Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Evil Mind
Title: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Evil Mind
Author: AnniVH
Summary: Five people Jim Moriarty forgot (and one that forgot him)
Rating: PG
Genre: humor, crack
Characters or Pairing: JIm/Sebastian, ensemble
Prompts: this one from the kink meme: http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/14213.html?thread=80060805#t80060805
Warning: mentions violence and death and there are curses and madness all over the place.
Spoilers: Seasons one and two!!
Disclaimer: don't own, just borrow to play with, then return safely to Moffat, Gatiss and BBC.
Note: I don't like to post WIP, but I couldn't help it.
BETA: this is not yet beta'ed, but before I post it to FF.net I'd like it to be. If anyone likes it and wants to volunteer, or just correct me in the comments, feel free to do so :)
1. ... The, uhn... you know, that girl...
Had him not tripped over the dead body, Jim would have completely missed the henchman corpse lying on the floor. The woman holding a gun and pointing it to his head was a little harder to miss, though, but that was only because Sebastian pointed her out.
"Jim! That woman has a gun! And she is pointing it to your head!"
Even after that, Jim had to look around twice. "Oh, so it seems."
"We meet at last, Mr. Moriarty," she said in a sultry voice that wanted desperately to sound threatening, cool and sexy. She had practiced that line on the mirror over and over, Jim knew it and wanted really badly to point that out, but there are some things you just don't say to a clearly emotional woman with a gun after she spent what seemed to be ages on hair, make up and carelessly rehearsed lines.
He raised his arms and nudged Sebastian to do the same, "Oh, so it seems..." he repeated, searching his mind for a name. Found none. "... doesn't it?"
"Now you are mine!"
Sebastian leaned into his ear, "Who is she?"
"I have no idea," Jim replied, between his frozen smile.
"You are mine and I shall avenge the pain you caused my family."
"Ringing any bells?"
"Seventy eight, so far."
"I've waited so long for this moment, Mr. Moriarty."
"Can I please shoot her before she starts her Pussy Galore impersonation?"
"Just one moment, it's coming to me..."
"It all ends tonight."
Jim rolled his eyes, "Bloody hell, it's gone again."
She got ready to pull the trigger, "Any last words?"
"Who the fuck are you?!" Sebastian snapped.
The woman's face turned from victory to disbelief in a heartbeat. "What?!"
"Sebastian!" Jim recoiled. "Now it's awkward!"
"You don't know who I am?!"
"I am really sorry!" He turned to Sebastian. "Thank you very much."
"The suspense was killing me."
"Lily Lomax!" she shouted.
"Can I kill her now?" Moran asked, quietly.
"Sebastian, please!"
"You have to remember me!"
"I'm trying!"
"You strapped a bomb to my Grandmother's chest!"
"There! Can I kill her now, pleeease!!" Moran begged.
"No!" He whispered back. To the woman, "I strap bombs to everybody! Your granny was not that special!"
"You shot her and brought down a whole building with her!"
"Ugh! I used to know this one!"
"Of course you know this one! You orchestrated the whole thing!"
"Hey!" he shouted. "The world - does not - go around - you! I mean, who do you think you are? Sherlock Holmes?"
"There we go..." Sebastian rolled his eyes.
"Let me tell you something, I met Sherlock Holmes!" Jim said, his voice cracking up a little. "You, lady, are not Sherlock Holmes. You're boring."
"Wait a second. I know!" Sebastian exclaimed.
Lily Lomax sighed, "Thank you!"
"What? No, I don't know who you are! Why should I?" he replied, insulted at her cheekiness. "I know the building she's talking about."
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!"
"Shut - up!" Jim ordered. "You are such a shouty person, you know that? Whoever you are, I bet you're single." To Sebastian, "You sure?"
"Yes! It was just around the pool incident."
"So we can just-"
"Phone downstairs and ask them to look into our archives, providing the probable date."
Jim sighed with huge relief. "Good. Oh, my!" He let his arms down. "What a weight off my shoulders."
"Yes. Lets get out of here."
They turned to leave.
"HEY!!"
"You're right, she is rather shouty."
"I am still here! Holding a gun!"
"So you are," Moriarty acknowledged, a little absent minded. "Seb, if you want to kill her, do it quickly, I want to put an end to it before it drives me crazy."
"WHAT?!"
( Part II)
Author: AnniVH
Summary: Five people Jim Moriarty forgot (and one that forgot him)
Rating: PG
Genre: humor, crack
Characters or Pairing: JIm/Sebastian, ensemble
Prompts: this one from the kink meme: http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/14213.html?thread=80060805#t80060805
Warning: mentions violence and death and there are curses and madness all over the place.
Spoilers: Seasons one and two!!
Disclaimer: don't own, just borrow to play with, then return safely to Moffat, Gatiss and BBC.
Note: I don't like to post WIP, but I couldn't help it.
BETA: this is not yet beta'ed, but before I post it to FF.net I'd like it to be. If anyone likes it and wants to volunteer, or just correct me in the comments, feel free to do so :)
1. ... The, uhn... you know, that girl...
Had him not tripped over the dead body, Jim would have completely missed the henchman corpse lying on the floor. The woman holding a gun and pointing it to his head was a little harder to miss, though, but that was only because Sebastian pointed her out.
"Jim! That woman has a gun! And she is pointing it to your head!"
Even after that, Jim had to look around twice. "Oh, so it seems."
"We meet at last, Mr. Moriarty," she said in a sultry voice that wanted desperately to sound threatening, cool and sexy. She had practiced that line on the mirror over and over, Jim knew it and wanted really badly to point that out, but there are some things you just don't say to a clearly emotional woman with a gun after she spent what seemed to be ages on hair, make up and carelessly rehearsed lines.
He raised his arms and nudged Sebastian to do the same, "Oh, so it seems..." he repeated, searching his mind for a name. Found none. "... doesn't it?"
"Now you are mine!"
Sebastian leaned into his ear, "Who is she?"
"I have no idea," Jim replied, between his frozen smile.
"You are mine and I shall avenge the pain you caused my family."
"Ringing any bells?"
"Seventy eight, so far."
"I've waited so long for this moment, Mr. Moriarty."
"Can I please shoot her before she starts her Pussy Galore impersonation?"
"Just one moment, it's coming to me..."
"It all ends tonight."
Jim rolled his eyes, "Bloody hell, it's gone again."
She got ready to pull the trigger, "Any last words?"
"Who the fuck are you?!" Sebastian snapped.
The woman's face turned from victory to disbelief in a heartbeat. "What?!"
"Sebastian!" Jim recoiled. "Now it's awkward!"
"You don't know who I am?!"
"I am really sorry!" He turned to Sebastian. "Thank you very much."
"The suspense was killing me."
"Lily Lomax!" she shouted.
"Can I kill her now?" Moran asked, quietly.
"Sebastian, please!"
"You have to remember me!"
"I'm trying!"
"You strapped a bomb to my Grandmother's chest!"
"There! Can I kill her now, pleeease!!" Moran begged.
"No!" He whispered back. To the woman, "I strap bombs to everybody! Your granny was not that special!"
"You shot her and brought down a whole building with her!"
"Ugh! I used to know this one!"
"Of course you know this one! You orchestrated the whole thing!"
"Hey!" he shouted. "The world - does not - go around - you! I mean, who do you think you are? Sherlock Holmes?"
"There we go..." Sebastian rolled his eyes.
"Let me tell you something, I met Sherlock Holmes!" Jim said, his voice cracking up a little. "You, lady, are not Sherlock Holmes. You're boring."
"Wait a second. I know!" Sebastian exclaimed.
Lily Lomax sighed, "Thank you!"
"What? No, I don't know who you are! Why should I?" he replied, insulted at her cheekiness. "I know the building she's talking about."
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!"
"Shut - up!" Jim ordered. "You are such a shouty person, you know that? Whoever you are, I bet you're single." To Sebastian, "You sure?"
"Yes! It was just around the pool incident."
"So we can just-"
"Phone downstairs and ask them to look into our archives, providing the probable date."
Jim sighed with huge relief. "Good. Oh, my!" He let his arms down. "What a weight off my shoulders."
"Yes. Lets get out of here."
They turned to leave.
"HEY!!"
"You're right, she is rather shouty."
"I am still here! Holding a gun!"
"So you are," Moriarty acknowledged, a little absent minded. "Seb, if you want to kill her, do it quickly, I want to put an end to it before it drives me crazy."
"WHAT?!"
( Part II)