no relief. alone again. alone always? its just that there is a type of affection that my mother cant give me. anymore. and i keep thinking that i hear people walking around in my house but there is no one? see i cant even tell i feel like i am unstable and i am only writing this because the thought of other people reading this comforts me because ( Read more... )

i have been having violent dreams. but its not me that is eing violent. there is just violence in my dreams. every night. knives mostly. people trying to stab me. kill me. i read up on it and they say that it means that i feel helpless and vulnerable. i would say thats accurate. jeez.

you know what keeps me sane? fantasy.and i am not speaking in terms of eroticism. i do not know how i would survive without my imagination. remember me? i barely remember you cause weed is my lover now.

just needed something to take my mind off of the few things that plague me. often times i exert too much energy in the wrong direction and not enough in the right direction. as if i enjoy wasting my time subconsciously. who am i? do you know who you are? if i asked you could you tell me? do you think you used to know yourslef more thoroughly? i ( Read more... )

as i become more enlightened i become more selff aware. and that leads to self-consciousness which can often lead to insecurity. but i guess that means that one form of enlightenment informs another. i am going to the museum today. i am going to go i swear. i could go tomorrow and procrastination is so tempting but i have to go today. ( Read more... )

[17 Nov 2001|02:04pm ( Read more... )

this is relevant again, and i liked this post a lot, if i do say so myself ( Read more... )

today has been...um, a day. i woke up and got stoned. and then i got high. and then i ate pizza. and then i saw my mom. ha. and then i got blazed. and then jamie came ovver and we smoked weed. and now TRIPLE C is coming and we are gonna blaze. and then i am going to go look at this trailer thats in this building that my friend is working on. then ( Read more... )

i aM THE forgotten book.
i am the forgotten hook. i a the forgotten cook
i am the forgotten nook.
i am the forgotten crook
i am the forgotten look, see hear i am the forgotten fear
i am the forgotten rook.
i amt he forgotten ????

oh also, extendeing yourself, that is, reaching out to a person and not having them grab you by the hand really sucks. physically and metaphorically. i have extended myself ALMOST to the point of foolishness a number of times and i feel good about it, that is, good that i could do it, but bad because time and time again i am not well recieved. but ( Read more... )