I feel like shit i feel like screaming and running and breaking anything I can find. My boyfriend is locked in a rrom with one of my best friends and im out here doing nothing just sitting here about to fuckin cry. I don't know whats wrong with me. I can't go in there and bartge in and act like an asshole jelous girlfriend. Which is exactly what i ( Read more... )

I love you sean, thats my update.

Wow, I'm really tired lately, I don't think it's just from staying up all night saturday though. I feel so drained, emotionally more than anything. Chris and I fell asleep at like 11:00 last night and woke up at around 7:00. I'm still really tired though. I think I've been going off pure adrenaline so long that I've used up all my reserves. Sitting ( Read more... )

I'm writing this from ISS. Hmm I really need to update more often. I'm not quite sure what the fuck is wrong with me. Ok so the last time I updated was October 26th, it's November 9th now. So lets address my guy problem. I chose Chris, we've been going out for like 3 weeks about a week exclusivly. I decided Ryan and I are better friends than ( Read more... )

I need to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. No I don’t, I already know. I’ve been depressed all damn weekend, it’s not even funny. I know that this whole thing with Ryan is what’s making me feel this way. I have found though, that if I replace depression with stress and concentrate on my schoolwork and think “Fuck Ryan” then I feel better ( Read more... )

I am way too good at screwing up my life. It's a freggin' gift I swear. Ok so it's ten o'clock on Friday and I have already managed to do something, ummm, well how would I describe it? Lets just start from he beginning. Ok so after church on Wednesday (what an odd way for this story to start)I went home with Chris Ervin, Tyler Odie, Kent and Steve- ( Read more... )

this is a chain of email I've just exchanged with Ryan ( Read more... )

I feel like my brain is a cesspool of mixed emotions and unhappiness. I like Ryan a lot, more than I want to like anyone, I've gone and put myself in a bad situation once again. I end up getting hurt without ever being in a relationship. I keep my emotions inside and just let them sit there and pile up one on top of the other until I just crumble. ( Read more... )

As usual I'm at Kashas (she has just expressed her love by planting a kiss on my forehead...)I;ve been asked out 3 times since I last updated, but not by the guy I like. Kirk asked me out, I said no, and then later that day he broke a rib.. boy do I feel bad. Cookie (james cook) asked me out, or rather he had Bree ask me out, twice. Both times I ( Read more... )

Well, I'm sitting here at Kasha's computer (no new thing) With Sean on my lap, or he was, but now he left to be the spasticly loveable 2 year old that he is.Lauran is the only one who comments because all other bitches are lazy uncareing bitches. Bitches. Oh well, not much happened today, as if anything ever does in Kansas, the most dramatic thing ( Read more... )