Love's Sorrow Chapter 14
Title: Love's Sorrow
Author: aoi_jihyo
Beta: shine_xd
Length: 14/20
Pairing: Yoosu
Genre: Angst/Smut/Romance
Rating: R
Warning: Probable m-preg
Summary: Junsu was aware that the man was his brother-in-law. Yoochun wasn't his and he knew it. But Junsu wanted him, it desired him. It was a question of pride, wasn’t it?
Wasn’t it?
Yoochun was really tired those days; he had been working more than usual those past weeks.
The sea would always calm his nervous, walking along the beach was such a nice feeling, he wished that feeling would transmit to his soul as well. He realized that with or without Junsu he was still hurting Jaejoong. Yoochun didn’t need anyone to tell him that he was deeply in love with Junsu, not even he could say otherwise, yet… he just couldn’t walk out of his house and wish that things would go his way. He was a jerk. That was a fact for him. But was he completely at fault? No, he wasn’t, yet he was probably the only one that would turn the cards around in that moment.
He smiled bitterly at the discovery. This wasn’t one of those times he wished he would just disappear; he didn’t want to take such big decision. Jaejoong or Junsu? He was afraid he knew the answer.
Jaejoong was also trying to keep himself busy those days. There were so many thoughts in his mind that he preferred to just stop thinking completely. Now that he was more relax and that he had the time to process all the events of the past few months he couldn’t help to feel guilty about Junsu. Maybe he had been too harsh with the boy, but he slept with his husband, how was he supposed to react to that? Was he supposed to stay quiet about everything? He was sure that he had no committed any crime with his decisions… although, he was still thinking about Junsu and the way he hurt him.
Jaejoong waited on the bed for a long time. Yoochun would come back home late once again. He should get use to this; he would tell himself every time it would happen.
Once he was back late that night Yoochun took off his cloths dressing then in his pajamas. He was about to sleep when he felt him. Jaejoong was hugging him once again like every night, and he just stayed there frozen, not feeling the desire to hug the man back.
He was a jerk.
He didn’t need anyone else to tell him.
That night Jaejoong was determined to have a good time with his husband. Forgetting everything of the past months the man positioned himself on top of Yoochun. The other man looked at him as if this one had scab, or the Black Death; he was surprise for the unexpected actions of his spouse. Jaejoong looked at him for a second.
“It had been a really long time since the last time we made love,” he said.
He didn’t know if saying making love was a good idea, but he did not care about that now.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” said Yoochun. Jaejoong wasn’t listening to him he noticed. The man took off the upper half of his pajama and unbuttoned Yoochun’s.
Making love or more like having sex with Jaejoong had been really refreshing he couldn’t deny that. The older man was really shy when it came to sex, but that night it was not the case. He was about to come as Jaejoong moved up and down. He contemplated Jaejoong’s beautiful face, that face filled with pleasure.
But his mind didn’t stay on that face for too long.
Jaejoong couldn’t describe the feeling he felt then. He wanted to cry, that was for sure, he was also really mad but there was also a sense of realization. There was no need to keep on lying to himself.
“I’m not Junsu.”
Yoochun couldn’t speak after Jaejoong’s words. He was really ashamed and sorry towards his spouse, but he just couldn’t help it, the name had come inevitably. The older man disconnected himself from his husband. He walked to the bathroom. Yoochun sighed and shook his head. It was really ironic, when Junsu was there he used to be more careful, now, now he didn’t really care. He should really meditate about his priorities. After some minutes Jaejoong came back. Looking at the boy, Yoochun couldn’t help to feel guilty. It was so tiring, to feel like nothing matter anymore and then feel like he was a jerk and needed to take responsibilities.
“Jaejoong…” he still didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know what happened. I know I’m being an asshole but… I’m so really sorry.” The other man didn’t seem to react. “I’m sorry, please, talk to me.” At that moment Jaejoong turned around to look at the man.
“I don’t want to talk about that, I do not want to talk about him.” He remarked the word him with disdain. Yoochun looked at his spouse and nodded, he knew they needed to talk, but it seemed that night was not the night. He closed his eyes and felt asleep really fast, it was natural, he was so tired.
----------
Two months after the incident Yoochun thought he was going to go crazy. It was not about Junsu anymore, it was just about everything, their relationship was just wrong. He was suffering, Jaejoong was suffering he didn’t want to keep on doing something that was only bringing him pain.
“I really need to make things right. If this goes on I will totally go crazy,” he said to himself. To make things worse he knew that first he needed to talk with Junsu and convince Jaejoong to do the same. They were brothers and they could not stay like this forever. Putting those thoughts aside for the moment he went back to reading some documents. There was no much work to do because he had already finished most of his work, but he still wanted to keep himself busy.
There was a knock on the door. “Come in.”
“You need to go see Junsu.”
Yoochun frowned. He never expected this boy to come and see him, and to come and tell him that.
But the boy didn’t say anything else even after he asked.
That afternoon after dinner he got the courage; there was no turning back this time. Jaejoong looked confused waiting for him to talk.
“We need to talk about Junsu,” he said once and for all.
Jaejoong looked down thinking for a moment.
“I also wanted to talk about him,” he whispered. “I… I had been thinking about everything.” It was really hard to talk about this; he had been really close minded before that it was just hard to talk now. “I can’t lie and say that that I’m not angry and that I don’t want to kill Junsu, but I was too harsh.” Yoochun was glad Jaejoong was thinking that way; he didn’t want them to stay mad forever. “I had been really worried. I took his job away and let’s be honest, Junsu is pretty useless and lazy, I… I’m just worried,” he said. He had beaten Junsu too but he was not sorry about that, Junsu had slept with his husband and that was nothing compare with what he did to him.
“For now I think the best thing to do is talk with him, there needs to be a serious talk between you two,” he felt like a hypocrite saying that, at the end he had been the apple of the discord, but he needed to have less things to worry about so his mind would clear and he would think better.
“We’ll call him first…” Jaejoong thought for a second. “Tomorrow.” Yoochun nodded.
It was still uncomfortable to be talking about the boy that had got into their marriage that way. Yoochun was really afraid; Jaejoong was going to see his intentions behind his words. He only knew that he wanted to see Junsu. He wanted it so bad.
“But…” Jaejoong interrupted Yoochun’s thoughts. “You…” it was really hard for the man to express with words what he was feeling right now, it was even harder when he already knew about his husband’s feelings towards his brother.
“You don’t have to worry,” said Yoochun having a slight idea of what the other was thinking. “Nothing is going to change, don’t worry.” Jaejoong nodded his head, he felt pathetic but he was still afraid, afraid of being alone, without Yoochun.
Yoochun felt bad for lying to Jaejoong, he was not going to leave the man, but there was no doubt that things were not going to be the same.
With that conversation over the two men went to clean themselves and get ready for bed.
Both of them couldn’t sleep that night, there were just so many things and emotions that were going around their minds.
---------
They called Junsu more than once, the boy didn’t pick up. Jaejoong thought right away that his brother probably didn’t want to talk to him. It was sad, really sad to be honest. They tried to call him so many times that at the end they both just gave up. Yoochun couldn’t describe his disappointment. “Maybe he just doesn’t want to see us,” said Jaejoong. “Should we try again?” Yoochun shook his head. He was too afraid of calling Junsu again and no getting answer.
“No. We can always go to his apartment.” Jaejoong nodded at the idea. He wanted to see his brother, but the thought of going to the place where his husband and brother fornicated, it was just too much. He was sure Yoochun must had spent long hours in there when they still were lovers. He shook the thoughts away, it was not the first time the thoughts invaded his mind, but there was no use.
“Yeah,” he said looking down.
After the awkward silence the boys took Yoochun’s car towards Junsu’s apartment. The silence was really killing them, but they knew that if they wanted to solve things they needed to do it from the beginning, it didn’t matter how hard it was.
Once the two men were outside the apartment complex they walked to Junsu’s house. Jaejoong’s heart was beating so fast, it was suffocating. He was so afraid of going there and to talk once again with his brother. With the man that had betrayed him.
Although now that he thought about it, he was there with Yoochun, his cheating husband.
Yoochun pressed the bell button and waited for the door to be open. His heart was also beating really fast. It was beating just as fast as Jaejoong’s, but it was clear that the reasons were different.
He felt guilty for leaving the boy. But did he have another choice? It was just too much to think of. The moment the door was opened the two men frowned. “Where is Junsu?” he asked. Who was this man? What was he doing in Junsu’s apartment? Many weird thoughts came rushing through Yoochun’s mind with the presence of a talk man that he had never seen in his life.
“Junsu?” The man looked at them confusedly. “I’m sorry but I don’t know anyone that goes by that name.”
Yoochun thought he would explode with rage in that moment. “What do you mean you don’t know anyone with that name? He lives here!”
“Are you his friend?” This time it was Jaejoong whom spoke.
On his face realization was seen. “That might have been the old resident. I moved here around three months ago.”
Wait, he said three months ago? Then… where was Junsu?
“Do you know anything about the person that used to live here?” asked Yoochun trying to pull himself back together from the shock.
“I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
Jaejoong and Yoochun thanked the man for his help and then they walked to the office. They needed to know where Junsu was. The situation had made them really worried.
After talking with the manager the man told them that Junsu couldn’t pay the rent anymore. He said that the boy barely paid the three months he owned him, and that after the youngest Kim paid his debt he did not see him again.
Why didn’t Junsu go look for them? If he was in such hard situation Junsu would for sure go look for help, but he didn’t, why? Those questions were in their minds for a long time. They couldn’t leave things like that, now more than ever they needed to find Junsu. How were they supposed to do it?
Yoochun decided that contracting a private investigator was the only choice they had because even after they asked all the people that might possibly knew about Junsu’s whereabouts they only got negative responses.
Mr. and Mrs. Kim were totally ignorant to the situation; the young married couple decided that they couldn’t cause any more troubles to the Kims. On the other hand the couple thought that their son was simply mad and ignoring everyone.
It looked like an old movie, Yoochun repeated to himself. He slept with his spouse’s brother and the latter was now nowhere to be found. He laughed bitterly; it was like a bad romantic drama. There were so many thoughts in his mind. He was hurting his spouse but he hurt Junsu too, didn’t he? Yeah, Junsu was childish, really immature and bratty, but he was so sensitive. Junsu was just too Junsu. He hoped the private detective could find him soon. Yoochun didn’t know what he was going to do once they found him but that was something he was going to think until the day came. Shaking his head, throwing all the thoughts away he went back to his work, he would then have dinner with his depressed spouse and then sleep, and well, the next day he would do just the same.
---------
The man he hired proved to be really efficient. Soon he found Junsu and told them where to find him. Jaejoong still doubted his actions, Junsu was his rival, but he was also his brother, he reminded himself. He and his husband left the company early that evening. They didn’t know if it was a good moment to go because after getting the address from the man they didn’t even wait for him to tell them anything else and literally ran to find Junsu.
“Are you sure this is the place?” asked Jaejoong with a confused look on his face. Yoochun looked at the piece of paper where the address was written. He nodded and both of them looked back at the building. The neighborhood didn’t seem like a really nice place to begin with, not that it looked bad either it was just not what they were used to see. The building on the other hand looked old, the paint was already falling in pieces and the metal looked rusty. Waking up from their trance the men walked inside, it seemed that the security machine was broken, well, that was not surprising at all. The elevator was way too scary so they took the stairs.
“It’s really dark,” murmured Jaejoong. The place was interesting.
“This must be the wrong address.” Jaejoong nodded. Junsu would never stay in a place like that one. Again, it was not really bad, it was just weird.
Soon they were in front of the door with the number that was written on the paper. Ok, it was time. Jaejoong knocked the door a few times waiting for this one to be open. Nothing happened. Yoochun tried a few time too, but it seemed that there was no one inside.
“Should we wait?” asked Jaejoong. Yoochun thought for a second.
“Maybe we should.”
They sat across the hallway on a bench, waiting.
And they waited for about an hour. The older man convinced Yoochun to go home, it was late already, plus they could come again some other day, they already knew where the boy lived, although they still needed to check if the address was the correct one.
They were about to walked downstairs when they heard a scream. “Junsu! Junsu don’t forget the book that I told you about.”
Chapter 15
A/N: HI! it has been a long time! I came back last tuesday, but because school started on Wednesday I was really busy. Anyways, here is the next chapter, omg, sun the fic is coming to an end, I feel sad ;_;
Author: aoi_jihyo
Beta: shine_xd
Length: 14/20
Pairing: Yoosu
Genre: Angst/Smut/Romance
Rating: R
Warning: Probable m-preg
Summary: Junsu was aware that the man was his brother-in-law. Yoochun wasn't his and he knew it. But Junsu wanted him, it desired him. It was a question of pride, wasn’t it?
Wasn’t it?
Yoochun was really tired those days; he had been working more than usual those past weeks.
The sea would always calm his nervous, walking along the beach was such a nice feeling, he wished that feeling would transmit to his soul as well. He realized that with or without Junsu he was still hurting Jaejoong. Yoochun didn’t need anyone to tell him that he was deeply in love with Junsu, not even he could say otherwise, yet… he just couldn’t walk out of his house and wish that things would go his way. He was a jerk. That was a fact for him. But was he completely at fault? No, he wasn’t, yet he was probably the only one that would turn the cards around in that moment.
He smiled bitterly at the discovery. This wasn’t one of those times he wished he would just disappear; he didn’t want to take such big decision. Jaejoong or Junsu? He was afraid he knew the answer.
Jaejoong was also trying to keep himself busy those days. There were so many thoughts in his mind that he preferred to just stop thinking completely. Now that he was more relax and that he had the time to process all the events of the past few months he couldn’t help to feel guilty about Junsu. Maybe he had been too harsh with the boy, but he slept with his husband, how was he supposed to react to that? Was he supposed to stay quiet about everything? He was sure that he had no committed any crime with his decisions… although, he was still thinking about Junsu and the way he hurt him.
Jaejoong waited on the bed for a long time. Yoochun would come back home late once again. He should get use to this; he would tell himself every time it would happen.
Once he was back late that night Yoochun took off his cloths dressing then in his pajamas. He was about to sleep when he felt him. Jaejoong was hugging him once again like every night, and he just stayed there frozen, not feeling the desire to hug the man back.
He was a jerk.
He didn’t need anyone else to tell him.
That night Jaejoong was determined to have a good time with his husband. Forgetting everything of the past months the man positioned himself on top of Yoochun. The other man looked at him as if this one had scab, or the Black Death; he was surprise for the unexpected actions of his spouse. Jaejoong looked at him for a second.
“It had been a really long time since the last time we made love,” he said.
He didn’t know if saying making love was a good idea, but he did not care about that now.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” said Yoochun. Jaejoong wasn’t listening to him he noticed. The man took off the upper half of his pajama and unbuttoned Yoochun’s.
Making love or more like having sex with Jaejoong had been really refreshing he couldn’t deny that. The older man was really shy when it came to sex, but that night it was not the case. He was about to come as Jaejoong moved up and down. He contemplated Jaejoong’s beautiful face, that face filled with pleasure.
But his mind didn’t stay on that face for too long.
Jaejoong couldn’t describe the feeling he felt then. He wanted to cry, that was for sure, he was also really mad but there was also a sense of realization. There was no need to keep on lying to himself.
“I’m not Junsu.”
Yoochun couldn’t speak after Jaejoong’s words. He was really ashamed and sorry towards his spouse, but he just couldn’t help it, the name had come inevitably. The older man disconnected himself from his husband. He walked to the bathroom. Yoochun sighed and shook his head. It was really ironic, when Junsu was there he used to be more careful, now, now he didn’t really care. He should really meditate about his priorities. After some minutes Jaejoong came back. Looking at the boy, Yoochun couldn’t help to feel guilty. It was so tiring, to feel like nothing matter anymore and then feel like he was a jerk and needed to take responsibilities.
“Jaejoong…” he still didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know what happened. I know I’m being an asshole but… I’m so really sorry.” The other man didn’t seem to react. “I’m sorry, please, talk to me.” At that moment Jaejoong turned around to look at the man.
“I don’t want to talk about that, I do not want to talk about him.” He remarked the word him with disdain. Yoochun looked at his spouse and nodded, he knew they needed to talk, but it seemed that night was not the night. He closed his eyes and felt asleep really fast, it was natural, he was so tired.
----------
Two months after the incident Yoochun thought he was going to go crazy. It was not about Junsu anymore, it was just about everything, their relationship was just wrong. He was suffering, Jaejoong was suffering he didn’t want to keep on doing something that was only bringing him pain.
“I really need to make things right. If this goes on I will totally go crazy,” he said to himself. To make things worse he knew that first he needed to talk with Junsu and convince Jaejoong to do the same. They were brothers and they could not stay like this forever. Putting those thoughts aside for the moment he went back to reading some documents. There was no much work to do because he had already finished most of his work, but he still wanted to keep himself busy.
There was a knock on the door. “Come in.”
“You need to go see Junsu.”
Yoochun frowned. He never expected this boy to come and see him, and to come and tell him that.
But the boy didn’t say anything else even after he asked.
That afternoon after dinner he got the courage; there was no turning back this time. Jaejoong looked confused waiting for him to talk.
“We need to talk about Junsu,” he said once and for all.
Jaejoong looked down thinking for a moment.
“I also wanted to talk about him,” he whispered. “I… I had been thinking about everything.” It was really hard to talk about this; he had been really close minded before that it was just hard to talk now. “I can’t lie and say that that I’m not angry and that I don’t want to kill Junsu, but I was too harsh.” Yoochun was glad Jaejoong was thinking that way; he didn’t want them to stay mad forever. “I had been really worried. I took his job away and let’s be honest, Junsu is pretty useless and lazy, I… I’m just worried,” he said. He had beaten Junsu too but he was not sorry about that, Junsu had slept with his husband and that was nothing compare with what he did to him.
“For now I think the best thing to do is talk with him, there needs to be a serious talk between you two,” he felt like a hypocrite saying that, at the end he had been the apple of the discord, but he needed to have less things to worry about so his mind would clear and he would think better.
“We’ll call him first…” Jaejoong thought for a second. “Tomorrow.” Yoochun nodded.
It was still uncomfortable to be talking about the boy that had got into their marriage that way. Yoochun was really afraid; Jaejoong was going to see his intentions behind his words. He only knew that he wanted to see Junsu. He wanted it so bad.
“But…” Jaejoong interrupted Yoochun’s thoughts. “You…” it was really hard for the man to express with words what he was feeling right now, it was even harder when he already knew about his husband’s feelings towards his brother.
“You don’t have to worry,” said Yoochun having a slight idea of what the other was thinking. “Nothing is going to change, don’t worry.” Jaejoong nodded his head, he felt pathetic but he was still afraid, afraid of being alone, without Yoochun.
Yoochun felt bad for lying to Jaejoong, he was not going to leave the man, but there was no doubt that things were not going to be the same.
With that conversation over the two men went to clean themselves and get ready for bed.
Both of them couldn’t sleep that night, there were just so many things and emotions that were going around their minds.
---------
They called Junsu more than once, the boy didn’t pick up. Jaejoong thought right away that his brother probably didn’t want to talk to him. It was sad, really sad to be honest. They tried to call him so many times that at the end they both just gave up. Yoochun couldn’t describe his disappointment. “Maybe he just doesn’t want to see us,” said Jaejoong. “Should we try again?” Yoochun shook his head. He was too afraid of calling Junsu again and no getting answer.
“No. We can always go to his apartment.” Jaejoong nodded at the idea. He wanted to see his brother, but the thought of going to the place where his husband and brother fornicated, it was just too much. He was sure Yoochun must had spent long hours in there when they still were lovers. He shook the thoughts away, it was not the first time the thoughts invaded his mind, but there was no use.
“Yeah,” he said looking down.
After the awkward silence the boys took Yoochun’s car towards Junsu’s apartment. The silence was really killing them, but they knew that if they wanted to solve things they needed to do it from the beginning, it didn’t matter how hard it was.
Once the two men were outside the apartment complex they walked to Junsu’s house. Jaejoong’s heart was beating so fast, it was suffocating. He was so afraid of going there and to talk once again with his brother. With the man that had betrayed him.
Although now that he thought about it, he was there with Yoochun, his cheating husband.
Yoochun pressed the bell button and waited for the door to be open. His heart was also beating really fast. It was beating just as fast as Jaejoong’s, but it was clear that the reasons were different.
He felt guilty for leaving the boy. But did he have another choice? It was just too much to think of. The moment the door was opened the two men frowned. “Where is Junsu?” he asked. Who was this man? What was he doing in Junsu’s apartment? Many weird thoughts came rushing through Yoochun’s mind with the presence of a talk man that he had never seen in his life.
“Junsu?” The man looked at them confusedly. “I’m sorry but I don’t know anyone that goes by that name.”
Yoochun thought he would explode with rage in that moment. “What do you mean you don’t know anyone with that name? He lives here!”
“Are you his friend?” This time it was Jaejoong whom spoke.
On his face realization was seen. “That might have been the old resident. I moved here around three months ago.”
Wait, he said three months ago? Then… where was Junsu?
“Do you know anything about the person that used to live here?” asked Yoochun trying to pull himself back together from the shock.
“I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
Jaejoong and Yoochun thanked the man for his help and then they walked to the office. They needed to know where Junsu was. The situation had made them really worried.
After talking with the manager the man told them that Junsu couldn’t pay the rent anymore. He said that the boy barely paid the three months he owned him, and that after the youngest Kim paid his debt he did not see him again.
Why didn’t Junsu go look for them? If he was in such hard situation Junsu would for sure go look for help, but he didn’t, why? Those questions were in their minds for a long time. They couldn’t leave things like that, now more than ever they needed to find Junsu. How were they supposed to do it?
Yoochun decided that contracting a private investigator was the only choice they had because even after they asked all the people that might possibly knew about Junsu’s whereabouts they only got negative responses.
Mr. and Mrs. Kim were totally ignorant to the situation; the young married couple decided that they couldn’t cause any more troubles to the Kims. On the other hand the couple thought that their son was simply mad and ignoring everyone.
It looked like an old movie, Yoochun repeated to himself. He slept with his spouse’s brother and the latter was now nowhere to be found. He laughed bitterly; it was like a bad romantic drama. There were so many thoughts in his mind. He was hurting his spouse but he hurt Junsu too, didn’t he? Yeah, Junsu was childish, really immature and bratty, but he was so sensitive. Junsu was just too Junsu. He hoped the private detective could find him soon. Yoochun didn’t know what he was going to do once they found him but that was something he was going to think until the day came. Shaking his head, throwing all the thoughts away he went back to his work, he would then have dinner with his depressed spouse and then sleep, and well, the next day he would do just the same.
---------
The man he hired proved to be really efficient. Soon he found Junsu and told them where to find him. Jaejoong still doubted his actions, Junsu was his rival, but he was also his brother, he reminded himself. He and his husband left the company early that evening. They didn’t know if it was a good moment to go because after getting the address from the man they didn’t even wait for him to tell them anything else and literally ran to find Junsu.
“Are you sure this is the place?” asked Jaejoong with a confused look on his face. Yoochun looked at the piece of paper where the address was written. He nodded and both of them looked back at the building. The neighborhood didn’t seem like a really nice place to begin with, not that it looked bad either it was just not what they were used to see. The building on the other hand looked old, the paint was already falling in pieces and the metal looked rusty. Waking up from their trance the men walked inside, it seemed that the security machine was broken, well, that was not surprising at all. The elevator was way too scary so they took the stairs.
“It’s really dark,” murmured Jaejoong. The place was interesting.
“This must be the wrong address.” Jaejoong nodded. Junsu would never stay in a place like that one. Again, it was not really bad, it was just weird.
Soon they were in front of the door with the number that was written on the paper. Ok, it was time. Jaejoong knocked the door a few times waiting for this one to be open. Nothing happened. Yoochun tried a few time too, but it seemed that there was no one inside.
“Should we wait?” asked Jaejoong. Yoochun thought for a second.
“Maybe we should.”
They sat across the hallway on a bench, waiting.
And they waited for about an hour. The older man convinced Yoochun to go home, it was late already, plus they could come again some other day, they already knew where the boy lived, although they still needed to check if the address was the correct one.
They were about to walked downstairs when they heard a scream. “Junsu! Junsu don’t forget the book that I told you about.”
Chapter 15
A/N: HI! it has been a long time! I came back last tuesday, but because school started on Wednesday I was really busy. Anyways, here is the next chapter, omg, sun the fic is coming to an end, I feel sad ;_;