-
Cool Beans
Struggled on and off again today. My mom told me that I've been sick to my stomach since I was two years old so this is nothing new. Stomach flu hits with a vengence, it doesn't linger for weeks before attacking. So this is just my normal stuff. She says that I've just had such a good run for so long that I've forgotten what it was like. I'm ( Read more... ) -
Happy Days
I suck at coming up with titles. But you know that by now. I also suck at posting updates. The whole point of this journal was to help me work through the shit in my head and I don't use it like I should. My germaphobia has reached new heights. As in, almost kept me from going to Disneyland new heights. Unbelievable. All I could think about ( Read more... ) -
The Usual
I hate when co-workers come to work sick. One of the girls had food poisoning. But you know me and my fear of the stomach flu. My stomach was off last week so her showing up telling me that she couldn't keep anything solid down the day before did not help my anxiety level. And then one of the other girls had a cold. Normally, I would be non- ( Read more... ) -
Checking In
I never post here as often as I should. I get lazy, I guess. Anyway, the heart flutters went away. It was weird. I had them for a month. We couldn't figure out what they were. Now, they're gone (knock on wood because I'm superstitious). Panic has been at a minimum. I think it helps that all the self talk and years of therapy are coming back ( Read more... ) -
Heart Flutter Stink
I go too long without posting in here and then I feel guilty when I'm posting not so great happy stuff. Such is life ( Read more... ) -
If Your Dog Bites, They Aren't Friendly
Poor Lily. She has been bit more times than I can count. Mostly little dogs. The terrors in this neighborhood are not trained and their owners walk them on those stupid flexi leashes. I love when they yell at their dog "NO BARK!" like it's an actual command they trained. Um, idiot, if you haven't trained your dog not to (and you clearly haven' ( Read more... ) -
Reality Check
I really need one. I'm working my way to a damn nervous breakdown - and for what?? Over what??? The self loathing is all consuming right now and the urge to cut is strong, but I'm managing to refrain. I think starting my training for a new part-time job this week is helping that - as well as pushing toward the breakdown ( Read more... ) -
Welcome to My Life
If Erik and I end up divorced, it's because of the dog. This past year has been awful and I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall daily. I had to take Pip, the one eyed cat to the vet today because her eye is leaky. When you only have one left, you can't take any chances. She's having a herpes flare-up. No big deal. Drops it is ( Read more... ) -
Pushing MOre
Three days in a row of good exercise. Yesterday was hard, but good. I could barely walk last night. That boot camp really kicked my tush something fierce. Walking down the stairs was awful. Pain to the point of nausea. But I need this to be healthy. I didn't want to do anything today. So I set my alarm, made myself get up early and go for a ( Read more... ) -
Pushing Myself
Before I ended up with pneumonia in October, I had finally gotten to the point where I was tired of my fear enough that I wouldn't hesitate to push past it. I was working out - HARD. Gone where the obsessive thoughts (what if it's a heart attack? what if I'm too tired? what if I have an asthma attack? what if I get stung by a bee at the track ( Read more... )