Special Kingdom

[kanu_x]

Edited: 2012.11.29

Title: Special Kingdom
Feature/Pairing: Arashi, Ohmiya, JunAiba, Yama (onesided)
Rating: PG (incest, language)
Genre: romance, historical fiction (everything is purely fictional!!)
Summary: Mostly thoughts, memories, and some plot in First Person from different characters.
Trouble in the Royal Court. How will the five: Satoshi, Sho, Masaki, Kazunari, and Jun deal?
Part: 5/7
A/N: My first Arashi fic. :0


Characters: (##) = age
only those in red are important
Royal Family: *#=order of birth
Emperor Ohno IV (69)
Wife #1 (60)
*1 --> Daughter1 (42)
Wife #2 (54)
*2 --> Daughter2 (38)
*4 --> Son2/Second Prince (29-30) Ohno SATOSHI
Wife #3 (53)
*3 --> Son1/Heir (32)
*7 --> Daughter4 (27)
*8 --> Daughter5 (20)
Wife #4 (44)
Wife #5 (45)
*5 --> Daughter3 (29)
*6 --> Son3/Third Prince (27) Ninomiya KAZUNARI
Wife #6 (34)
*9 --> Son4/Fourth Prince (05)
Others:
Royal Scholar - Sakurai SHO (29)
Royal Guard - Matsumoto JUN (27)
Commoner - Aiba MASAKI (28)

1-Emperor Ohno IV
2-Ohno Satoshi
3-Aiba Masaki
4-Matsumoto Jun

* * *

Ninomiya Kazunari:
As soon as I could walk, my mother had already drilled my fate into me. I will never be Emperor. I will die an unknown to the world. I will never amount to anything higher than my brothers. I am a nobody. It made me understand that I had no value in the Palace. I had no real position.

By the time I could count money, I began saving. One day, I will walk out of this place with nothing but the clothes on my back. I do not need this transparent title. I will create a fortune and I will live free of all the twisted lies and fates in the Palace.

It could not be helped that I envied my two older brothers just a little. The Heir is pampered. The Second Prince is loved. The rest of the children are just tag-a-longs. Useless mouths to feed.

But then as I grew, those feelings fell to the back of my heart. Why should I worry about such things? If I just lived by leaving everyone alone, all is fine. I am confident in myself and my own abilities. I can go on all alone.

It is when I was eight that I first break down. My mother's secret spills forth and it strangles me. It devastated me, this great truth of hers that destroyed my world. As a young boy, I weep in disappointment and the hurt caused by my mother. I've always set myself apart from the others, yet this is the first time I've ever felt the solitude. I am really alone after all.

With this great secret, I realize I have become an intruder in my own home.

For the two years after, I live in darkness. I cannot smile. The other Royal children call me crazy and stone-faced. I do not answer. Why should I care?

Gradually, he brings me out. For no reason at all. It just happened. There was no specific event. No one exact moment, but a handful of memories. He never actually stepped forward.

Before, Satoshi had always been just another sibling. A part of the rest. However, it is a random day in the lesson room that I sit silently in the back and realize that there is one other more fazed than I. Satoshi, the Second Prince, sits next to his sister like a little boy who does not have anywhere else to go. He is three years older than I, yet his presence is so small, it is like a tiny light among the rest. While the scholar speaks, Satoshi looks elsewhere. His eyes are on the speaker, but one glance at him and one knows he is not all there. In his own world. Ha. How special.

I don't know how it works, but it does. I begin to see the little things about him. To the others, he fell back into the shadows. To me he is a shiny bright light at the corner of my eyes. His presence is not enough to capture my whole vision. No, he is a speck that I cannot rid of and it annoys me.

In the gardens, while the others run around, he sits coolly on a mat and draws. He speaks not one word at those times. Like him, I sit off to the side calculating my fortune or playing with wooden chips. We are called the gargoyles, made of stone. Personally, I don't understand why. I mean, one look and you could tell they are the ugly ones. Satoshi, he is beautiful. I might have appreciated it late, but I did notice it.

He did not talk back when they began their bullying. Somehow, that is how it all started, my defending him. I would see that their mean comments hurt him. Still, he doesn't have anything to say. He'll just make that, ugh, adorable, frustratingly teary-eyed face. It's not like Satoshi's a coward, but he just doesn't say anything! So, it all began with pity. He was too pitiful. Whenever I cannot stand his faces anymore, I'd step in and make the others shut up. Satoshi doesn't acknowledge my help. I don't care.

Yet with time, things begin to change.

He soften towards me, only me of all the Royal Children. If our eyes meet by accident, he would flash me one of his signature dozy smiles. I came to expect them. I became so used to them that if I went one day without seeing him, I would find myself at a loss. How irritating it is! That I begin to miss him.

We gradually fall on friendly terms and his words flow more frequently in my presence. I find myself by Satoshi's side sometimes, just for the heck of it. It became natural for him to stand beside me too.

Not long after, we came to know Sakurai Sho. Satoshi is actually the one who introduced him to me. I never figured out why and how they did meet. That does irritate me somewhat, but it's at the back of my mind. I guess Sho and I do get along fine though, even if I suspect we're rivals in some way. But I respect him, so I trust him.

Around this time, I think I also met Matsumoto Jun. We don't know each other personally, but I'm sure I pay more attention to him than he is actually aware of. Out of all the Guards, why does he catch my eye? He's handsome, but that's not it.

Who cares about the weather or whatever kind of day it was. On that day, those Guards were working as a unit. As they walk, they debate on who is more fit to rule, the Heir or Second Prince. I feel out of place as they come closer to where I am sitting, so I hide. I overhear. Of course, already Satoshi is becoming the favorite. Then Matsumoto is asked for his opinion. He automatically answers, "The Third Prince." Without a doubt, they dismiss it. Matsumoto does not argue for my case, but even then I am forever grateful. All my life, no one has ever included me. I don't belong, but Matsumoto had thought of me. He is worthy of my respect.

Aiba Masaki on the other hand. He's just a plain idiot. Nothing more to be said.

At this point, I had already laid out my life plans. There was no more need to worry. Then the unexpected happened. My whole balance is thrown off.

I am fifteen. I prided myself on knowing Satoshi more than anyone. Turns out I was wrong.

I find him in tears. He thinks he is alone, out there, by the riverbank. He grips his head between his hands and cries the most bitter tears. I am hurt beyond words. Why is he crying? Why don't I know? I know my feelings then. The damn thing.

It does not take long for me to find out the reason why he cried.

I watch from outside Mother Six's window as she wrap her scarf around Satoshi's neck and draws him in. He hesitates. She kisses him. He gives in. Slowly, she leads them to her chamber. The door slides shut behind them.

I clench shut my eyes. Why are you hurting yourself, Satoshi? The cracks in my heart form.
I watch over him. Every day, I see the pain hidden in his eyes, and my heart breaks some more. Dammit, why are you hurting yourself, Satoshi!? Whenever he takes a blow, I feel it too.

All my plans, all I've been working for falls apart. It should be about myself. I only need to care about me. No one else. I am not responsible for anyone else. When I walk from this place, it would be alone.

So I hate myself for running to Satoshi every time I see him frown. All my planning has crashed in.

Over the years, my feelings for him only grow. Irritatingly, I can't stop them.

I must have been eighteen then. Once again, I find Satoshi by the riverbank. A dozen scrolls lay scattered around him. They are open, but he does not look at them. He watches the water run and reach out to touch it with his hand. One look at him and I know he's shedding silent tears. He cries without making a sound, without making a face. His expression is blank and so it is annoying.

That's it. Mother Six has returned that week from her one-year tour with the Emperor.

I quietly approach. Waste of time. Even if I had made some noise, he wouldn't have noticed. Standing behind him, I look down at the scrolls. Mother Six is on all of them. Satoshi's paintings.

I can't take it anymore. "You love her." Contempt rises in my voice.

Satoshi is not startled, but he turns around and sees me. His brows furrow in defiance. "I do not."

"Lie! You do love her!" I crouch down to face him. "You love her!"

"I don't!" he yell and I'm angry that he cries harder. I'm frustrated. I can't breathe.

It is infuriating to feel that tears burn down my face. I get angrier. "You lie." I hate that my heart is breaking! For him. For me. I can't take it anymore. My hands reach out and grip his sleeves. As he cries, I lean forward and kiss his lips.

Satoshi does not push me away. He does not reject me. I know he doesn't love me, but I want him so much. More than that, I want him to need me, but he never will.

It is a pitiful picture, the both of us weeping as we begin to make love.

And then when we are both bare to the skin, he raise himself from on top of me. He shake his head because he cannot go on. "You are my brother, Kazu."

You bastard, Satoshi. I pull him down and press our bodies together. Only today, I won't let you leave me. I wrap my arms around him. He does not need persuasion. Satoshi kisses me hard and I can almost believe that his lips will be engraved on mines forever. His hands touch me and I feel the burns he leaves behind.

Time passes. We have never talked about that one and only time. It is a memory he pushes to the back of his mind, and so I do too. I continue to stand beside him and laugh as if I don't want him as much as before. As hard as I can, I try to chase his shadows away. I can still see that he loves Mother Six. They do not meet anymore, but he still loves her like he always has.

I am sick of myself. I'm not this stupid, so why do I act ridiculous just for him? How much longer will I take this? How much longer will I let myself fall for this man?

As if I can stop it.

Soon, Mother Six's belly grows rounder. Satoshi's eyes cloud over. He knows their relationship is truly over. For one moment, my heart lifts. Yes! Now that evil woman can not hurt him anymore. But I am wrong because Satoshi starts to break.

I stand beside him but he does not even turn to look at me. He has fallen into his own little world. I am pushed away and it slaps me in the face that I cannot help him. You're an annoyance, Satoshi!

One day, he stands at the window and stares out into his own world. He has that blank look on his face. I lose control once more. I wrap my arms around him from behind and hold on tightly. He might have come around. I didn't look.

"Satoshi, whatever you do, I'm here for you." I'm always beside you, but you never realize. You don't appreciate my efforts, but that's okay with me. I'm always here.

I don't know if he hears me. I convince myself that he did.

Some things gradually change. Tentatively, like a child, he sometimes reach for my hand. We would walk silently and he fidgets. I see him steal a glance. I forget. Satoshi's shy. He's adorable, really.

Other than that, nothing much differs. I am happy anyway. Even if he doesn't love me, he has begun to recognize me. At least he knows I'm here. Nothing changes in the next few years.

Then I am twenty-seven and the Blooming Ceremony comes. It turns into a tragedy; the worst event possible. The evil Heir is dead, Aiba Masaki has been replaced by Matsumoto Jun in the dungeon accused of committing treason, and everything goes downhill.

One week has passed since the Heir's quick funeral. After crying his eyes out in front of Sho and Jun, Masaki is sent off to my palace and land, not what is given to me as inheritance, but private property that I've obtained with my fortune. Far away. I personally volunteered the place. Masaki had to get himself together. We practically had to threaten him off. He was more dangerous here where he may do something stupid. And Satoshi? Satoshi is in a meeting with the Emperor and Counselors. I have an idea what they are going to tell him.

I walk beside Sho. He is deep in thought, as he has been since a few days ago. My whole body tremble from anxiety, but I keep a firm grip on myself. Damn you, Kazunari, you keep still! The both of us wait for Satoshi and his news.

An hour later, I am about to explode when Satoshi walks in. It would be more accurate to say that he dragged himself in, his face blank. Both Sho and I who had been sitting immediately leap to our feet. "What happened?"

Satoshi looks in disbelief from one face to the next. I believe he's in too much shock. He just blinks for another second. It is extremely frustrating. Then he mumbles in his usual way, though this time it is much harder to understand. "Heir."

I knew it. Damn it. "Tch!" I twist away.

Sho is one step ahead of me. He proceeds to comfort Satoshi first by moving forward to clap my brother on the shoulder. I become irritated. I open my mouth to remark, but Satoshi breaks in first.

"I want to be alone," he says quietly.

It is my and Sho's turn to feel shock. We can hear the subtle menace in his voice. I lose the smart words I am about to say and my mood is replaced with anxiety. "Satoshi, what's wrong?"

But he immediately marches away and out of the archives, his steps different from those of before. I turn to Sho. "What are we going to do now?"

He is in contemplation once again. "I don't know, but first we get Jun out. There's no more time. He will hang in two days."

I guess he is right. Jun is more important for now. His life hangs on the line. Without doubt, I know he is innocent.

"But how?" I ask. Sho shakes his head at my question. He doesn't know.

The truth is we do. The only option is to commit a crime. We have to help Matsumoto escape.

With nothing else to be said, I made my leave. On my way to the Harem, I wonder where Satoshi had run off to. Maybe to his own living quarters; every concubine and child over fifteen has his own house in the Harem. But no, I dismiss the idea. He will be in the Gardens because they will not allow him to leave the Palace and go by the river. I want to go find him there, but the earlier memory stops me. No. I have other things to think about. Like what I am going to do in the future. I need to be alone.

I start walking again.

Satoshi is Heir. That means that he and I cannot be together forever. One day, he will have to take a bride and raise his own heir. Just this thought chokes me. I admit, I love Satoshi. Would I be able to watch that? But then the alternative is to leave this place forever, as I had planned long ago. To never see Satoshi again, that was more horrifying.
Fortune or not, I will throw my whole life away. I hold down my feelings and decide I will grow old watching Satoshi rule, not by his side but a few steps below him.

Satoshi, just for you I will throw everything away.

I come to my own house. I enter. Someone sits inside my chambers. It is none other than Satoshi. His presence startles me. Instead of leaving for his own place, he had come to mines. Why me of all?

"The sunset today is pretty, Satoshi," I tell him just to make small talk. And then I go to sit in front of him on the bed. "You know... "

But before I figure something to say, he mumbles, "I don't want it."

"What?"

He reaches over to grip my forearms and makes the saddest face. "I don't want to rule, Kazunari."

My own breath stops. Don't make that expression, Satoshi.

"I don't want to be Heir!" His grip tightens and he buries his face into my chest. "I don't want to become Emperor!"

What do you want me to do, Satoshi? I can't help you? My eyes sting.

"It means I'll be locked, won't it? I will never be free."

It breaks my heart. If I can give you my freedom, Satoshi, I will.

My voice cracks. "It's not that bad. It's not," I lie. We both know it's not true. He shakes his head, his face still buried in my clothes.

"You don't understand!"

I pull him up to face me. I see that Satoshi's crying too. Don't. You're only breaking my heart more. I hold his lovely face in my hands. "Satoshi, it's not that bad."

"You don't understand," he repeats. He stares up at me through his sweet tears. "I don't want to be with anyone else! I want to be with Kazunari."

I freeze over. I can't find anything to say.

Satoshi wraps his arms around me. "You're the most important person to me, Kazu. How can I lead a life without you?"

I had always thought that obtaining Satoshi's love would make me the happiest person on earth. I am wrong. It makes me the saddest because I have what I want but it is now the farthest away.

Silent tears pool down my face and I clench my teeth. Our fates are sealed.

"Even if you're my brother, even if I'm dirty," he cries.

No, no. You're not, Satoshi. You're the purest person that I know.

I pull him back again and I look into his eyes. I cannot be with him, but I will tell him the truth. I will not let him think lowly of himself. I tell him the secret I've learned since I was eight, my terrible secret I've been carrying for so long. "I'm not your brother."

He does not understand. I reach for the dagger I always carry with me and cut my finger.

"What are you doing?" he shouts when he sees the blood and takes my hand.

"Do you see this blood? It is a mere commoner's blood. I'm not your brother. You're not sick, Satoshi."

He stares up at me. I look away because that blank look uneases me. "My mother had an affair. I am living proof and she will hang if the truth comes out."

Still he does not speak.

A bitter smile crosses my lips. "My true surname is Ninomiya. I am not an Ohno. Do you hate me now? Are you disgusted that you love a mere commoner?"

Satoshi takes my hand and raise the bloody finger to his lips. He inserts it into his mouth. The inside of his mouth is warm. His tongue soothes my cut. Then he releases my finger and leans in to softly brush our lips together. A fresh wave of tears hit me. Dammit! He is so gentle.

"Kazu." He looks at me with those dark, wet eyes. "I only want to be with you."

And then he leaves. My eyes are sore and red. I don't want Satoshi to go, but I know I shouldn't follow. With him gone, it has become harder to breathe.

Night falls. I cannot sleep. I decide to take a walk. Unconsciously, my feet lead me to Satoshi's house. I debate whether to enter or not. I might break down again if I see him, but then I realize that from now on, my time with him is limited. Therefore, I climb the steps and enter.

The lights are on in his chamber. I come to a stop when I realize that someone else is inside with Satoshi.

"You are our son and we only want what's best for you," the other said.

The Emperor! I have an urge to hear, but I force myself to leave. I know there is no hope and I do not wish to stay.

The next morning, as soon as I wake, a messenger comes to tell me the Emperor will be here within an hour. I'm surprised. What the heck is going on? I have not had a private conversation with the ruler since I was five.

Across from the Emperor, I sit respectfully. He immediately states to me after inquiring about my health, "The Heir has asked us to allow you freedom."

I sit forward. "What do you mean your majesty?" What have Satoshi done?

"That means that the Third Prince will leave the Palace without protection, with your inheritance stripped, with no soldiers on your back. Forever and never tied down by any duties here. Not to be watched or followed. Never to be sought out."

I am shocked. Satoshi is pushing me away?! "Your majesty-- "

He raises a hand to stop me. "It was the Heir's dearest wish."

His dearest wish?

The Emperor holds my eyes. "We told him we could not, because he is in the most dangerous position and you come in line after him. But... "

At the pause, dread enters my heart. No way.

"Ninomiya Kazunari, you cannot rule after all."

I seek out Satoshi. He is with Sho but I could care less. I slam him against the wall. Angry tears overwhelm me. I hated him so much right then. "What do you want!?" I scream. "How can you not talk about it with me!?"

Satoshi stare into my eyes. He does not waver. It appears he has already come to terms with it. "Leave tomorrow morning, Kazu."

I scowl and back away. "You lied, didn't you? You bastard. You want me out of your life! I hate you!"

Pain flashes across his face. For once, his blank expression fails. I have hit him on the mark. But I could care less. He had hurt me and my pain was overpowering. I cannot look at him any longer. I will scream. I had to get away. I turn to leave, but Satoshi suddenly embraces me from behind, pinning my arms to my side.

"Kazu," he starts and I can hear the crack in his voice.

Dammit, this is so hard...

"It's not a lie. I love you. Don't hate me." I feel his desperation.

I love Satoshi too much.

Sho comes around to the front. I see that his eyes are red, as if he had been crying all night, yet he is composed. He says, "Tomorrow morning, Jun will go with you."

"How?" How is Jun going to come along? I am frustrated that they will not tell me anything. He dismisses my question. "Go to your palace and land where Masaki is."

I have lost all control over my life. Before, anger would have been my reaction, but Satoshi still clings to me. The warmth of his arms brings me back to my senses. Leave Satoshi forever? How can I do that?

I remove his arms and turn around to embrace him tightly. How can I leave you, Satoshi?

Then he pulls away and we break free. He turns and says nothing more. I know it’s my turn to leave. He will not watch me go.

In my quarters, I calculate my fortune, but I have no heart. I already know that I have enough to last me a lifetime. It only grows. I had thrown this dream away when I vowed to stay with Satoshi forever, now he forces me to take it up again. How pitiful you are, Kazunari.

I cannot help feeling uneasy because I can feel danger in the atmosphere. But, Satoshi will not tell me anything. I am irritated. In ten hours, I will be gone. Will he miss me? He does not even come to spend our last hours together. I want to see him so much, yet I become angry with his decision.

And this thing with Jun. Does it mean Satoshi and Sho have come up with a plan? They have excluded me? Again, my anger wells up. Again, it dies. I can only get angry, but it will not cure me. I no longer want to get mad at Satoshi.

As night falls, I become even more nervous. I cannot sit still. I have to see Satoshi. I cannot do it. I can't leave. I can't leave! Leave forever? I will never see him anymore? I can't do it!

I run out of my house and down the path to Satoshi's. I have to see him.

To my horror, his place is empty. Even at this time, he is not there. Has he forgotten about me? I enter his room and see a stack of scrolls. Gently, my fingers touch them. His paintings. There are twelve. Those same twelve of Mother Six from that day at the riverbank. He still has them. Of course, no one can ever replace Mother Six as Satoshi's first love. I love him, so I accept his past. It does not matter to me anymore.

And then as I stand there, I realize that I have never told Satoshi about my feelings. He had told me, but I've never said a word.

I have to find him and tell him. I will not leave without saying anything. I want Satoshi to never forget me, even in the future when he's smiling beside his Empress and heir.

My impatience gets to me. There's not enough time! I turn quickly but my hand knocks over the scrolls. At such a time! Two of them roll open across the floor.

Across the paper, I see myself. It can't be true. I am shocked. I fall to my knees and clutch the painting. Me? My hands shake. I look at the second one. Me?! Realization hits. In a frenzy, I grab the other scrolls and open them all. All me. All twelve.

Satoshi, damn you, Satoshi. I clutch the scrolls to my chest as tears overwhelm me. Why am I crying? That stupid fool. Satoshi, you're such a fool.

I don't know how long I stayed there, but by the time I look up, it is already dark outside. I still hold the last scroll, clutching it to my heart as I stumble down the steps of Satoshi's house.

In a few hours, I will leave him. Forever. No. And then loud footsteps wake me from my reverie.

"Kazunari!" I hear Sho's voice shout.

I turn and find him running up to me. He reaches out and grips my arm. "Where have you been?!" But before I could answer, he has already spoken again. "Hurry! It's time to get out. Now!"

What? "B-but I still have time!" I exclaim.

He does not listen. He begins to drag me towards the spot where Masaki used to sneak in. "Jun is already outside. He's waiting for you. He's weak, but you two have to get as far away from here as possible by morning. Get to Masaki and your place! Hurry!" Sho pushes me at the wall.

What? I am just supposed to go over? I can't even tell Satoshi goodbye?

In the background, I hear some shouting. What the hell is going on?

"Go!" Sho orders before he turns and run towards all the uproar. I hear the noises more clearly now. I know something is wrong.

Quickly, I climb the wall and look down on the other side. "Hey, Jun!" I call out. A second later, he appears from some bushes, slightly limping and clutching his right arm. I spot a horse tied to a tree. Our form of transportation. Jun stops a few meters from the wall. I throw the scroll down at him and he catches it. "How'd you get out?" I ask quickly. I do not climb down.

He answers quietly, "The Guards let me out. They said they've caught the real culprit. They let me free."

What was going on? If Sho and Satoshi had not broken into the dungeons, then what was the uproar all about? I cannot leave until I know. I NEED to see Satoshi. "You wait here for me," I tell Jun, and before he can protest I leap back down on my side.

I follow the direction of the noises. Then I realize where they are leading me. The archives! Dammit! I break into a run, but before I even get close, two soldiers stop me. "Don't go your highness! It's dangerous!"

I grab one of them by the collar. "Tell me! What's going on?!"

"Your highness!" The other soldier fidgets, stuck between helping his comrade and hurting a prince.

"I asked you--!”

"The Second Prince has gone crazy!" my victim shouts.

Immediately, my grip slackens as I am struck with disbelief. "What?"

"He confessed to murdering the Heir this afternoon. When he was about to be taken in for a hearing, he freaked!"

"It's true!" the other soldier put in. "He has the Emperor as hostage!"

No damn way. My breathing becomes shallow. I run past the two soldiers. They shout after me, but I cannot make out the words. Satoshi and Sho. What the fuck are they thinking!? My heart beats faster and I can hear the pound in my ears. I have grown hot all over.

The scene that greets me is frightening. The building is surrounded by soldiers carrying torchlights and their weapons. Satoshi and the Emperor are inside. I cannot find Sho anywhere. Again, the soldiers forbid me to enter. There are so many of them, I cannot do anything. Ugh, I am frustrated enough to knock somebody down!

"I know him! Maybe I can talk to him!" I shout.

One of the Guards shakes his head. "Scholar Sakurai has already gone inside to reason with the Prince. We cannot put you in danger too."

"You idiot! How can you tell me what to do!?" I shout angrily. "I'm going and none of you are going to stop me!"

I see them make side-glances at each other. They don't know whether to defy me or allow me to enter. Someone else makes the choice. A Counselor, one among the scattered group in the crowd, told the Guards to let me go. At his words, I feel relief wash over me.

I run into the archives. I see Sho's back first. He blocks Satoshi from my view, but I can see the Emperor. He sits quietly to the side. I am surprised. What is going on? This calmness, so different from the chaos outside.

"There is no choice. It is that or death by the executioner's hands," Sho says quietly.

"Sho!" I shout. He turns and sees me. His eyes grow wide. I look pass him to Satoshi.

Satoshi is on his knees, a cup of dark liquid in his hands. It seems he had not heard me. His hands are trembling and I see fear on his face as he stares down. What is going on!? What does Sho mean? I feel a chill. I cannot breathe.

Satoshi raises the cup to his lips. He shakes uncontrollably. And then he drinks.

No! I rush forward. Sho sticks out his arm to block me and does not allow me to pass.

"What the heck!?" I shout. "Satoshi!" I struggle to get free, but he is stronger than me.

"Kazunari! There is no other way!"

I freeze. Sho's arm still blocks me. You can't mean...

The Emperor is somber. He says, "Go quietly, our son. We hope you find happiness in your next life."

No one needs to tell me. I see Satoshi fall, a line of blood dripping from his lips.
My strength fails me. I slump and Sho takes half my weight, lowering me to the ground. My eyes are still glued to Satoshi.

He shuts his eyes and curls his body in pain. Tears burn down my face. It is hurting me too. Satoshi gasps for breath. He twists his head to the side and finally he sees me.
I crawl forward and this time, Sho does not stop me. "Sa... toshi..." This can't be happening. He coughs and I see more blood. Satoshi's eye-lids lower. He is still and silent.

"AGHH!" I clutch my heart. This can't be happening. It hurts. I can't breathe.

Sho instantly grabs me and pulls me to my feet. "K-Kazunari... go. Go! Leave!" I turn to meet his eyes. He is also crying. "Go to Jun," he whispers.

I shake my head. I can't speak.

The soldiers are already at the door and the Healer rushes forth to see Satoshi.

"Go!" Sho shouts. He pushes me at the crowd. I stumble.

"DEAD!" the Healer proclaim behind me.

I run.

I do not stop. It is dark around me. I gasp for air.

It's not true.

The wall looms close.

It's not true!

Without stopping, I rush at the wall and climb over. I fall on the other side.

All through the night and next day, Jun and I ride without stopping. Behind me, he clutches the scroll to his chest and breathes heavily. I pretend to not notice. We are both silent. I am in denial. Shock. What I just saw didn't happen. Ha. It's not true at all, is it?

The day after, the sun begins to rise. We have begun to walk because the horse is tired. I lead it by the reins while Jun tries to follow. The land becomes familiar to me. Mines.

I look up at the hill as the sky lightens. Someone stands at the top. He waves his hand. Aiba Masaki. Jun's face lights up. He staggers forward. Masaki comes rushing down. My feet lag and my hand drops from the horse's reins. Suddenly, I come to a stop.

It's a new day. It's a new life. We have finally reached our destination.

Satoshi's not here, nor is he anywhere.

I'm in a world without Satoshi.

While Jun limps toward Masaki, I crouch down and cry.

Now I really know how much he means to me.

* * *

Last is Sakurai Sho and the Fourth Prince

Don't lose Hope yet (even if Nino has).