One World with Seven Sins ...4/8

[kanu_x]

Edited: 2013.02.11

Title: One World with Seven Sins
Feature/Pairing: only Yama, OCs
Rating: NC-17 (incest, sexual references)
Genre: au, solely romance based: no subplots
Summary: Stepbrothers Ohno and Sho gradually fall in love over the years.
Their troubles learning to accept and understand their feelings. Aka frustration.
Part: 4/8
A/N: This fic was actually inspired by Tensaibaka's lovely Juntoshi fic Prisoner of Love - Incestuous Love.

Previous: Vice THREE

Vice FOUR: Lust - sexual desire

* * *

I wake up in cold sweat sometimes and I can't go back to sleep.
I'm tortured by my wants.

Since that day, time had passed. Summer went by. Then Autumn. Winter. Spring. Nothing changed except for one thing.

He had been fishing. Was actually fishing at the moment. Nowadays, his art studio became a place where dust gathered. The last time he had gone there was close to one year ago. The last time he created something.

Ohno sat on a rocking boat in the middle of the ocean and stared out into nowhere. His fishing pole hung with its line stretched out into the distance. He waited and waited. There was still no catch today. The sun was easing its way down the horizon when he decided it was time to go home.

As soon as Ohno took one step across the threshold of his house, he knew they had a guest. The atmosphere was more lively. He peered around the door and saw an unknown woman talking to his mother. Another one of Sho's women. What number was she now? A tick went off in his neck as he took off his shoes and heard his mother call him.

"You missed dinner, Satoshi."

He shrugged and raised his head. And then his heart skipped a beat when his eyes suddenly met Sho's. Sho turned away and that was the end to their interaction.

The lady turned out to be one of Sho's coworker who was working on a project with him. Or at least she was introduced so. Ohno knew better. He ate silently in the kitchen alone and observed her. Obviously, she was in love with Sho. Every time he spoke to her, she sparkled. Reliable, cool Sho. The only side of him that everyone else knew.

Ohno finished and went up quietly. No one noticed.

In his room, he surfed the net about fishing. An hour later, the sound of a car door slamming outside his window distracted him. Ohno looked out to see Sho driving away with his coworker in the passenger seat. So Sho was taking her home. Fine.

Ohno went to bed and curled into a tight ball under the covers. He remembered now. Her number. In just one year, his brother was at girl number thirteen. From the time it all started when he had the learned the truth about Sho's feelings to this day, Ohno still wondered. What was Sho doing?

When he had first met Sho as a smaller boy, he had no expectations. Nothing. After so many years spent laughing together, that changed. He had grown too fond of Sho, so much that of course he could not let go. Sho cutting him out had devastated him. He let those months fly by while he cowered behind his wound and scars. Ohno had been too cowardly to step out of his shell. Now, his brother had become someone he no longer knew.

The enemy is myself and that's the hardest thing to face.

Last year, Mr. Sakurai had announced that he planned to make it a tradition for his wife and him to attend the fireworks show every summer. This year would be no different except that they would leave early to join the festivities.

The previous year, Ohno went fishing alone. This year he planned to do the same but his mother intervened. She made him promise that just once he would go, even if it was to do so by himself without friends or a partner. Because he could not disappoint her, he made the oath. It was all right as long as he was not required to be with someone.

The night before the festival, the family ate together in the dining room. Because the rest were talking about politics, Ohno did not join in. He ate silently in his seat, barely listening to the conversation.

And then Sho suddenly changed the subject. "Yamada and I might see you tomorrow," he told their parents. "We're going to the same place to watch the fireworks."

At that, Ohno's ears perked up. Yamada his coworker? Did that mean...

"A date?" Mrs. Ohno asked.

Sho almost laughed. "No, no. We're friends. She'd just like to see them so I told her I'd accompany her."

Liar. Ohno lost his appetite.

His mother noticed his expression and whispered to him while the other two continued the conversation, "Are you okay?"

He forced the corner of his lips to turn up and replied, "Fine."

Later in the bathroom as Ohno brushed his teeth, he looked up from the sink and saw Sho reflected in the mirror. He turned and saw his brother at the door. "Oh." Ohno tried not to show too much surprise.

Sho was the image of calm. "I heard you're also going tomorrow. Alone. Would you like to come with Yamada and me?"

Ohno snorted through his nose. Sho must be joking. Very funny.

He turned back to finish brushing his teeth. Sho did not leave. In silence, he waited for Ohno's answer.
Ohno realized his brother meant it. Really. Did Sho just want to show his date off? He spit into the sink and rinsed his mouth, then raised his head to say, "No."

Sho left without trying to persuade him.

Ohno watched the empty space where he had been and reminded himself that was the reason why he rejected the invitation. Sho was never sincere. Never had been. And somehow, his spirits plummeted. He already knew, but why did it always feel like the first time?

That same night, he had a strange dream.

Ohno hated hospitals, but in the dream he was perfectly fine. He was even a doctor, wearing a white coat and standing among a few others; surgeons, nurses. One of their shared patient was dying.

He stood and listened to their description of this patient's health, nodding his head every once in a while but in truth not understanding at all. He was in deep shit. Ohno had no idea what they were saying. He was starting to panic when one of the nurses stated in understandable terms, "Our patient needs a heart and there isn't one available."

Ohhh... So their patient required a transplant. Now he nodded enthusiastically.

But then suddenly, the knowledge hit him. He knew who it was, who the dying patient was. Sakurai Sho. His brother. His brother? The truth suffocated him.

Ohno turned and ran through the brightly lit halls. Why couldn't he run faster? He was so tired. It was hard to put one foot in front of the other. He fought to move forward, to keep going. Every second that it took him to inch onward, he felt Sho's life force ebbing away. He couldn't help it. Despair slowly seeped in.

The ER room came into view. The same room he remembered from his childhood. The one where he and his mother had waited outside for news of his father's condition.

Ohno stopped before the doors and could not bring himself to push them open. He could not go in. Fear overpowered all other emotions. He knew that if he could just get through those doors, Sho would be on the other side and he could save him. But still, he could not bring himself to move. He was too afraid.

And then like a the drop of a pin in a silent hall, he heard Sho's last breath give away.

His brother was no longer on the other side.

It was too much. Ohno gasped for air. Sho was gone. And then he collapsed.

Sho woke in the middle of the night and he heard small noises coming through the wall. From Ohno's room. He grew irritated because he was so sleepy. But when the sounds did not stop half a hour later, Sho became worried. He listened closer and he thought he recognized.

His heart raced as he jumped out of bed without a care for how much noise he made and he rushed to the other room. He burst in and saw Ohno curled on his side with his eyes closed. Sho froze when he realized that his brother was still asleep, but he was crying.

"Satoshi..." he whispered as he moved in and sat by the bedside. He took his older brother's hand and uncurled the clenched fingers, then entwined theirs together as he reached out to brush the tears on Ohno's face away. "Why are you crying?" It went to his heart. He couldn't help it. How long had it been since he'd seen Ohno this close?
And yet it was just because his brother was crying and he didn't know why.

At five in the morning, he bent down to brush a kiss on Ohno's lips. He stood and looked down at his brother, fighting the urge to touch him. And then frustrated with himself, Sho walked out.

Ohno woke at six.

The day passed quickly. Nothing differed except that Ohno and Sho were extra tired. By evening, Mr. Sakurai and Mrs. Ohno were ready to leave. They told their sons that they hoped to see them later and went off. Sho stayed in his bedroom and Ohno lounged in the living room until nightfall. Thankfully they were apart. Ohno had time to calm down.

He sat by the window and allowed the warm night air to blow in while he grew lost in his thoughts. His dream. what did it mean? Sho was gone. It was just like reality, wasn't it? Even in his dreams, he had lost his brother. He couldn't hold on.

One hour before the fireworks started, Sho finally came down the stairs. He saw Ohno sitting by the open window, gazing out and lost in his own world. He did not even realize that Sho had come down. Holding back an urge to speak to him, Sho left.

Five minutes after his departure, Ohno broke out of his daze. He looked at the clock and saw that it was time to go. He loved fireworks, but he hated a crowd and that made him reluctant. With a heavy heart, Ohno closed the front door behind him and started towards his destination.

It was dark out. Stars littered the sky. He naturally peered up when he felt uncomfortable around all the couples or groups heading for the same place. And then with each glance upwards, he became drawn to its sheer beauty and peacefulness.

Ohno stopped in his tracks by the river and listened to the sounds of the running water against the star-streaked sky. The steadiness. Again, he was reminded of Sho. And again, he drowned in thought.

One year had gone by just like today and Ohno had let it happen. Each day of that year his longing had intensified until it became unbearable. Every morning he would think he was fine but when darkness fell, the loneliness would set in. In those handful of months, he could not remember ever being truly happy. He wanted so much, but Ohno did not know what. He just felt empty. Was that why he needed Sho? Even after their brotherhood had broken to pieces, he couldn't completely let go. The feeling of wanting something there became so strong, he sometimes reached out to touch Sho until he realized what he was doing and pulled his hand away. His brother never noticed and he was grateful. Or maybe ashamed.

Ohno stared up at the stars and he wished he had done something to repair their relationship. Maybe his brother and he would never go back to being the same, but they could have established respect for one another. It was all too late now. Their situation had grown cold. He hated both of their immaturity.

As gloom overrode his emotions, Ohno stood in place like a lost child. Time passed with him standing that way. Others walked by but no one noticed his lone figure.

A group of female friends made their way down the street and passed close to Ohno. Like the rest, they did not see him. One of the girls flailed her arms passionately and the bracelet on her wrist unfortunately clipped him on the ear.

"Itai!" His hands flew up to clutch at his injury while he lost his balance.

The girls saw him teeter on the edge and they screamed as he fell into the murky waters of the river. With a splash, he sunk in. Ohno blinked up at them. He stood up in the water that was only waist high, waiting for what had occurred to register in his brain. He was thoroughly wet to the skin. Even his hair was damp.

What happened only proved to him that it was a horrible day. After the girls repeatedly apologized to him, he headed home with hunched shoulders.

Already at the site where the fireworks were to be set off, Mrs. Ohno took a leisurely stroll with her husband down the street and through the crowd. She was having a great time and she wondered if her sons were too. Then her eyes fell on a familiar face among the gathering onlookers. It was Yamada, but for some reason Sho was not with her. As she excused herself from her husband's side and approached the woman, she wondered if they had planned to meet here. Bad idea on her son's part. Sho should have escorted her.

"Hello, Mrs. Sakurai," Yamada said with an inclination of her head when she neared.

Mrs. Ohno greeted her and did the same. Then she went straight to the heart of her curiousity, "Are you meeting Sho here?"

Yamada shook her head. "He was walking with me until he heard some rumors and left."

"Rumors?" Mrs. Ohno repeated, intrigued.

Yamada shook her head. She did not want to explain. But she smiled at the older woman and asked tentatively instead, "Mrs. Ohno, do you ever wonder about your sons?"

Ohno was still making his way home and with every step he took, his spirits plummeted. Plus the fact that he now realized his ankle was hurting. He must have twisted it when he fell and made it worst while walking. It was beginning to pain him. Unconsciously, Ohno limped to ease it.

His thoughts shifted from his pain to his situation. The fireworks would start soon. Sho must be having fun with Yamada. Here he was, going home like a sore loser. He sniffed and tried not to sneeze. Though it was summer, the water had been unusually cold. His footsteps were heavy and slow especially with him limping. The destination had become his house in the end. Dark with the lights off. He was alone at the moment, but for some reason the thought of being closed in by four walls made the solitude seem more real. He forced his feet to move on. Ironically, this time he did not want to go home.

Footsteps sounded behind him. They were so quiet, Ohno had difficulty hearing them at first. When he realized they were heading the same way he was, he turned but not before Sho had thrown an arm around his shoulders. Where he touched, lightning ran through Ohno's body.

Ohno stared Sho, speechless with disbelief.

"You're cold," Sho said, taking most of Ohno's weight to ease the weight on his twisted ankle.

Ohno did not notice. He had so many questions, he could not get them out. Why was Sho here? What was Sho playing at? He had been the perfect ice statue.

The initial feelings of shock disappeared and were replaced with anger. Ohno pulled away and broke out of Sho's grasp, then limped sullenly beside his brother making sure to keep distance between them. "I don't get you," he muttered. "Go back to your girlfriend."

Sho sucked in a breath and answered, "She's not my girlfriend."

Ohno did not care. It was just a lie anyway. "Oh." But you're digging her, aren't you? He did not have the guts to say it and kept silent.

"Satoshi," Sho started again, reaching for Ohno. "Let me help you." He couldn't stand to watch his brother limp.

"Why?" Ohno demanded instead, moving out of his reach. "You hate me. I haven't heard you speak so many words to me since--"

"You hated me too, didn't you?" Sho questioned darkly. There seemed to be enough room in his heart, already filled with worry, to add in irritation.

That's right. Ohno stopped and glared at him. He hated the both of them. He wished they had never been stepbrothers. He wished they had never met. He continued to glare at Sho for two full seconds before he returned to limping away. Even if he had wanted them to talk it out, had even wished for it moments ago, not this way.

"Satoshi..." Sho called after him.

Ohno ignored him. Why did he care anyway? That day when Ohno had walked home drunk, angry as he was now, Sho had not spoken one word. What had changed? Only the time. Only the fact it was one year later and he had let it drag on. So Ohno moved forward.

He saw their house in the distance and he stared straight ahead, his breaths coming in gasps as the pain in his ankle increased. It was silent behind him now. Sho had gone? Sho had left? The realization hit him and the loneliness came back full force. It was true after all. His brother did not care. Sho had drawn in the line between them once again.

And Ohno hated that he felt his eyes burn and his vision blurred. He wouldn't cry. Sho must have been fed up and went away. Even though he had left Sho, truly Ohno still wanted him there, following him. He wanted his brother to prove how wrong everything was. He was such a hypocrite. Ohno was too confused and the pain in his heart only intensified.

And then a hand gripped his shoulder and forced him to turn around. He gaped up at the face of his brother. Sho had not left! Ohno's face paled.

Sho reached down under Ohno's knees and carried him off the ground.

"Sho!" he shouted, afraid. Sho was different and he couldn't grasp why.

Sho carried him the rest of the way to the house and inside.

Sometimes, I am afraid of what I can do. I do not want to hurt that other person.

Sho sat outside the shower room as inside Ohno undressed and turned on the water. They did not speak.

Ohno let the hot water run down his body. He submerged his whole form and let it dampen his hair. His thoughts returned to his brother just waiting through the door.

He finally realized, what he wanted might not only be to have Sho's respect. He wanted Sho to need him as much as he did. He wanted the lies to all be true. He wanted that silly brother, the one he knew back then, to be real. As he soaked himself in the shower, standing perfectly still, he finally had the courage to ask that one question that he couldn't more than ten years ago. The question he had thought of asking while he sat in Sho's room. Before they had become close and then broken.

Ohno opened his mouth and said, "Sho, why do you hate me?"

What if I took so much? Too much of that person?

Outside, Sho perked up. He raised his head and realized what Ohno was asking. "I don't hate you," he answered. "It is you who hate me."

"Liar," Ohno replied. He covered his face with his hand to stop the running shower from pelting water into his eyes. "You do despise me. You pulled away first. Aren't you the one acting cold?"

"I did," Sho muttered. "But that does not mean I dislike you."

"I don't get you. I don't get you at all," Ohno stammered. He twisted the handle so that the running water would chill him, so that it would cool his burning skin and his frustration.

Sho stood and pressed a hand against the shower door. "There's nothing to misunderstand. But you. You do not deny hating me."

"That's because I do!" Ohno shouted from inside. "I hate you so much it irritates me!"

Sho grew silent.

Ohno felt like he was breaking. How could he say it? How to explain himself? He clenched his eyes shut. It was cold. Not just the water, but the atmosphere around them. For one moment, just one moment his brother had broken out of his shell. Both had looked out. Now it would be gone again. Would it take another year? Hopelessness engulfed him. He couldn't take it.

And then the door opened and Sho stepped in still fully clothed.

Ohno was bare to the skin and he grew speechless at his ridiculous brother. His eyes grew wide when he saw that Sho was approaching despite the running shower. His clothes dampened and still he didn't stop.

"What are you doing!?" When Sho did not stop advancing, Ohno shouted, "Don't look!" Hadn't they just been talking? Why did he suddenly feel heat rush through his body? Yet, he was afraid because he knew the look in Sho's eyes, eyes similar to Ohno's own. Ohno stepped back and put out a hand to protect himself but Sho took his hand and held on.

Sho pulled him back under the running shower, and when Ohno winced as he landed on his twisted foot, Sho pressed their lips together. The kiss conveyed all their pent up emotions, all their desires through the years. Rough and passionate. Sho bit Ohno's lip and when Ohno instinctively opened his mouth, Sho inserted his tongue. A jolt of lightning flashed through them and when they broke away, Ohno gasped for breath.

"S-Sho. I..." Just like that, all his determination had slipped away.

Sho ran his hands down Ohno's body and Ohno clenched his teeth together so that he wouldn't make a sound. He was turned on but embarrassed for feeling this way. "Satoshi, that's not good. I want to hear you," Sho said quietly as his fingers reached Ohno's groin. Ohno gripped his shoulders so that he would not fall.

"Uah... It's unfair!" Ohno shouted. This was happening too fast. Heat raged inside of him. All of a sudden, Sho had taken control. Why did it have to be him?

Pleasure threatened to overwhelm everything. The water went into his eyes and he could not open them to see his surroundings. He felt his brother's tongue on his body and his fingers inside of him. Annoying Sho, taking everything and not letting him do anything.

"I really hate you," Ohno gasped, but without conviction.

But then Sho surprised him. Sho wrapped his lean arms around Ohno and did not continue. They stood there under the running water with their bodies pressed together and did not move. One breath passed between them and then two.

Ohno calmed down. He surprised himself. He felt comfortable in his brother's arms. "Sho, what are you doing?"

"I want you."

Ohno pulled back. "We were talking!" And just five minutes ago, there was still that gap between them.

Sho finally pulled them out of the water and pressed his back against the tiled wall. "I know."

"Sho, it's unfair," Ohno repeated against his shoulder, all his strength gone while his body reacted strongly as his brother touched him gently. His face grew hot and he brought up his hands to hide in shame. He couldn't fight back. What was Sho doing to him? Why his heart?

Sho held Ohno's weight so that Ohno would not have to rely on his injured foot as he prepared him. Ohno let out a moan and he flushed even more, if that was possible.

"Satoshi, why are you hiding?" Sho asked in a lowered tone, referring to Ohno's hands over his face. Ohno refused to answer and so Sho said, "If you don't stop, I'll leave you like this." And Ohno would have to finish by masturbation.

Frustrated, Ohno dropped his hands and glared down at him. It was Sho who had started it in the first place! "You--!"

Sho smiled up at him and Ohno's heart melted. Stupid self, he mentally berated. Then Sho's smile faded as he captured Ohno's lips once more. Gentle this time and warm, but still passionate. Shyly, Ohno responded. Then Sho spread his legs and entered.

It was his first time and he was shocked. Pain streaked through Ohno's body. He broke the kiss and tried to push away. "Augh! It hurts!"

Sho raised him higher until his foot came off the ground. "Satoshi..."

"Auh, Sho, it hurts!" he screamed when his brother went deeper and he slapped Sho's shoulder repeatedly.

"Relax," Sho whispered. "Relax, Satoshi."

Ohno tried to even his breath. He could hear his own heartbeat in his ears. He took another deep breath. And he could hear... Ohno stared into Sho's face and he realized he could hear his brother's pulse as well. Sho held his eyes and Ohno knew at that moment that he would not run away. He gripped Sho's shoulders and averted his eyes when Sho continued to stare.

"You're such a loser," Ohno muttered, somehow turning more red. How irritating. "I hate you."

Sho almost smiled and he kissed his cheek. His adorable older brother. Then he entered all the way.

Because I am a person with too much wants, the repercussions might hurt me.

Later, Ohno and Sho laid in bed fully clothed in warm pajamas. Ohno frowned when he found that his brother was already fast asleep. What had they just done? And yet, nothing had been solved between them. Nothing at all. Worst of all, now Ohno thought he might actually hate Sho.

He grew more angry when remembering. He had not finished what he wanted to say. Sho had not let him. One thing for sure, Ohno would not let something like that happen again. Frustrated, he turned on his side away from his brother. Before long, exhaustion overcame him and Ohno fell asleep next to Sho. Unconsciously, in his sleep he turned and their foreheads touched.

That's what I am most afraid of. The consequences of this need.

Before Mrs. Ohno went to sleep, she checked in her sons' room and found that they were resting in Ohno's bed. Side by side. One year ago, she had thought nothing of it. Tonight as she closed the door behind her, Yamada's question returned.

Mrs. Ohno walked away and wondered if she should pay more attention to her sons.

I'm afraid that in the end because I have exploited these wants and taken what I can,
I will lose this person who is most important to me.

* * *

Next Vice FIVE: Pride - feeling of superiority