Did you know that most people, myself included, spread the peanut butter side first when making a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich? It's ludicrous when you think about it. The jelly has so much more to loose!

Have you ever tried to teach someone the english language? It's absolute rubbish! homonyms? homophones? homographs?!?! Here's a novel thought: think up a new fucking word. It's not that hard. Widdie, floths, meork. There's three right there ( Read more... )

Sebastian discovered the moon tonight. I'm sure he feels we should contact NASA or SETTY some similar astronomic cataloguing body. It was very primal; some "2001: a space oddity" kind of shit. He discovered the moon in the same way scores of men have discovered the very same moon since the infancy of the human race ( Read more... )

Some nice young men from the EPA showed up at my door with a bunch of paperwork declaring that my sink be declared a protected wildlife sanitary. Luckily, one of the agents' clipboard was stolen by a puddle of what appeared to be some sort of hyper-evolved stir-fry or I would be forced to give daily tours to Japanese tourists and sell overpriced ( Read more... )

If i manufactured ice cream, and perhaps i should, my brand would be called "Chock full of Stuff" (or, alternately, "Hella Stuff" but only on the west coast. the east coast version: "Mad Stuff" ) and It would be mostly the things one finds in ice cream, only a lot more of them. Ridiculously so ( Read more... )

I just brought some new clothes for my cell phone. now he looks like a centurion.

Without question, my diggs ain't the Taj Mahajhal. We are, if not dumpster divers, then my man and I must fall into the the decidedly less romantic classification referred to -- usually in middle school and with some degree of pointing and laughing -- as "trash diggers." My couches -- one found curbed, one inherited from when my i mean A coke ( Read more... )

When i am playing Tetris, i invariably and almost without realizing it, imagine the game being called by sports commentators; a running critique of my playing as if i'm a competing in some sort of Tetris Olympics ( Read more... )

every time we have any sort of "weather" at all here in the bay area, the city shuts down entirely. no lie. its always the biggest story on the news "Yes, Dan there appears to be some sort of precipitation falling from the sky. there's no word yet on exactly what the liquid is, be will be broadcasting live throughout the night as this story ( Read more... )

Date: Oct 30, 2007 8:55 PM ( Read more... )