Dear Annoying Twat -

I bet you bought out the soap yourself since you know that smelling like me is the closest you'll ever get to being me.

How's the pathetic chip on your shoulder coming along?

- the Chosen One

p.s. Where's your collectible figurine? Or doesn't anyone want one?

Ron -

I hate him.

- Harry

p.s. I really, really, really hate him.

Morag -

They tell me I forgot your gift. Eh, sorry.

I couldn't think of anything girly or dragony.

- Harry

p.s. I've enclosed some galleons for you to buy your own gift. It's probably better than anything I would have come up with, anyway. I usually just buy Hermione a dusty book and she's happy. I doubt you would have wanted that.

okay.

Meet me at the door to your common room in ten minutes.

Oh, I hate you.

why would you lie to me?

You wanted to see what?

Oh, don't try to blame this on me.

You were being a big, obnoxious tit to Ginny and when you came back, you wouldn't shut up about how great your summer was and how many girls you met and how they all liked your posh accent. What was I supposed to say?

You left and met other people while I-

while I thought about you.

Jones? Remember her? I might have been disco dancing at the time, but there wasn't anything wrong with my eyesight.

And what about all the American girls you were so keen about over summer?

Zach,

I'm not the one that goes around randomly kissing girls during dances and then kissing male friends in dorm rooms.

You just-

argh.

- Harry

Zach,

Do you care-

Was it a joke?

Uh, that's good.

- Harry

I'm so sorry I punched you when you kissed me. How's your eye?

- Harry