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Maintained Walls
I've met some guy online. He seems nice, but I have trouble trusting him. He's calling beautiful and sweetheart. None of my Xes did that. It just sounds odd hearing it. I asked him not to. He complied. I'm scarred of meself. I want to date..possibly marry someday...but I dont know if I will. I dont know if I can trust someone enough. Guess I'm ( Read more... ) -
day 29
It's been 29 days with no smoking. It's better now. I mean many things are better. My thoughts are no longer plagued with thoughts of things and people I cant have. Sometimes you have to appreciate what you do have, and not focus on all the things that you cant have. It's always easier written than done ( Read more... ) -
Writers Window
I have been having all these thoughts. I feel as though I can write freely and fluid-like. The spell has been broken, and he was my lesson I had to learn. I feel as though the bonds are broken and I can be free. There will always be a home in my heart for him. I've always thought that saying goodbye was one of the hardest things to do. It is ( Read more... ) -
Life: there and now
My life has been changed radically. I attribute most of these changes to God and Jesus. I have sucessfully quit smoking (12 days :) and am living on a tighter budget. This offers me a better future. I want to live a life fullfilled. I have got rid of people that suck the postiveness out of me. I no longer haunt myspace daily. I have deleted that ( Read more... ) -
Feelings Feeling
I am starting to deal with my pain. The storm is over and I can breathe. I can relax to the point where my mind can process everything that has happenned over the last 9 years. I am comforting myself in the thought that I enjoy being alone with my pain. It it no one else's to bear. George, if you ever read this, I will never stop loving you. I will ( Read more... ) -
Pain and Bliss
Pain and Bliss....kinda have the same odd sense of humor if you think about it. Both can last forever, but they can fade away. What does one have when pain and bliss fade away ( Read more... ) -
George and my pain
It hit me today. If George doesnt want me in his life then I will never see him again. I've lost every love I've ever known. Of course I have the love of Jesus, but I have no companion. I miss my best friend so much. He was nearly everything to me, I feel like God took him away. I dont think George how much he has affected my life. I dont think he ( Read more... ) -
Comfortable Quiet
I am a glutton for pain. I keep on trying to reach him when he clearly does not want me in his life. It's a shame that our friendship ended in this way. I did nothing to make him do this, I am 100 percent positive about that. My friends and family tell me to let it all go, but for some reason I cant let go. I want him in my life, as a friend ( Read more... ) -
Looking Back
Wow...looking and reading some of my past journals has got me actually quite pleased with myself. Well...I was a little harsh about George getting married, but other than that I think I have grown so much. I am handling College awesome (a 3.67 GPA out of 4.0)...and I am nearing graduation. I got rid of my shitty job and now I'm interning at a day ( Read more... )