i feel really amazing. i feel like im learning and growing and it feels really nice to get a grasp on who i am and where im going. and where i am, for that matter.

and thats all.

i hope that my love will grow stronger. i hope i overcome my insecurity. and i hope that i can learn to balance this relationship.

i am sorry. i was wrong. i love you.

i believe things are taking a turn for the worst. i know he needs space. i know he is independent. but he knows i am not. i believe i have scared him away from loving me. when i came back here i expected things to be better. they are, sort of. im happier. i have somewhat of a social support network, even if it is relatively fake. but we have gained ( Read more... )

he told me that he doesnt miss me when he is angry with me. that,to me, is a terrible sign. i know im going to seem a little delusional, possibly naive and incompetent, but it just seems like we will be together forever. i cant see myself with anyone else and i would be broken if this ended. however, if he doesnt miss me when he is mad, what does ( Read more... )

i am beginning to get skeptical. This place is confusing me. I love Charleston, I hate Charleston, I love being close, I hate being close. Last night was rough. my boyfriend only called me twice yesterday and being so far apart I need more than that. I got fussed at by my employer, my friends lung collapsed…again, my father surprised me with a ( Read more... )

today was no good. work sucked. my dad surprised me with a business dinner. no parking. angry boyfriend. fuck ( Read more... )

i really like being back in charleston. i like the college, i like my classes, i like my friends. i love my boyfriend but he is leaving me tomorrow morning. today is my last day with him until i can afford a plane ticket. it should be soon, but its always really tough when he leaves. the difference this time is that i have people to talk to, i ( Read more... )

things are looking up. i go to boston in four days, i got a tiny little apartment on rutledge, and im ready to let go of all the finances that have controlled my entire life. i have a boy named joshua that loves me and we are perfect and we get to spend a whole month together very soon. i'm proud of us for making the long distance thing work for ( Read more... )

ive decided to go to boston. my relationship with my father needs to change and i have to stand up to him. the only thing holding me to him is finances. it isnt like i respect him and i can say "im not going to boston because i respect my father and i care about him and what he thinks." i just have to be ready to lose my car, phone and never see ( Read more... )

thanksgiving break was lovely. i got to spend three days with glorious joshua and i got to see everyone that i wanted to, even if it was only for a small while. i do hate the holidays though. the annual crowder family screaming match is always terrible. but i went to my real home with the bandys and played with a cat and a warm family and looked at ( Read more... )