Comments | aquaenumen: and it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel

aquaenumen

and it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel

Jan 25, 2010 16:27

There's something I ought to be doing at work besides looking at pictures of kittens, but my mental deployment towards subjects like philosophy, appropriation, gender representation, projection and the like are equally inappropriate. The future is barreling towards me like a freight train, and if I don't throw myself forward onto it I'll end up ( Read more... )

youtube, life, all work and no play

Comments 5

zenzaan January 25 2010, 08:45:28 UTC

Last night on Skype, after the requisite "So how are you gonna pay for this," my Dad tossed in a "So what are you gonna DO with a Master's?" Despite having written several two-page statements about that to various institutions, I couldn't answer him back a single word. I still don't know if there's a "good" answer to why I'm going forward with it.

Whenever you have to think about why you pursue something you're interested in, doesn't it seem kinda like you're trying to answer the question "But to what PURPOSE do you intend to keep breathing?" At once ridiculously simple, but all of a sudden infinitely terrifying. I have been feeling like that a lot lately.

Also, I found this. I personally think it's reciting the One Ring inscription in the black tongue of Mordor.

pizza_sensei January 26 2010, 17:19:58 UTC

That was awesome. I would hire you as my SURFice dog.

Even if I get my JD after three years of this "law school" thing I'll doubt I'll be any good to anyone. It's weird doing something I've wanted to do since I was young and not really realizing what I actually want to do once I am "qualified" to be a lawyer. I don't have the same clear picture of the future that I had in my head all through high school and college. At 15 law school seemed like a far enough away goal that I didn't need to make any plans for after it...OOPS. I mean, the idea of being an overworked lawyer that is married to my job is appealing to me until I realize that I'll have no time to watch the amount of TV I want to watch or read the fic I want to get through. UNPRODUCTIVE THOUGHTS.

So what I'm saying is: we can sit at the train station without a destination together.

aquaenumen February 3 2010, 07:35:09 UTC

I mean, the idea of being an overworked lawyer that is married to my job is appealing to me until I realize that I'll have no time to watch the amount of TV I want to watch or read the fic I want to get through

I am considering a graduate degree based on whether or not I'd be able read or write fic at work.... I believe that's pretty telling.

Can we meet Dumbledore at the train station. He could probably tell us what to do. Or at least say something mysterious and give us candy.

ovrthinxit February 3 2010, 06:30:09 UTC

I am very slowly starting to creep out from under that feeling, and I really attribute a lot of it to the program I'm in and the office I work at.

Like how I'm fighting with myself less about the concept that well-written marginalized-group-friendly fiction is as powerful and impactful as well-reasoned argument or legislation...because I'm finding people who have no reason to make me feel better about it who seem to feel that way. They have no loyalty to me, they're not invested in fandom, but their arguments apply to it. So it's kind of a litmus test, that I feel like I'm passing, and I don't need to guilt myself about it anymore.

Plus, they make me reflect from time to time, but set up conversations that help me do it, but still give me space if I need space, and all that jazz. Seriously, I'm convinced that we as a species would benefit if there was a "take 24 hours and think about where your life is going, and then find someone smarter than you to talk about it with" button that went off in our instincts about every six months ( ... )

:S aquaenumen February 3 2010, 07:40:42 UTC

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