly as he wanted to protect him. He pushed Jensen's hair off his forehead, placing a kiss there before he did the same to each eyelid, repeating the kiss to the tip of Jensen's nose and then finally slanting his mouth over the eager one below him.

Jensen moaned into the wet heat of Jared and threaded his fingers through silky hair, pulling a little to hear Jared's answering groan. He mapped a path with his fingers down the hard muscled breadth of Jared's shoulders and back to a trim waist and tight ass, dipping a finger into the crease and rubbing lightly across the clenching hole that was hidden there.

Jared rolled his hips up into the pressure of Jensen's finger, moaning when he felt the burn of being breached. He tongued along the shell of Jensen's ear and followed the maze of cartilage dipping in to swirl around and around. He was prepared for Jensen's hips to automatically surge upward, and held them down, moving to nip at an ear lobe before repeating the process to the other, stealing kisses in between.

Jared smiled as Jensen whimpered. He'd been amazed at how sensitive Jensen was to any touch, but his ears and the base of his spine seemed to be the most sensitive, bringing an almost animalistic submit or fight reflex to the fore. Normally, Jared would enjoy the fight version, but tonight he wanted to love Jensen and he wasn't going to let the stubborn fool overdo it.

He paid special attention to the spot between shoulder and neck, nuzzling the line of freckles that were scattered along Jensen's shoulder, sucking red splotches along the way to keep the brown speckles company. Jared slid further down, licking around a puckered nipple, pulling it into his mouth and flicking his tongue over the tip again and again. He set teeth to either side, worrying the nub back and forth, Jensen's whimpers spurring him on.

Jared applied more pressure to Jensen's hips when he bucked violently, his body quivering as Jared sent mixed signals of pleasure and pain shooting to every nerve ending. Jared took his time until Jensen was panting for breath, but he listened carefully for any wheezing, prepared to slow things down if he needed to. He slowly made his way over each rib, licking and biting a path to the perfect little belly button that Jared loved to worship.

He lavished extra attention on the skin around the small hole, nipping along the edges and licking into the center, giving Jensen time to catch his breath and slow his heartbeat a little. Once Jared could hear him breathing a little easier he slid further down, taking the fine golden hairs between his teeth, tugging a path all the way down. Jensen's cock slid against his chin, smearing precome, his stubble rubbing across the leaking slit and ripping a groan from Jensen's throat.

Jared spread Jensen's legs wider so he had better access to run his tongue along the crease between leg and hip, making sure to give the same attention to both sides. He ignored the hard cock bobbing next to his cheek, spinning out the pleasure and tension just that little bit longer. Jensen surged forward, nearly knocking Jared off the bed when he ran the flat of his tongue along Jensen's pulsing length, pausing to delve into the leaking slit with the tip of his tongue, continuing down the other side to complete the journey.

Jensen's whimpers had him repeating the same pattern several more times until he moved lower, shouldering Jensen's legs up and further apart, wrapping his arms around the upper part of his thighs and lifting to help support the weight. He licked the smooth skin drawn tight with desire, sucking the heavy weight of Jensen's balls into his mouth, and eliciting a hoarse scream from the man above him. Jared laved attention on both, saliva dripping down into the crease of Jensen's ass.

Jared grabbed the lube, slicking the cool liquid over his fingers. He teased along the tight muscle circling the puckered hole over and over until Jensen tried to shove his hips down to force the penetration but Jared held tight with the one arm he still had wrapped around Jensen's thigh.

"Jared! I swear to....." Jensen was cut off mid growl when Jared finally pushed his finger past the initial resistance and deep inside.

"I told you, I'm in control tonight, and you're just going to have to learn patience," Jared replied serenely, never taking his eyes off the sight of his finger disappearing inside Jensen's body. Jensen's only response was a gasp as Jared slid another finger alongside the first, stroking them in and out and going deeper with each push, searching for the spot hidden within that would send electricity shooting through his boyfriend’s body.

Jared nuzzled the inside of Jensen's thigh, sucking a mark into the skin as he pushed a third finger in, working Jensen open so he would only feel pleasure when Jared finally slid home.

"Jared please," Jensen begged, trying to push down again only to be stopped by Jared's weight keeping him still.

Jared looked up in time to catch Jensen reaching for his leaking cock, but catching his wrist before his hand could reach its destination.

"No touching," Jared ordered.

"Jared..." Jensen gasped, his back arching off the bed when Jared hit his prostate dead on and continued to rub across it.

"Hmmm," Jared hummed as he dipped his head back down, hoisting Jensen's leg further up so he could run his tongue along the stretched ring his fingers were working open. He pushed his tongue between his fingers, relishing the single unique taste that only Jensen possessed. Jared knew he wouldn't be able to hold on much longer, his dick had long since filled and was now making itself known to the point of pain.

Jensen gave a disgruntled growl when Jared removed his fingers but let out a little sigh as Jared continued to fuck his tongue in and out of Jensen's body. When he felt like they were both at a breaking point, he slid back up Jensen's body, catching his mouth in a sloppy kiss. Jared moaned as Jensen gripped his hair and pulled him further down, deepening the kiss and leaving them both gasping for air.

Jared eased down onto the bed, never breaking their kiss, until he gently turned Jensen on his side, pulling his back against his chest.

"Jared, what are you doing?" Jensen asked confused, trying to turn around so he could see what was wrong.

"Nothing's wrong, I promise. We're doing this my way remember?" Jared whispered in Jensen's ear.

He ran his hand along the line of Jensen's shoulder, down his arm and over his hip, hooking the bend of Jensen's knee in his hand and pushing forward, making room for his own body in the space left behind.

"Take your hand and hold yourself open," Jared breathed into the ear he'd been licking.

Jensen whimpered but did as he was told, sliding his hand over his hip and gripping the right side of his ass and pulling, leaving himself open for Jared to take.

"Don't move your hand, keep it right there," Jared whispered as he slid his cock up and down the crease of Jensen's ass, groaning when the head caught on the stretched rim of Jensen's hole.

With one hand supporting his head and the other holding Jensen's leg, it took a couple of choreographed shifts to get just the right angle, but when the head of his cock finally breached Jensen, they both moaned long and loud. Jared kept pushing forward, inch by slow inch, until he was buried balls deep, stilling just to relish the feel of Jensen's body surrounding and gripping him tight. Jensen shifted back with his hips, letting Jared know he was ready for more, leaving Jared to get control, so he could last more than two seconds, which would be entirely embarrassing, since he'd already come once in the last hour and Jensen still hadn't.

He pulled back until only the head of his cock, was held inside the tight grip of Jensen's ass, holding him wide open before sliding back in just as slowly as he'd entered, angling so could hit the bundle of nerves he was aiming for. Jared knew he'd gotten it right on the third thrust when Jensen chocked on a gasp and tried to move his hand to grab his cock.

"No, keep your hand right where it is," Jared said between pants for breath, his thrusts increasing in speed and power.

"Jared, I need..." Jensen started to plead only to be cut off by a particularly hard hit to his prostate.

"I know, baby," Jared groaned, grabbing the headboard to anchor himself, not realizing Jensen's hand was already there until they overlapped.

Jared could tell Jensen was almost to the breaking point, his whole body was shaking and there were going to be bruises where he was griping his ass so hard. Jared pushed Jensen's leg up just a little further, his cock sliding a little bit deeper, and Jensen was coming apart, untouched, shooting streaks of white across his chest and chin.

Jensen's head fell back to rest on Jared's shoulder as he pushed for his own release. The quiet moans every time his cock hit Jensen's prostate and the weak trickle of come still oozing from Jensen spent dick had him coming faster than he'd expected and with a force that surprised him after he'd already come once that night. The aftershocks still rolling through Jensen's body milked the last drops from Jared, leaving him spent and shaking.

He nuzzled the space behind Jensen's ear, smiling tiredly at the shudder that went through the other man's body. Jared pried both their hands off the headboard, their arms dropping to the mattress, flexing his fingers to return the circulation and feeling. He gently slid Jensen's leg into a more comfortable position, and shook his hand slightly to relieve the cramp that was trying to twist his fingers. It took him a minute to realize that Jensen still had his hand right where Jared had told him to keep it.

"Jensen."

"Hmm...." was the sleepy reply.

"Baby, you can let go now," Jared said softly, coaxing Jensen's stiff fingers into releasing the firm flesh he was still gripping.

"Um kay." Jensen's groggy reply barely reached Jared's ears.

When Jensen didn't move, Jared reached out and gently lifted each finger until Jensen's grip loosened. He pulled the hand he was holding to his mouth, littering kisses across each knuckle. Jared thought Jensen had fallen asleep but when he shifted back a little to slide slowly from Jensen's body, his boyfriend grunted in displeasure, flailing backwards with his hand trying to keep Jared close. Jared smiled, sliding closer so he could wrap his body around Jensen's.

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Several hours later, Jared woke to Jensen leaning over him and watching him sleep.

"Hey," Jensen whispered.

"Hey."

"Thank you." Jensen leaned forward, dropping a light kiss on waiting lips.

"For what?"

"For taking care of me."

Jared shifted his head on the pillow so he could get a better look at Jensen's face. "You don't have to thank me for that. I love you. Of course I'm going to take care of you."

"I know. I love you too, but sometimes I feel like saying it. I don't want to take you for granted," Jensen answered, dropping back down to lay beside Jared.

"Jensen, I've never felt that way." Jared rested his forehead against Jensen's.

"Okay, but is it all right if I still tell you?"

"If you need to." Jared waited a few seconds, watching Jensen carefully. "What's going on Jen?"

"Nothing."

"We can do this all night, you know I'm not going to give in until you tell me."

Jensen gave a small smile. Jared was nothing if not persistent. It's not that he didn't want to talk to Jared, he just really didn't know how without possibly hurting him.

"I know," Jensen sighed. "I just don't know how to say it without it coming out wrong."

"Don't worry about what I think. You need to talk about whatever's bothering you, and I want to know," Jared reassured.

"It's just...." Jensen trailed off. "Sometimes when I think about what happened, before, and now I wonder if it's me. If it's something I did or who I am, if maybe I'm damaged somehow, and then I think about you."

Jared had to bite his tongue not to yell that there wasn't anything wrong with Jensen, that he hadn't done anything, but he knew that Jensen needed to finish what he'd started before Jared could refute the guilt he could feel pouring off the man in front of him.

"What about me?"

"You're you," Jensen said with a sad smile. "You're kind, and patient. You put up with me, and... you're just you." Jensen stalled out as if there was no other way to explain it.

Jared waited. He knew Jensen sometimes had a hard time putting his feelings into words, making them fit into the pattern he wanted.

"It's just sometimes when I think of what's touched me, who's touched me, that I feel dirty, and I don't want it to rub off on you," Jensen hurried to finish the sentence, as if he knew Jared was just waiting to protest.

"Jensen." Jared reached out, pulling Jensen closer. "You know that's not true, right?" Jared asked, a little terrified of the answer he'd receive.

"I guess, I mean, I know you don't feel that way. I swear I know," Jensen rushed to reassure Jared.

"Is that why you haven't said anything? You thought I would be upset?" Jared asked.

"Some of it. You're mad aren't you?" Jensen's voice held resignation.

"No, I'm not mad." Jared moved so he could lift Jensen's chin, putting them eye to eye. "I'm upset you've been worrying about this for so long. I'm upset that you even have to deal with this in the first place. I'm not mad at you, and I understand why you feel the way you do, but you shouldn't."

"Nothing that happened," Jared paused, making sure Jensen was really listening. "Nothing that happened was your fault. You didn't know Kylan was a nut when you started dating him. You even ended it. He was the one that stalked you, took you and hurt you. You didn't do anything that would make him think you were receptive to his advances. You did everything you could do to stop it. There's no reason you should feel guilty for anything."

Jensen nodded, not really knowing what to say, and not sure he could say anything with the lump lodge firmly in his throat.

"As for feeling dirty, the therapist said it was normal to feel that way. She said it would get better over time. We just had to keep working through it. I know that's hard sometimes, but you're not dirty and you certainly aren't going to soil me," Jared responded seriously.

He really wanted to joke and say he'd been far from innocent when they'd gotten together, but that's not what Jensen needed right now. There were times to lighten a situation but this wasn't one of them. Jensen's fears and worries were never going to be a joking matter no matter how unrealistic or absurd they seemed to the people who loved him. They weren't absurd to the man feeling them.

"I love you Jensen, and even if that piece of trash had done worse, you still wouldn't be dirty. You're always going to Jensen, the shy, awkward, beautiful man that I love and nothing is ever going to change that." Jared kissed the top of Jensen's forehead, relaxing as he felt the tension start to seep out of the body he was holding to so tight.

"I'm not beautiful." Jensen's denial was muffled by the skin of Jared's neck.

"I call you awkward and you want to grumble about the beautiful part?" Jared chuckled.

"I am awkward," Jensen shrugged, still not moving his face from its hiding place.

"You're beautiful too, inside and out," Jared argued, grinning when he felt Jensen smile against his skin.

He knew it was going to take time to work through everything that had happened, but they had all the time in the world. He wasn't going anywhere, and Jensen would figure that out sooner or later.

"Jared."

"Yeah?"

"I love you too."