[One-shot] Apples (Original)
Title: Apples
Characters: Nikki, OC!chibi devil, Candice
Rating: Humor, Gen / PG-13 (swearing)
Wordcount: 2179
Warnings: Humor, but there is implication / swearing / college excesses.
Summary: See what stealing apples from the dining hall invites?
Author's Notes: With apologies to Mount Holyoke College, UMass Amherst, Harvard Men's Choir, and the UVA Men's Choir. Written in jest and NOT AT ALL true. Dedicated to the wonderful bluesgal in memory of singing our hearts out (and for that lovely apple icon). You go, fellow MoHo. To everyone else who has read this far, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
Nikki headbopped lightly, tapping on the table and shaking her head at the screen as she sang along to The Mating Game. Ah, Bitter:Sweet was perfect music to do this to. "The devil in my pocket turned to gold," she sang, enjoying the way her voice lifted above the sounds from her speakers. Cathy Schmathy. Nikki knew she was good. Everyone else told her so, and on nights like this she believed it.
MHC's network was being kind to her tonight; the porn was loading almost instantly. Better download everything one could get before it started again, Nikki thought. Who knew when the next UMass Internet outage would be? The last one had lasted hours.
She was so engrossed in her task that she didn't notice the light rattling until she heard a distinct "thump". Looking around, she wondered what it could be. One of her floormates drunk on the floor outside? With a sigh, Nikki stood. She couldn't just leave a fellow MoHo out in the hallway, even if people really shouldn't get so drunk they fainted there in the first place.
"Hello?" she said, opening her door and stepping out into the hallway. Nothing. Her voice echoed a little in the tiny space blocked off by the glass panels and doors.
"Stupid Wilder ghost," Nikki muttered as she retreated back into her room, closing the door behind her and remembering to lock it. Oh well. She shrugged and grinned. Back to the porn! As she walked past her cube fridge, she heard the rattling and paused. What was th--
Thump!
Nikki backed away with a cut-off cry, and stared at the fridge. It had hopped into the air and landed again with a thud, she was sure of that! And yet the fridge sat there looking absolutely normal.
Had the yoghurt she left in there three weeks ago, half-eaten, finally gained sentience? Or was it that turkey sandwich she stole from the Torrey Grab n Go, the one she'd forgotten in the bottom of her bookbag? Nikki stood, undecided, trying to persuade herself that going back to the lovely siren song of college LAN net-speed was far superior to figuring out what was making that noise.
THUMP!
The fridge hopped a little more, and Nikki shrieked, climbing onto the bed. She sat there, legs drawn up to her knees, and then gave the fridge her best glare. "You know, fridges are NOT supposed to hop," she told it, pretending she was scolding a naughty pet.
"If people would open the doors when they were knocked," came an indignant squeaky voice from the fridge, "I wouldn't have to make fridges hop! Are you going to open up this stupid thing or should I blast it open?"
Nikki froze.
"It talked," she said, and then felt her forehead. "Man, I thought I was just tired from that all-night paper-writing marathon, but I think my fridge just talked! I wonder if the Health Center is still open. I don't care if they accuse me of being pregnant, I need help." She shook her head, and then got off her bed, fully intending to pull on a sweater, warmer pants, and a coat.
"LET ME OUT, DAMMIT!" came that squeaky voice from the fridge again, and it rattled.
Halting in her tracks, Nikki took a deep breath, and then shook her head. "Okay," she said to herself. "It's not really talking. You're just delusional. You clearly want to believe that there is something in the fridge. Silly Nikki. Go open the fridge, and then laugh at yourself, okay?"
It sounded like a good plan. Once she realized it was just her imagination, she would forget all about the voices, and she could get back to the high-speed download of porn, which, really, was the whole point of college anyway. Yes, it was a great plan. She patted herself on the back (figuratively) for thinking of it, and then happily padded over to open the fridge.
She did not expect to see a shivering red figure inside, sitting on top of an empty glass bottle. "Hey," she said, and then paused. "HEY! You drank my Smirnoff Ice!"
"You really need harder liquor, babe," said the figure, hopping out. "May I recommend tequilla?"
"We drank all of it last Saturday and I haven't restocked yet," Nikki answered, and then paused, feeling silly again. She was talking to a ... a chibi devil. A roundish, red, suspiciously smooth and shiny chibi devil that had the nerve to tell her she was out of alcohol.
"Feh. Sloth is a sin, but really, the need for good booze overrides all practice of sins, even gluttony," the chibi devil said, shaking its head at her. "Anyway, come 'ere, sweetcheeks. You look good enough to eat!"
The expression on the devil's face was decidedly a leer, Nikki decided. She saw it often enough on the faces of silly men who thought they could get away with copping a feel, like those Harvard choirboys. Really. The UVA men were so much more well-behaved. Hands on her hips, she raised her eyebrows at the chibi devil. "Just because you're hot, no pun intended, you shouldn't rely on horrible pickup lines like that," she said.
The chibi devil shrugged. "Works with the ladies 99% of the time," he said, and winked at her. "I don't see why you're so hot and bothered over that. That's my job, baby." He winked at her again, and beckoned with a tiny finger.
Nikki shook her head. "You couldn't possibly satisfy me," she grinned, giving the chibi devil a meaningful look. "Even if they say size doesn't matter, there is a minimum size I'll accept."
"Vastly overrated," the chibi devil said, waggling his eyebrows. "Hurry up and get over here and let me show you."
Nikki shook her head. "I can't believe I'm arguing with a chibi devil," she said, groaning, looking at the fridge again. "Where did you come from anyway?" Sandwich, check. Yoghurt, check--ew, might be better to throw that one away. Banana, check, looking a little soft though. Must get a new one soon. Apples ... wait, where were her apples? She had just taken two from the Wilder dining hall yesterday at dinner. Or three. She'd eaten one, sure, but there should at least be one more, if not two! And she had been saving that one, too ... it had been nice and red and shiny. Damn that chibi, she liked her apples!
"Wouldn't you like to know," the chibi devil said from somewhere else in the room. Nikki straightened hurriedly, trying to figure out where the little--er, devil--had gone. She didn't have far to look; he was ogling the screen, and emitting puffs of steam. "Damn, babe, you are HOT. I love chicks who dig porn."
"Well, I don't think you're hot. You freeloaded on my booze!" Nikki said, shaking her finger at the devil's back. He merely stuck a finger back at her nonchalantly, wiggling it in a way that made the dwarf appendage look vaguely dirty. "I didn't know apples drank booze."
"Smart girl," the apple-turned-devil said, tearing his attention away from her for a moment to wink. "Oooh." He pressed a key, and the next image loaded. "Oooh. Oh, baby, Get a load of that quality shit." Both the devil's hands were pulled back, and he settled his rear on her desk, which seemed to darken a little. "Oooh. Oooh, mama. Oooh. Oh yeah, that's good."
From the sounds and the movements, Nikki could tell exactly what the chibi devil was doing. How dare he jerk off on her computer? She rolled her eyes. "HEY! Okay, that's it. Back in the fridge, Santa Claus."
"Oooh," the devil moaned, and shuddered, glowing brighter. It reminded Nikki of that carol she had been singing with the jazz girls earlier ("-had a red and shiny nose-"), and she stifled a giggle even as she could feel the irritation growing. The glow lasted a few moments before returning to that dull angry red.
"Hoo yeah, baby." The devil flopped backwards with a temporarily sated look on his face. "Sweetcheeks, you know where to get good porn. Boy, have I got a special place for you." Nikki eyed him again, but the devil didn't seem to be moving. She had to get rid of him. He was going to burn her desk or something, and then Res Life would be on her butt so fast. But how? Then she paused. He had come from the fridge, after all. Maybe she could get him back in.
Hmm. Porn would work, but she'd have to print it first, and the damned creature was already at the computer, so it wouldn't quite work since he'd see it. Apples would work on it, since it was an apple ... right? But she didn't have any more apples, and the dining hall was locked.
Oh--BAWLS! She had some under the bed stashed away for an emergency. This definitely qualified. Sneaking another peek at the devil--"Mmm," it moaned, rubbing its sticky-looking stomach, but it seemed to be out of things for now--she reached under the bed, grabbed one of the bottles, and stuffed it into the farthest corner of the fridge, just under the freezer. Then she closed the fridge door very very quietly.
One more peek to make sure the devil hadn't seen anything, and then she bent and opened the cube fridge normally, pretending nothing was going on. "Hmm, you missed one," she said, pretending to be surprised.
"Missed what?" the devil said, stretching a little. "You got more porn for me, sweetcheeks?"
"Stop calling me that," Nikki said, and she opened the fridge a little more, enough room for the other to see what was inside. "You don't like BAWLS?"
The chibi devil sat up, eyes bright orangey-red with delight. "BAWLS! Where?"
"You left one in the fridge," Nikki said, nonchalantly. "Get it yourself."
The devil rubbed his hands together and smirked. "So nice to me. I'll make sure I give you multiple orgasms later, babe," he said, and then he was inside the fridge.
Nikki slammed the door, and then held hard. She could hear the squeaky voice, and the "HEY!" and "Why, you b!tch! Let me out!"
"You really need to chill out," Nikki said, and giggled. She turned the cube fridge around, wedging the door against the wall. She then pulled her dresser over so that the fridge was tightly pressed between dresser and wall. That finally done, she turned to assess the damage.
"Oh no, my computer!" Her laptop was covered with some sticky, milky residue that she was so not touching without gloves and heavy-duty bleach. "UGH!"
Just for that, she was so totally going to freeze the little bastard. She pulled out all her reading packets, and piled them on top of the fridge, delighting in dropping them onto it and enjoying the resounding floomp sound it made as the pile settled onto the fridge. 3 classes' worth of reading packets. That should hold him.
Thump, thump, went the fridge, but it did not move. An enraged howl came from inside. "You, why you, I--"
A string of very colorful curses followed, and Nikki perked up her ears a little. "Oooh. Never heard that one before. Useful information," she said, and went out for a wet rag to start cleaning up.
---
Two days later, the curses seemed to have abated, and in fact, the fridge was very very quiet. Nikki left it alone anyway, because who knew what that thing was doing inside? If she opened it now she might be in big trouble!
---
Two weeks later, Nikki and Candice were hanging out on Nikki's bed with homework, when Candice said, "You know, Nikki, I've been meaning to ask a few days now, but ... what did you do to your fridge?"
"Oh," Nikki said. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Just ... oh, well, nothing you haven't heard before, hmm?"
Candice raised an eyebrow at Nikki. "Make sense, please."
Nikki slid off the bed. "Easier to just show you," she said, and pushed the dresser away as Candice continued to sit on the bed. "Brace yourself, okay? I haven't opened it in two weeks, I have no idea whether he's still inside."
"Whether who's still inside?" Nikki could hear Candice ask, but now the dresser was pushed aside, and Nikki turned it around.
"Candice, meet a devil," Nikki said, opening the fridge door.
"Oh, Nikki!"
From the widening of Candice's eyes, Nikki knew something was still inside, but she wasn't exactly in the right position to see inside. "What? What is it?" she asked, scrambling to move around the fridge to look.
In the middle of the fridge was a perfectly square block of ice. Encased inside, curled up perfectly still, knees pulled up to his chin, a look of annoyance on his face, was the chibi devil. Both girls stared for a moment.
"It's so cute," Candice said dreamily.
Nikki blinked, and then an idea dawned on her. "Candice," she began, slowly. "Didn't you learn how to preserve sculptures in class?"
Both girls exchanged glances, and then Candice grinned. "Art building doesn't close until midnight. We have 90 minutes. You get some baggies, I'll get a box."
And that was how Nikki got the coolest doorstop in the entire Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
Apples by Aiwritingfic is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Characters: Nikki, OC!chibi devil, Candice
Rating: Humor, Gen / PG-13 (swearing)
Wordcount: 2179
Warnings: Humor, but there is implication / swearing / college excesses.
Summary: See what stealing apples from the dining hall invites?
Author's Notes: With apologies to Mount Holyoke College, UMass Amherst, Harvard Men's Choir, and the UVA Men's Choir. Written in jest and NOT AT ALL true. Dedicated to the wonderful bluesgal in memory of singing our hearts out (and for that lovely apple icon). You go, fellow MoHo. To everyone else who has read this far, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
Nikki headbopped lightly, tapping on the table and shaking her head at the screen as she sang along to The Mating Game. Ah, Bitter:Sweet was perfect music to do this to. "The devil in my pocket turned to gold," she sang, enjoying the way her voice lifted above the sounds from her speakers. Cathy Schmathy. Nikki knew she was good. Everyone else told her so, and on nights like this she believed it.
MHC's network was being kind to her tonight; the porn was loading almost instantly. Better download everything one could get before it started again, Nikki thought. Who knew when the next UMass Internet outage would be? The last one had lasted hours.
She was so engrossed in her task that she didn't notice the light rattling until she heard a distinct "thump". Looking around, she wondered what it could be. One of her floormates drunk on the floor outside? With a sigh, Nikki stood. She couldn't just leave a fellow MoHo out in the hallway, even if people really shouldn't get so drunk they fainted there in the first place.
"Hello?" she said, opening her door and stepping out into the hallway. Nothing. Her voice echoed a little in the tiny space blocked off by the glass panels and doors.
"Stupid Wilder ghost," Nikki muttered as she retreated back into her room, closing the door behind her and remembering to lock it. Oh well. She shrugged and grinned. Back to the porn! As she walked past her cube fridge, she heard the rattling and paused. What was th--
Thump!
Nikki backed away with a cut-off cry, and stared at the fridge. It had hopped into the air and landed again with a thud, she was sure of that! And yet the fridge sat there looking absolutely normal.
Had the yoghurt she left in there three weeks ago, half-eaten, finally gained sentience? Or was it that turkey sandwich she stole from the Torrey Grab n Go, the one she'd forgotten in the bottom of her bookbag? Nikki stood, undecided, trying to persuade herself that going back to the lovely siren song of college LAN net-speed was far superior to figuring out what was making that noise.
THUMP!
The fridge hopped a little more, and Nikki shrieked, climbing onto the bed. She sat there, legs drawn up to her knees, and then gave the fridge her best glare. "You know, fridges are NOT supposed to hop," she told it, pretending she was scolding a naughty pet.
"If people would open the doors when they were knocked," came an indignant squeaky voice from the fridge, "I wouldn't have to make fridges hop! Are you going to open up this stupid thing or should I blast it open?"
Nikki froze.
"It talked," she said, and then felt her forehead. "Man, I thought I was just tired from that all-night paper-writing marathon, but I think my fridge just talked! I wonder if the Health Center is still open. I don't care if they accuse me of being pregnant, I need help." She shook her head, and then got off her bed, fully intending to pull on a sweater, warmer pants, and a coat.
"LET ME OUT, DAMMIT!" came that squeaky voice from the fridge again, and it rattled.
Halting in her tracks, Nikki took a deep breath, and then shook her head. "Okay," she said to herself. "It's not really talking. You're just delusional. You clearly want to believe that there is something in the fridge. Silly Nikki. Go open the fridge, and then laugh at yourself, okay?"
It sounded like a good plan. Once she realized it was just her imagination, she would forget all about the voices, and she could get back to the high-speed download of porn, which, really, was the whole point of college anyway. Yes, it was a great plan. She patted herself on the back (figuratively) for thinking of it, and then happily padded over to open the fridge.
She did not expect to see a shivering red figure inside, sitting on top of an empty glass bottle. "Hey," she said, and then paused. "HEY! You drank my Smirnoff Ice!"
"You really need harder liquor, babe," said the figure, hopping out. "May I recommend tequilla?"
"We drank all of it last Saturday and I haven't restocked yet," Nikki answered, and then paused, feeling silly again. She was talking to a ... a chibi devil. A roundish, red, suspiciously smooth and shiny chibi devil that had the nerve to tell her she was out of alcohol.
"Feh. Sloth is a sin, but really, the need for good booze overrides all practice of sins, even gluttony," the chibi devil said, shaking its head at her. "Anyway, come 'ere, sweetcheeks. You look good enough to eat!"
The expression on the devil's face was decidedly a leer, Nikki decided. She saw it often enough on the faces of silly men who thought they could get away with copping a feel, like those Harvard choirboys. Really. The UVA men were so much more well-behaved. Hands on her hips, she raised her eyebrows at the chibi devil. "Just because you're hot, no pun intended, you shouldn't rely on horrible pickup lines like that," she said.
The chibi devil shrugged. "Works with the ladies 99% of the time," he said, and winked at her. "I don't see why you're so hot and bothered over that. That's my job, baby." He winked at her again, and beckoned with a tiny finger.
Nikki shook her head. "You couldn't possibly satisfy me," she grinned, giving the chibi devil a meaningful look. "Even if they say size doesn't matter, there is a minimum size I'll accept."
"Vastly overrated," the chibi devil said, waggling his eyebrows. "Hurry up and get over here and let me show you."
Nikki shook her head. "I can't believe I'm arguing with a chibi devil," she said, groaning, looking at the fridge again. "Where did you come from anyway?" Sandwich, check. Yoghurt, check--ew, might be better to throw that one away. Banana, check, looking a little soft though. Must get a new one soon. Apples ... wait, where were her apples? She had just taken two from the Wilder dining hall yesterday at dinner. Or three. She'd eaten one, sure, but there should at least be one more, if not two! And she had been saving that one, too ... it had been nice and red and shiny. Damn that chibi, she liked her apples!
"Wouldn't you like to know," the chibi devil said from somewhere else in the room. Nikki straightened hurriedly, trying to figure out where the little--er, devil--had gone. She didn't have far to look; he was ogling the screen, and emitting puffs of steam. "Damn, babe, you are HOT. I love chicks who dig porn."
"Well, I don't think you're hot. You freeloaded on my booze!" Nikki said, shaking her finger at the devil's back. He merely stuck a finger back at her nonchalantly, wiggling it in a way that made the dwarf appendage look vaguely dirty. "I didn't know apples drank booze."
"Smart girl," the apple-turned-devil said, tearing his attention away from her for a moment to wink. "Oooh." He pressed a key, and the next image loaded. "Oooh. Oh, baby, Get a load of that quality shit." Both the devil's hands were pulled back, and he settled his rear on her desk, which seemed to darken a little. "Oooh. Oooh, mama. Oooh. Oh yeah, that's good."
From the sounds and the movements, Nikki could tell exactly what the chibi devil was doing. How dare he jerk off on her computer? She rolled her eyes. "HEY! Okay, that's it. Back in the fridge, Santa Claus."
"Oooh," the devil moaned, and shuddered, glowing brighter. It reminded Nikki of that carol she had been singing with the jazz girls earlier ("-had a red and shiny nose-"), and she stifled a giggle even as she could feel the irritation growing. The glow lasted a few moments before returning to that dull angry red.
"Hoo yeah, baby." The devil flopped backwards with a temporarily sated look on his face. "Sweetcheeks, you know where to get good porn. Boy, have I got a special place for you." Nikki eyed him again, but the devil didn't seem to be moving. She had to get rid of him. He was going to burn her desk or something, and then Res Life would be on her butt so fast. But how? Then she paused. He had come from the fridge, after all. Maybe she could get him back in.
Hmm. Porn would work, but she'd have to print it first, and the damned creature was already at the computer, so it wouldn't quite work since he'd see it. Apples would work on it, since it was an apple ... right? But she didn't have any more apples, and the dining hall was locked.
Oh--BAWLS! She had some under the bed stashed away for an emergency. This definitely qualified. Sneaking another peek at the devil--"Mmm," it moaned, rubbing its sticky-looking stomach, but it seemed to be out of things for now--she reached under the bed, grabbed one of the bottles, and stuffed it into the farthest corner of the fridge, just under the freezer. Then she closed the fridge door very very quietly.
One more peek to make sure the devil hadn't seen anything, and then she bent and opened the cube fridge normally, pretending nothing was going on. "Hmm, you missed one," she said, pretending to be surprised.
"Missed what?" the devil said, stretching a little. "You got more porn for me, sweetcheeks?"
"Stop calling me that," Nikki said, and she opened the fridge a little more, enough room for the other to see what was inside. "You don't like BAWLS?"
The chibi devil sat up, eyes bright orangey-red with delight. "BAWLS! Where?"
"You left one in the fridge," Nikki said, nonchalantly. "Get it yourself."
The devil rubbed his hands together and smirked. "So nice to me. I'll make sure I give you multiple orgasms later, babe," he said, and then he was inside the fridge.
Nikki slammed the door, and then held hard. She could hear the squeaky voice, and the "HEY!" and "Why, you b!tch! Let me out!"
"You really need to chill out," Nikki said, and giggled. She turned the cube fridge around, wedging the door against the wall. She then pulled her dresser over so that the fridge was tightly pressed between dresser and wall. That finally done, she turned to assess the damage.
"Oh no, my computer!" Her laptop was covered with some sticky, milky residue that she was so not touching without gloves and heavy-duty bleach. "UGH!"
Just for that, she was so totally going to freeze the little bastard. She pulled out all her reading packets, and piled them on top of the fridge, delighting in dropping them onto it and enjoying the resounding floomp sound it made as the pile settled onto the fridge. 3 classes' worth of reading packets. That should hold him.
Thump, thump, went the fridge, but it did not move. An enraged howl came from inside. "You, why you, I--"
A string of very colorful curses followed, and Nikki perked up her ears a little. "Oooh. Never heard that one before. Useful information," she said, and went out for a wet rag to start cleaning up.
---
Two days later, the curses seemed to have abated, and in fact, the fridge was very very quiet. Nikki left it alone anyway, because who knew what that thing was doing inside? If she opened it now she might be in big trouble!
---
Two weeks later, Nikki and Candice were hanging out on Nikki's bed with homework, when Candice said, "You know, Nikki, I've been meaning to ask a few days now, but ... what did you do to your fridge?"
"Oh," Nikki said. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Just ... oh, well, nothing you haven't heard before, hmm?"
Candice raised an eyebrow at Nikki. "Make sense, please."
Nikki slid off the bed. "Easier to just show you," she said, and pushed the dresser away as Candice continued to sit on the bed. "Brace yourself, okay? I haven't opened it in two weeks, I have no idea whether he's still inside."
"Whether who's still inside?" Nikki could hear Candice ask, but now the dresser was pushed aside, and Nikki turned it around.
"Candice, meet a devil," Nikki said, opening the fridge door.
"Oh, Nikki!"
From the widening of Candice's eyes, Nikki knew something was still inside, but she wasn't exactly in the right position to see inside. "What? What is it?" she asked, scrambling to move around the fridge to look.
In the middle of the fridge was a perfectly square block of ice. Encased inside, curled up perfectly still, knees pulled up to his chin, a look of annoyance on his face, was the chibi devil. Both girls stared for a moment.
"It's so cute," Candice said dreamily.
Nikki blinked, and then an idea dawned on her. "Candice," she began, slowly. "Didn't you learn how to preserve sculptures in class?"
Both girls exchanged glances, and then Candice grinned. "Art building doesn't close until midnight. We have 90 minutes. You get some baggies, I'll get a box."
And that was how Nikki got the coolest doorstop in the entire Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
Apples by Aiwritingfic is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.