i love alaska. i have had a hard time distinguishing alaska from home since i got back. i am lonesome in many ways but soon i won't be. everything was much more than i could have expected or asked for. i really must learn macedonian soon. i need a hug. the kind that reminds me of what i need in life and tells me i am a good person and i am loved. i ( Read more... )

i am so disappointed. i told you something in confidence, actually many things, and you betrayed that trust. something i don't take lightly. was it really necessary for me to ask you not to say anything? i thought it was an unspoken fact and you are 35! aren't you past that childish stage? or are we still in high school? i have lost sleep over this ( Read more... )

i am annoyed and upset and i don't really care. why do i get like that? i get upset about things that never really mattered to me. it was too far so why am i upset about not having to go all the way there? i make no sense sometimes. i feel like i am embarking on a new part of my life that only had threads to the past. i need to figure out how the ( Read more... )

i have been crying. silent. watching mtv with tears falling on my hands. i want to sit in the moment and sink into myself but i know i must remain present. available. i am sick to my stomach. i feel like i have lost a part of me. or at least a big part of my life is missing. it's odd how 2 things can seem the same but feel completely different. one ( Read more... )

i am really sick of being fucked over. friends. what is your definition? mine must be very construed and distorted or i expect too much. is it too much to just ask for common courtousy? confusion. i hate that i feel so much. that i let things bother me and feel bad about myself due to other's lack of respect. i need to vent and feel better. i have ( Read more... )

i am..... things are odd. strange. i am bewildered and angered and saddened. i will not apologize and expect none in return. it is unnecessary. i feel swollen and polluted. i have no more questions or any answers even if there were. i am cringing, cradling, crying. unamused. i want to write a poem while painting a picture of the night sky in a hole ( Read more... )

while driving to work i had so much to say. i had written my lj in my head. now the words are gone. lost in my mind. but they were brilliant nonsensical words. i thought about my facination with dying. not morbid thoughts of suicide or actual death but the final thought. i am interested in what my last thought would be. would i think of a lover, a ( Read more... )

miss you ( Read more... )

"criminal ( Read more... )

i am confused. that's all i can offer. a confused little girl with a fish. i have problems and i know it. i have never kept that from you. i hate your questioning. it makes me uncomfortable and naked in a way that i don't like. you are right. i have hidden part of my life and not shown you everything i could but i think i am protecting you and us. ( Read more... )