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[arimidex]

out of curiousity, not judgement, i would like to ask;

why do some people define themselves by their romantic partners? and not by their romantic partners' personalities, but by stating whether or not they have one - like THEY are an interesting fact about YOU.

if they were children, of course i would understand. you created them. they're a part of

Comments

[omega_male]

I've thought a lot about a similar question to this recently. I think we hear so much about codependency as a kind of pathology that we have this knee-jerk reaction against the idea that our personalities/identities are, in an inextricable way, bound up with other people. However, codependency is arguably a pseudo-psychological condition, developed from people's distaste for communal conceptions of identity, and finding an individualistic notion of Self as preferable

[arimidex]

that's a fantastically put, well-rounded point. thank you very kindly for taking the time to share that with me.

[arimidex]

also; your writing is elegant. are you a writer, professionally?

[omega_male]

Thanks for the compliment! No, I'm just a struggling grad student who's got too much time on his hands apparently. I really like your writing too, by the way. It's what stuck out to me when I saw you on the Add_me group.

[desparejo86]

Might be unrelated, but when I am unhappy with something about my life or myself I've sometimes dealt with it by getting rid of whoever I was seeing. I feel like theyre a part of me, and if I don't like the current me; we both have to go.

I also get told I need therapy a lot, haha

[arimidex]

LOL that's hilarious, paul. i laughed out loud.

"i feel like i should dress better and mor work appropriate... on second thought, you're a shitty dresser too!"

you don't need therapy. i think that's a healthy dose of realism, and it shows you know yourself best.

[silver_coins]

I honestly don't get this either. When I've dated people I haven't even told most of my friends unless the subject comes up. To me it's not something to brag about and it doesn't say anything about me. Though I think some people use it as a way to say "Hey, look, someone wants me!". Maybe they think they look more attractive to the world if they have a significant other. I really don't know.

[arimidex]

that's how i feel. discussing the aspects of it is totally cool and human, but introducing yourself with "yo, i have a boyfriend" doesn't have an substance to me. In fact, it makes me question why the fuck you needed me to know that immediately, and why it was so important to tell me.

[arimidex]

that's way different than introducing yourself with, hi, i'm (insert name here), i'm married. end. your marriage and what happens in it is a big part of your life, it's your story, but you don't use it as a crutch to base yourself on. you're truly an independent person beside it.

[justjesi]

I'm with you here, I don't know why people define themselves by others. I've never done it, I'm seeing someone I never say anything unless it comes out, I don't feel the need to let others know, hey I'm taken. I'd rather have people like me for who I am and not with whom I'm with.

[arimidex]

agreed! everyone's different, I suppose, but I feel really put off by people who just come right out and say "HI I HAVE A BOOOY FRIEND". why do they need to tell me this? i'm not hitting on you, baby, and I don't care. it almost comes off a socially awkward to me.