I'm surprised I remembered my password! A lot has transpired in this nutty life I live. It has all been far too hard to write about. In a nutshell: I'm not at home, I'm writing from a nursing rehabilitation facility, only having been here for two weeks now. Ended up here because I most recently broke my left femur. I can't sleep, so I thought, " ( Read more... )

kind of? i'm not sure how i did not know yesterday was the day for so you think you can dance! how did i miss a day? i was typing here! so i was here and present. i did not know today is thursday. am i going crazy?

don't tell me. i think i'd rather not know it.

there was something very wrong with you grandma barnes, that you got so mad. i think it was borderline personality disorder. no gray in your life, only black and white. when i pleased you, you loved me. when i didn't you hated me. my dad was bipolar. with severe ptsd.

i love you both but i am glad you are dead.

i caused a rif between my dad and his mom soon after we came here, before we had to be in ohio. it was my fault. i had been hearing about my extended family over here, and although i hated leaving england, i was at the same time excited to meet everyone. met my dad's mom and loved her. had met her when i was born, she crossed the pond to greet me, ( Read more... )

my brother was a year old, duh.

maybe that was the first time i felt responsibility. the babysitter and her boyfriend locked themselves into my parents bedroom. my baby brother was crying. i was 4. i had no clue how to help him. but the babysitter ignored us. i told dad when they got home. i think the babysitter's boyfriend punished me somehow. i don't remember it, though.

we lived in the philippines when i was 6 and my brother was 4. the very first time in my life i ever felt responsibility for someone other than myself was then. i was allowed to run wild, i could go wherever i wanted to wander to. my brother followed me. we had a typhoon come nearby but not a direct hit. lots of rain we got. as soon as the weather ( Read more... )

you cannot unknow something you decide to know. do i really want to know what i need to know from joy division? i think that i do ( Read more... )

seeing that movie last night helped me. my family thinks i am just like my dad. no i am me. i am not crazy. i was a daddy's girl. i was so close to my dad! when i was ten, i noticed he got distant. i thought it was my fault. i started writing very dark poetry then. i became , i am not sure what word to use here. goth? not sure .dark. but i never ( Read more... )

it impacted me in a big way. if the neighbors had been in the pool, they'd be dead. if linda and big randy had been where they were the day before, they'd be dead. if any of the animals had been out there, they'd be dead. it was very violent and only lasted a few seconds. i have a weird sense of humor, but i need to relay that was the most scary ( Read more... )