Addictive Obsession - Chapter thirteen [PART II]

[aroruae]

PART I

Jin tensed and his hands automatically tightened their grip around Kazuya, almost like he was already determined to do anything to stop him. No, he wouldn’t let him. Kazuya couldn’t leave Jin, he won’t allow it! “Why?” Still, this was the only thing that he could say, a word said with a broken voice and disappointment blended with anger in it.

Kazuya chuckled, but in a way, he wanted to weep. This showed how much Jin would cling on him and how little chance he had to get away if he wanted to. “I’m visiting my dad. It’s his birthday and we have always celebrated it together.” He offered an explanation, chuckling again when he felt Jin’s body relaxing.

“So this means you’ll come back?” Jin asked, still not willing to lessen the grip that he had on the younger one. Something sounded wrong and even if Kazuya seemed to laugh and act like it wasn’t a big deal, Jin had a feeling that it was. He knew that something will happen.

“Of course, silly.” Kazuya laughed, trying to reassure Jin. “It’s not like me and my dad have a great relationship. But after all he’s done for me, at least I can go and celebrate with him his birthday, you know?” he lifted his upper body to look better at Jin. “Don’t you feel the same sometimes with your parents?” Kazuya asked, smiling and all.

“No.” Jin responded with a plain voice, fixing Kazuya with his eyes. “I have no idea if they’re alive or dead and I don’t want to know either.” He added like an explanation, even if he wasn’t sure why he felt the need to say so. Maybe Kazuya’s look made him think twice at his words.

“Are you an orphan?” Kazuya asked bluntly, knowing that for some people, asking such direct questions was better than saying sorry and avoid the subject. And, well, Jin seemed one of those people. At least, to Kazuya and he was almost never wrong.

And he was right because Jin started to laugh when he heard Kazuya’s words. He lifted his body and let his back on the bed frame, without moving his gaze from the younger. “Not really.” He answered with amusement. “It’s just that one day when I came back home, nobody was there anymore. The neighbors told me that they simply left. After a few hours, some people came and kicked me out saying that my house belongs to them now.” Jin shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal what he was telling. “So you have to understand me if I don’t care about those bastards.” He added with a slight tease in his voice.

Kazuya didn’t show anything as he heard Jin’s story, though he felt sorry for the little kid that had been ruthlessly abandoned by such irresponsible parents. He kind of understood why Jin had such a twisted personality. “Yeah, I know the feeling.” Kazuya said, smiling a bit. “And how did you manage afterwards?” he continued asking, curious about how Jin had got to where he was now. Maybe he had missed something and that was why he was still the weak child since he had lived with his mother.

Jin sighed, not really wanting to remember that time of his life. It hadn’t been a bad time for him because it had made him what he was today and Jin didn’t have not even one small regret about this, but… it was a little annoying to remember about the time he was weak and didn’t know that much about life. “Well…” he started, leaning his head back to look at the ceiling and decide with what to start. “My mom was a whore and my dad was a drunken. They even tried to sell me once.” He chuckled, seeming really amused about this idea. “So I already knew how to take care of myself and what to expect from the outside world.” He shrugged again, seeing his past self as he was trying to fight to have a name in this cruel world. “It wasn’t that hard after I started to meet the right people and besides, Ryo and Pi helped me a lot.” He now smiled, thinking that as much as he hated them, he knew he could count on those two for anything.

Kazuya’s mind blanked out in the moment Jin mentioned being forced into prostitution. He gulped once and focused on the rest of what Jin had to say, keeping a poker face and hiding his emotions. “You were forced to prostitute yourself?” Kazuya asked with a small voice.

Jin looked at the boy and narrowed his eyes, almost like he was trying to see through the younger one’s defenses. “No, I wasn’t forced because I broke that bastard’s head with a bowl.” He grinned, feeling proud of himself. “They thought that it would be funny to make me do this but oh, well,” he shrugged again and stretched his limbs, “it seems that the guy was important too because my parents went through hell after that.” he chuckled darkly, remembering their terrified faces when Jin had told them that he had escaped and returned home. “It was hell for me too but it was worth it!” he exclaimed happily, throwing his fist into the air and smiling at Kazuya, trying to make him recover all that color that the younger had lost since Jin started talking.

Jin wasn’t sure if it was because of his past or because of something else, but it had something to do with Kazuya and he wanted to get to the bottom of it. But not through Kazuya, he didn’t want to push the younger one more than this.

“Oh.” Kazuya simply said, looking at Jin and his suddenly energetic self. Somehow, he envied the man. And not because of what he was now, but how he had stood up to the ones who forced him into this, for how he had managed to protect himself from being trashed like he had been. “I’m glad that you escaped.” Kazuya said, his expression warm and his eyes somewhat watery. He put a hand on Jin’s cheek, caressing it gently. “I’m sorry that I questioned you.” He added softly and stood up, placing a peck on Jin’s lips. “Don’t make a happy face if you don’t have anything to be happy about.” Kazuya whispered and touched Jin’s forehead with his, closing his eyes.

“You don’t have for what to be sorry.” Jin also whispered and followed the younger’s example, closing his eyes. His hunch that something was wrong had just became the inevitable truth for Jin and he was determined to find out what made Kazuya this sad. He couldn’t stand it, it broke his heart to see his lover like that because Kazuya deserved to be smiling all the time. “Something happened?” he asked with the same low voice, almost like fearing to disturb the silence that had fallen between them. He had his eyes open now and they were studying Kazuya intensively.

The younger also opened his eyes and returned Jin’s stare. “No.” he replied with a smile. “I was just empathizing with you.” He added, noticing the concern Jin held for him. “Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong.” He distanced himself from the older one and lied again on the bed. “So… there’s no problem if I go visiting my dad?” Kazuya asked, subtly - or not - changing the subject.

If Jin had noticed or not, Kazuya had no idea, but it seemed that Jin had accepted his try to change the subject. The older one crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at Kazuya with a questioning gaze. “When you’ll be back?” he asked, wanting more information before allowing Kazuya to leave him. He knew where his parents lived, but… that was about all that he was aware of.

“In a week or so.” Kazuya promptly replied, thinking that maybe Jin wouldn’t like this. “We need to catch up with stories in our lives.” He added, laughing a bit. The truth was that he needed to visit his father and then to go with him to a hospital for a check up. That was how his father’s birthdays were spent.

“A week?!” Jin exclaimed, suddenly sounding angry. A couple of days he could manage, maybe. Even three if he was feeling generous. But a week… that was too much. He couldn’t stand to be away that much from the younger. “You’re leaving tomorrow and coming back the day after tomorrow.” he said instead, his voice calm and with a slightly hint of ordering in it.

Kazuya cocked an eyebrow as he looked at Jin. He should have known better that the older one would not take it well. “Jin, I’m going to be with my father.” Kazuya said, a tint of reproach in his voice. “I think you can manage a few days without me, it’s not the end of the world.” He then added, rolling his eyes. Then there was a brief pause. Jin snorted.

“He helped me a lot and he needs me at least once a year.” Kazuya insisted, not wanting to give his father explanations as why he couldn’t stay longer. It wasn’t like the old man was too attached to him, but somehow this had become a tradition between the two of them and they had gotten used to it. It made them feel like they belonged or that they still had a family together.

“A few days, yeah.” Jin replied while he fetched his boxers from the floor and raised himself from the bed, starting to wander through the room for his cigars. “But not a week.” He added as he finally found his jeans and took one cigar from the pack, bringing it to his lips and now searching for a lighter.

“Jin.” Kazuya called, looking as serious as a person could look while being naked and freshly fucked in a rustled bed. “I can’t let my father alone on his birthday, he needs me.” He said when he had Jin’s attention on him. “You understand this, right?” he asked, hoping for a positive answer.

“So what, you’re saying that I don’t need you?” the older said with a frustrated tone, taking a drag and puffing out the smoke, trying to calm down but failing badly. “His birthday is only one day, it doesn’t take a full week.” He then pointed out.

Kazuya sighed, letting his head fall and his bangs covering his face. “I’m not saying anything but my father needs me.” The younger replied with a frown, now looking again at Jin. “And I know that his birthday is a single day, but …we do things together that request time.” He continued, thinking of the best choice of words. “Look, you can come and pick me up after I’m done with my dad. How’s this?” he smiled a little, hoping that Jin would accept.

“I want to come with you.” Jin replied promptly, his firm gaze saying that Kazuya didn’t really have a choice. “That or you’re not staying that long.” He added as an afterthought, crossing his arms and standing in the middle of the room while looking at Kazuya.

“I can’t have you that long at my dad’s place.” The younger one replied, shaking his head. “But you can come and stay for a couple of days.” He added, hoping that it will please Jin at least. “It’s better than nothing and having me upset on you.” Kazuya continued with a pouting expression.

“Don’t worry, I’ll find a place to stay and I won’t even bother your father.” Jin said with a wide smile on his lips, happy that he had managed to convince the younger. “I only need you and nothing else.” He continued, sitting on the bed, next to Kazuya and still puffing on his cigar with a grin on his face, seeming content and satisfied.

“And where will you stay?” Kazuya snorted, looking kind of amused at Jin. “Out on the field?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow. “You know, my father lives at the countryside, not even near a hotel or something close to it. So you’d spend most of the day coming to me than staying with me.” He continued, sticking out his tongue. “That’s why it’s better if you come two days before my returning due time and we’ll leave together.” Kazuya smiled brightly.

Jin pouted again and crossed his arms, letting the cigar to hang between his lips while his puppy eyes looked at Kazuya with an expression that clearly said he was hurt. It only took a couple of seconds for his face to change completely, now Jin looking at the younger with calm and sneaky eyes. “You’re not staying five days away from me.” He simply said, raising himself from the bed and turning his back on Kazuya to search for an ashtray.

“You’re being unreasonable.” The younger one said, furrowing his brows. “And I’ll go and visit my father even if you agree or not. And whether is for a week or a month.” Kazuya said then, looking more stubborn than ever. Jin wasn’t putting restrictions on him that far.

The older one stopped for a moment and tightened his hold on the ashtray that he had brought with him to the bed when the word ‘month’ escaped Kazuya’s lips. Oh, really? he thought, cocking an eyebrow at the younger. “Then let’s see if you manage to leave.” Jin shrugged, once again distancing himself from the boy and now sitting on the chair from the table in the corner of the room. He crossed his legs and put his elbows on the table, his hands fumbling with another cigar and trembling a little, prove of the fact that he was nervous. And angry.

“Look what happens when I’m being nice.” Kazuya mumbled, his eyes darkening with the same anger that Jin was feeling. “Do you have to act so stupid?” he asked Jin, still trying to maintain an amiable atmosphere. This if you ignored the word stupid which seemed perfect for Jin in that precise moment.

I am acting stupid?! Jin wanted to ask, but stopped himself, knowing that it was a rhetorical question. Kazuya was the one being stupid thinking that he could leave so easily and leave Jin alone for an entire week. Five days or seven days, it didn’t mater to Jin because it still seemed too much time to be away from Kazuya. And he didn’t want that, not after all they went through to get to this day. He couldn’t let Kazuya go, not even for a few days and not even if he knew where the younger would be the whole time.

“Yes.” Jin replied with the same calm tone, looking at Kazuya through his bangs and studying his figure. He couldn’t see that Kazuya was trying to keep his calm. The only thing he saw was Kazuya wanting to betray him and his trust. Somewhere, deep in his mind, Jin knew that he was indeed unreasonable and that he was acting more like a child than an adult, but he buried these thoughts even deeper in his mind, determined to ignore them. He didn’t care how he was acting. He just wanted Kazuya.

The younger one sighed. He didn’t expect such an honest answer so he felt baffled and all. It seemed that Jin was trying to pick a fight with Kazuya and end in the same situation as ever - Kazuya running from him and Jin going after him, throwing threats and everything. Somehow it was ironic how this was the only way both of them could spend time together - like cat and mouse. “Look, Jin…” Kazuya started, gathering all the calm he didn’t quite possess when it came to Jin. “I’m really trying out here. I’m not asking for the impossible and it’s the least you could do for me, saying that you love me and all.” He continued, his voice calm and with a tinge of plea. “Or your words of love are just when you want sex from me?” then he quickly added, making a hurt expression.

“It’s not that!” Jin hurried to deny, standing up and approaching the bed where Kazuya was still sitting, now looking at the younger from above, his cigar forgotten on the table. “I don’t want only sex from you, but…” he took a moment to gather his thoughts and ruffled his hair, annoyed that he couldn’t say what he wanted or convey his feelings. “I don’t want to stay away from you that long.” He finally said, putting his knee on the bed, bending his leg and sitting on it to be closer to Kazuya. “I’m afraid that if too much time passes…” he continued, keeping his gaze down, not daring to look into the boy’s eyes for his next words, “you’ll forget about me.” Jin admitted, clenching his palms on the sheets and sweating a little, anxious and nervous and afraid that he was too exposed in front of Kazuya, even if he wasn’t sure there still was such a thing when it came to the younger.

“And you’re being more than silly.” Kazuya got closer to Jin and cupped his face. “Forgetting you isn’t that simple, you know.” He laughed and winked at the older. “Either way, how can I forget you while I have all my body covered in your marks?” Kazuya lifted an eyebrow, looking almost ironic. His real thoughts were instead concealed by the act he had just put up. Who said he wasn’t a good actor when he wanted to be? And it wasn’t like Jin could stop him from going to visit his father. Interesting, if someone had told him years ago that he’d be this yearning to go and see his dad, he would’ve laughed and said he was crazy. Now, with Jin, he discovered that he really wanted to see his old man. Should he be grateful?

Still, Jin wasn’t convinced and he looked at Kazuya with inquiring eyes, almost like he wanted to see into Kazuya’s soul and to find out the truth about him. He felt a tinge of hurt when he realized that he didn’t really trust Kazuya, but who could blame him? It wasn’t like the younger had been eager to demonstrate that he could be faithful to Jin or to even love him just a little. Jin was always the one who came running after the boy and Kazuya was the one who let himself being chased and caught into the older one’s arms. He still remembered that one time when he had thought that everything was perfect, only to find Kazuya in the bathroom of a club kissing someone else. And it wasn’t like anything had changed, the younger still hadn’t done or said anything to reassure Jin that he will stay and that he will do it for him, not for the drugs that Jin provided him with.

“Prove it.” The words slipped from Jin’s lips before he could stop himself. But he didn’t regret it and his small eyes were now observing Kazuya with even more attention, curious and… a little hopeful.

The younger looked surprised at first, but then he smiled and let his hands rest on Jin’s chest. “And how do you want me to prove it to you?” he asked calm and serene. “Tell me a way I can prove to you that I can’t forget you.” Kazuya added, looking Jin straight in the eyes. Now this would be an interesting task, he mused, somewhat amused by the other’s behavior.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” Jin promptly answered. This was Kazuya’s task, it was his job - or so to say - to prove what Jin meant to him and he shouldn’t need Jin’s help to know what to do. He should already know.

Kazuya sighed; he should have expected such an answer, but still he had dared to hope that Jin will amuse him in some way. “You have to make it difficult.” He said and leaned forward, letting his head fall on Jin’s shoulder, his face hidden in the crouch of his neck. Jin instinctively put his hand on the younger one’s waist, bringing him closer and closing his eyes when Kazuya blew some air, knowing that it will tickle the other and smiling when he felt the tremble passing through Jin’s body. “Let me think…” Kazuya said and his hands began to play on Jin’s chest, fingers teasing and brushing softly over the skin, while his breath continued to tickle and his nose to nudge slowly as if he was a kitten that wanted attention. Or better said, to offer attention and well, to arouse. Jin still didn’t open his eyes and waited for the younger one’s answer, breathing harder and brushing his fingers on the back of Kazuya, just a little, not moving his hand from the spot it was resting and not daring to do anything more than that, afraid that he’ll lose control and forget everything about their discussion.

“I’ll tell my dad that you are my boyfriend when you come to take me back home.” Kazuya suddenly said, now looking up at Jin.

Jin’s eyes widened and his heart started to beat faster and faster, until Jin felt like it will run by itself and it will leave his soul empty. He shivered and he detached himself from Kazuya, surrounding his body with his hands, moving them up and down, for a moment not knowing what he was doing, not understanding what he was supposed to do.

Did Kazuya just say that… Yes, he did, Jin wasn’t mistaking. It wasn’t a dream, it was the truth because he could feel his body trembling from excitement and happiness. His eyes were fixed on Kazuya and all he could see was Kazuya’s face, Kazuya’s eyes, Kazuya’s mouth, everything that was Kazuya. He had just said that Jin was his boyfriend. He had accepted Jin as his lover.

And this made Jin smile as he never did before.

In a split of a second, everything seemed to come back to life and Jin jumped on Kazuya, straddling him on the bed, holding the younger in his arms and hugging him so hard that it was almost crushing. “Kazuya! Kazuya! Kazuya!” he repeated his name like a mantra, feeling like a child that had just got the best present in his life on Christmas morning. “Kazuya!” he said again, lifting his body a little to look at the younger, his eyes glowing with something new, something that Jin was feeling for the first time and it was making his heart feel like another person in his soul, with its own mind and brain. He laughed and grabbed Kazuya’s hands, raising himself from the bed and taking the boy with him, carrying him in his arms and lifting him up, spinning the both of them in the middle of the floor and laughing like a five-years-old.

Kazuya was laughing too; if he had known that such a statement would make Jin fly, he might’ve used it earlier. So he held onto the older, laughing and squealing as they kept swirling around the room. It was somewhat excruciating that he could stir such feelings in Jin’s heart and in the same time, he too feeling it. Of course, for him saying to his father that he and Jin were an item was not of big importance, but he had chosen this card to play because it was easier this way. Hopefully, the rest will flow the way he wanted it to.

“Jin, stop!” Kazuya shouted through their laughs, feeling his head dizzy. “I’m getting sick.” He laughed and held tighter onto Jin as the older did a pirouette and both of them landed on the soft bed. He was so close to Jin that he could practically feel his happiness overflowing into his own body, making him feel a bit guilty. “You’re way too happy, silly.” Kazuya mumbled with a smile.

“How can I not be?” Jin instead replied, circling once again his hands around Kazuya’s body and bringing him close, to cuddle at his chest. “I wasn’t sure where we’re standing after everything that happened, but you just said that we’re lovers!” he squealed with delight and hugged the younger one even tighter, feeling his happiness overflowing. “I’m just happy that I can be someone important in your life.” He sighed, now lessening his grip on Kazuya to let him breathe, but still clutching to him, holding him, never getting enough of him.

Ooops. Did Kazuya just do something rash and stupid? It wasn’t like he lied when he said to Jin he was his boyfriend, but from there to this, well, to Kazuya it was a long distance between the two of them. Also, being with Jin as his lover meant lots of things that Kazuya wasn’t sure he could afford to do. Yes, he was in deep shit. Being Jin’s lover meant like prison for life. What had he been thinking? Kazuya got to the conclusion that he hadn’t been thinking at all. So he chose to walk on the thin rope he had just stretched in front of him, promising to thread on carefully.

“Again, you didn’t trust me.” Kazuya pouted and pocked Jin with his index finger.

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you…” Jin carefully replied, thinking a little at his words to make the younger understand better. He always sucked at explaining himself but he had never cared about this, not until he had met Kazuya and actually wanted him to know what Jin meant with his antics or words. “I guess I was just feeling a little insecure, considering… the way we got to be together.” He sighed and closed his eyes, burying his head into Kazuya’s hair, inhaling his scent and smiling happily when that familiar scent of strawberry invaded his nose. “You never said anything and… you can’t really blame me if I sometimes think that you’re still staying with me for drugs or for your friends or something like that.” Jin said the last words faster, like he wanted to dismiss the subject, not feeling really comfortable to talk about his issues.

And, God, he had a lot.

Hearing Jin, Kazuya realized how right he was. Maybe it wasn’t like the beginning, but definitely Kazuya was now with Jin mostly because the older will never cease to search for him and would do any harm to anyone who had a connection to him, so… Kazuya chose to play the best card - the one where he could protect his friends, have his drugs and someone to take care and love him even if his ways were a bit whacky. But even now, Kazuya was firmly convinced that he didn’t love Jin. Yes, he cared about him, but not to the extent a lover should feel. Jin could show him how it felt to be loved, but he’ll never teach Kazuya how to love.

“You know I don’t like talking about such things.” The younger said, wondering how good of a liar he was. “And besides, I was already naked in front of you, you had me every time.” Kazuya paused a little then he continued. “I couldn’t afford showing my feelings too, right? It would have been too much for a person like me.”

“You’ve been naked in front of a lot of people.” Jin countered. “Does this mean I’m like the others?” he asked, with a somehow sad and disappointed tone. It was weird how Kazuya always managed to do this to him, to lift him up in the sky and then bring him down in a hole of hell just in a split of a second. He was too addicted to Kazuya and now he couldn’t stop anymore. He didn’t want to.

Kazuya frowned. “How the hell did you come up with such a conclusion?” he asked bewildered. “I’m sorry for using a metaphor, Jin, but when I said naked I didn’t mean just physically naked.” He quirked an eyebrow, now slightly detached from Jin. “Seriously, do you think before talking?” Kazuya asked, rolling his eyes. Somehow, Jin pissed him off right now.

“I wasn’t talking only about the guys you’ve slept with.” Jin answered with a slightly raised and harsh tone, now sitting on his ass and nervously ruffling his hair in an attempt to calm down. There were so many people who knew Kazuya better than him, people like Kazuya’s parents, friends, colleagues and even teachers. They all knew a part of Kazuya that was forbidden to Jin and he couldn’t help but feel lost in front of them. He knew he was selfish and Jin was aware of the fact that he only knew Kazuya for a short time, but he longed for more. He wanted to be more in his life than anyone, just like Kazuya was for Jin. But it seemed to be getting more impossible as each day passed and Kazuya went further away from him. Just when Jin thinks that they’re a little closer… everything clashes.

“Basically, all I know about you is what point of your body makes you scream harder.” He added with a slight reproach, like it was only Kazuya’s fault, even if he was also partly guilty of this development. “The only thing I see in your eyes when they meet mine’s is fear if your friends are around. If they aren’t, you feel so far away from me that I can’t help but to hold tight on you and never let you go.” He sighed and bended his legs, settling his hands on his knees and letting his head fall down, supporting it on his arms.

Maybe Jin was indeed crazy and mad and everything else. But it was only Kazuya’s fault.

“You have no idea how that makes me feel…” he murmured, lingering on his words and trying to refrain not to yell again how he would have wanted to.

Kazuya listened and watched Jin silently, thinking about all he said. Maybe he was at fault for such a development in their relationship, but he didn’t ask Jin to fall in love with him, did he? The only thing he did was to have sex with Jin and it wasn’t exactly his fault that the other one got addicted to him. Kazuya would never blame himself because of such things, but he felt responsible and that was why he asked: “Then what do you want to know?”

Jin laughed, a madman laughter. “If I’d known, believe me I would have asked long ago.” He said, not moving from his spot. It hurt too much to look at Kazuya and see the pity in his eyes because Jin was sure that this will be the only thing he’ll encounter in the younger’s eyes. And he wasn’t sure even about that.

It hurt. It hurt because Kazuya’s answer meant that he didn’t understand anything of what Jin had said. No matter how much he had tried, Jin had failed again to make the other understand him and his needs. Well, he couldn’t say that he hadn’t tried. But what was he expected to do now? To give up? At Kazuya?

No.

Never.

“Why are you still here with me?” he finally asked, glancing at Kazuya through his bangs. “I swear that I won’t do anything, I just want to know.” Jin added. He just wanted the younger one to be honest with him. He had always believed that Kazuya had never lied to him, but… maybe he had been wrong. Just like that night when Kazuya kissed that slut. Or when he told Koki the words Jin longed to hear.

“I told you before.” Kazuya spoke clear and calm. “It’s because I care for you.” he smiled a little, his eyes softening. “But you always manage to bash away this care for you.” He made a small pause before continuing. “I know we don’t have the greatest relationship, but you make it harder sometimes. But it’s better from time to time to just accept without asking questions. Some things are better taken without further ado.” Kazuya leaned forward and kissed Jin’s lips, then he brought one of the other one’s hand to the place where his heart beat. “Don’t ask questions which don’t have or need an answer.” The younger whispered and smiled close to Jin’s lips. Sometimes, Kazuya wondered from where he had mastered such a great skill in lying. Probably his mother’s influence.

Jin also smiled, feeling a little relieved after hearing Kazuya’s words of care again, and tugged on his lips, nibbling on them and kissing them softly. He had to disagree though because he didn’t think that it was entirely his fault they always fought and argued about stupid things or things that shouldn’t matter at this point. Jin was possessive and he needed to control everything or else he wouldn’t feel fully confident. That was why he still couldn’t trust Kazuya completely, because he couldn’t control him like he did with everyone else. Kazuya had always been a surprise for him and even if Jin had managed to foresee a few of his moves, it still wasn’t enough. The younger one wasn’t willing to submit to his will at all.

“But I want to have a great relationship with you.” Jin mumbled under his breath, still not looking at Kazuya. And when he finally raised his gaze, he seemed to block for a second before coming back to reality. “I want to be perfect lovers and to love you and you to love me as much as I do.” He added, his eyes seeming uncertain and concerned. “Kazuya, you’re the only one I’ve let this close to me and I can’t help but feel…” worry, anxiousness, fear, love, excitement, dread, empty and naked, “a lot of things.”

This might’ve been sweet, Kazuya mused, if Jin hadn’t threatened him so many times with killing his friends. But this particular thought the younger chose to keep to himself and instead he hugged Jin, kissing gently his shoulder. “I’m sorry for what I make you feel.” He whispered, knowing that only half of him was sorry for such a thing. “We’ll get better at some point.” He added, thinking and wondering when will that moment be. “I promise.” Kazuya drew back a little and looked at Jin with a small smile tugging at his lips.

Jin looked back at him and forced a smile out of his lips, not seeing anything else but honesty in Kazuya’s eyes. He knew the younger one was also trying to fix their relationship and it was his job to do even more, considering that he was mostly to blame for their current state. Kazuya had been the one to come to Jin, but the older one had been the one who started to threaten and force the boy to be by his side. And when maybe Kazuya had finally thought that he was free of the cage, Jin had fucked one of his friends.

What could he say? The perfect relationship.

But he had to trust Kazuya because the younger had promised Jin that he will never lie to him. And this was the only thing that he should never and will never doubt: Kazuya’s honesty. So Jin tried to smile again and this time a wide grin appeared on his lips. He let his legs fall down and caught the younger arms to bring him close and spin him around in the bed, so that Kazuya would be sitting between Jin’s legs, his back resting on the older one’s chest while Jin played with his hair and settled his chin on the boy’s shoulder. He circled his arms around Kazuya’s waist and took a deep breath. This was his place, the only place he would never give up.

“I promise I’ll try to be less… demanding.” Jin finally said something, sighing relieved in Kazuya’s hair. “Or at least I hope I’ll manage.” He chuckled, knowing that it will be the hardest thing for him to change. But it was for Kazuya so Jin was willing to give it a try. “I love you, Kazuya, and I want you more than anything.” Jin continued, letting his fingers roam on Kazuya’s naked skin, carefully avoiding his still exposed crotch. “I’ll show you that I’m the only one who can make you happy, who can protect and take care of you.” He added, seeming deadly serious and confident on his words, with just a tinge of uncertainness in his tone but almost not noticeable.

Kazuya trembled slightly in Jin’s arms, thinking that the older one’s words were the cause more than the feathery touches he gave to him. He leaned against Jin, feeling comfortably warm and kind of fuzzy. “Thank you…” he mumbled, closing his eyes and stifling a yawn.

Jin chuckled and tightened a little his hold on the younger, leaning back on the bed to settle on it and prepare to sleep. “You’re like a baby.” He said with an affectionate tone. “You need your beauty sleep.” Jin added, lifting the blanket and throwing it on their bodies, sighing contently.

“Of course.” Kazuya answered with a chuckle and he cuddled more into Jin. “Otherwise, how could I charm you?” he added with a dramatic sigh. Kazuya had a feeling that even ugly, he could have charmed Jin.

“Oh, the modest of you.” Jin replied and closed his eyes, enjoying the closeness with Kazuya.

Indeed, the younger thought, but said nothing and simply enjoyed the finally calm atmosphere. Now he could sleep.

*

This whole relationship thing was actually harder than Jin had first thought. He wasn’t used to be without Kazuya and without the possibility to see him every time he wanted to, he didn’t want to wake up and to realize that this will be yet another day without his lover. He had had enough of this when they had first been separated and Jin had chosen to give up at the younger one - though this hadn’t lasted really long. He had actually managed to wake up first thing in the morning that Kazuya had left and had spent some time just watching the boy sleep, not wanting to move out of fear that he could also wake up the other one and then their time together will end.

Of course, this hadn’t stopped Kazuya from eventually opening his eyes and declaring once more that he was still going to visit his father, no matter how much Jin had complained and whined that he wasn’t loved and cared and that he was just being abandoned. Only five minutes had passed since the bus had left, taking Kazuya away from Jin, when the younger one’s phone had started ringing with a message.

“I already miss you.”

Only these words were written but it still made Kazuya smile and feel something weird tucking at his heart. The day had continued in the same way, with the younger one receiving messages from his lover about stupid things - pictures with what he was eating or if he happened to see something interesting, words of love and phrases about how much he misses the other one or just simply something funny that had happened to him through the day and that he had wanted to share with Kazuya.

Jin wasn’t sure if Kazuya wasn’t annoyed about all of his messages considering the fact that he hadn’t replied to even one of them, but the boy had called him later that night and they had spent an hour talking until Kazuya hadn’t been able to keep his eyes open and Jin had sent him to bed - though a little reluctantly. This had encouraged him and Jin had decided that it wasn’t such a bad thing to have these phone calls late at night.

It had become a habit since then to have a talk with his lover every night, both of them tucked in their beds and whispering in the silence of the night. It was something that Jin had never done before, but it felt good and right and he didn’t want to let go of this feeling even if he really missed Kazuya. He was feeling alone and the days just weren’t the same without his lover, but Jin could comfort himself with the thought that maybe Kazuya felt the same and that this separation will bring them even closer in the end.

“I miss you.” Jin said one night with a very longing voice and sounding really depressed because of the lack of Kazuya. Only three days had passed but Jin felt like he already couldn’t stand it. Nothing seemed to be the same, not even his work was attractive to him anymore and it didn’t manage to make him riled up like it used to. Without Kazuya, everything was monotone. “I miss your voice, your face, your body.” He continued with a pouty voice and a deep sigh leaving his lips as he settled better in his bed. “I miss your everything.” Jin added, closing his eyes and picturing Kazuya in the same position as him, his phone tucked under his ear and the darkness of the night surrounding him.

“You’re turning soft.” Kazuya whispered back into the phone, a smile grazing his lips as his heart was beating a bit faster because of the words Jin had said to him. He wasn’t used with this loving and caring Jin when all he had known had been the rough and possessive one which had made him a bit reluctant and defensive about the other one. But right now… he was sure that if Jin kept being like this, he will lower all of his defenses and he will be vulnerable and weak in front of Jin. And he wasn’t sure this was a good idea. “Cheesy bastard…” He muttered with a gentle tone, curling under the blankets some more. He suddenly wished for Jin to be there with him.

“That’s me.” Jin giggled in the phone, thinking that he should feel stupid for acting like this but surprisingly enough, finding it rather enjoyable. A short silence stretched between them as the two lovers listened to each other’s breath, wishing that they could be together and not so far away. “Nee, Kazuya…” Jin lingered on his words, speaking with a half-whining, half-demanding tone, and receiving only a hushed - “Hmm?” - in response. “What are you wearing?” he asked, not being able to hide the anxiousness in his tone or the way his voice seemed to have dropped an octave.

”Mm, pajamas.” Kazuya replied, a tinge of curiosity in his voice. ”Why?” He then asked Jin, shifting a little on the bed, just to settle better.

“And you’re alone?” Jin continued to ask questions, a smirk appearing on his lips at the image of Kazuya in his fluffy pajamas and the way he would completely ravish the boy if he were able to in that moment. He had been honest when he had said to Kazuya before leaving that he wouldn’t resist more than two days without him and now that three days had passed, he was starting to feel the absence of the younger one more than ever.

The younger one chuckled. ”Of course, silly.”

Jin’s smirk widened at the answer. “Close your eyes.” He whispered with a low and husky voice, one he would only use in bed when Kazuya managed to drive him crazy. He followed his own instruction and sighed happily as he imagined his lover there with him, as he remembered their last night together and as he started to feel his need for the other one grow stronger.

The boy felt a shiver running down his spine as he didn’t know what Jin had in mind or why he was suddenly talking so different and mysterious. But he had an idea that he will soon find out, even if he wasn’t one to quietly obey. ”And if I close my eyes, you’ll be here?” He asked Jin, a purr in the back of his throat. ”Can’t I have them open...?” Kazuya whined slightly even if he had already closed his eyes, relaxing his body as he uncurled from the original position and was now laying on the mattress in expectance.

Jin chuckled on a low tone. “If you close your eyes, I’m going to make you feel that I’m there.” He said in a promising way, his voice trailing off a little as he said the word ‘feel’. Because he was definitely going to make Kazuya feel a lot of things tonight, things that he had longed for and that he urged for. His own body was shuddering in expectance and Jin licked his lips in anticipation, putting the phone on speaker and putting it on the pillow, next to him. “I’m going to make your body feel me and remember what my touches are like.” He then added, his voice clearly perverted and reminding his lover of the days when they would just stay in bed and have sex without caring about the world.

”What are you going to do?” Kazuya asked on a hushed voice as all of his insides had churned into a ball of unexplained and sudden desire. He sort of knew what Jin was on, but he wanted to hear the words, he wanted to have Jin make him feel like he was being touched by him, he wanted to feel Jin again. And Kazuya’s body trembled in expectance as he gripped the phone a little.

A second chuckle left Jin’s lips, this time seeming rather inviting and even more perverted. “I’m going to touch you, Kazuya.” He said with a low voice, imagining that he was there with Kazuya and that the boy was just at a step distance from him. “I’m going to make you come just with my voice, babe, and you’re going to fucking love it.” He added, his breath a little raspy as he let his hand brush against his collarbones in a slow manner, not giving himself enough pleasure but just teasing the skin as he knew what Kazuya would do to him.

”Mm...” A sound was heard from Kazuya’s part as only the thought that Jin was going to touch him again made him moan in pleasure. ”You’re confident, but can you make me?” He provoked Jin, biting his lower lip as he tossed his head to his right, letting some heavy breaths reach Jin’s ears. ”I dare you, Jin.” The name came out as a whisper, as a moan, as everything Jin wanted to be in that moment because Kazuya was challenging him to prove how he was going to be touched just by a voice and still love it.

Jin smirked in a knowing way. “I know your body better than anyone, Kazuya.” He said with a confident voice and a sexy tone, knowing that nothing and no one could ever beat him at this. He just had to close his eyes - which were already closed by the way - and picture Kazuya naked, every curve of his body and every form of his waist being imprinted in his mind. “I know how you love to be touched, how you curl under me when my fingers touch your tiny nipples.” He said with a half-breath, flashes of their previous love-makings appearing in his mind and making him hard already. Every time he touched the younger one was like a fire would start inside of him, threatening to burn him and still looking so beautiful that he couldn’t resist it. He couldn’t help but stretch his hand and touch the forbidden fruit that was Kazuya. “Touch yourself, babe.” He whispered with a demanding tone and a husky voice. “Open your shirt and slowly let your fingers roam over your chest.” Jin instructed and proceeded to do the same thing he had asked his lover to. “I’m there too, Kazuya, and I’m watching you pleasuring yourself.” He said as he imaged himself in the younger one’s room once more, letting his eyes travel over the boy’s body and gulping at the sight that greeted him.

“Perverted stalker.” Kazuya breathed as he followed Jin’s demands nonetheless, unbuttoning his shirt slowly. It was actually sort of a weird feeling mixed with excitement. He had never done such a thing and even if he seemed to find no pleasure in taking care of himself, it just didn’t feel this way now, with Jin whispering in his ear. It wasn’t hard at all to imagine that it was the older one touching him, feeling him up as he started to do so himself. “Jin.” The name fell as a spell as it rolled out of Kazuya’s mouth with a slight whimper when the younger one started teasing his nipples, feeling them hardening under his touch. “Say more.” Kazuya whispered in the phone, his hand shaking a little on the device.

“I’m watching you with famished eyes and as I hear your moans get stronger and louder, I get closer to the bed.” Jin continued, feeling himself getting excited because of the setting he himself had established. His whole body was shivering and he was growing more and more impatient as he could already see Kazuya standing so close to him but not being able to touch him. It was excruciating and Jin hated this feeling of powerlessness. He had to do something about it. “You open your eyes and you look at me; you see me taking in every inch of you, gulping at the image and smirking at the thoughts of what I’m going to do to you.” He said, letting his hand brush over his chest and moaning at the sensation of his cold fingers against his skin. “I lean down and I touch you briefly, just pinch your nipples and see you arch in search of more.”

Even if Kazuya hadn’t opened his eyes, he could still see Jin looming over him, touching him briefly, softly even if it was his own hand that trailed tantalizingly over the skin, even if it were his own fingers slowly digging themselves into the soft flesh. “I see you.” Kazuya replied with a low pitched voice as he shifted under the blankets, feeling that it was suddenly too hot. “And I’m kissing you - on your cheek, on your neck, on your chest and…” He trailed off as the sound of licking could be heard, suggesting what Kazuya wanted to do to Jin if he was there. “Do you feel me?” The younger one asked and there was a mean edge to his voice.

“I fucking feel you.” Jin replied, his impatience already run out as he started to flirt with his pants, brushing his fingers along their rim and wanting to touch more but stopping himself for the moment as he wanted to prolong this as long as he could. “I feel you arching under me and touching me with those sinful hands and lips of yours.” He said and he couldn’t stop a moan from forming on his lips as he grinded his hips into the invisible Kazuya. “I want to fuck you, Kazuya…” he confessed and his breath got stuck in his throat for a second as his hands slipped inside his pants, not being able to keep up with his teasing anymore. “I want to be buried so deep inside of you that the only thing you’ll be able to do will be screaming my name.”

Kazuya shivered from the pressure he was feeling in his underwear, from Jin’s voice and moans that were rapidly making him feel uncomfortable if he didn’t do something and soon. “Slow down, my love.” He ordered Jin with a hushed and devilish tone as his hand also slipped between his parted legs, caressing the awakened and twitching member while pushing down his pants to have more liberty to touch himself. “Let me touch you, savor you thoroughly. Can you feel it - my fingers around your throbbing cock, my moves along it?” He continued and was pleased to hear a hitch in Jin’s breath, a smirk blooming on Kazuya’s lips at the sinful sound which made him more excited and anxious. “Oh, Jin.” The boy moaned softly as he pulled on his member, feeling it pulsating under his palm, the need to have Jin there being strong and necessary. “My lips - ah - are on your cock, surrounding it, sucking it, licking it.” And again the sound of licking was heard, followed by a deep and needy groan.

Jin growled, licking his lips as he felt the desperate need to kiss Kazuya and then just bit them hard to stop the feeling and neediness from taking over his mind. “Harder.” He breathed, throwing his pants off of him and spreading his legs while his hand pumped his member in a slow manner, wanting to prolong the moment but in the same time, dying to get his release. “Make me go crazy even more, Kazuya.” He added and moaned again as he fastened his moves on his cock. “Let me hear your voice, baby, that delicious voice that sends shivers inside my body and makes me want to cum in your mouth.” Jin said and stopped his administrations as he waited for instructions from his lover, his eyes still closed and Kazuya’s touch still vivid on his skin.

“Naughty boy.” Kazuya chuckled as his body arched, his fingers playfully squeezed the head, making his voice hitch as he said the following words - “I’ll make you go crazy… and I’ll make you moan my name in every second. Just let me touch you first.” And then he started a slow movement on his inner thigh, leaving his hard and aching shaft, his hips gently rising as his fingers explored more, making him shudder in expectation. “Jin… please me, do as I say.” He then asked his lover on a whimpering and irresistible voice, his eyes squeezing shut. Jin didn’t answer, just waited with his breath heavy and raspy for Kazuya to continue and to tell him what to do. It was a little bit weird to be at the mercy of his lover as he hadn’t experienced this feeling since a long time and definitely never with Kazuya, but it was good and it left him earning for more, curious to see what the younger one had in mind for him.

“Lower your hand between your legs as if I’m touching you there, needing more of you.” Kazuya said and Jin’s breath got stuck in his throat as he started once more to pump his member, slowly - painfully slowly. “My tongue is sliding up and down your cock, licking it all and sucking on the head.” A slurping sound was heard and a moan on the other side of the phone made Kazuya smirk in pleasure as his body jolted when he found what he had been searching for. “But I’m going down, my fingers are exploring you, teasing you, touching you -” Kazuya paused and there was a short intake of breath as one of his fingers slipped inside of him, making him whimper in slight pain and pleasure. “- stretching you.” He whispered the last words to Jin as he inserted another finger before he bit on his lower lip, trying to fight back the moans. “Jin… do it.” He slurred the words, his hips slowly moving up and down as his inner walls closed around his scissoring fingers.

The way Kazuya whispered his name made Jin arch his back and moan incontrollable as he realized what the younger one wanted him to do. “Kazuya…” he called his lover, his hand stopping its movement as Jin’s mind was too clouded for him to do anything at that moment. He couldn’t say that he didn’t like the thought of being fucked by Kazuya - even if it was by phone - but he was still feeling a little reluctant and the fact that he already wanted his release didn’t help much. The more they delayed this moment, the more he hurt and patience had never been Jin’s forte.

“Touch yourself, Jin.” The boy said with a hoarse voice, feeling Jin’s hesitance which was actually turning him on even more. He loved the way Jin’s voice was so needy and helpless and even more when he knew that it was because of him. He wanted to hear more of it and that’s why Kazuya moved his fingers slowly and let his moans out loud, enjoying the shivering Jin as he knew that he was at his limit even if he couldn’t see the other one. “Do it for me.” Kazuya added and his voice seemed to be a bit more demanding this time and with a hint of threat in it.

“You bastard.” Jin cursed and bit his tongue, closing yet again his eyes which had opened for a second before. Nevertheless, he didn’t argue anymore and let his hand move from his throbbing cock, retracing the steps that he knew Kazuya had done on himself as he had recognized that sinful and filthy voice from when the boy’s fingers had most definitely entered him. A loud moan escaped his lips which made Kazuya shudder from every inch of his body when Jin’s fingers found that pulsing hole and slightly pushed his finger inside. It had been a long time since he had done this to himself and it hurt more than he remembered, but Jin bit his lips and forced himself to endure the pain after which he knew that pleasure will follow. “Kazuya…” he moaned, imagining that Kazuya was the one caressing and teasing his thigh, that he was the one going up and then lowering between his ass cheeks. He moved his hips to meet his fingers and Jin groaned, earning for having Kazuya inside of him and for feeling his cock slamming in his hole and not just his own fingers.

“It feels good, doesn’t it?” Kazuya asked Jin as he kept fucking himself on his fingers, moans shamelessly flowing out his lips. “It feels like - ah -” He stopped and there was a ragged breath in the speaker as Kazuya’s body gave a shudder and his shaft was warm with pre-cum. “- like we are really connected.” The boy added and he put Jin’s call on loudspeaker as his twitching member needed attention too. “You in me, me in you.” Kazuya whispered with a moan as his sweaty fingers curled around his shaft, teasingly pumping it. “Right, ngh?”

“Right.” The older one repeated, now entering a second finger as he felt the pain slowly disappear and being replaced by the pleasure that he had longed for. It was kind of weird to be doing this now when Kazuya had always been the bottom in their relationship but Jin wasn’t one to back down from a challenge and even if he won’t ever let Kazuya top him - it was a matter of his own integrity - this didn’t mean that he wasn’t willing to allow such games between them to exist. It was fun and it made life more interesting - not to mention their sex life. “But more.” Jin breathed, not being able to stand the pressure and just wanting that fucking release. “Fuck me with your fingers, Kazuya.” He then demanded, inserting a third finger into his ass and growling at the new sensation invading his body.

“Not so fast, love.” Kazuya chuckled and Jin whimpered as he realized that he won’t be getting what he wanted very soon. “I want you to enjoy every minute of our love-making.” He then added with a mean voice, his fingers pushing more into his hole to search for that sweet point but still keeping his moves slow and not wanting to rush towards his orgasm. His hand left his shaft and started to spread butterfly touches all over his body, shuddering and tensing as he imagined Jin being the one who touched him like that. “Move slowly, Jin, let my fingers fuck your hole in a maddening way, the same as you’re doing to me now.” Kazuya continued and both of them moaned into the phone, the sweet sounds going to the deep of their crotches.

“I’ll fucking kill you if you don’t hurry.” Jin growled, half of him annoyed because he was being teased like that, half of him enjoying the treatment as it had been long since he had seen Kazuya this demanding in bed. It was hot and it was making him lose his mind. It was mind-blowing and Jin wanted to engrave this moment into his mind, to be able to relieve it over and over again, but desperately wishing for its end right now as he was feeling on edge, like a bomb ready to explode in any minute now. “Please.” He then added with a whine in his voice, begging for his release that the boy refused to give to him.

“Move, Jin.” Kazuya finally instructed after what seemed like an eternity, feeling satisfied just to have heard that word from his lover, and Jin didn’t wait for more as he started to thrust his fingers into his hole at a fast speed, his other hand pumping his shaft and making him moan and groan and tense in delight.  “Babe.” The younger one said with a strained edge to his voice. “You’re fucking me.” He continued and a moan escaped his lips as he felt a certain spot being reached inside of him. He squirmed and spread his legs more as if it were Jin doing this to him and, in fact, it was him, because there wouldn’t be another one to make him do all this so willingly. “Just like you wanted - you’re deep inside of me, I’m only thinking of you and the last thing that dies on my lips is -” A throaty moan was heard and Kazuya’s hand squeezed his shaft a little harder, to stop the climax taking over him. “- Jin.” The plea was clear and obvious, it only needed to be fulfilled.

There was a rustle on the other side of the phone and Kazuya could imagine Jin preparing himself to bring his satisfaction, reacting to his words, bringing them slowly to their so much wanted release. “You fucking drive me insane.” Jin’s voice came clear and dripping with lust, echoing in the silence of Kazuya’s room, ringing into the depths of his soul.

“Let’s come together, Jin.” The younger one urged his lover, his hand moving faster on his hardened member and his hips thrusting deeper on his fingers. “Say my name -”

“Kazuya.” Jin moaned into the phone, his fingers now curled around his abandoned cock, quickening his pace and squeezing the member a little, imagining that it was Kazuya’s tight walls surrounding him, offering him that warmth and tightness he had craved for so long in such little time. “Kazuya.” He moaned again and his shaft ached with need for release. “Kazuya, Kazuya, Kazuya -”

“Jin.”

Kazuya cut in abruptly with a raw and hoarse voice, their names entwined themselves together with the waves of orgasms that washed over them, bringing them closer than ever, moans and rustling of sheets being the only sounds now heard in the phones. They were both panting really hard, their bodies still aching with desire for the other one, not being enough. But when it had been? Even with this sex phone, they were still not satisfied, they were still in need for each other. But it had been thrilling as ever, they had lost themselves into their own world even when they were miles apart.

The younger one took with a trembling hand the phone, putting it back on normal, his breath a little bit steadier now. “Hey again.” He said with a playful voice, enjoying the sounds he was hearing from the other side of the phone.

“Hey.” Jin chuckled in the phone, feeling that there wasn’t a more perfect way to continue after their mind-blowing sex.

They were the best, be it together or separated, close or far away.