Bed of Roses, Chapter Nine
Title Bed of Roses
Author: Aquariuslover
Pairings: SungGyu/WooHyun
Rating: R
Genre: Friendship, Love, Humor, Angst
Length: Chaptered
Beta: tahoeturquoise
Summary: WooHyun’s perfect life…his bed of roses is tossed into disarray when SungGyu makes a bold move changing their friendship forever.
A/N: Thanks to everybody who comments! Thanks bunches! I wish I could give you an infinite amount of hugs...haha. Okay, I will stop. lol
Previous Chapters
The interview was going perfectly; the woman interviewing Infinite was delighted with their positive attitudes and lively personalities. It had been ten days since the group had returned from Taiwan, and they gave no outwardly sign that anything was wrong.
Their manager Geonam watched them proudly as they collected another admirer in the form of the interviewer. They had only gotten a total of four hours of sleep in the last two days, but they appeared well rested. SungGyu answered all the difficult questions with ease, Hoya danced on request, and WooHyun was as greasy as ever throwing hearts every chance he got to the audience members. The other members laughed along at the appropriate moments and contributed to the interview when needed, warming the hearts of all.
Geonam had been very concerned when the boys had arrived back to South Korea. WooHyun had been a wreck and for two days they had to reschedule his activities or just leave him at home with the excuse he was sick. When the CEO had explained what had occurred between the two main vocals, Geonam had not been surprised. He had spent enough time with the boys through the years to suspect what was going on between them. He had been very surprised to learn that WooHyun had rejected the leader.
WooHyun had always given the impression that he was more than receptive to the leader’s advances and his emotional breakdown after their falling out only seemed to confirm this. Geonam did not judge WooHyun, for he could only imagine what thoughts and fears ran through the young man’s mind. To take up a lifestyle that could end up having you ostracized by your own country was not something to take on lightly, and Geonam doubted that he himself would willingly make such a choice if he had been in WooHyun’s shoes.
It did not escape the sharp manager’s notice that the CEO had said the whole fight had originated on the night of the concert. Geonam had not forgotten the look on WooHyun’s face when he had found him that night; the look of horror on the boy’s face as he had listened in on the stage manager ripping into the gay dancers he had fired. Geonam knew it was not just a mere coincidence.
Geonam’s eyes really focused on WooHyun and he could see the traces of the dark, tired eyes that the make-up artists had been unable to completely hide. WooHyun had been thin to begin with but now he looked unhealthy. WooHyun claimed that he had stomach pains and had avoided eating. A trip to the doctor had confirmed a diagnosis of gastritis, but Geonam suspected it was really the stress getting to him.
The interview ended and the boys bowed to the interviewer and all her staff and then exited the building with Geonam. They waved to the fans waiting outside. The fans screamed and the boys smiled more brightly. SungGyu got in the front seat of the van and the other boys followed their leader into the van, and all appeared right in the world of Infinite.
*********
“We are manager free tonight! No early morning activities. We get to sleep till eight,” a much relieved SungYeol said upon entering his bedroom. A very tired L and WooHyun followed behind SungYeol. It was almost midnight and they had been running on empty for days. A full night’s sleep was more than welcome, and the added bonus of no six am wake up call was just icing on the cake.
WooHyun climbed into the bottom bunk that had once belonged to DongWoo. He pulled the covers up over him, not bothering to clean his face. His nightly routine of facial care had vanished along with SungGyu’s friendship. He found that he didn’t care in the slightest about his acne. He knew make-up could hide a multitude of sins if correctly applied.
L frowned as he watched WooHyun hide underneath the covers. He looked at SungYeol, and asked, “So, does this mean we aren’t going to talk?”
“Talk about what, Love?” SungYeol questioned as he jumped up onto his top bunk. SungYeol knew very well what L wanted to talk about. For ten days he had avoided betraying WooHyun and SungGyu’s trust, and the fact that a manager had stuck with them like glue since they had returned from Taiwan had made it relatively easy.
“Hmmm, perhaps we could talk about why SungGyu and WooHyun are acting like strangers?” L said as he jumped up on his bunk above WooHyun, facing SungYeol.
“Let’s not,” WooHyun whined from under the covers.
SungYeol plopped down on the mattress and pulled his covers up over him. “You heard the man. SungGyu said it was up to him, and I have to listen to my leader. I wouldn’t want to be on his bad side.”
An annoyed L jumped down from his bunk and went to switch the lights off. “Can I guess at least?”
“No,” WooHyun ordered from underneath the covers.
L ignored him. “If I guessed I would have to say it had to do with…love.”
“L, go to bed,” SungYeol snapped.
“No, if they had something going on-”
“We didn’t!” WooHyun screeched from underneath his covers.
L climbed back up on his bed and continued, “And if you were once together, and if you broke up…you need to find a way to get back together. Because it’s obvious you are both miserable without each other.”
“Remember when I said you were the least nosey member? I totally take that back. Mr. Nosey!” SungYeol hissed. “Leave it alone…although; say if they were together, would that not creep you out?”
“I am an actor, duh,” L smarted back to SungYeol. “It’s not like I haven’t seen it before. I would rather them be gay than be like this.”
“Well, aren’t you just the modern man. I’m totally impressed,” SungYeol said full of admiration.
“Don’t get your hopes up.”
“You big old tease,” SungYeol threw back at L. “You know you want me.”
“I don’t think now is the time to play gay chicken,” L told SungYeol.
WooHyun had sat up in bed, and was barely listening to them because his mind had latched on to one thing L had said earlier. “You think SungGyu is miserable?”
“He isn’t as happy as he used to be,” L replied quickly. “Maybe not miserable, but definitely not happy as before.”
WooHyun slumped against the wall as sadness filled him again. “He isn’t miserable.”
“We wouldn’t know if he was miserable, he sure isn’t going to show it,” SungYeol immediately replied, hearing the sadness in WooHyun’s voice. “SungGyu isn’t like us. He lived a hard life before the group. He’s just reverted back to that old form to protect himself. He’s different now. His guard is up.”
“Not with you all! He’s just the same with you…he just hates me,” WooHyun declared, wiping his face free of the tears that seemed to be in endless supply of late.
“So you were a couple?” L asked from the top bunk, unable to curb his curiosity.
“L, would you just stop? Does he sound like he needs to be talking about this? He’s crying again, if he starts hyperventilating it’s your fault.”
“I’m sorry,” L responded quickly. “WooHyun Hyung, don’t listen to me. Just don’t think about it. You are strong.”
“He said I was the stronger one, but he’s wrong. He’s stronger. I could never cast him aside and just stop caring. We aren’t even friends anymore,” WooHyun cried, hating that he was so emotional. “I used to never cry…well, unless we won something! Now I cry all the time. And he…he acts like everything is fine. It is fine for him. He hates me.”
SungYeol jumped down from his bunk and flipped the lights back on. He then went to sit on WooHyun’s bunk. “Hey, thinking like this isn’t any good. You need to start acting like a man. You say you aren’t gay, so quit crying like some drama queen.”
L jumped down from his bunk. “Don’t say that! They were really close.”
“They were, but WooHyun got himself into this mess, so he needs to man up and deal with it. Crying isn’t going to make it any better,” SungYeol said firmly, hoping to coax WooHyun’s stronger nature into emerging.
L sat down on the bed beside SungYeol and looked at WooHyun with pity. “I don’t even know what is going on.”
WooHyun, who had stopped crying to glare at SungYeol, turned to face L and told him, “You don’t need to know. SungYeol has already blabbered enough.”
“Hey, I just said you weren’t gay,” SungYeol said defensively. “Isn’t that what you are always telling everybody?”
WooHyun climbed out of his bed, purposely knocking into the both of them. “Whatever! I am sleeping on the couch tonight. I have had enough of you two.”
SungYeol stood back up and told the retreating man, “Well, sleeping would be an improvement. Think of your looks.”
WooHyun just grunted and left the room.
**************
WooHyun flipped on a lamp in the living room and sat down on the couch, cross-legged. He knew sleep wasn’t a possibility. The only sleep he got lately was the sleep he fell into accidently and it was never for long. His mind refused to let him rest; it refused to give him a minute’s peace, and so he suffered…alone. No matter how much the other members tried to comfort him, it was impossible. He only craved the one he could not have, the one he had pushed away.
He knew he should have chased after SungGyu immediately that most horrible morning. He should have begged for forgiveness, pleaded insanity…anything…anything just to get him to look at him…to really look at him, and to know how sorry he was. WooHyun knew it was too late now. The time for apologies had passed; he had missed his moment.
The few times that he had found the courage to approach SungGyu, the leader’s cold, small eyes had cut into him, causing WooHyun to retreat quickly. He couldn’t stand that look being aimed at him. WooHyun could not help asking himself if it had all been for nothing. SungYeol was not bothered by the potential gayness in the slightest, and it seemed that L wouldn’t have had a problem with it either. DongWoo had confided in him that SungGyu had told him everything, and DongWoo only wanted them to be happy again.
WooHyun brought his hands up and slammed them against his thighs as his wicked mind whispered that he could be with SungGyu right now. He could be sound asleep next to the one he loved, had he only been brave enough to take the risk. He need never have known any of this horrible pain. To know what it felt like to not be SungGyu’s world. If his own homophobia and concern for the group had not made him a weak coward, he would never have known any of this pain; instead he would have only known endless patience and warm laughter. He had pushed SungGyu to this point…to SungGyu’s breaking point.
WooHyun brought his hands up again, clenched them into fists, and slammed them down against his thighs as hard as he could. He knew there would be bruises, but he didn’t care. He knew why people cut themselves now. He knew what it was like to hate yourself so much…how it felt to be so sick of the emotional pain that physical pain was a relief.
“What the hell are you doing?”
WooHyun’s eyes flew open and found the leader standing in front of him with observant eyes, studying him intently. WooHyun looked around to see if anybody else was in the room. SungGyu did not talk to him these days, unless he had to for appearances sakes. WooHyun found the room empty except for the two of them. “Nothing,” WooHyun answered, quickly folding his arms and drawing them up to his chest.
“It looked like you were hitting yourself to me. Let me guess, mosquitoes?” SungGyu asked with palpable sarcasm.
WooHyun nodded his head.
“You’re lying.”
WooHyun nodded again, because it was the truth. He was a liar…a horrible liar.
“If I catch you hitting, or hurting yourself in any way, I will go directly to the CEO. I will tell him all about it. Do you hear me? Whatever self-destructive thoughts are playing in your head, they had better stop, now.”
WooHyun looked up, shocked at SungGyu’s words. Could he read his mind? Or had he spoken aloud. “I wouldn’t.”
“You promise?”
“I promise,” WooHyun answered unable to keep from sounding hopeful. Did this mean SungGyu still cared for him?
“Good, if you hurt yourself it wouldn’t be good for Infinite, would it?”
“No,” WooHyun said as his hope left him, of course the leader was only thinking of the group.
“I’m starving,” SungGyu announced suddenly and headed for the kitchen. “I think it would be safe to break the curfew just this once. We are the best at keeping to our diets, eating after midnight once won’t make us fat.”
WooHyun just watched SungGyu enter the kitchen, and wondered if he should follow him. Was it an invitation? No, it wasn’t. SungGyu hated him, WooHyun reminded himself. WooHyun had never apologized to him for all the awful things he had said. SungGyu had said they were not friends.
SungGyu was just concerned for the group’s image, WooHyun reminded himself. His beloved hyung was done with him…he had made it crystal clear. He forced WooHyun out of their room, and ignored him. Their friendship was over. And it was all WooHyun’s fault. If he had just given SungGyu some space, and been more understanding of his need for it…none of this need happen. He had destroyed everything. All of it was his fault.
“Hey, are you hungry?” SungGyu asked as he sat down beside WooHyun on the sofa with a bowl of ramen, startling the younger man.
“No,” WooHyun answered, shocked beyond words that SungGyu had sat down next to him. It felt like he had just left, but he was already back…with cooked ramen. How was that possible, WooHyun wondered?
“What are you thinking?”
“Huh?”
“You look confused.”
“You just left. I didn’t think you had time to make the ramen,” WooHyun answered as he stared at his hands, resting in his lap.
SungGyu frowned, and told the younger boy, “I actually burnt the first batch, so I have been in there for awhile.”
“How do you burn ramen?” WooHyun asked, glancing up at SungGyu and then back down to his hands quickly.
“Hey, don’t judge. I used to have a friend that spoiled me. I haven’t had to cook in years.”
WooHyun looked up again at SungGyu and replied, “I’m not judging…I wasn’t…sorry.’
SungGyu thrust the ramen in WooHyun’s lap. “Eat it.”
“I can’t-”
“Yes, you can. We will share,” SungGyu ordered, interrupting him. He then took the chopsticks and took a big bite.
“Share?”
“Yes, your turn,” SungGyu said, handing the chopsticks to WooHyun. “They don’t taste too bad.”
“They are dry, but not burnt,” WooHyun told SungGyu as he started eating. He couldn’t remember the last time SungGyu cooked. He was acutely aware that SungGyu had not sat this close to him in ten miserable days.
“Like I said, I was spoiled rotten,” SungGyu told him as he watched WooHyun eat, unable to hide his concern. “Cooking is not one of my talents. I am better at bumming off of others.”
WooHyun laughed and kept eating. He had missed being close to SungGyu; there was something about being close to him. Something he liked, no he told himself…something he loved. He loved being close to him.
“Sleeping is my true talent. I can sleep anywhere. I think I have given interviews in my sleep before. It helps that my eyes are so small, they can’t tell if I am awake or sleeping,” SungGyu said as he watched WooHyun eat.
WooHyun chucked and ate the last bite of noodles, and grabbed the bottle of water that SungGyu handed him and guzzled it down.
“Yep, sleeping is my true talent…I wish I could loan you this talent. You look exhausted,” SungGyu told WooHyun as the younger man finished drinking the water.
WooHyun looked down at the empty bowl in his lap and realized he had eaten all the ramen. “I didn’t share.”
“I wasn’t hungry.”
“You weren’t?” WooHyun asked, at a loss as he looked at SungGyu.
“I couldn’t sleep. I felt like something was wrong, and I found you in here hitting yourself. It kinda freaked me out. I haven’t been paying you any attention; I’ve been avoiding you purposely, but even I can tell you need to eat. Your starving brain was probably making you hit yourself in retaliation for starving it.”
“I wasn’t hitting…hard…not too hard. I just got mad at myself, and…I’ve been sick. I can’t eat if I’m sick.”
“When you get stressed, you can’t eat. Then you say you are sick, when really you are just stressed.”
“I was sick!”
“You just ate.”
“Because you tricked me…you were being the good leader,” WooHyun said with sudden bitterness, realizing he had been tricked by SungGyu. SungGyu was just making sure one of his members didn’t starve.
“Yes, I was.”
WooHyun jumped up from the couch. “You don’t need to be. Not with me. I am just fine. Aren’t I acting perfectly fine for the fans? They can’t even tell anything is wrong.”
SungGyu grabbed WooHyun’s arm and pulled him back down beside him on the couch. “You are doing great, but even you have your limits. You need to sleep.”
“I’m not tired.”
“Liar, I have never seen you this tired.”
“Don’t act like you care.”
“WooHyun, just go to sleep. You need sleep. Sleep is good. Sleep makes everything better.”
“I can’t sleep. I can’t, not…not knowing that you hate me. How am supposed to sleep knowing you hate me?”
“I don’t hate you. I never said that,” SungGyu denied, wrapping an arm around WooHyun, pulling him closer to him. “I was really mad…too mad. I get that way sometimes. I’ve tried really hard to not ever be that way with you. My anger can be really big sometimes. I’m sorry.”
WooHyun leaned into SungGyu, getting as close as he could. He had missed the touch of SungGyu so much. He wanted to stay like this forever. “I’m the one that is sorry. I said so many terrible things to you. I wanted to say I was sorry, but it was too late. I waited too long, and I ruined everything.”
“Shhhh,” SungGyu soothed as he wrapped both arms around WooHyun and hugged him tightly. “Don’t think about that, just go to sleep.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
“I miss you.”
“I am right here,” SungGyu told him as he tried to lower WooHyun onto the sofa. “You just need to sleep, and then you will be yourself again.”
WooHyun nestled his head into SungGyu’s lap. “No, I won’t…not without you. We aren’t even friends.”
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You should have, I deserved it.”
SungGyu gently rubbed WooHyun’s back. “No, you didn’t. We both just feel things too strongly, and it makes us stupid sometimes. It makes me stupid. I take words too seriously…it’s a fault of mine.”
“They hurt you.”
“They do, but I also know that you didn’t mean them, not really. You were just mad at me for making you move out. DongWoo knew it the moment I told him that morning and I did too, but I needed to be angry at you. I guess I’ve been angry at you all along, and I had just been fighting against it,” SungGyu explained. “So when I finally allowed myself to be angry at you…it just exploded.”
“I hate feeling your anger…it’s horrible. I thought I would die,” WooHyun confessed, trying to keep from crying.
SungGyu winced and lifted his other hand and threaded it through WooHyun’s hair. “Just forget about all that.”
“Are we friends again?” WooHyun asked with a hiccup.
SungGyu looked down at WooHyun, full of worry, and tried his best to sound humorous. “Well, my cooking really sucks. You cook a lot better than me.”
WooHyun’s eyes closed against his will, and smiled. “I really do.”
“You do,” SungGyu agreed. “So I guess we will just have to be friends again.”
“Good.”
“Now go to sleep.”
“Don’t leave me.”
“I won’t.”
“Promise.”
“I promise.”
“I really am sorry.”
“Go to bed.”
“My bed of roses…they are more like a bed of thorns, making us bleed all over each other.”
SungGyu arched his eyebrows, confused by WooHyun’s words. “What are you talking about?”
WooHyun wiped his nose and explained, “SungYeol said I imagined my life to be some bed of roses. I thought I could…I thought…nothing had to change. He warned me of the thorns. I thought if they only stuck me everything would be fine. I didn’t want anything to change. I’m such a fool.”
“You aren’t making any sense, just go to sleep.”
“I’m so…so stupid.”
“Hey, don’t talk about my friend like that. You aren’t stupid…maybe a little misguided, but who isn’t? Just go to sleep, I don’t like seeing you like this. Just sleep, so you can be yourself again,” SungGyu begged him, continuing to envelope him with affection, knowing what WooHyun needed.
“You…you won’t leave me?” a sleepy WooHyun repeated.
“I won’t.”
“I want my room back,” WooHyun mumbled; sleep starting to pull him under as the heavy weight on his heart lifted.
“Just sleep,” SungGyu told him.
**********************
“So, are they back together?” L whispered to SungYeol. They were both plastered against the wall in the hallway, trying to avoid SungGyu’s notice as they eavesdropped on him and WooHyun.
SungYeol reached up and clamped his hand over L’s mouth, knowing that WooHyun, who was a sleep deprived mess, wouldn’t hear them; but their leader was an entirely different story. SungYeol did not want to be caught by him.
“Mhhh..frrr…umm,” L mumbled through SungYeol’s hand causing the other man to take him by the arm and drag him back to their room. The two of them had gone searching for WooHyun; only to find that that SungGyu had already found him, and was finally getting him to eat something.
SungYeol shut the door behind him and told L, “You have to learn to be sneakier.”
“Sorry if it doesn’t come naturally to me,” L told SungYeol as he climbed back up on his bunk. “So are they back together?”
“SungGyu said they were friends again,” SungYeol told him as he flipped off the lights and climbed up into his own bunk bed.
“That isn’t what I asked.”
“I only heard the topic of friendship come up.”
L picked up a pillow, and threw it blindly in the dark room, toward SungYeol. “Dammit! I am not an idiot. Are they together or not?”
“They are not.”
“Were they ever?”
“No, not really.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means….you are going to get me into so much trouble!”
“You know I won’t tell anybody.”
SungYeol sighed and confessed, “SungGyu likes…liked WooHyun. He wanted them to be together, but WooHyun wouldn’t have him. He insists he isn’t gay.”
“Oh, that must be awkward.”
“Yeah, and at the same time WooHyun thinks he needs to be attached to SungGyu’s hip. It was driving the leader insane.”
“So what happened in Taiwan?”
SungYeol just shook his head, curious himself, and answered, “I don’t know. I think DongWoo knows but he isn’t talking. Whatever happened…WooHyun finally made SungGyu snap. SungGyu was being patient with WooHyun’s crazy ass till then, but for ten days…….well, you’ve seen them.”
“So you don’t think that WooHyun is really straight?”
SungYeol snorted loudly, and proclaimed, “WooHyun is so in love with SungGyu he should just get ‘Gay for Gyu’ tattooed on his ass.”
L couldn’t keep from laughing, and agreed, “Yeah, now that I know…it’s really obvious, but why does he deny it?”
“Who knows?”
“You think he really believes they are only friends?”
SungYeol sighed, and explained, “I don’t know. At times I just think he’s afraid, and at other times I think he is in denial. It’s almost as if he has convinced himself he isn’t gay…like he’s delusional.”
L frowned. “Maybe he is just trying to protect the group, because if the wrong person ever found out…”
“It would mean disaster,” SungYeol finished.
Author: Aquariuslover
Pairings: SungGyu/WooHyun
Rating: R
Genre: Friendship, Love, Humor, Angst
Length: Chaptered
Beta: tahoeturquoise
Summary: WooHyun’s perfect life…his bed of roses is tossed into disarray when SungGyu makes a bold move changing their friendship forever.
A/N: Thanks to everybody who comments! Thanks bunches! I wish I could give you an infinite amount of hugs...haha. Okay, I will stop. lol
Previous Chapters
The interview was going perfectly; the woman interviewing Infinite was delighted with their positive attitudes and lively personalities. It had been ten days since the group had returned from Taiwan, and they gave no outwardly sign that anything was wrong.
Their manager Geonam watched them proudly as they collected another admirer in the form of the interviewer. They had only gotten a total of four hours of sleep in the last two days, but they appeared well rested. SungGyu answered all the difficult questions with ease, Hoya danced on request, and WooHyun was as greasy as ever throwing hearts every chance he got to the audience members. The other members laughed along at the appropriate moments and contributed to the interview when needed, warming the hearts of all.
Geonam had been very concerned when the boys had arrived back to South Korea. WooHyun had been a wreck and for two days they had to reschedule his activities or just leave him at home with the excuse he was sick. When the CEO had explained what had occurred between the two main vocals, Geonam had not been surprised. He had spent enough time with the boys through the years to suspect what was going on between them. He had been very surprised to learn that WooHyun had rejected the leader.
WooHyun had always given the impression that he was more than receptive to the leader’s advances and his emotional breakdown after their falling out only seemed to confirm this. Geonam did not judge WooHyun, for he could only imagine what thoughts and fears ran through the young man’s mind. To take up a lifestyle that could end up having you ostracized by your own country was not something to take on lightly, and Geonam doubted that he himself would willingly make such a choice if he had been in WooHyun’s shoes.
It did not escape the sharp manager’s notice that the CEO had said the whole fight had originated on the night of the concert. Geonam had not forgotten the look on WooHyun’s face when he had found him that night; the look of horror on the boy’s face as he had listened in on the stage manager ripping into the gay dancers he had fired. Geonam knew it was not just a mere coincidence.
Geonam’s eyes really focused on WooHyun and he could see the traces of the dark, tired eyes that the make-up artists had been unable to completely hide. WooHyun had been thin to begin with but now he looked unhealthy. WooHyun claimed that he had stomach pains and had avoided eating. A trip to the doctor had confirmed a diagnosis of gastritis, but Geonam suspected it was really the stress getting to him.
The interview ended and the boys bowed to the interviewer and all her staff and then exited the building with Geonam. They waved to the fans waiting outside. The fans screamed and the boys smiled more brightly. SungGyu got in the front seat of the van and the other boys followed their leader into the van, and all appeared right in the world of Infinite.
*********
“We are manager free tonight! No early morning activities. We get to sleep till eight,” a much relieved SungYeol said upon entering his bedroom. A very tired L and WooHyun followed behind SungYeol. It was almost midnight and they had been running on empty for days. A full night’s sleep was more than welcome, and the added bonus of no six am wake up call was just icing on the cake.
WooHyun climbed into the bottom bunk that had once belonged to DongWoo. He pulled the covers up over him, not bothering to clean his face. His nightly routine of facial care had vanished along with SungGyu’s friendship. He found that he didn’t care in the slightest about his acne. He knew make-up could hide a multitude of sins if correctly applied.
L frowned as he watched WooHyun hide underneath the covers. He looked at SungYeol, and asked, “So, does this mean we aren’t going to talk?”
“Talk about what, Love?” SungYeol questioned as he jumped up onto his top bunk. SungYeol knew very well what L wanted to talk about. For ten days he had avoided betraying WooHyun and SungGyu’s trust, and the fact that a manager had stuck with them like glue since they had returned from Taiwan had made it relatively easy.
“Hmmm, perhaps we could talk about why SungGyu and WooHyun are acting like strangers?” L said as he jumped up on his bunk above WooHyun, facing SungYeol.
“Let’s not,” WooHyun whined from under the covers.
SungYeol plopped down on the mattress and pulled his covers up over him. “You heard the man. SungGyu said it was up to him, and I have to listen to my leader. I wouldn’t want to be on his bad side.”
An annoyed L jumped down from his bunk and went to switch the lights off. “Can I guess at least?”
“No,” WooHyun ordered from underneath the covers.
L ignored him. “If I guessed I would have to say it had to do with…love.”
“L, go to bed,” SungYeol snapped.
“No, if they had something going on-”
“We didn’t!” WooHyun screeched from underneath his covers.
L climbed back up on his bed and continued, “And if you were once together, and if you broke up…you need to find a way to get back together. Because it’s obvious you are both miserable without each other.”
“Remember when I said you were the least nosey member? I totally take that back. Mr. Nosey!” SungYeol hissed. “Leave it alone…although; say if they were together, would that not creep you out?”
“I am an actor, duh,” L smarted back to SungYeol. “It’s not like I haven’t seen it before. I would rather them be gay than be like this.”
“Well, aren’t you just the modern man. I’m totally impressed,” SungYeol said full of admiration.
“Don’t get your hopes up.”
“You big old tease,” SungYeol threw back at L. “You know you want me.”
“I don’t think now is the time to play gay chicken,” L told SungYeol.
WooHyun had sat up in bed, and was barely listening to them because his mind had latched on to one thing L had said earlier. “You think SungGyu is miserable?”
“He isn’t as happy as he used to be,” L replied quickly. “Maybe not miserable, but definitely not happy as before.”
WooHyun slumped against the wall as sadness filled him again. “He isn’t miserable.”
“We wouldn’t know if he was miserable, he sure isn’t going to show it,” SungYeol immediately replied, hearing the sadness in WooHyun’s voice. “SungGyu isn’t like us. He lived a hard life before the group. He’s just reverted back to that old form to protect himself. He’s different now. His guard is up.”
“Not with you all! He’s just the same with you…he just hates me,” WooHyun declared, wiping his face free of the tears that seemed to be in endless supply of late.
“So you were a couple?” L asked from the top bunk, unable to curb his curiosity.
“L, would you just stop? Does he sound like he needs to be talking about this? He’s crying again, if he starts hyperventilating it’s your fault.”
“I’m sorry,” L responded quickly. “WooHyun Hyung, don’t listen to me. Just don’t think about it. You are strong.”
“He said I was the stronger one, but he’s wrong. He’s stronger. I could never cast him aside and just stop caring. We aren’t even friends anymore,” WooHyun cried, hating that he was so emotional. “I used to never cry…well, unless we won something! Now I cry all the time. And he…he acts like everything is fine. It is fine for him. He hates me.”
SungYeol jumped down from his bunk and flipped the lights back on. He then went to sit on WooHyun’s bunk. “Hey, thinking like this isn’t any good. You need to start acting like a man. You say you aren’t gay, so quit crying like some drama queen.”
L jumped down from his bunk. “Don’t say that! They were really close.”
“They were, but WooHyun got himself into this mess, so he needs to man up and deal with it. Crying isn’t going to make it any better,” SungYeol said firmly, hoping to coax WooHyun’s stronger nature into emerging.
L sat down on the bed beside SungYeol and looked at WooHyun with pity. “I don’t even know what is going on.”
WooHyun, who had stopped crying to glare at SungYeol, turned to face L and told him, “You don’t need to know. SungYeol has already blabbered enough.”
“Hey, I just said you weren’t gay,” SungYeol said defensively. “Isn’t that what you are always telling everybody?”
WooHyun climbed out of his bed, purposely knocking into the both of them. “Whatever! I am sleeping on the couch tonight. I have had enough of you two.”
SungYeol stood back up and told the retreating man, “Well, sleeping would be an improvement. Think of your looks.”
WooHyun just grunted and left the room.
**************
WooHyun flipped on a lamp in the living room and sat down on the couch, cross-legged. He knew sleep wasn’t a possibility. The only sleep he got lately was the sleep he fell into accidently and it was never for long. His mind refused to let him rest; it refused to give him a minute’s peace, and so he suffered…alone. No matter how much the other members tried to comfort him, it was impossible. He only craved the one he could not have, the one he had pushed away.
He knew he should have chased after SungGyu immediately that most horrible morning. He should have begged for forgiveness, pleaded insanity…anything…anything just to get him to look at him…to really look at him, and to know how sorry he was. WooHyun knew it was too late now. The time for apologies had passed; he had missed his moment.
The few times that he had found the courage to approach SungGyu, the leader’s cold, small eyes had cut into him, causing WooHyun to retreat quickly. He couldn’t stand that look being aimed at him. WooHyun could not help asking himself if it had all been for nothing. SungYeol was not bothered by the potential gayness in the slightest, and it seemed that L wouldn’t have had a problem with it either. DongWoo had confided in him that SungGyu had told him everything, and DongWoo only wanted them to be happy again.
WooHyun brought his hands up and slammed them against his thighs as his wicked mind whispered that he could be with SungGyu right now. He could be sound asleep next to the one he loved, had he only been brave enough to take the risk. He need never have known any of this horrible pain. To know what it felt like to not be SungGyu’s world. If his own homophobia and concern for the group had not made him a weak coward, he would never have known any of this pain; instead he would have only known endless patience and warm laughter. He had pushed SungGyu to this point…to SungGyu’s breaking point.
WooHyun brought his hands up again, clenched them into fists, and slammed them down against his thighs as hard as he could. He knew there would be bruises, but he didn’t care. He knew why people cut themselves now. He knew what it was like to hate yourself so much…how it felt to be so sick of the emotional pain that physical pain was a relief.
“What the hell are you doing?”
WooHyun’s eyes flew open and found the leader standing in front of him with observant eyes, studying him intently. WooHyun looked around to see if anybody else was in the room. SungGyu did not talk to him these days, unless he had to for appearances sakes. WooHyun found the room empty except for the two of them. “Nothing,” WooHyun answered, quickly folding his arms and drawing them up to his chest.
“It looked like you were hitting yourself to me. Let me guess, mosquitoes?” SungGyu asked with palpable sarcasm.
WooHyun nodded his head.
“You’re lying.”
WooHyun nodded again, because it was the truth. He was a liar…a horrible liar.
“If I catch you hitting, or hurting yourself in any way, I will go directly to the CEO. I will tell him all about it. Do you hear me? Whatever self-destructive thoughts are playing in your head, they had better stop, now.”
WooHyun looked up, shocked at SungGyu’s words. Could he read his mind? Or had he spoken aloud. “I wouldn’t.”
“You promise?”
“I promise,” WooHyun answered unable to keep from sounding hopeful. Did this mean SungGyu still cared for him?
“Good, if you hurt yourself it wouldn’t be good for Infinite, would it?”
“No,” WooHyun said as his hope left him, of course the leader was only thinking of the group.
“I’m starving,” SungGyu announced suddenly and headed for the kitchen. “I think it would be safe to break the curfew just this once. We are the best at keeping to our diets, eating after midnight once won’t make us fat.”
WooHyun just watched SungGyu enter the kitchen, and wondered if he should follow him. Was it an invitation? No, it wasn’t. SungGyu hated him, WooHyun reminded himself. WooHyun had never apologized to him for all the awful things he had said. SungGyu had said they were not friends.
SungGyu was just concerned for the group’s image, WooHyun reminded himself. His beloved hyung was done with him…he had made it crystal clear. He forced WooHyun out of their room, and ignored him. Their friendship was over. And it was all WooHyun’s fault. If he had just given SungGyu some space, and been more understanding of his need for it…none of this need happen. He had destroyed everything. All of it was his fault.
“Hey, are you hungry?” SungGyu asked as he sat down beside WooHyun on the sofa with a bowl of ramen, startling the younger man.
“No,” WooHyun answered, shocked beyond words that SungGyu had sat down next to him. It felt like he had just left, but he was already back…with cooked ramen. How was that possible, WooHyun wondered?
“What are you thinking?”
“Huh?”
“You look confused.”
“You just left. I didn’t think you had time to make the ramen,” WooHyun answered as he stared at his hands, resting in his lap.
SungGyu frowned, and told the younger boy, “I actually burnt the first batch, so I have been in there for awhile.”
“How do you burn ramen?” WooHyun asked, glancing up at SungGyu and then back down to his hands quickly.
“Hey, don’t judge. I used to have a friend that spoiled me. I haven’t had to cook in years.”
WooHyun looked up again at SungGyu and replied, “I’m not judging…I wasn’t…sorry.’
SungGyu thrust the ramen in WooHyun’s lap. “Eat it.”
“I can’t-”
“Yes, you can. We will share,” SungGyu ordered, interrupting him. He then took the chopsticks and took a big bite.
“Share?”
“Yes, your turn,” SungGyu said, handing the chopsticks to WooHyun. “They don’t taste too bad.”
“They are dry, but not burnt,” WooHyun told SungGyu as he started eating. He couldn’t remember the last time SungGyu cooked. He was acutely aware that SungGyu had not sat this close to him in ten miserable days.
“Like I said, I was spoiled rotten,” SungGyu told him as he watched WooHyun eat, unable to hide his concern. “Cooking is not one of my talents. I am better at bumming off of others.”
WooHyun laughed and kept eating. He had missed being close to SungGyu; there was something about being close to him. Something he liked, no he told himself…something he loved. He loved being close to him.
“Sleeping is my true talent. I can sleep anywhere. I think I have given interviews in my sleep before. It helps that my eyes are so small, they can’t tell if I am awake or sleeping,” SungGyu said as he watched WooHyun eat.
WooHyun chucked and ate the last bite of noodles, and grabbed the bottle of water that SungGyu handed him and guzzled it down.
“Yep, sleeping is my true talent…I wish I could loan you this talent. You look exhausted,” SungGyu told WooHyun as the younger man finished drinking the water.
WooHyun looked down at the empty bowl in his lap and realized he had eaten all the ramen. “I didn’t share.”
“I wasn’t hungry.”
“You weren’t?” WooHyun asked, at a loss as he looked at SungGyu.
“I couldn’t sleep. I felt like something was wrong, and I found you in here hitting yourself. It kinda freaked me out. I haven’t been paying you any attention; I’ve been avoiding you purposely, but even I can tell you need to eat. Your starving brain was probably making you hit yourself in retaliation for starving it.”
“I wasn’t hitting…hard…not too hard. I just got mad at myself, and…I’ve been sick. I can’t eat if I’m sick.”
“When you get stressed, you can’t eat. Then you say you are sick, when really you are just stressed.”
“I was sick!”
“You just ate.”
“Because you tricked me…you were being the good leader,” WooHyun said with sudden bitterness, realizing he had been tricked by SungGyu. SungGyu was just making sure one of his members didn’t starve.
“Yes, I was.”
WooHyun jumped up from the couch. “You don’t need to be. Not with me. I am just fine. Aren’t I acting perfectly fine for the fans? They can’t even tell anything is wrong.”
SungGyu grabbed WooHyun’s arm and pulled him back down beside him on the couch. “You are doing great, but even you have your limits. You need to sleep.”
“I’m not tired.”
“Liar, I have never seen you this tired.”
“Don’t act like you care.”
“WooHyun, just go to sleep. You need sleep. Sleep is good. Sleep makes everything better.”
“I can’t sleep. I can’t, not…not knowing that you hate me. How am supposed to sleep knowing you hate me?”
“I don’t hate you. I never said that,” SungGyu denied, wrapping an arm around WooHyun, pulling him closer to him. “I was really mad…too mad. I get that way sometimes. I’ve tried really hard to not ever be that way with you. My anger can be really big sometimes. I’m sorry.”
WooHyun leaned into SungGyu, getting as close as he could. He had missed the touch of SungGyu so much. He wanted to stay like this forever. “I’m the one that is sorry. I said so many terrible things to you. I wanted to say I was sorry, but it was too late. I waited too long, and I ruined everything.”
“Shhhh,” SungGyu soothed as he wrapped both arms around WooHyun and hugged him tightly. “Don’t think about that, just go to sleep.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
“I miss you.”
“I am right here,” SungGyu told him as he tried to lower WooHyun onto the sofa. “You just need to sleep, and then you will be yourself again.”
WooHyun nestled his head into SungGyu’s lap. “No, I won’t…not without you. We aren’t even friends.”
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You should have, I deserved it.”
SungGyu gently rubbed WooHyun’s back. “No, you didn’t. We both just feel things too strongly, and it makes us stupid sometimes. It makes me stupid. I take words too seriously…it’s a fault of mine.”
“They hurt you.”
“They do, but I also know that you didn’t mean them, not really. You were just mad at me for making you move out. DongWoo knew it the moment I told him that morning and I did too, but I needed to be angry at you. I guess I’ve been angry at you all along, and I had just been fighting against it,” SungGyu explained. “So when I finally allowed myself to be angry at you…it just exploded.”
“I hate feeling your anger…it’s horrible. I thought I would die,” WooHyun confessed, trying to keep from crying.
SungGyu winced and lifted his other hand and threaded it through WooHyun’s hair. “Just forget about all that.”
“Are we friends again?” WooHyun asked with a hiccup.
SungGyu looked down at WooHyun, full of worry, and tried his best to sound humorous. “Well, my cooking really sucks. You cook a lot better than me.”
WooHyun’s eyes closed against his will, and smiled. “I really do.”
“You do,” SungGyu agreed. “So I guess we will just have to be friends again.”
“Good.”
“Now go to sleep.”
“Don’t leave me.”
“I won’t.”
“Promise.”
“I promise.”
“I really am sorry.”
“Go to bed.”
“My bed of roses…they are more like a bed of thorns, making us bleed all over each other.”
SungGyu arched his eyebrows, confused by WooHyun’s words. “What are you talking about?”
WooHyun wiped his nose and explained, “SungYeol said I imagined my life to be some bed of roses. I thought I could…I thought…nothing had to change. He warned me of the thorns. I thought if they only stuck me everything would be fine. I didn’t want anything to change. I’m such a fool.”
“You aren’t making any sense, just go to sleep.”
“I’m so…so stupid.”
“Hey, don’t talk about my friend like that. You aren’t stupid…maybe a little misguided, but who isn’t? Just go to sleep, I don’t like seeing you like this. Just sleep, so you can be yourself again,” SungGyu begged him, continuing to envelope him with affection, knowing what WooHyun needed.
“You…you won’t leave me?” a sleepy WooHyun repeated.
“I won’t.”
“I want my room back,” WooHyun mumbled; sleep starting to pull him under as the heavy weight on his heart lifted.
“Just sleep,” SungGyu told him.
**********************
“So, are they back together?” L whispered to SungYeol. They were both plastered against the wall in the hallway, trying to avoid SungGyu’s notice as they eavesdropped on him and WooHyun.
SungYeol reached up and clamped his hand over L’s mouth, knowing that WooHyun, who was a sleep deprived mess, wouldn’t hear them; but their leader was an entirely different story. SungYeol did not want to be caught by him.
“Mhhh..frrr…umm,” L mumbled through SungYeol’s hand causing the other man to take him by the arm and drag him back to their room. The two of them had gone searching for WooHyun; only to find that that SungGyu had already found him, and was finally getting him to eat something.
SungYeol shut the door behind him and told L, “You have to learn to be sneakier.”
“Sorry if it doesn’t come naturally to me,” L told SungYeol as he climbed back up on his bunk. “So are they back together?”
“SungGyu said they were friends again,” SungYeol told him as he flipped off the lights and climbed up into his own bunk bed.
“That isn’t what I asked.”
“I only heard the topic of friendship come up.”
L picked up a pillow, and threw it blindly in the dark room, toward SungYeol. “Dammit! I am not an idiot. Are they together or not?”
“They are not.”
“Were they ever?”
“No, not really.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means….you are going to get me into so much trouble!”
“You know I won’t tell anybody.”
SungYeol sighed and confessed, “SungGyu likes…liked WooHyun. He wanted them to be together, but WooHyun wouldn’t have him. He insists he isn’t gay.”
“Oh, that must be awkward.”
“Yeah, and at the same time WooHyun thinks he needs to be attached to SungGyu’s hip. It was driving the leader insane.”
“So what happened in Taiwan?”
SungYeol just shook his head, curious himself, and answered, “I don’t know. I think DongWoo knows but he isn’t talking. Whatever happened…WooHyun finally made SungGyu snap. SungGyu was being patient with WooHyun’s crazy ass till then, but for ten days…….well, you’ve seen them.”
“So you don’t think that WooHyun is really straight?”
SungYeol snorted loudly, and proclaimed, “WooHyun is so in love with SungGyu he should just get ‘Gay for Gyu’ tattooed on his ass.”
L couldn’t keep from laughing, and agreed, “Yeah, now that I know…it’s really obvious, but why does he deny it?”
“Who knows?”
“You think he really believes they are only friends?”
SungYeol sighed, and explained, “I don’t know. At times I just think he’s afraid, and at other times I think he is in denial. It’s almost as if he has convinced himself he isn’t gay…like he’s delusional.”
L frowned. “Maybe he is just trying to protect the group, because if the wrong person ever found out…”
“It would mean disaster,” SungYeol finished.