get back to me someday ( Read more... )

i just climbed a ladder to my roof, overlooking the city.
smoked a cigarette, eyes closed to the sun and wind.
wondering how i can manage to be discontent in this life.

when did you become such an amazing man?
every so often (and it is often) it just hits me like a sack of bricks.
you have become a man who without a doubt deserves to be loved
i hope you believe it.

things will come together for us one day.

i love you. i miss you. i think about you all the time. i write about you [i use the journal, told you i would]. i called today. you werent home. called sheridan, no answer, you're out looking at apartments. hope its going well. i love you. i hope to hear back from you today. i hope im around my phone. i dont screen my calls. my god, i cant handle ( Read more... )

it frightens the hell out of me that we don't talk for four days and now you're on the verge of hating me. and that you can so easily doubt me. im only writing this because my phone is temporarily lost or else id be calling you now... but till then ill just be scared of you. of the fact that any little thing i do or dont do can result in you being ( Read more... )

i lied to myself, lied to everyone.
i still love him.
and i'm okay with that.
i still believe i'm doing what i must.
i hope he's well.
i hope he can be well.
because that is what keeps me up at night.

every time i say goodbye
every single time
my heart fucking breaks
and this isnt even the big goodbye

fuck. fuck fuck fuck.
i refuse to say everything i want to say on livejournal.

but lord knows im not capable of saying anything to your face.

and so i'll just fail. time and time again.

i would love to be able to end a night
without hating myself

i think that may have to be once i don't end a night with you

what am i doing?
i'm making things worse. i'm hurting you. you just don't know it yet.
my feelings havent changed. it's just that i feel again.
i'm a sucker for hands on skin, old photographs and memories
lips and countertops
i'm giving you- giving us- false hope
i'm sorry i'm sorry
i'm sorry