FIC: Forever Home - Chapter 78 of 100
Title: Forever Home - Chapter 78 of 100
Author: Shadowc44
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Kadam (Kurt Hummel/Adam Crawford)
Rating: R
Spoilers: AU. If you’ve seen Kurt and Adam interact, you’re good.
Summary: Adam is bored, and realizes he needs a companion. He decides to adopt a hybrid human/cat.
Warning: Mention of past abuse (non-sexual) from other canon Glee characters. This fic is not particularly kind to most canon Glee characters.
Length: About 4,700 words this chapter. About 337,000 words so far.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Glee characters in this story; they're owned by Fox. Any non-Glee characters are my own invention
Chapter 77
Chapter 78
Kurt woke up, and changed back to human form, but left to go to his room. He came back out about half an hour later, cleaned up and in comfortable clothes.
Adam smiled at him. “You look nice. Are you more relaxed now?”
“Thanks. Yeah, I am.” He looked more closely at Adam. It wasn’t a color combination he’d have chosen - red jeans and a navy blue button-up shirt. “I like you in those colors. They really suit you.”
“Thank you. I wasn’t sure they went together, but I figured you’d tell me if they didn’t.”
Kurt leaned over and kissed him quickly. “You look great.”
He bounced up and down on his heels. “Can we watch some more Downton Abbey now?”
“Sure,” Adam replied. “Let me finish this e-mail, and I have one more I should answer, then I’ll be ready. Do you have something you can do in the meantime?”
“I think so. I’ll find something.” He went back to his room and searched through his old clothes. He found a vest he really loved, but when he tried it on, it was definitely too small. He looked at the blue-and-green checked pattern and let his mind rearrange the shape of the material. Yes, that should work. He grabbed some paper and a pencil and got to work drawing at his desk.
Adam came in a while later. “I’m done now. Are you ready, or are you working on something?”
Kurt had a rough sketch, and thought he could figure out the rest later. “I can quit now.”
“What are you doing?”
“It’s a surprise.”
He raised an eyebrow, daring Adam to ask what the surprise was. He was slightly disappointed when Adam just nodded.
“Whenever you’re ready, then.”
Kurt put the drawing in the desk drawer, along with the vest. He’d have to iron the material later anyway.
“We can talk about Jesse afterwards,” Adam suggested, once they were settled on the loveseat in the TV room.
Kurt sat up straight. “Let’s do that now. I don’t want you to maybe forget about it later. I don’t want to be - if he and whoever show up and you start talking about when you were together, I want to know - I’m afraid he’ll say something I’m not expecting, or -“
Adam put his arm around him, and turned to face him. “Hey, Kurt. It’s alright. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, or be blind-sided by a reference to something I should have told you about.
“I want to talk to you about why you don’t need to worry about Jesse. But first I think I need to tell you about Matt, my first serious boyfriend. You sort of need that background in order to understand my relationship with Jesse.”
Kurt nodded. “Sure. I’d like to know more about that part of your life. For one thing, I want to know what they did wrong, so I don’t do the same thing.”
“That’s another good reason,” Adam acknowledged. “I don’t think the same circumstances will come up, but it’s probably good for you to know about it.”
“I’m listening. So what happened?”
Adam knew that Kurt actually meant it. Someone else might say they were listening, but be thinking of something else. Most likely thinking what they were going to say at the earliest opportunity. But Kurt genuinely cared.
“Well, we met at NYADA, in my dance class, freshman year. Matt was a Junior, so about two years older than me. He had an incredible voice, and was quite confident, not only of his vocal abilities, but of his overall appeal. I considered myself lucky that he even noticed me, let alone cared about me. I thought things were going well. The sex wasn’t always great, because he was more concerned with his own pleasure than mine, but I thought that would eventually change.
“He’d had a bad breakup the previous year, with the guy he’d been going with since high school. They found a long-distance relationship too hard to deal with. But it was also that they’d developed new friends, new interests, and didn’t have a lot of time for each other. Matt’s boyfriend was incredibly jealous, and if Matt so much as talked about a classmate, or even a teacher, this jerk of a boyfriend would get upset, and accuse him of cheating. Well, Matt got pretty tired of this, so he finally broke it off. Because he didn’t want to cheat, but he did want to have the option of dating someone else if he found someone he liked. He was hoping to find someone who wouldn’t be as jealous as Matt, as well. For a while, that person was me.
“He was my first boyfriend, and first lover, and I was so flattered by his attention. But he brought his ex up in conversation a lot, and it made me realize he wasn’t entirely over him. I really didn’t think our relationship was going to last forever, but I figured I’d enjoy it as long as I could. But I didn’t expect things to turn out the way they did. We’d been together about 6 months, and everyone knew we were a couple, and there weren’t too many people who were upset about it, unless they were jealous that I was with him.
“They got back together over the holidays when Matt went home to see his family. I guess sparks flew, and they spent every spare minute together, talking and having sex - well, maybe it was the other way around. Anyway, they decided their relationship wouldn’t work if they were so far apart. So Matt actually left NYADA, and moved to Los Angeles, and got accepted into the same theater school his ex went to, just so they could be together all the time.”
“He just left you?” Kurt asked, wide-eyed.
“Mm-hm. We talked briefly on the phone, but he didn’t even come back to school, just handled everything by e-mail or phone. He had his roommate pack up all his things and send them to him, and that was that.”
Kurt moved closer to him. “It’s awful that he left you like that, but at least you know you didn’t do anything wrong. If he hadn’t gone home, maybe he wouldn’t have seen his ex and wanted to get back together.”
Adam shrugged. “Like I said, I didn’t think it would last, but it still hurt, that he could just drop me so easily to go back to someone who was so possessive and controlling. But not long after that, I decided I needed to take my mind off him, and focus on my classes, and my singing. I formed the Apples, with some of my fellow misfits, who weren’t as career-driven as some of our peers. We wanted to have a good time singing together, at least as long as we were in school. It’s not likely it’s going to land any of us jobs, but it was fun, and we still hang out. They’re still calling it Adam’s Apples, by the way, because we had another member called Adam. We call him Adam 2 to avoid confusion. But he sort of took over when I left. We get along fine, and it seemed easier than changing the name.”
“So something good came out of that relationship, even if it wasn’t great. You ended up with…well, a bunch of better relationships, right? Even though none of them were romantic?” Kurt asked.
Adam smiled and squeezed his hand. “Exactly. Believe me, I’d rather have the friendship of the Apples than still be involved with Matt. I was single for a while, maybe a year and a half. I dated a few guys casually, but just didn’t seem to click with anyone. And I was pretty busy, between classes and the Apples.
“I had seen Jesse St. James around, though we didn’t have any classes together. He was also older than me. He’s very talented, and I always enjoyed hearing him sing. I’d tried to get him to join the Apples, but he never did. He was concerned what it might do to his reputation. Now when I first knew him, he was dating a girl who was very nice, and very ambitious. They had a lot of arguments, and they finally broke up.”
Adam thought back to that time in his life. It wasn’t so long ago, actually.
Jesse had invited him for coffee after class. He hadn’t changed his mind about joining the Apples, but was interested in getting to know him better anyway.
They went out to movies, the theater, and dinner several times, just as friends, Adam assumed. Then one night Jesse had invited him in for some tea and conversation. And other things, as it turned out.
“I’ve been thinking, I don’t seem to do so well with chicks,” Jesse explained. “They like me, I like them, but it never seems to work out. Their plans conflict with mine, or they want me to do something with a steady paycheck after I graduate, and I don’t want that kind of life. I’ve tried dating theater girls, but there are problems there, too. Like, we can’t both go out for roles and be in shows at the same time. Or, if one of us gets an out-of-town show, then there’s room for jealousy and all that.
“So maybe the problem is more that they’re girls. And some are too delicate, and, I don’t know, it’s just hard to find someone who would be more an equal, where I don’t have to worry so much about being so careful and gentle.”
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Adam asked suspiciously. “You’re straight.”
“Maybe I’m not entirely straight,” Jesse suggested. “I really want to see what it’s like with a guy, if it can be better, if we’re more on the same page.”
“But why me?” Adam was still baffled.
“Well, I could have asked Sebastian Smythe, but I think I’d want more than 20 minutes of his time. That’s about all he’s good for, relationship-wise, I’ve heard.”
Adam nearly choked on his tea. “So you don’t want just a one-night stand?”
“No. I could go to a gay bar and pick up a stranger, but that doesn’t really appeal to me. And I don’t want just a buddy for sex. I want to try a relationship with a man. We get along pretty well, you’re a good-looking guy, and I really like spending time with you. Maybe things will work out.”
“And maybe they won’t,” Adam worried. “Look, Jesse, you’re very attractive, and if you were gay, or you’d known you were bisexual for a while, I probably wouldn’t hesitate to see how things worked out. But I don’t have all that much experience myself, and what I’ve had…wasn’t terribly satisfying. For me, anyway.”
Jesse raised an eyebrow. “Really? That’s a shame. But I’ve seen some videos, and I know what to expect, and I’ve got a lot of experience. With women, but it seems like a lot of it is the same, or really similar.”
Adam had agreed that he was intrigued enough to try a relationship. The first time they’d had sex, it was rather painful, but he figured that was just because Jesse probably didn’t use enough lube. And Jesse may have had anal sex with a woman, but apparently not often. Adam expected they would eventually switch off, but Jesse didn’t really want to. He didn’t mind exchanging hand jobs or blow jobs, but he’d made up his mind that he didn’t want to receive anal sex. At least it did get less painful.
Adam respected his decision, though he was somewhat disappointed. He and Matt had occasionally switched positions, which he enjoyed.
They got along well in other areas, but Jesse didn’t really want any public displays of affection at all. After a while, it occurred to Adam that maybe he was ashamed to be seen dating another man. He asked him, and Jesse had denied it, and changed the subject very quickly. Again, he wanted to respect Jesse’s choices, even if they limited his own.
After a few months, though, he realized he really wasn’t happy about the relationship. He wanted someone who wouldn’t mind if someone assumed they were boyfriends or lovers. And again, sex wasn’t as satisfying as he’d always heard it was supposed to be. Maybe it was his fault. Maybe he had unrealistic expectations. He didn’t think Jesse was really that happy, either, but it was hard to talk to him about it. He’d just change the subject.
Finally, Jesse called him one night and broke up with him. Adam thought maybe he knew why. There was a new transfer student Jesse had been ogling. She was gorgeous, and at first he thought it was just a harmless infatuation or something. But apparently Nicole was pretty impressed with Jesse, too. He asked outright if they were breaking up because Jesse wanted to date Nicole. At first he denied it, but said that he’d realized maybe he was more comfortable with women anyway. Adam didn’t try to argue, or compete with anyone else, he just let him go. And a few days later, he saw Jesse and Nicole in the hallway, laughing about something. Jesse’s arm was around her waist, and Nicole’s hand was in his back pocket.
Adam ducked into an empty classroom before they could see him. It took a while to get over that. Most of the Apples were pretty perceptive, and they all took his side in things. But he had to ask them to please not give in to their impulses to do something to get back at Jesse on his behalf. They meant well, they cared about him, but he really wasn’t the vindictive type.
Adam paused, and checked to see how Kurt was taking all this. He saw concern, and a bit of anger, on his face.
“So he just dumped you for some girl? Was he just using you?”
“Mm, not necessarily. But I felt like it was an experiment, one that had gone wrong. It made me feel even more like a failure. Like maybe the sex wasn’t any better for him than it was for me, and what if I had turned him off of gay sex altogether? It wasn’t great for my ego. I did go on some dates, but not that many guys interested me, or were interested in me. So I just got used to going without sex, and put all of my excess energy into the Apples. Writing new arrangements, fighting with the administration to get rehearsal space, trying to find occasions where we could sing. And I had to focus on my classes, and figure out what I wanted to do with my life once I graduated.
“Jesse and I hardly ever saw each other after he broke up with me. He found fewer reasons to be places he knew I would be. And I just kept my chin up and tried to act normal around him. We each went on with our lives. He’s dated several women since then, that I know of, then went back to Nicole, the last I knew. I kind of have the feeling he’s bringing Nicole here to tell me they’re getting married.”
Kurt held onto Adam’s hand, and asked, “Are you really okay with that?”
“I suppose. I don’t want him back, and it’s none of my business who he’s with now. It’s just awkward and embarrassing. But I could be wrong about who he’s bringing, I really have no idea.
“But it does remind me, what should we serve for lunch?”
Kurt had been giving it some thought. “How about another big salad, like I did for Dad? With a little of everything in it?”
“Let’s add a lot of grilled chicken, maybe. That’s fine. With both of us chopping things up, it shouldn’t take too long to do.”
<><><><><><><><><><><>
While they watched Downton Abbey, Kurt sat on the loveseat, as close to Adam as he could, practically in his lap. Adam put one arm around him, and finally paused the DVD.
“Well, come on, then.”
Kurt grinned and, with Adam’s help, sat on his lap, with Adam’s arms securely around his waist. Kurt settled back, resting against Adam’s chest, and sighed happily.
“Okay, you can turn the show back on now,” he informed Adam.
“Oh, really? Are you sure you’re quite comfortable?” Adam teased.
Kurt wriggled around a bit, then settled again. “I think so. But you know what would be good right now?”
“No,” Adam sighed. “Why don’t you tell me?”
“Maybe some sandwiches or something. It’s almost lunchtime.”
Adam glanced at his watch. “So it is. Let’s get our food ready, then we can concentrate on the show.”
<><><><><><><><><><>
Adam had noticed Kurt was getting increasingly affectionate. As much as he enjoyed the show, Adam didn’t think it was Downton Abbey that was causing it.
When the last episode ended, Adam turned to Kurt. It was a bit difficult, because Kurt was resting his head against his shoulder. “What’s going on, Kurt? You’re extremely cuddlesome today.”
“You don’t mind, do you?”
“Not at all.” Adam gave him a wide grin. “I just wondered if there was a reason for it.”
“Well, I changed this morning so I wouldn’t be as likely to be restless later today. I was thinking, maybe we can have sex now?”
“Of course, but -“
“I mean, real sex.”
Adam looked at him in confusion.
“Darling, we have been having real sex. But I think I grasp your meaning. Let’s go get more comfortable.”
“Okay. But I’ve got to brush my teeth. And take a shower.”
“I’ve no objection to you brushing your teeth, and I’ll do the same. But do you really think a shower is necessary?”
“Yes.”
“Alright, then you go shower in your bathroom, and I’ll shower in mine. Or we could shower together - “
“No!” Kurt insisted. “We might not be able to wait.”
Adam stared at him. “Darling, I’m not sure if you know this, though I would think you’d have noticed it, but men can certainly have more than one orgasm a day.” He paused. “Or is it different, for some reason, for hybrids?”
Kurt shrugged. “I never really thought about it much. I kind of tried to suppress my feelings as much as I could when I was in the store, and here, too, because there’s so much other stuff going on.”
“How do you just suppress your feelings like that?”
“It’s just something they tried to teach us to do. Because we’re supposed to be ready for sex when our owner is, not just whenever we want it.”
Adam gritted his teeth. “Well, I’m glad you’ve learned such self-discipline, but I’d prefer it if you could let me know when you want it, too. Like you just did.”
Kurt gasped. “I’m sorry! I didn’t think about that. I guess I’ve gotten used to you wanting me to think for myself.”
“Yes, I do want that,” Adam patiently explained. “I feel like so much of the training you’ve gotten has to be undone.” He looked at Kurt, to see how he was taking it and lifted an eyebrow. “That doesn’t bother you, does it?”
“I guess not. Unless…if I belong to somebody else someday, if something happens to you, they might expect me to be more like the way I was trained.”
“I don’t mean to be dismissive of your concerns, Kurt, but I’m not planning on leaving you to somebody who won’t respect your wishes in things.”
Kurt nodded. “So we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it? Or rather, I will, because you won’t be around?”
Adam sighed, but he pulled Kurt even closer to him and kissed him. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to think about depressing things when they’re not happening yet. But I promise you, I will try to figure you the best person to leave you to, if something should happen.”
“Okay,” Kurt agreed. “I won’t think about it.”
He sounded sincere, but Adam wasn’t so sure how he’d be able to do that.
“Now, do you want to shower separately, or together?”
“What do you want to do?” Kurt countered.
“No, none of that. What would make you more comfortable?”
“Right now? Separate showers.”
“Separate it is. See you soon. Just come on into the bedroom when you’re ready.”
Kurt nodded, and kissed him quickly, before heading in the direction of his own room.
Adam sighed. He supposed things would get easier once they’d gotten more used to each other. As he was showering, it occurred to him that, while he had a perfect opportunity to mold Kurt’s experience so he’d get used to the things Adam liked, he wanted Kurt to let him know what he wanted and liked. He wanted them to adjust to each other. Previously he’d allowed his partners to tell him what they wanted, and go along with it, but now, he had the chance to make sure Kurt’s first experience was better than his had been. He would be as considerate as he’d hoped his partners would be. Maybe he could try to erase some of his own previous conditioning, and hopefully it would be enjoyable for both of them.
<><><><><><><><><><>
Kurt debated about what to put on after his shower, and settled for just a bathrobe. He found Adam already under the covers, apparently naked.
Adam smiled at him and patted the bed next to him in invitation.
Kurt untied the robe, and threw it in the general direction of the chair. He didn’t bother to look to see if it landed correctly.
Adam’s smile widened. “Come here.”
He tossed the covers back, and stretched out on the bed.
Kurt licked his lips, and joined him on the bed. The sheets were cool, and felt good against his suddenly overheated skin. He leaned over Adam and rubbed their noses together, then kissed him, slowly and sensuously. Adam wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist and held him in place.
After a while, Kurt pulled slightly away. “I think we need to change places.”
“Whatever you like.” Adam held onto him and rolled them both over. Kurt giggled at the unexpected playfulness, then sighed as he looked up at Adam, hovering over him protectively. Adam had gotten onto his knees, so he didn’t have all his weight on Kurt. It definitely made things easier. Instead of feeling intimidated by the larger man hovering over him, it made him feel secure.
Kurt ran one hand through Adam’s blond curls, then pulled his head down so he could kiss him.
“Mm, how are you so good at that?” Adam asked.
“At what?”
“Kissing.”
“It’s because I love you.” Kurt resumed kissing Adam again. It may not have been the best answer, but it was true.
He felt safe, content…but definitely horny. He decided to focus on his feelings, rather than worrying if he was doing something wrong. Adam would surely tell him if he did something wrong, wouldn’t he? He tried to shove his worries into the “Later” box, because Adam didn’t want him worrying, he wanted him to pay attention.
Once he relaxed a bit, and stopped worrying about whether he could make things good for Adam, it got easier. He just concentrated on what he was doing, the feeling of Adam’s skin under his hand, the shape of his hands and arms, how reassuring it was to be surrounded by him.
“I’m going to make this as enjoyable for you as I can,” Adam murmured into his ear. “If there’s anything I do that you don’t like, tell me, and I’ll stop.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure.” Adam’s frown slid away. “Kurt, it’s important to me that we both like this, but it’s more important that you like it, especially this first time.” He hesitated. “I wonder if it would be better for you to top me first, or -“
“No.” Kurt shook his head decisively. He touched Adam’s face gently. “Let’s do what I’ve been expecting you to do. Then we can do it another way later. I think it will be easier that way?”
Adam nodded. “Whatever will ease your anxiety.”
He leaned down and kissed him again, and Kurt forgot about whatever Adam might want him to do later.
“Kurt, you’re really tense. That’s not going to be helpful. I really don’t want to hurt you.”
“Oh? I thought I was relaxed?” He focused more on his own body, and realized he was pretty much tensing every muscle he owned.
“I’ve got an idea. Let me give you a massage first.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Let me get some things.” Adam rolled over and opened the drawer next to his side of the bed. “Why don’t you go get a towel, so we don’t get the oil all over the sheets, hm?”
Kurt had a little trouble getting untangled from Adam, which made them both laugh. By the time he came back with a clean towel, Adam had set a bottle of clear liquid on the nightstand, with the cap off.
“What’s that? Just massage oil?”
Adam nodded. “For massages, and it also works as a lubricant, I checked before I bought it.”
Kurt noticed the bottle was only about two-thirds full, but didn’t ask about it. He knew about Adam’s previous boyfriends. But from now on, Adam wouldn’t be using that oil on anyone else.
Kurt spread the towel out. He’d brought one of the huge bath sheets, and Adam smiled in approval.
“Just make yourself comfortable, darling. Close your eyes if you want.”
Kurt wanted to watch Adam’s, but realized it would be easier to be calm and relaxed if he could just close his eyes. He lay on his back, and focused on his other senses. He could smell the oil, and could hear Adam rubbing it into his hands. It smelled like almonds and something else, but it was nice. It felt even better, and Adam’s hands were warm as they slowly rubbed the oil into his skin, gently kneading any muscles that seemed particularly tense.
Kurt did his best to relax, and soon he found he did feel better. Maybe it was the soothing touch of Adam’s hands, as much as the actual massage, and Adam’s low voice, talking nonsense about his body. How perfect it was… Did he really believe that? A moment later he forgot to worry about it.
He leaned up and kissed Adam, and tried to put every bit of passion he was feeling into it, to let Adam know how he felt. Then it hit him, Adam felt the same way. He could feel his body almost melting into the bed as he let go of the tension he’d been feeling. It was going to be okay. This was something they both wanted.
Kurt wrapped his arms around Adam, and didn’t want to let go. He listened to his body, as well as Adam, and found it was all much easier than he’d thought. And much less painful than he’d been led to expect.
<><><><><><><><><><>
Afterwards, Kurt sighed in contentment. He stretched his limbs as far as they would go, then relaxed again. “Thank you, Adam. That was so much better than I expected.”
“Was it?” Adam smiled lazily at him, tracing patterns on his skin with one finger.
“Mm-hm.” He hesitated, but finally asked, “You enjoyed it, too, didn’t you?”
Adam laughed, but it wasn’t mocking. “Yes, darling, I did. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you, you’re the best lover I’ve ever had.”
“Really?” Kurt blushed. “You’re not just saying that? Because I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Well, then, you have very good instincts.” Adam kissed him again and pulled him close. “I think in some cases, enthusiasm and love count more than experience.”
“That’s a relief! ‘Cause I’ve got a lot of both, for you.”
They rested for a while. Kurt tried to stay awake, but decided Adam would wake him if it were really necessary. And he was too comfortable to move.
Next- Chapter 79