One World with Seven Sins ...6/8

[kanu_x]

Edited: 2013.02.11

Title: One World with Seven Sins
Feature/Pairing: only Yama, OCs
Rating: PG-13 (incest, sexual references)
Genre: au, solely romance based: no subplots
Summary: Stepbrothers Ohno and Sho gradually fall in love over the years.
Their troubles learning to accept and understand their feelings. Aka frustration.
Part: 6/8
A/N: This fic was actually inspired by Tensaibaka's lovely Juntoshi fic Prisoner of Love - Incestuous Love.

Previous: Vice FIVE

Vice SIX: Greed - the desire for more

"Assure me. There's nothing between you and Sho."

He could not bring himself to lie to his mother. Ohno turned his back to her.

At his silence, she grew anxious. "Satoshi, answer me." What would she do if it was true?

Ohno did not even know what to say. What was the truth? He realized at that moment. Of course, everything had not been a game.

"Satoshi," Mrs. Ohno started again, advancing towards him. "If you are doing anything wrong, tell me. I will help you." She stood at his back now, intimidating.

Wrong? Ohno stared at his drawing of Sho. So it was wrong. Yamada's words returned to him then and he knew why they had hurt him. "You guys are disgusting!" Disgusting. He closed his eyes against the beginning of tears. Suffocated. He wanted to disappear.

In the end, I have made too many wishes.

"Satoshi, are you all right?" Sho asked his brother who had once again zoned out.

It was days later. They were on a family outing, even if Yamada happened to be with them. In the art gallery, Sho usually stood at the front with their parents, his coworker hovering at his elbow, and Ohno lagged behind. This time, while their parents and Yamada were distracted by the painting of an angel, he broke away to stand at Ohno's side.

At his question, Ohno looked up. Was he all right?

Sho smiled down at him, waiting for a response.

Ohno nodded. "Fine." He continued to stare at his younger brother. That face he would never tire of. While Sho frowned at his inattentiveness, he became lost in his own thoughts again. He wondered if he could answer his mother if he figured out his feelings.

Unable to handle being ignored anymore, Sho took Ohno's hand and led him around the corner out of everyone's view.

"Eh?? Sho--" Ohno looked around. And then Sho held his head in place as they kissed; soft and warm. The feeling of having everything. When Sho pulled back smiling down at him, Ohno could feel the stir in his heart. Heat climbed up his face as well as the rush of tears. What was Sho doing to him? He would never get away. How would he answer his mother? What was his answer?

Instantly, worried, Sho dropped his hands. "Satoshi, what's the matter?"

Ohno shook his head. He wiped at his eyes and moved from their hiding place. Then he raised his gaze and stopped. Yamada and his mother had seen them come out of the same corner. He could not meet their suspicious eyes. Ohno turned toward the exit. "I'm getting some fresh air." He left.

Behind him, Sho opened his mouth to stop him, but Yamada took a firm hold of his arm so that when he pulled her off, Ohno was already gone.

I wish for my mother to be happy. I wish for my stepfather to be happy. I wish Sho would always be smiling. Giddy, silly Sho who can be tickled by the smallest things.
When I wish for my own happiness as well, it all becomes undone.

Outside, Ohno sat on a bench watching others walk by. He saw couples, mothers and fathers with their child, and groups of friends. Most of them held hands. Smiling from ear to ear as they looked into each other's eyes. If Sho and he were to do the same that would be wrong.

He remembered when Sho was still smaller than him. They had met when his brother was only in middle school. Then Sho had entered highschool. They had had so much fun together. Those days were the best years. In college, Sho had gradually changed. Though the times that followed were cold, now Ohno thought back and realized there were good moments, too. The time when Sho had shoveled snow for him. The time they slept together in the same bed sharing each other's warmth.

He sat silently as all of those memories engulfed him. His heart felt too heavy with this unknown emotion that suffocated him.

"No way!" someone shouted, breaking into his thoughts. A highschool girl stood among her friends still in their uniform. "He finally asked you out!?"

The girl she addressed nodded as they passed Ohno's spot. He tried not to eavesdrop, but it was hard to zone them out when they were so loud. She replied, "I was so nervous. My heart kept going doki doki!"

They burst into giggles. Then the first girl patted the second on the arm. "That's love."

They disappeared down the street, leaving Ohno in shock without their realization. His own heartbeat drummed in his ears. He had found his answer.

If I just cut them down to what's important to me, I'm sure it'll hold.

Later, Mrs. Ohno waved her son and Yamada off at the entrance of the building beside her husband. She saw the contented smile on Yamada's face as Sho drove away and somehow felt conflicted but glad at the same time. But why should she feel uneasy? What she was doing was right.

When the two disappeared into the distance, she turned her attention to her missing older son. He had been gone for some hours now. Mr. Sakurai told her that it was better to phone him and say they would head home first. He had probably left for somewhere else without telling them. She agreed and though he did not pick up her call, she left a message.

Just as they reached their house, Mrs. Ohno received a call from her older son.

"Hello, Satoshi?" she answered. "Did you get my message?"

"Mom," he started from the other line, disregarding her questions. "I will be returning late and won't make it for dinner."

"All right," she replied. "But where are you now?"

He paused. "The sea."

"Fishing?" Again?

"Yes."

"All right," she repeated with a sigh. Her son would never get over it. But as she was about to hang up, Mrs. Ohno heard his voice. He was not finished. Quickly, she brought the phone up to her ear again. "What?"

"Mom," Ohno said. "I..." Once more he fell into silence. She waited for him to speak. At last, he did. "Mom, I need more time."

She grasped at his meaning. Mrs. Ohno guessed, yet she refused to let herself think of the implications.

He went on. "I need more time, so please give me a few more days." Before she could reply, he hung up.

While Sho drove, he was miserable. He knew Ohno had left the gallery to avoid him. Then the fact that his coworker clung to his side the rest of the time topped it all. He thought he had escaped her when their joint project was over. How stupid he had been! Of course, his mother had become too attached to the woman.

Beside the very person who was causing him misery, Sho wished his father would talk to his mother soon. He knew she was pushing Yamada on him and had already had a chat with his father about it. Mr. Sakurai had promised to speak to his wife soon, but to Sho soon was not soon enough.

After dropping his colleague off, Sho raced home hoping to catch his brother before he ran off to his lock himself in his studio or stormed off to the sea. To his disappointment, Ohno had done the very thing he feared, run to the sea. Sho ate dinner with his parents and then went straight up to his room. He tried to distract himself by scouring the newspapers while he waited for his brother to return, but it was in vain. Sho could not stop thinking about Ohno.

At midnight, he lay in bed under the covers looking up at the dark ceiling. Would his brother come home tonight? Probably not until morning. Disappointed once more, he fell into an uneasy slumber.

Minutes later, Ohno crawled into his own bed.

It was one o'clock when the dream crept up on him.

Once again, there was that hospital. Those same doctors, surgeons, and nurses who wore worried expressions. Then Ohno was running down the hallway, out of breath, his body barely moving. He had to go to Sho. He had to see his brother. His limbs were so heavy and he was so tired, but he moved on.

This time, he did not reach the ER doors. Sho was gone even before he had a chance to break through his fear.
Ohno screamed and cried at the top of his lungs as the darkness closed in.

He woke and it was six in the morning. At that moment he knew he really did love Sho.

The family had their breakfast together, and then their father took off first. Mrs. Ohno was cleaning the dishes when Sho got up to leave also. Ohno followed his younger brother outside and to the car.

"What's up?" Sho asked curiously when he noticed who was behind him. "Do you want me to drop you off?"

Ohno shook his head.

"Did you need something then?" Sho continued. He unlocked the car and turned his attention back to Ohno. He could not leave without knowing what Ohno was up to.

Then suddenly, Ohno went on his toes and wrapped his arms around Sho. Sho stood still as Ohno's warmth seeped in through their pressed bodies. That did not stop Sho from returning the embrace. His arms encircled Ohno and he held on as he worried. "Satoshi, what's wrong?" His voice was a soft whisper.

Against Sho's shoulder, Ohno shook his head once more. And then he pulled back as suddenly as he had before and said to the confused Sho, "I'll see you later."

Sho frowned. Mrs. Ohno walked out and stood at the door, watching them. He glanced up at her and knew he could not lean down to kiss his brother. Sho entered his car and drove away full of trepidation.

During the next few days, Ohno continued to act differently. He was weird and Sho wondered. Instead of worrying, he felt confusion. He could never tell what Ohno was thinking.

It went on until one night, Sho had gone to bed late and was at the edge of sleep when his door opened and Ohno walked in. He sat up on his mattress and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Satoshi, what's wrong?"

Ohno did not answer immediately. He climbed under the covers beside Sho and closed his eyes in exhaustion, then muttered sleepily, "I've been having nightmares."

Sho propped himself up on one elbow and lightly ran his other hand through his brother's blond hair. He asked quietly, "Are you going to sleep here?" But Ohno did not answer. He had already fallen comfortably asleep. Once he realized that Ohno was relying on him, Sho laid back down and drew his brother into his arms before falling deep into sleep also.

The next day before he went to work, Mrs. Ohno stopped him. "Sho, did Satoshi talk to you?"

Sho stopped pulling on his shoes at the front door and glanced from his mother to his older brother still at the kitchen table. "No." He was curious now. What was there to talk about?

"It's all right then," she told him. "Go on."

Disturbed, Sho left reluctantly.

That evening he had plans with some friends from work, so Sho returned home late. The family had already had dinner and cleaned. He told his mother he had eaten and was about to go up to his room when Ohno stopped him on the stairs.

"Can you spend some time with me? I have something to show you."

"All right," Sho answered with a smile. He wondered what his brother had drawn this time. Still in his suit, he followed Ohno to his art studio.

Sho was surprised when he saw boxes of materials and paint buckets all over the place. "Don't you have too much?"

Ohno saw what he pointed at and he shrugged. He had them both sit on two stools. "Draw something for me."

Sho took the paper and utensils he was given and stared at them. All of a sudden? He glanced at his brother. "What am I doing?"

"Drawing."

Sho gave up. He asked, "I need something specific, Satoshi."

Ohno gave him a mischievous smile. Adorable Ohno. Sho etched that smile into his mind as Ohno said, "Draw me."

Sho couldn't help reaching over to ruffle the blond hair. Annoyed, Ohno swatted his hand away. "Come on."

"Aww..." Sho groaned, leaning back. "I don't want to."

Ohno grabbed his own drawing pad. "Okay, let's start."

Two hours later, Sho had finished ten drawings while his brother still worked on one.

"What's taking you so long?" he asked, trying to peer over. Ohno pulled back, so he stopped.

Ten minutes later while Ohno concentrated, Sho had taken up some black paint and sat across from him. He drew cat whiskers on his brother's face, a unibrow, and some freckles. He then burst into laughter after taking a good look at his masterpiece.

"What, what?" Ohno muttered, gazing up from his work cluelessly. Sho took a picture with his mobile phone and showed him. Ohno snatched at the phone but Sho drew away chortling.

Angry, Ohno took the paintbrush and demanded, "I get to do it, too."

And so they spent the next half hour sitting across from each other, chuckling while they painted on the other. In the middle of it all, Sho threw his head back in a fit of uncontrollable laughter and Ohno watched him without blinking, thinking he would love to hear that laugh for the rest of his life. But it was impossible.

They returned to drawing quietly.

Finally, Ohno finished and declared, "Done."

Sho checked his watch. It was two hours to midnight. He quickly added a line for Ohno's mouth on his twentieth drawing. Then he observed it from afar. "Hm... I think I've gotten better."

Ohno brightened when he saw the grin. "Let's see."

Sho pointed between them. "Switch?"

"All right."

As soon as his eyes landed on his brother's finished piece, Sho was at a loss for words. Across from him, Ohno gazed at each of Sho's drawings thoughtfully. He chuckled at a few of Sho's silliest drawings. There was him only a speck on the whole sheet. Then him without his chair, seemly floating. Another where he sat on something that looked like a spider. A dozens others with their own creative changes. His cute Sho, the side no one knew.

The pictures became blurry as his eyes burned. He loved Sho with all his being. How could he stand to lose him?

"Satoshi." Sho's voice broke through his thoughts and came out strangled and high.

Quickly, Ohno wiped his eyes and turned to him with a raise of his brows.

Sho leaned torwards him, took his nearest hand and entwined their fingers together. He turned Ohno's picture around so that they both saw. There they were, the both of them smiling side by side. "What's this?"

Ohno bent forward and kissed him on the cheek. Softly and full of emotion. He lingered for a moment, then drew back slowly. Sho was left startled for a second. He released Ohno's hand and touched his own face where the kiss had landed. "Satoshi, what's going on?"

Ohno smiled at him, ignoring how his lungs constricted. "I realized that I love Sho."

Yamada had said they were disgusting. His mother said they were wrong. True. They were stepbrothers. They were men. He tried really hard to hold back from crying as Sho stared at him in shock.

"Sho?" Ohno reached out his hand tentively, afraid he had not heard. "I love you."

Sho met him halfway and grasped his hand. The dropped drawings were left undisturbed as he hid his face with his other. What should he do? He was too happy for words. They sat in silence for a long while before Ohno regained control of himself and told his brother to go back and sleep. He broke away and gathered Sho's drawings and his own. "I'll keep these."

Sho watched him as he tucked the pictures into a folder.

Then Ohno turned and smiled again at him. "I won't see you to the door."

He returned to stacking the drawings away. To ease the tension, he said while trying to sound casual, "Oh, and if mom has not gone to sleep yet, can you tell her to come down?" Without answering, Sho went over and embraced him from behind. Sho did not say anything, but Ohno knew. His brother conveyed all his emotions through the way he held on tightly. They paused for a moment, as if they had all the time in the world. Then Sho left silently.

As soon as Sho disappeared, Ohno slid to the floor. He stared off into space. His mother found him that way.

What's most important?

"Satoshi, did you need something?" she asked quietly.

He broke out of his thoughts and looked up at her.

"Satoshi?" Mrs. Ohno repeated, more attentive now. She realized that he was behaving differently. This wasn't just her quiet son. Slowly, she bent down and leveled with him. Did he finally know? "About Sho?"

After cutting them down, there's no me.
My mother whom I had lived my whole life for. My stepfather the one who saved us.
Sho the one who can make me happy forever.

Ohno stared at his mother and Yamada's words returned to hurt him. "You guys are disgusting!" Society would never accept them. His eyes burned with tears and he backed away from his mother. Sho's smiling face. Sho frowning. His silly expression. All those memories came to him. He found it hard to breathe as he lowered his head and cried. It was difficult just to draw in air. "Mom... " What was he going to do? "I can't let go. I can't."

Sho was everything to him.

Up to this point, I've had all I want.
I cannot be greedy, because greed can corrupt.

And Mrs. Ohno couldn't help it that she wept also. Her son was distraught. It pained her. The last time she had seen him like this was so many years ago, back when she had thought there was no hope. "Satoshi--"

"What do I do?" he asked her, clutching the front of his shirt.

Mrs. Ohno knew she could not let her son sacrifice alone. She reached over to clasp his shoulders while more tears slipped down. "We'll go away. The both of us. Together, okay?" She tried to assure him. "You'll find another person to love and you'll be happy."

Ohno shook his head. He would never be happy with another person. He had loved Sho for too many years. He knew it now.

She continued, "It'll be the two of us again. We did it before and we can do it again."

Again he shook his head, struggling to breathe and speak. Ohno could not let his mother throw everything away; all she had fought for.

He remembered when he was small and he thought he would lose her. Outside the ER room, he only thought of his mother. Though the men after his father abused her, she kept trying for his sake. For him only. She had used herself as a shield to block him from their blows. To Ohno, his mother was still the world.

Maybe, just maybe... he could do without Sho. Even if Sho had taken his heart and he would have to leave without it.

I cannot wish for more. I will not.

In the morning, Sho was no longer surprised when Ohno hugged him. He smiled and patted his older brother on the head before going off. On her way out, Mrs. Ohno stopped by the door. She glanced back at her solemn son and told him, "When you're ready, tell me. I won't hesitate. We'll go together. Wherever." He nodded and relieved, she left.

Alone now, Ohno went up to his room to pack.

The first day, no one thought anything of his absence. Maybe he had gone fishing. Although Sho worried, he knew this was Ohno's normal behavior; to disappear without a word. The second day they stole worried glances at each other.

The day following, the family had enough. Sho phoned Ohno's company to ask how long his brother's vacation was while his mother stood at his back.

The answer was one of confusion. "He resigned a few days ago."

Mrs. Ohno received the news and went into a panic.

Only then did they find the letter Ohno had left behind. Mr. Sakurai gathered around them as Sho read while fighting down his anxiety, "Mom, wherever I go, I will try to be happy. So you have to be too. Ohno Satoshi." Ohno. Not Sakurai. He had cut himself out of their family.

"Nooo!" Mrs. Ohno wailed, falling to the ground. Guilt crushed her. He husband bent down to her aid while Sho froze and dropped the letter. His heart drummed in his ears. He could not hear anything. He could not think.

"My boy! Why did he do it!?" His mother burst into tears. "It's all my fault!"

"Don't blame yourself," Mr. Sakurai told her, wrapping his arms around her. "We'll start looking for him right away." He glanced up at Sho. "Go start the car."

"No, no!" She shook her head vehemently. "It's my fault!" She had to get everything out or she would suffocate. She had to tell the world what she had done, how bad of a mother she had been. Mrs. Ohno turned in her husband's arms and clutched at Sho's sleeve while she continued to weep. "He... he and Sho... I couldn't let him..." How could this happen to her son?

Mr. Sakurai picked up the letter and returned his attention to her in alarm.

She sobbed and said, "I-I... I found out. About our sons..."

And finally, Sho stirred. He stared down at her.

But it was her husband who surprised her. Mr. Sakurai asked, "How? I don't remember telling you."

Confused, she turned to him. Her face showed her shock. "What... "

His hands tightened on her arms. Mr. Sakurai lost his calm. He now felt the urgency. "What did you do?"

She spluttered. "He couldn't let go! I told him to. They couldn't be together. It was wrong!"

"Sho already told me!" Mr. Sakurai shouted, afraid now that he knew how much trouble they were in. "About everything! Him. Satoshi. You and Yamada. I just haven't gotten around to talking to you!"

Mrs. Ohno gasped and backed away. They did not notice that Sho had run off in a hurry.

She met her husband's eyes. "You..."

"What's so wrong about it!?" he declared. "I promised Sho's mother that I'd make him happy. Who cares what anyone thinks!?"

His wife cried out. "I'm at fault!" She began to weep once more.

Therefore in the end, these wishes for my family's happiness will come true.
In a few months, my mom will laugh again.

Sho burst into Ohno's studio and he saw them. Rows and rows of pictures of him. At the very end was that one with the two of them. "Goodbye," he read, drawn at the right instead of a signature. He reached over to touch the drawings. Filled with hardwork and feelings. His own feelings. He wondered and he couldn't stop.

How much did you love me, Satoshi?

And Sho...

"Sho!" his father called out. He had come searching for his son and saw him. He stepped into the doorway. "Your mother fainted. I'll have to look after her, so--"

"I can't live without him."

His father stopped. "Sho?"

"I can't live without Satoshi," he repeated. He would not turn around to face his father.

Mr. Sakurai did not walk in any further into that stifling atmosphere. He suddenly knew and he silenced. If only he could turn back and walk away, to leave his son alone. Since his first wife's death, since when his son was young, he had not seen Sho cry. And Sho could not with him there.

So Sho stood straight and covered his mouth so he wouldn't make a sound. Even if he couldn't breathe. The tears burned on their way down.

My silly little brother. He'll smile again. I know it.
Won't you, Sho?

* * *

Next Vice SEVEN: Envy - wanting what somebody else has

A/N:Still two chapters left!