iseethemorninglight.it'snotbecausei'manearlyriser.it'sbecauseididn'tgotobedlastnight.

[applenoire]

i  feel like lying in bed all day, smoking cigarettes, drinking tea, and reading murakami. 
after all that i'm sure i'd be feeling a little restless though, and maybe i'd go for a walk to the store down the street.
there's a beck song titled, "today has been a fucked up day." that sort of explains my yesterday. 
i don't even feel good about getting

Comments

[___psychedelia]

Sometimes I have so much trouble expressing what I want to say but the part about dividing up aspects of your life and telling them to various people is something I can relate to.
So thanks for making me feel like I'm not the only person with bizarre logic!

[applenoire]

sometimes i wish i had one person i could tell every single thing to. i don't even know if my diary gets that special treatment. but there's no way i'm going to pay someone to sit there and pretend to be interested, so i'll just keep going on this way, i suppose. it's ok. right now i feel good. i'm happy because a really good song is playing. a leonard cohen cover. hallelujah by rufus wainwright. ohsogood.

[applenoire]

aw, thanks. yeah. i have to admit i was really happy with the photos...'cause i haven't used film in ages, and it was just kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing to take my lomo with me, and it was my last roll of film that was given to me ages ago and had just been kickin' round my room...now i'm looking for film donations so i can go out and have some more fun. i'm so excited. lomoforlife.

[vaiyu]

hey,

i completely know what you are saying. I can never tell one person about everything. My life is fragmented around my few closest friends.

"i'm scared to let them go because sometimes it seems that they're all that's holding me together."

i hold onto my problems as well, although not as much as i used to. But i can absolutely understand when you said you're scared of letting them go .. b/c it keeps you going or have some sort of purpose in some ways... even though you know you probably should let go, but you just can't seem to for some strange reason. i don't know.. i'm confused as well with what is going on in my life.. i just wish i knew what to do. it's like i know what i want..but i know that i can't have it..but i still hold on to it b/c i want it so much. ..

well, i hope you have a good day hun, =)

[applenoire]

it is reallyreally nice of you to wish me a good day, because the past few days were kind of downers for me, or i made them downers myself, but today i imagined turning a new coin, or a new page, and making things better. and i had quite a nice day, and it's carried on into the new day, november 12th, and i'm wishing everyone in the world a happy november 12th, 2007, because there will never be another one again. just this one.

[vaiyu]

you are so kind

yesterday was a sad day for me. this whole weekend has been tough for me.

it's so hard to let go

[simplertimes]

I can relate to this as well. It's hard to know what versions of ourselves to be sometimes, whether to be open or guarded. I think I'm learning slowly that being more open with people is a good thing, even if it means showing your weaknesses. I also know what you mean about not being able to let your problems go. Sometimes I feel that my struggles give me some sort of momentum and something to hold on to. I get cautious when things seem too easy, like something is wrong. Talk about strange logic. I don't know if we can ever be completely honest with one person. I believe it's a good thing to keep somethings to ourselves, to learn how we can deal with problems internally. But the difficulty is finding what we can stand to keep in and what we are willing to let out. It's tricky, this life business.

[applenoire]

it's interesting that you talk about opening up to people, because that's what i did last night. i made a new important friend, and there is something about me that i only tell people i really trust, or feel i can trust, or who i feel deserve to know, and i actually opened up about it to him, and i feel like it made things more real. i don't know how to explain it, but i like the idea of being open to people, especially after i feel that they've earned my trust, through time and actions. opening up with people when they deserve it, and being able to trust eachother...i think that's really part of what love is. it's so important.

[simplertimes]

I feel that way as well, when I open up to people and externalize things, it makes everything more tangible and either produces two results: either I realize how absurd something is, or how immediate it is, if that makes sense. Like it will either lose importance, or gain importance by me verbalizing it and getting a response. And I totally agree with the emphasis on trust. It really means everything. But it has to be earned. If I have established trust in someone, and feel that it is reciprocated, then I have absolutely no reason to feel threatened and can be my true self, or as close to that as possible. It's about finding people we can trust, to be there, to listen, to not leave us, to give us the things we can't give ourselves. To me, love is all about trust. It's good you found someone you can open up to. The more the better I say.

[royalghost]

these are nice photos.

[applenoire]

thanksmmmmm