I dreamt about Megan last night.  We were driving around because we were going to the same place in the evening and for some reason had decided to spend the day together (hey, it's a dream).  We argued a lot but were always trying not to.  We laughed a lot but it was always while we were staring at each other.  She talked about Nick.  We went to ( Read more... )

Ok so I had my time to mope and I'm ready to stop being such a bitch. I'm really embarrassed by these feelings of loss and jealousy, so I'm going to confront them head on with my art. Like Talib Kweli says, "Stop acting like a bitch already and be a visionary..." so that's what I'm going to do. I dont know, it almost feels like im rejoicing in ( Read more... )

I feel empty and debased but I suppose that's par for the course. She's completely given up now, so devoured by her own sense of guilt and frustration that there's really no blaming her for wanting out. I just hope the ride has a gentle stop at the bottom ( Read more... )

It's important to her to see the shuttle landing. I guess part of that importance is being in a chatroom full of "friends" to experience it "with" them, instead of inviting me to experience it with her. Yeah, what a tremendous excuse.

THings have been slowly starting to turn around, but its going to take a long time to get better seriously. Little things are getting to me and I dont like it but I cant help it. LIke I just saw on her laptop that she has a playlist called"sex ( Read more... )

another thing just to cap off, since SHE's the one who's given up, since she says that she doesnt feel like trying anymore, then she has no excuse to act hurt and depressed. She is the one who has decided to end it, not me. She is the one who is co comfortable not doing anything, so she has no right to treat this as if she is suffering or has ( Read more... )

Well, what can you do with someone who is "sick of trying". They have already failed, already given up, no matter how much you try they cannot give their fair share. I am rowing one oar on a boat. She is doing what is easiest for her and mroe hurtful for me and sitting behind this smokescreen of "having tried before" like life is a series of one ( Read more... )

I come down from the labor tents ( Read more... )

It's disappointing and unfortunate trying to be a husband. I feel like im in someone elses shadow and I can't see my way out of it. My feelings are not even respected it seems, im just a point to be argued against, logic problemt o be figured out. If I feel a certain way, its not considered, it's just an obstacle waiting to be proven fallable. ( Read more... )

Usually I have it all wrong. I guess I'm more eccletic that other people, not like thats an excuse, or anything really validated officially, by authorities that wave flags or drive cars with colored lights on them. Nope it's just how i feel, I think I think "differently". And I guess that kind of makes me wrong sometimes, most of the time maybe ( Read more... )