One World with Seven Sins ...5/8

[kanu_x]

Edited: 2013.02.11

Title: One World with Seven Sins
Feature/Pairing: only Yama, OCs
Rating: PG-13 (incest, sexual references)
Genre: au, solely romance based: no subplots
Summary: Stepbrothers Ohno and Sho gradually fall in love over the years.
Their troubles learning to accept and understand their feelings. Aka frustration.
Part: 5/8
A/N: This fic was actually inspired by Tensaibaka's lovely Juntoshi fic Prisoner of Love - Incestuous Love.

In advance, thankyou all for reading and waiting! I'm sorry I didn't reply to the previous comments.

Previous: Vice FOUR

Vice FIVE: Pride - feeling of superiority

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Because I'm too afraid to embrace the truth, I hide behind this wall of pride.

"Sakurai, do you know what love is?"

Sho raised an eyebrow at Yamada's question.

They were going to his house after work because his mother had become attached to the woman and invited her over. Again. He knew how much Ohno was perturbed by her. He could always see it in his brother, and so he had tried to convince his mother to hold back, but she played innocent.

It had been a big shock to him when Sho had found that Yamada and Mrs. Ohno were calling each other and talking. He had never wanted Yamada that familiar with his family. And his co-worker was becoming more insistent now, backed by his mother. Sho had been successful in throwing off the twelve girls before her. This time was different. She seemed to have latched on to him securely.

"Sakurai, did you hear me?" Yamada asked.

"I heard you," he answered. "But I don't know." Wasn't she the thirteenth person to ask this question? It irked him that all of the girls had asked the very same one, as if they all had the same thoughts. All of them, including number thirteen, had even told him he talked too much about his brother. Sho never understood what he did to make them reach the same conclusion concerning Ohno, enough to interrogate him with the same line over and over. Did they know something about him that he did not?

Anyway, he couldn't stand his co-worker. He was glad the project was almost done. Just the report left to do. The only thing he looked forward to this evening was seeing Ohno. Seriously, he did not see enough of him. Ohno was always out fishing if he was not at work.

And he was right.

When Sho got home, the first thing he asked about was his brother. He did not even notice the stares of Yamada and his mother directed at him as his father replied, "Fishing."

But if I leave behind this pride and look beyond the wall, I wonder what truth I will find.

Again, he was out fishing. Ohno had a lot of time to think so he did and it was not pleasant. His thoughts always returned to his brother and that did not make him happy. Sho had turned weird.

Before, Sho had plainly been a stone. Completely a rock. Now, and especially after that day, he had switched back to being nice Sho. Ohno was sure his brother was bipolar. Something along those lines. Ohno saw a glimpse of the old him and he wondered if that was Sho's true self after all. Probably. But how could Sho change so quickly? Ohno had known the "jerk" for so long, he couldn't help feeling confused.

Just last week he had asked his brother about his personality disorder. Like the person he used to be, Sho burst into laughter. "Personality disorder!?" That's the man I knew, Ohno had thought while seeing him laugh.

Sho then said, "I don't have one."

"Are you sure?"

His younger brother smiled and said almost sadly, "I've been struggling. That's all."

Ohno had merely frowned and pursed his lip in confusion. "I don't get you." Sho never made anything clear. Ohno believed he would never understand Sho.

Now he was not even sure he knew what was going on with them anymore. Was everything okay between them? They were fine? And so easily? Ohno had need of someone to explain everything to him. He had need to understand his ridiculous brother. And while he was remembering and thinking all this on his fishing trip, his head began to hurt some more. It's as if someone had taken a hammer to his skull.

Night fell and he knew it was time to go home. Ohno decided he must be sick when his stomach lurched as he walked to the bus station. And that stupid hammer just kept going. He'll have to sleep it off.

When he entered his house, he found to his dismay that Yamada was over again. In the living room, Sho saw him and his face lit up. All he could see was the annoying woman by Sho's side and so Ohno turned away and refused to smile at his brother. Instantly, Sho's spirits fell.

His mother told him to eat but he dismissed it with something like he was not hungry and went straight up to bed.
Shit, his head was murdering him.

Close to two hours later, Ohno delved deeper into the covers when he heard the slam of a car door. The stupid noise hurt. It caused nausea to overwhelm him once more. So finally that woman Yamada was leaving. He almost didn't care that Sho was taking her. He just wanted complete silence as his brain hummed against his skull. He laid perfectly still and after fifteen minutes, sleep came.

At two in the morning, Sho entered Ohno's room because he had heard his brother groaning from his side of the wall. He bent over and placed a hand over Ohno's forehead. Burning. Sho sat back on his heels with a sigh. "Idiot, you have to take care of yourself."

He rearranged himself on the floor and gazed at his brother. The day's events passed through his head while he sat unmoving. He had been miserable when Ohno left after just returning home. It was not only today. This was a reoccurring event whereas Ohno would turn away from him. Why couldn't his brother see? There was only one person who could control his mood. Ohno had so much power over Sho and he did not even know it.

A few moments of silence went by before he spoke to the sleeping figure. "Satoshi, how can you not get it." He was frustrated that Ohno did not understand him. Yet as he sat there, he was even more so because he could not understand himself.

For the last three years Sho had been battling inside of himself. To do right was to turn cold. To do wrong was to touch Ohno. And on that day of the festival when he stood outside the shower door and debated whether to go in, he had chosen. He had made the decision to do what he wanted. It had been a difficult choice but he cared too much for his brother.

So as Sho sat beside Ohno's form, he wondered if it was possible to restore everything he had thrown away. Would he finally come to understand his own feelings? Would Ohno continue to be confused?

What is this truth that had been so hard to grasp?

Ohno woke and it was already morning. His parents and Sho would have gone to work by then. He got out of bed and found that his movements were sluggish. He felt a lot worst than yesterday. His head still hurt but his throat was now sore. It was hard to swallow.

While in the shower, the dizziness persisted and so Ohno crouched down. When he came out, he fell back into bed with his hair still damp and only a towel around his waist.

"I feel terrible," he complained. Maybe he'll stay in bed all day and call in sick for work. His door opened then. Ohno saw Sho walk in. That was when he moved and fell out the other side.

His brother burst into laughter and ran to his aid. "Satoshi, are you all right?" Sho reached down and pulled on Ohno's arm.

Climbing back onto the mattress, Ohno tightened the towel around his waist. And then he laid on his back and stared up into the face of his brother who hovered over him. "Why are you here?" he asked. "Go meet your Yamada at work."

Sho smiled with an effort and tapped him on the cheeks. Ohno could not tell that his words had hurt. Sho had seen that Ohno had not believed him. "Good Sho won," he said. "He'll be staying for a while to look after you."

At that, Ohno's heart lightened but he was also irritated. Having Sho there was enough to make him happy, but that also implied that he couldn't look after himself. He turned on his side facing away from the annoying Sho and closed his eyes. He'll just go to sleep.

Sho reached over and tousled his wet hair. "Satoshi, you have to dress first. You'll get cold."

"I'm too tired," he muttered.

Sho would not let him have his way. He went to his brother's drawer and pulled out a pair of pajamas. "Satoshi, dress yourself or I will do it for you."

Ohno sighed. "All right." He pushed onto his knees and reached out a limp arm but refused to raise his head or open his eyes.

Sho gave him the clothes. He took a deep breath. "Do you want to eat anything?"

"Bread."

Sho pretended to stall. Then he said, "I'll make you congee."

At that, Ohno finally looked up. He stared at his brother in surprise. He still remembered?

Sho smiled again and this time it was real. With the grin still on his face, Sho left with a cheerful, "I'll be back."

Alone, Ohno thought, Can he even cook? He had not been thinking when he made that promise.

He waited in his room for a while and tried to have faith in Sho. Ohno even dozed off, but when he came to, he realized that an hour had passed. Where was his congee? It was time to check on Sho.

Amused as much as his sickness would allow him to be, Ohno moved with a heavy body through the hall onto the stairs. Since he felt like he would fall once he looked down, he sat and moved one step a time. Long before he reached the ground floor, he could see Sho in the kitchen wearing an expression between confusion and panic.

"Sho, what's taking you so long?" he called out.

Sho took notice of his presence. "Satoshi! Why're you out of bed!?"

Instead of answering, Ohno pushed himself up and walked over. His eyes traveled to the stove. There were four pots going at the same time. "What else are you cooking?" He could figure it out without much trouble though.

His brother pointed as if they were to blame, "It's all congee!"

And Ohno laughed, clutching his middle as his breath squeezed. He knew it. Sho was truly silly. He felt nostalgic and endearment at the same time.

"We're in big trouble," Sho continued when Ohno sat himself down at the table and offered no words.

Ohno laid his pounding head down and muttered with eyes closed, "What happened?"

"There were too much rice so I put too much water, and then I added more rice. Before I knew it, there was too much congee."

"It's all right," Ohno quietly assured Sho when he had calmed himself. "We'll eat as much as we can." Sleep was overcoming him again and so that was all he could say, but it was enough. Sho was touched by his older brother's comfort and though he wanted to embrace him, he was too ashamed by his failure to act.

When the porridge became a glob but every single rice was cooked, Sho dished some out for Ohno and himself. He had to wake his dozing brother and they sat across from each other as they ate. After the first few bites, Ohno said amidst chuckling and coughing, "It's good. Only it feels like glue."

"Oh." The depressed Sho offered no other response. His heart sank. A true failure.

Despite all that he had said, Ohno could not consume more than one bowl. He finished his meal, took some medicine, and went back to bed. Sho watched over him while contemplating deeply. Failure. And then he silently left to do some thinking alone. Disappointment rose up like a vise to strangle him.

Hours later, Ohno woke and glancing at his clock saw that it was midafternoon. In his room everything was still and silent. He laid on his back and wondered where Sho was. He stayed in bed for a few more minutes but became restless. Because he felt a whole lot better than in the morning, Ohno went to search for Sho.

At his desk, Sho had been working on a report. After a few hours spent on it, he could no longer concentrate and gave up. He wanted to see Ohno and couldn't sit still. They were only a wall away from eachother, yet because Sho did not feel like he deserved to, he suffered. He had failed his brother. Depression had lingered nearby and it overtook him once more. Sho sat his chair by the window and stared out solemnly, confused with himself and his feelings. Why did everything involving his older brother matter so much to him? It was just failed porridge.

Ohno found him as he was, in deep frustration. He could feel the suffocating atmosphere and when he slowly walked in, he called out in a small voice, "Sho."

Sho turned and was surprised. "Satoshi? Go back to bed." His voice was gentle. Soft.

Ohno stared at him for a moment while the gloomy silence persisted. He stood there and knew that the time had finally come, the conversation that they should have. He moved to sit on the edge of the mattress just behind Sho's chair. "I want to talk," he said. About everything.

Sho moved so that he faced Ohno. He then reached up to feel his brother's forehead. The temperature was just right.

Ohno swatted his hand away. "You don't have to do that." He would not let his brother distract him from his purpose. Today he would really get his answer. Ohno latched onto Sho's arms and asked, "Sho, what had happened to you?"

Sho blinked up at him cluelessly. Did something happen ? "I don't get your question."

Ohno frowned. What game was Sho playing at? "Why were you so mean? You despised me. I know you did because I heard you."

And Ohno's response only confused Sho more. "Satoshi," Sho started, " I thought I already told you. I never hated you."

"Liar," Ohno accused. "Why are you so nice to me now?"

Sho stood up from his chair and sat down next to him. Damn Ohno for being so stubborn. "And why can't you let it be? Isn't it nice that I'm me again?"

"I don't believe that this is the real you," Ohno stated, moving away from him. "It matters to me because I have my pride and this time I will not be a fool." What if Sho just wanted to trap him and break him again? Ohno knew that if he fell for his brother's act this time, he would be broken permanently. Gripping him was a mixture of helplessness and fear.

Sho scoffed in irritation. Ohno was not listening at all. "Pride? Don't talk to me about pride when I had to throw mines away just to come back to you."

"Come back to me?" Ohno repeated increduously. "When did you ever leave?"

In exasperation, Sho unconsciously raised his voice higher. "You don't understand! I thought you asked me why I'm 'nice,' idiot!"

Heat climbed up Ohno's face. The same hammer beat at his skull and again he felt sudden nausea. He was not well enough to argue. "Don't yell!" he shouted and clutched his pounding head. It hurt.

And suddenly, all the feelings of irritation left Sho and was replaced with anxiety. He had to calm down. He wanted to comfort Ohno and himself. As he pulled Ohno who was covering his ears into his arms, he felt guilty and apologetic. Their breaths evened together and he wondered if anyone would ever understand how much he cared for his older brother, how much he knew it was somehow wrong.

For some reason, his thoughts returned to those thirteen girls. They had told him he talked too much about his brother and each of them always asked the same question, didn't they? "Do you know what love is?"

Now as he sat there still holding Ohno, Sho finally realized what they meant, why they had questioned him. They had guessed while he was clueless. Guilt gnawed at his heart as Ohno's warmth seeped into his own body. At last, all the feelings of frustration and being lost disappeared. Sho's arm tightened around his brother. He was in love with Ohno. And sadness overwhelmed him as he held on. He knew no one would understand because it was wrong. Would he ever have a chance to be with Ohno?

The feeling of wanting to protect and hold his older brother, for the impossible forever, gripped him and now he understood what the emotions meant. Sho whispered to Ohno who had buried his head in his chest, "Satoshi... I can't explain it to you, but I promise that I'll never turn my back again." The promise of his life. He wanted it to be true.

Ohno had calmed down. Always, always Sho could do that to him. "Can I believe you?" he asked quietly. Sho would never leave him again? Should he believe that this was real? His hopes rose though he did not want it to. He had even struggled to be immune to it all.

"Give me a second chance," Sho begged.

Ohno told himself right then that he would forget the past. He surrendered amidst all the conflicted feelings of sorrow and want. This time he would believe and curse his soul if it was a mistake. Let him be a fool once more to trust his brother. This time. Just this time, he would because he wanted it with all his heart.

"All right," he muttered almost inaudibly as his chest squeezed. "Okay." He would give Sho a second chance. And then Ohno felt his spirit rest at ease. It had been that simple. Forgiveness.

Just as he returned from his thoughts and he realized his body was pressed up against Sho's, his brother pulled him back by the arms. Ohno blinked up at him as Sho bent his head. Their lips met. A fire lit at their cores. Warmth. Sweetness. Completion. All thoughts were swept away. Sho's arms returned to wrap around his older brother and unconsciously, Ohno reached up and encircled his neck.

Sho's tongue sought entrance into his mouth and Ohno complied. He parted his lips to let the other enter. Slowly, he was lowered until he was on his back and Sho hovered over him. Only when he felt his shirt being lifted did Ohno realize what was going to happen.

He squirmed and broke the wet kiss. "Sho! This is not going to happen again." His brother was so good at changing the mood.

"Why not?" Sho asked, peering down at him innocently. Ohno just had to hit him and he did. He smacked his younger brother on the head and tried to break free, but just then Sho placed all his body weight on him and laid his head next to Ohno's on the mattress.

"Satoshi," he whined. "I won't force you, but why?" He was too far gone that it was an effort to turn back now.

Ohno couldn't help it that he was aroused and he turned red. "B-because..." There was no reasonable excuse but that he had his pride. Blushing furiously, he summoned all his strength and flipped them around. To hell with it! Ohno pushed Sho down. "A-as long as I'm in control."

Sho had been startled by the sudden change. After Ohno's answer, he grinned up. He reached up to pinch Ohno's flushed cheek. "I wonder if you even know what to do."

And irritated Ohno swatted his hand away as he blushed harder but he did not move. Chuckling, Sho placed his hand on either side of Ohno's head and brought him down. They kissed softly.

Then they pulled away and an inch apart stared into each other's eyes. A world of passion, desire, worry, care. Everything both could not say.

Overwhelmed, Ohno buried his head into the crook of Sho's neck and he refused to move. They lay there, one on top of the other, listening to each other's beating heart. And Sho wondered as he wrapped his arms around Ohno how he had come to love his brother so much. Ohno wondered why he was felt so suffocated, why he never wanted to leave the comfort of Sho.

Amidst all the emotions, Sho took control once more. He flipped them around again and on top he stole Ohno's breath and lips away, kissing Ohno hard and passionately. This time, Ohno did not fight back. Carried by his feelings, he allowed his clothes to be stripped from him and all the while the only thing he could think about was Sho. He allowed himself to feel pleasure when his brother's hands ran down his body. He groaned and blushed when Sho stretched and teased him, and later when Sho entered him, Ohno wondered what his feelings really meant.

Why did he care so much?

If I let all this pride slip from my grasp, what's left? I will finally see my answer.
I set out among others, those who can tell me, and we look together.

Because he could not sleep through Sho's snoring, Ohno crept out of his brother's bed and pulled on some pants and a shirt. His legs refused to hold him up at first because stupid Sho had done it too hard, but Ohno soon got hold of himself. He staggered through the hall and stopped by the door to his bedroom. Did he feel like going in? He was tired and he wanted to sleep. His head still hurt, but Ohno did not want to go into his room. Where did he want to be then? He knew.

His feet carried him to his art studio.

At the entrance, Ohno looked around at the familiar place. His place. He sat on a stool and before a blank canvas. He reached for a pencil and as he held in his hands, he instantly knew he could draw. After all this time, he just could. And his heart lifted. What had happened? He did not know, but it was a glorious moment.

Smiling to himself, Ohno placed the tip of the pencil on the paper and started. His thoughts and feeling came together. There he drew the head. The man's perfect cheeks. His perfect face. The serious brows. The kind eyes. This time, he knew he was drawing Sho and Ohno did not stop himself. His emotions... this time he wanted to find out, not just run away. After so many years, he finally wanted to understand what he felt. He continued to draw.

Just as his brother became recognizable on the canvas, a phone rang.

Ohno realized he had pulled on Sho's pants instead of his own. He had been wearing pajamas, hadn't he? He took out his brother's mobile and flipped it open.

"Hello?" he started nervously. He usually never took someone else's calls.

Yamada was on the other line. "Where is Sakurai Sho? Who is this?" she asked suspiciously.

For some reason, he became unnerved. Ohno sucked in a breath before answering. "Satoshi. Sho's sleeping."

"Why didn't Sho come to work?" she demanded impatiently.

So many questions. Ohno's palm grew clammy as he replied, "I'm sorry. He stayed to look after me."

From the other end, he heard a frustrated scream. Ohno pulled the phone away from his ear. He could still hear her as she shouted at him, "You guys are disgusting!" And then a click and silence as she hung up.

He was shocked beyond words. What did she mean? He sat on the stool limply, dazed. The phone dangled from his hand.
Did Yamada know something that he did not? Did she guess what they had done? Sudden fear entered his heart and Ohno wondered what would happen to Sho. Why did he become so afraid at the thought of losing his brother once more? He had just gotten Sho back. Please don't let anything take him away.

He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around himself as if that would protect him. Something was wrong. This sudden anger electrifying the space around him, this chill in the air.

There. I see it. They see also. It is blurry, hazy, but it begins to define.
All of us gasp. They do not need to explain it. By myself, I understand. Finally, when I have thrown my pride away.

He did not realize it when his mother entered his studio.

She was also holding her mobile phone, clutching it to her heart. Mrs. Ohno had arrived home only to receive a call from Yamada, someone whom she already saw as a daughter-in-law. When she saw the loose pants on Ohno's frame, not his, and Sho's face smiling from the canvas, her breath stopped for a moment. She had been paying attention, hadn't she? Satoshi and Sho were just brothers.

"Satoshi."

He swiveled around in alarm and stared at her, wide-eyed. "Mom."

Mrs. Ohno forced a smile on her face. She spoke to her son. "It's a lie. I don't believe her. Satoshi, why don't you assure me. There's nothing between you and Sho."

I see it from outside my wall. This is something pure and clear. That's the truth.
The people around me cannot. They say it is dirty.

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Next Vice SIX: Greed - the desire for more