Addictive Obsession - Chapter nineteen [part II]

[aroruae]

PART I

Jin didn’t know what to do, if to let himself fall pray to Kazuya’s touches and enjoy them or if to get mad and angry because of his words. It wasn’t a hard decision when he had Kazuya’s fingers touching him and his tongue making him go mad and moan involuntarily so he kissed back the younger, letting his hands roam over Kazuya’s body and firmly grabbing his ass, squeezing it hard and turning them around with one move. He then detached himself a little from the younger, just enough to look into his eyes, suddenly feeling his blood boiling in his veins and his heart beating faster than ever because of the anger that he was trying to suppress. “Is that how you like it?” Jin spitted the words, though it sounded more like mocking. “To be fucked by unknown men?” He smirked and leaned closer to Kazuya to whisper the next words into his ear. “To be fucked with your own mother to watch?” he said with a malicious smile. “To feel her scratching you and hear her begging you to fuck her harder? Is that how it was when she taught you how to get fucked by men?” he finished by yelling, standing up again and looking into Kazuya’s eyes with an undecipherable expression.

If Kazuya was touched by such words, he never showed it. He stared back at Jin and sighed. “If I tell yes, then what? What right do you have to judge what I had done and how I fucked?” he replied and rose as well, his hands slowly climbing up until he was again close to Jin, his mouth close to his ear, as his hands clutched in the older one’s hair. “I loved it every time they touched me. Even her touches felt better. You don’t feel different from their touches.” Kazuya whispered as he licked and nibbled Jin’s ear.

“Maybe I should take you back to her if you enjoy that slut so much.” Jin replied with a cold voice, not affected at all by Kazuya’s touches this time. He had expected a denial, an outburst, something! But not this, not Kazuya admitting that he had really enjoyed being fucked by all those men and being forced to fuck his mother too. Not after what they’ve been through, not after what Kazuya had felt like when he met that bitch.

He just wanted to hurt Jin and even if the older was kind of aware of this, he couldn’t stop his feelings from overflowing. He wanted to hurt Kazuya back and he didn’t care how he did it, totally forgetting that it was his own fault that they had gotten to this point again - well, not that Jin agreed with this fact.

“Or I can pay you after I fuck you brainless for you to feel more like a slut if you want. And simply for your enjoyment, I’ll treat you as the bitch you are.” Jin added, keeping the coldness from his voice and seeming totally detached from his feelings.

Kazuya tensed for a moment as Jin’s words seeped deeper into his mind. He backed away from Jin and looked at him with half amused expression. “Really… I thought you wanted free sex, not paid sex.” The younger shrugged and sighed in the same time. “And hasn’t she died already? Didn’t you kill her? How can you take me back to her?” Kazuya asked with an innocent expression, like it was normal for him to talk about killing and especially killing his mother. But the Kazuya right now was the product of Jin Akanishi. “Besides, even if she lives, you ain’t one to decide to whom I go back or not.” And this time, there was a hint of annoyance in Kazuya’s lax and mocking voice up till now.

“As far as I remember, she was still alive when we left there and I don’t recall ever telling you what happened to her.” Jin mused upon his words, now really feeling like he could dump the brat into a hole along with his mother. Maybe he had gotten over his fear for her, but Jin knew that it only took a spark to make it come back. “Oh! I have a better idea!” he grinned as he left the bed and took his shirt from the floor, starting to get dressed. “Maybe I should bring her here if you say that I can’t decide what to do.” He said with an innocent tone, the smile never leaving his lips as he looked back at Kazuya. “I’m sure that your friends would be delighted to know her, don’t you think?” he tilted his head a little, blinking his eyes and trying to look cute. And devilish in the same time.

“What friends?” Kazuya laughed coldly. “The ones you chased away? Don’t bother, they won’t know my mother and neither will they come after me.” He waved a hand as if it was nothing and Kazuya settled on the bed better. “Bring her here.” The younger provoked with a devilish smile as Jin’s expression. “Maybe we’ll show you some good sex between a mother and a son. I’m sure you’d like to see me fuck her. Or maybe I should go and ask someone to come right now and fuck me.” He continued, chuckling like a little boy. “This way you won’t need a tape to see me fucked. Everything would be live.” He battled his eyelashes and smiled coldly.

Kazuya won’t be defeated that easily even if Jin threatened him with his mother. It was Jin’s fault in the first place to have made the younger overcome his fear and to fight back his past, to accept it in the end. And now he was paying the consequences; after all Kazuya had gotten a little more confident in himself even if the college incident had brought him down again.

This time, Jin really snapped. And if Kazuya wasn’t going to shut up, then he’d make him, one way or another. “Don’t bother, I can take care of that for you.” Jin replied, fetching the phone from his pants and dialing a number. “And I surely expect to see awesome sex after all you’ve bragged.” He added, his voice cold as voice and his feelings cast away. If Kazuya really wanted to behave like a slut, then Jin would make him to let him be a real one, the older thought as he turned his back on the boy, answering the phone with a short ‘hello’.

“Make sure he’s at least good looking~” Kazuya chirped giggly from his bed as he rolled in it as a cat. “I’d hate to have your so great love for me changed for some random guy.” The younger said with a loud voice, making sure that Jin was hearing him. “And I’ll just make sure to show you the best sex performance up until now.” He laughed as he stopped rolling and looked up at the ceiling. It really hurt, but he had no other way.

Jin rolled his eyes as he turned to look at Kazuya, covering the phone with his hand. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll make sure they are very good looking.” He smiled brightly like a devil. “Even if no one could beat me.” He faked a sigh and exited the room to continue his conversation outside, not letting Kazuya reply or even staying to see if he was shocked or hurt and if he just didn’t care.

Jin also didn’t care anymore.

Kazuya remained on the bed, listening to the steady beating of his heart, thinking that even if Jin would bring an army to fuck him, he will sleep with each one of them and would stare Jin in the eyes while doing so. He had been fucked by men all his life, this wouldn’t mean a thing for him, but it would mean a lot for their relationship. It will simply vanish in the blink of an eye and Kazuya was more than happy to do this. He would do anything if that meant Jin will leave him alone… will let him live his life how he wanted. That was why… he won’t mind fucking a thousand men if the result would be this.

Though it hurt. It hurt because Jin had promised him love, protection and care. And he gave nothing but pain and despair. And Kazuya won’t take it anymore… he had enough. The younger kept staring at the ceiling, still listening to his heartbeats and counting the tears that were falling down. He’d do it even if it meant to take a hell’s tour.

This was the image that Jin found when he came back to the room. He sighed and briefly wondered where they had gone wrong to get here yet again? Was it that much of a deal that college thing of Kazuya’s? He couldn’t understand why and, to be honest, he didn’t remember Kazuya trying very much to make him understand too. Or maybe he did and Jin had been deaf at that time. He didn’t know but one thing he was sure of, Jin realized as he walked into the room, closing the door behind him and settling down on the bed, next to Kazuya.

He loved him more than he could ever tell.

“It seems that we both don’t know when to stop.” He said with a tired voice, sighing again and feeling worn out.

Kazuya chose to say nothing and simply brushed away with his fingers the tears, ashamed that Jin had seen them. He didn’t even have the strength to say nasty words back, mocking Jin for suddenly being so soft. Like the older one, he was feeling worn out and again there was a numb sensation taking over him. Why was everything happening to him? Why did he have to be different from the rest and to suffer like this? Why couldn’t he be happy over a sappy romance and a fulfilling love? Why did he have to be born by such a mother and to have someone like Jin fall for him?

Kazuya couldn’t find answers to such questions.

“Listen,” Jin continued, shifting a little on the bed to look at Kazuya. “I didn’t mean any of that.” He confessed, his eyes darting everywhere but to the younger one’s. “I didn’t call anyone.” He added. “I can barely stand the thought of you touching someone else, I’d rip the guy’s neck off if someone tried something more with you.”

He had made the call though, blinded by madness and anger and a lot of other feelings that Jin hated and felt disgusted by. But he hadn’t been able to get the words out of his throat. He couldn’t do that to Kazuya and he had realized that there would be a bloodbath if he uttered the words. He had felt really helpless as he had lowered the phone and had thrown it on the floor. Things had gotten crazy again, Jin thought now as he watched Kazuya with eyes that begged for forgiveness.

And he hated this.

“It doesn’t matter anyway.” Kazuya said with a clear voice as he turned to look at Jin. “You took care that I won’t have anything from now on… so it doesn’t really matter if you had made the call or not.” He continued, his lower lip trembling a bit and Kazuya bit onto it. Was it relief what he felt, hearing Jin say that he didn’t call anyone? Maybe, but he would still have gone through it all.

“It’s not true.” Jin argued, his tone slightly reproachful and feeling a little hurt. “You have me and you won’t lose me no matter what happens.” He said, wanting to encourage the younger and totally believing that his words could help him.

Kazuya snorted sarcastically. “Then… can you abandon your business, cast aside your friends and throw out your life just to be with me?” The younger asked with a mocking voice. “Can you really say that beside me there isn’t a need of anything else?”

“I can.” Jin answered confidently, not even blinking at Kazuya’s question and looking straight into his eyes. After all, he didn’t have any friends to cast aside and his job… he could manage himself in another place. After all, he had done it once, he could do it again. “I don’t want anything else if I don’t have you.” He said with a tone that didn’t leave any contradiction.

Kazuya laughed. “Then do it.” He asked Jin, daring him to throw away everything just for his sake. “Throw away your current life and let’s go away from here. And you will work as a normal person, with a daily schedule and live on a few bucks while I’ll wait for you at home.” Kazuya proposed immediately, lifting himself a little, just to stare even more at Jin. “Because I can’t do anything without you having weird thoughts and without me having a diploma.”

Jin hissed. “I’m fine about the running away thing, but I can’t get a normal job.” He said, raising an eyebrow at Kazuya as if the younger was mocking him. “You do realize that the police is after me, right?” he asked with a rhetorical tone, briefly wondering how much did Kazuya live into a fantasy and how much in the real world.

Kazuya half smiled, half grimaced. “And how do you expect us to live together?” he asked with a scoff. “And I won’t have you go back to the life you’re living now. If I lost everything, the least I can do is to start all over again.” The younger made a pause. “Clean.”

“I don’t remember involving you in my business.” Jin said with the same mocking tone, like he didn’t want to believe that Kazuya was really proposing this. It sounded good and all, but the reality was that they’d starve to death.

“And I don’t remember involving you in my college life.” Kazuya replied smartly, rolling his eyes. “It doesn’t matter anyway, after all you can’t live without your actual life. Yet you ask me to do such a thing. No… you took it away without even asking.” He continued and turned away from Jin. Then he sneezed and Kazuya mumbled something about hating to get a cold.

“That’s different.” Jin countered immediately. “College continued on keeping you from being with me.” He pouted, remembering that it had been three weeks since he had last been with Kazuya.

“Should I remember a week where your job kept you away from being with me?” Kazuya cocked an eyebrow as he glanced at Jin. “And I didn’t hear you complain about it. But it doesn’t matter anymore.” The younger climbed off the bed and removed his shirt, because if he was going to stay wet, he’ll definitely catch a cold. “Because we’re no longer a couple.” Kazuya added and went to close the windows, since the cold wind that entered made his skin prickle.

Something seemed to click in Jin’s mind. “What?” he said with a surprised tone, like this couldn’t be happening. “You’re joking, right?” he then asked, cocking an inquiring eyebrow as he followed Kazuya around the room with his eyes.

The younger turned and looked at Jin as he leaned against the window. “And why would I joke?” he asked with a shrug. “And besides, why should we even be a couple when you only know how to take away things I value and desire? Lovers never do that, but yet… you were never my lover.” Kazuya continued with a sigh.

“Oh, please.” Jin scoffed, feeling how he was getting again annoyed by Kazuya’s words. “You don’t have a diploma now, big real.” He said with a venomous tone. “And if you had gotten it, what would you have done with it?” he then asked. “Work?” he snorted and rolled his eyes. “Do you really think people would have asked help from you? From one who doesn’t even know what’s best for himself but pretends to know for the others?” he laughed evilly. “Don’t fool yourself, baby, into thinking that you had a future with that stupid college and fucking diploma.”

Kazuya steeled himself in front of such words, but it still touched him. “Then don’t fool yourself either into thinking that we have a future together.” Kazuya emphasized the word we as he smirked evilly. “And thanks to you, I’ll never know what I’ll do in the future with a diploma I don’t have.” Kazuya gave a little bow in front of Jin.

“It’s a fucking diploma.” Jin replied with a forced tone, obviously trying to control himself. “If you want it that much, I can get a fucking paper for you and then let’s see what you can do with it.” He said, knowing that he only needed a few threats here and there to get what he wanted. He only needed half an hour, not years like Kazuya wanted.

Kazuya laughed. “You really don’t get it, do you?” He sighed and let his head hit against the window, now looking at the ceiling. “It’s not about having a diploma. It’s about what you learn there, what you experience and what can you do with it. I have always wanted to study, I’ve always wanted to go to school. That’s why I endured all those hellish years with my mother and that’s why I put up with you until now.” Kazuya scoffed, thinking that all he had done was for nothing.

“I though you stayed with me because you wanted, because you cared.” Jin accused the younger, not knowing if he should get angry and yell or if he should let the pain that was slowly crawling into his soul engulf him completely. He had gotten to the point where he didn’t know what to do because he wanted to be furious and to get mad because Kazuya had lied to him all the time; he wanted to be hurt and ask explanations and try to make Kazuya see that he was wrong, that they were fine and they still loved each other.

Somehow, he didn’t know what hurt most. To hear Kazuya saying how everything was more important than Jin or to think that Kazuya had always thought this and Jin was the last one to know.

“I cared, but you took care to kill this feeling.” Kazuya replied with a cold voice. “Didn’t I tell you, Jin? That you should try to understand me, to let me be ‘cause I’ll come to you? But you didn’t listen, you didn’t want to listen.” The younger shook his head with disappointment.

“You never cared.” Jin mumbled to himself. “You never cared.” He repeated with a louder voice, starting to laugh and looking like a madman. He stopped suddenly and looked at Kazuya with cold and distant eyes, approaching the younger like a lion approached its prey. “To understand you?!” he yelled, now completely out of control. “What did you ever do to earn that right?!” he demanded, stopping in front of Kazuya and putting his hands on each side of him, trapping him against the window.

Kazuya flinched at the sudden change in Jin and looked wary at the hands from his sides. He gulped as he turned to stare into Jin’s eyes. “I thought you said you love me. Doesn’t this give me the right to ask you to understand me?” Kazuya asked, feeling his heart beating fast. “Doesn’t this love of yours give me the right to ask you not to ruin my life?!” he raised his tone a little as his lower lip slightly trembled.

“You seem to think that this love of mine, as you say it,” Jin snorted, annoyed even by Kazuya’s choice of words, “gives you a lot of rights.” He said, leaning over the younger and hissing the words in his face. “I ruined your life?” he asked with a mocking tone, thinking that after they had met, Kazuya had given up on drugs, he had met his mother, he had faced his fears and had let them behind him. Of course he had ruined his life! “I’ve warned you at first, Kazuya, and you should know better now. If I really want to ruin a life, I wouldn’t touch a fucking college!!” he finished by screaming yet again, this time their faces almost touching, Jin spitting the words with hate and disdain.

“Then ruin what’s left of me!” Kazuya replied back with a harsh voice. “Ruin me and see what you’ll remain with! And maybe then you’ll finally be satisfied with me!” He continued as his hands stopped on Jin’s chest, his palms spreading and showing resistance in letting Jin get closer to him. “Cause all you’ve done till now was to change me into something I’m not!” The younger hissed and turned his face away from Jin, not wanting to see him anymore.

“Something that you’re not?” Jin laughed madly. “Then what are you?” he then asked with a voice so sweet that it made you sick. “A liar? A drug-addict? A whore? Tell me.” He demanded, forcibly grabbing Kazuya’s chin with his index and thumb fingers and making the younger look at him. “Tell me, Kazuya!!”

“I never lied!” The younger shouted back and tried to shake Jin’s fingers away from his face, but no use. “And I was a drug-addict and lately I have only been your whore. Didn’t see you complaining about that, though.” He continued with a sarcastic tone, glaring at Jin. “And what I have been was someone that didn’t know you, someone that had a life and someone that knew what the hell he was supposed to do and not to worry about some crazy obsessed person like you!!”

“You’ve been my whore?” Jin laughed again. “You were the one earlier who kept talking about men fucking you and how much you enjoy being fucked by them.” He said, his voice full of venom as he remembered Kazuya’s earlier words and his eyes darkening even more. “You were pleading for drugs and seducing me for days because I didn’t want to give them to you. Open your eyes, Kazuya! This is who you really were!!”

“And weren’t you the one who wanted to bring men to fuck me?! Weren’t you the one to put a tape with me during lunch time in my college?! This is what you made me, Jin! Not what I really am!” Kazuya retorted and his fingers dug into Jin’s shirt. “What I was is totally different. I only begged you for drugs! When I slept with other people… that didn’t even count for me! Because I would have the drugs! But you… you changed me and you were slowly getting here!” At this part, Kazuya’s hand showed the place where his heart beating. “But now! You’re not even near!”

Jin clicked his tongue and released Kazuya’s arms, backing away from him while shaking his head. He laughed again and let himself fall on the bed, keeping his head down and continuing to shake his head. “I wasn’t getting anywhere.” Jin said for himself, only now realizing that he had been fooled by Kazuya the whole time. He hadn’t even tried to love Jin and the older was now sure of this fact. He raised his head and stared at Kazuya for a few moments before finally talking. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Jin stated with a sigh.

He had been a fool to fall in love with Kazuya. He had allowed the younger to get into his heart and now he was paying the consequences. “But you’re right.” Jin suddenly said, remembering the boy’s words from earlier. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“I’m glad we’re finally agreeing on something.” Kazuya replied and grabbed his hands, like he was suddenly cold. “Then you must agree that it’s better if we don’t see each other anymore and we should move on with our lives.” He continued on an empty voice as he looked outside the window, not wanting to see Jin anymore. Nor the dejected expression he wore.

Jin laughed a hollow laugh. “Been there, done that. It didn’t work.” He said calmly as he raised himself from the bed and went to Kazuya’s dresser, searching for some warm clothes.

“Then try harder.” Kazuya frowned as he watched Jin searching through his clothes. “I’m sure you’re stronger than this obsession you have for me.” He concluded with a nod.

“Sorry, but I have no intention of doing that.” Jin replied as he tossed a pair of pants and a sweater in Kazuya’s hands. “Go and take a bath or you’ll catch a cold.” He then added with a somehow gentle tone, even if it seemed more tired.

Kazuya frowned at Jin, but he didn’t say anything further as he headed for the bathroom and closed the door behind him. A few moments later, water running was heard and Kazuya couldn’t be more pleased than to succumb himself into the warm water, feeling sick and tired of all his life up till now. In an instant, he had lost everything and Jin was acting like nothing was wrong, like he had done the most right thing ever. He didn’t even want to think about his friends… that if he could call them friends anymore.

“I’ll be by your side no matter what.”

That’s what Koki had said. But was this available anymore? Would Koki still be by his side upon seeing that horrible video? Seeing that he hadn’t searched for him until now, Kazuya could only think about the worst. As for Maru and Junno… innocent as they were, they would definitely not even want to know about his existence. Kazuya sighed and let himself go under the water, hoping to wash everything away. If it would be this easy…

Half an hour later, Kazuya got out of the bathtub and grabbing a fluffy bathrobe, he got out of the bathroom, hoping to get some good sleep and then… to think what he was supposed to do from now on. Hopefully by now, Jin had left and he had all the time for himself. But when he entered the room and saw Jin still on his bed, Kazuya couldn’t help but to frown and to sigh unhappy.

“What are you still doing here?” he asked with a grumpy voice.

“I didn’t say that I would leave.” Jin reminded the younger, making himself more comfortable on Kazuya’s bed.

“And I didn’t say you could stay.” Kazuya retorted and threw the towel he had been drying his hair on a chair. “It’s not like we have anything more to say.” He shrugged and waved a hand to make some air, because his skin was a bit heated because of the bath.

Jin looked at Kazuya for a long moment, still not being able to stop his heart from beating this fast. What was he doing there? Well, in the first place, he couldn’t leave, not knowing that he won’t see Kazuya ever again. And besides… he didn’t want to. Not after all of this. Not after he realized that he had wasted all of this time and Kazuya didn’t give a fuck about him. He felt hurt and betrayed. And he wanted revenge.

“Maybe you don’t, but I still have a lot of things to say.” Jin confessed, only glancing at the younger like he didn’t care enough about him.

Kazuya smiled and took a seat on the chair. “If you’re going to say anything about a certain deal between us, drop it. You can’t tie me with that, not when I don’t have friends anymore. I might care for them, but this care will soon fade, so…” He shrugged and chuckled a little. “As for what other things you want to say, frankly, I don’t give a damn.”

“I don’t want to talk about any deal.” Jin replied calmly, his eyes watching the ceiling and seeming fascinated by it. “I’m just going to tell you what you’re going to do and you’ll follow my orders from now on. That’s all.” He said on a tone like Kazuya would have to submit to his will no matter what.

Kazuya laughed. “And why would I do that?” he asked, leaning on the chair’s hinder legs and looking thoroughly amused. “I fear nothing right now. Not even my life.” He said with a dramatic sigh.

“Then the window is right there.” Jin replied with a cold tone. “I’m also in the point where I don’t care about anything, so if you don’t listen, I’ll gladly help you to see the outside faster. You were eager to know what’s on the other side earlier after all.” He shrugged and laughed bitterly.

“Then kill me already ‘cause I don’t want to listen.” Kazuya looked at Jin with a serious expression.

“I haven’t said anything yet.” The older reminded, his lips curling up a little as his eyes concentrated on a blank spot on the ceiling.

“Good.” Kazuya said and rose from the chair and headed to exit the bedroom. He was getting tired of such stupid conversation and he really wanted to rest so he could think about tomorrow. He needed to withdraw from school, then he needed to talk with his father and let him know… he needed to figure out what to do with his life from now on. He might go to another college, to try again.

Jin sighed and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Kazuya.” He called the younger’s name to make him stop. “I thought that I should let you know that you can’t leave the house and to warn you that you shouldn’t try anything funny.” He said with a bored voice, like the matter wasn’t important for him at all.

Kazuya stopped and sharply turned to Jin. “You realize that I have to withdraw from school and for that I need to go there, right?” He quirked an eyebrow, the anger suddenly boiling in his veins. “And you can’t fucking forbid me what should I do from now on! And what will you do if I get the fucking out?! Will you give me to your dogs?! HA! Very well! See if I care!” Kazuya burst out and flailed his arms, now his bathrobe half loose on his body.

“You don’t understand.” Jin sighed tiredly, lifting his body and settling better on the bed, now his back standing against the wall. “The door is locked.” He informed the younger. “If you manage to break it, there is a man outside waiting just to stop you. If you manage to pass him, there are others outside the building. The only exit for them to not see you is the window.” He said, all the time looking at Kazuya and examining his reaction.

Kazuya blinked once, twice, then he laughed. “You want me to kill myself?” he asked incredulously. “Really? Couldn’t you come with something better if you wanted me to disappear?” He continued to laugh as he looked back at Jin, not believing what he had just said.

“It’s your choice.” Jin replied, getting up from the bed and slowly approaching Kazuya. “I just have one thing to say.” He announced as he stopped in front of the other. “You’re not getting away from me. If you thought that it’s fun to play with me, then I’ll show you what real fun is.” Jin threatened with a calm and cold voice, lacking any emotion.

And Kazuya did what he thought was right - he slapped Jin across the face, his whole body trembling in anger. “That should be my line, not yours.” He said through gritted teeth. “You had fun playing with my life and ruining it, I did you nothing to hurt you.” He added, his palm hurting from where he had slapped Jin.

“You think you did nothing to hurt me?” Jin said through a fit of mocking laughter, not being able to stop. He had already lost Kazuya - no, he had never had him - and now he got nothing to lose, nothing to care about. If Kazuya wanted to play this way, then Jin also knew this game. “You kissed that bitch and I took your college. I gave it back to you but then you seemed to think that it’s alright to forget about me, so I took it again. I never did anything without reason, while you…” he snorted and raised his hand to touch the stop where Kazuya had hit him, leaving his sentence unfinished on purpose.

“While I WHAT?!” Kazuya shouted angrily. “While I let you in my life, while I let myself be taken by you, while I gave myself to you on that beach?!” he continued and threw himself over Jin, slapping, hitting, punching him as he could do the best. “You stupid, jerk, ungrateful, fucking bastard!!”

“You’ve given nothing!!” Jin barked back as he caught Kazuya’s hands and shook the boy a few times, throwing him into the dresser and keeping him pinned there, keeping his arms above his head with one hand while his other hand was now circling the younger’s neck, pressing slowly but firmly as Jin’s anger continued to grow. “You didn’t give anything to me, you didn’t let me in your life! You never told me anything that you feel, you didn’t let me inside!” he accused the boy, his body slightly trembling as his fury increased. “The only thing you did was to spread your legs and let me fuck you!!”

“And now this doesn’t please you anymore.” Kazuya managed to speak, though the hand on his neck was doing its best to stop him. “What did you want to hear from me? That I love you?” He whizzed, closing his eyes and cursing himself because he - maybe - did feel love for the man that was strangling him right now.

“Yes, that’s what I wanted.” Jin confessed with a broken voice, his hand tightening its hold on Kazuya’s neck and then suddenly lessening until it disappeared for good, but Jin still didn’t remove it from its position. “I wanted you to love me as I love you.” He continued, seeming to be breathing heavier now, but even he didn’t know if it was because of the anger or hurt. “But as you said that I’ve crushed those inexistent feelings of yours, you also crushed mine.” He added, his hands falling limp next to his body and his head on the younger’s shoulder, his eyes closed and his body trembling.

Kazuya coughed feebly as the air filled his lungs again freely, feeling Jin’s slight tremble. “So that was it all along?” he said with a weak mocking voice. “Then you’re too stupid for not noticing up till now.” He finally confessed, feeling fed up with all of these romantic stupidities that they apparently needed.

“Notice what?” Jin asked, not having a clue what was Kazuya talking about and not bothering to move, still feeling too depressed to even talk.

“Yes, too stupid to even understand.” Kazuya allowed himself a small chuckle. “I don’t know what I even expected from you, seeing that you’d rather think I was with you all this time in which you made me suffer, just because I felt like spreading my legs for you.” He continued with a sigh. “Sure… I have been with you for various reasons, but none of them was as important as the one you didn’t notice. Tell me… why did I sleep with you on that beach after you promised to beat Koki and almost raped me?” Kazuya asked, not wanting to say what for him had been obvious since that day, though too stubborn to admit it until now.

“I don’t know.” Jin replied, slightly confused now. “Because I’m really a wonderful person?” he snorted, feeling like he sounded like the most terrible man on earth from Kazuya’s words. And maybe he was. Maybe he had been that bad with Kazuya and had really hurt him more than Jin had thought. But how was he supposed to know if he never knew how to give something and just knew how to take?

“I thought you’re smarter than this.” Kazuya replied and sighed once more. “Try a bit harder, Jin.” Kazuya moved his shoulder as if to wake Jin’s brain.

“What?!” the older said, a little bit annoyed as he lifted his head and looked into Kazuya’s eyes. “What should I know?” he then asked, really not wanting to talk about this. “That you hate me? I got that, thank you very much.” He said, rolling his eyes and turning his back on Kazuya, wanting to leave and get out of this uncomfortable situation.

But Kazuya grabbed his hand and waited until Jin turned to look at him again, annoyance written all over his face. “And you didn’t get the opposite at all?” he asked, still being ambiguous as ever, but this time there was a teasing smile dancing on his lips. God, how stupid could Jin get. Kazuya was in the middle of his confession and the older was getting angry.

“Get what?” he asked, not really being in the mood for Kazuya’s games and not even bothering to think at what might the younger want to actually say. After all, Jin was sure that it couldn’t be anything good, as every word that left Kazuya’s mouth.

Kazuya bit his tongue before asking and glared at Jin, unhappy that the older wasn’t even capable of seeing his true self. “That I have fucking loved you all along.” He replied in the end and let go of Jin’s hand, ruffling his wet hair. “Yeah, I think I love you, but apparently you’re too engrossed in your opinions of me than to even notice such a thing.” Kazuya continued and he moved away from Jin, going to his desk, feeling relief suddenly sweep over him. Had this feeling been weighing on him that much?

Jin opened his mouth to say something but somehow the words didn’t seem to form and he closed it again, blinking and yet opening it again, the whole time looking blankly at the spot where Kazuya had been. “You what?!” he said with a high pitched voice, now turning to look properly at the younger and see if he was kidding or not.

Kazuya was startled by Jin’s girly voice and looked at him suddenly annoyed. “What?! That worst you thought me that I couldn’t possibly love you?!” He asked, scoffing. “Go away.” He turned his back to Jin, pouting and feeling angry in the same time.

“But…” Jin started and stopped. “You…” he tried again but not succeeding this time either. “I…” the words simply wouldn’t come out. He cursed angrily and looked at Kazuya’s back. “Two minutes.” Was the only thing he said before leaving the room and leaving Kazuya with his mouth wide opened as he found himself alone in the room.

Did Jin really leave just like that? Kazuya asked himself. Apparently yes as he was now alone in his bedroom and he could feel how he was getting more annoyed. He didn’t have time though because Jin appeared again in his face, frowning a little but seeming to have got back his words. “So you love me.” He stated, like the younger hadn’t already said this.

“Are you stupid?” Kazuya replied instead and felt like laughing all of a sudden. “I won’t say anything from now on.” He then crossed his arms and looked defiantly at Jin. If the older found it so hard to believe, then Kazuya was the same if not more. After all it’s not everyday you realize that the pressuring feeling you have nurturing for a while turns out to be love, right?

“But…” Jin tried yet again. “But…” Really, it was starting to become stupid. “Kazuuu…” he finally seemed to decide and to whine but this also didn’t last long as he suddenly shut up and jumped on the younger, lifting him in the air and twirling with him. “I really want to hit you right now.” Jin confessed as he stopped and put Kazuya on the ground again, their eyes studying each other.

“Feel free to hit me, I’ll hit back.” Kazuya lifted his chin defiantly. “After all, you think of me as the worst. I’m cruel, cold and heartless in your eyes apparently.” The younger sighed and tried to push Jin away but to no avail. “You’d better let me go or I’ll really hit you.” He threatened with a glare.

“So what?” Jin raised an eyebrow though the smile never left his lips. “You don’t consider me the same?” he asked with a slightly teasing tone. “Besides,” he shrugged, “it seems I’m masochistic, I feel better when you hit me.” He said with a normal voice, like he was just stating a truth.

“I consider you crazy, obsessed with me and sometimes cruel. But I really believed that you loved me. After all, I wouldn’t have given into your arms so easily.” Kazuya said with a slight shake of his head. “And I won’t hit you. I’m not angry now.” He refused to do so and admitted that he only hit if he was under powerful emotions like anger.

Jin grinned even more. “You love me.” He said with a happy laugh. “You really love me.” He repeated and started to dance again with the younger in his arms, turning them around, back and forward.

“Really?” Kazuya asked seriously, though there was a chuckle in his voice as Jin kept swirling with him through his bedroom. They should better stop or they’ll hit on something. “And how did you figure that?” he added with a teasing tone.

“Meanie!” Jin accused, sticking his tongue out as he stopped completely. “It’s not fair, I’ve told you a million times until now how much I love you, but I have the feeling that this is the first and last time that I’ll ever hear you saying it to me.” He added with a little reproach in his voice.

“Do words mean so much to you, Jin?” Kazuya asked with a tilt of his head. “Just for these three words you did all this?” He added with a soft and sad smile, leaning his head against his chest. “I’m a fool. Despite all this…” Kazuya sighed and closed his eyes. “…I love you.” He finally said them, with no other emotion but pure love.

His breath stopped and his heart started beating so fast that Jin felt like it had its own wheels and wanted to march off. Three words, just three simple words that he had uttered for so many times, not really believing in them until he had finally met Kazuya, and now… Now he felt so overwhelmed by such simple words.

“I love you too.” He whispered back, kissing Kazuya’s hair and hugging him at his chest.

Yeah, he needed them because he realized that he hadn’t been sure about anything. Maybe it was his fault and Jin was aware of his little problem with trusting people, but he had decided to trust Kazuya and believe in him. Still, even now, at the first sign of a problem, he ended up doing such a stupid thing because he always thought Kazuya didn’t want him anymore. He always thought that the younger would rather be with anyone else than him. Because… who’d want to be with a criminal like him? He had heard that parents’ love was unconditional but it seemed that his parents had a few issues with this. If they hadn’t cared, why would anyone else?

But Kazuya did. And he loved Jin so the older decided to believe in him once more.

“I’m sorry.” He then added, his voice breaking and seeming like he was about to cry. His heart started beating even faster if that was possible only at the prospect of him being able to cry as he crushed Kazuya to his chest and repeated the same words, over and over. “I’m sorry.”

Kazuya hugged Jin back, though it was kind of difficult seeing that Jin almost suffocated him with his bear hug. “I know.” He said with a muffled voice. “I know it…” he whispered and pulled back a bit from Jin’s suffocating embrace. “But don’t kill me in your hug.” He glanced up at Jin, seeing that the older was still holding him tight and not willing to let him go.

“I didn’t mean to do it.” Jin started to explain even if no one asked him to. “I just snapped and you weren’t there and I started thinking at all sort of stuff… It killed me not knowing what you’re doing, where you are or who are you with even if I knew every aspect of you life.” He said, thinking that his friend had kept on calling at every hour to tell him every move of Kazuya’s. “And then…”

“Shut up.” Kazuya said softly but loud enough. “What’s done is done. Though it hurts being treated as fool by you and seeing that finally today, one teacher acknowledged my presence and smartness… it’s all over.” He said within a breath, not really wanting to talk about all this. “And… now that you finally know that I love you maybe you’ll believe in me more.” Kazuya continued with a half accusing, half tired voice. He then cuddled into Jin’s arms, stifling a yawn. Today’s events were really getting to him. It wasn’t easy to see yourself as a star in porn movie alongside with your friends and colleagues and it was definitely not easy to admit once and for all that you love the man that had made your life impossible. Really… life was good.

“I can help you.” Jin suddenly said with a small voice. “I can help you get back to college, the same or one even better.” He hurried to add as he looked at the boy from his arms with an uncertain gaze.

Kazuya looked back and his heart started to beat faster. Could he really start again college? Was there really hope for him? There were stars already sparkling in Kazuya’s eyes when Jin’s words seeped totally in his system, but soon all of them burnt out as the younger smiled sadly and shook his head. “No.” he refused simply and definite. “But… thank you.” He sighed thinking of the irony of life - he was thanking the man that had made him quit in the first place.

“Are you sure?” Jin asked again, not wanting Kazuya to regret this after.

Kazuya nodded and said nothing more. He didn’t want to go back to that college and neither did he want to start another one with the help of Jin. If anything… he won’t depend of Jin’s help on such matters. Not after he saw where Jin’s jealousy or madness could bring him to and Kazuya knew that it was time for him to cure Jin of such an overreacting character. It was a problem that needed time, it was a problem of behavior and the younger knew what he had to do - now that he finally knew that he loved Jin, Kazuya would do anything to have him acting - at least with him - normal.

“I’m a bit tired…” Kazuya yawned, not hiding it anymore. “And I think I might get a cold…” he added as he started to feel a little burning and dizzy all of a sudden.

“You shouldn’t have stayed with those wet clothes until I came.” Jin scolded the boy, already acting like this was just a normal day and they hadn’t been fighting just ten minutes ago and ready to kill each other. He was prepared to ignore all of this and pretend that the only thing that happened today was Kazuya telling Jin that he loved him too. It was for the best and besides, Jin wasn’t one to dwell on things that he didn’t think he did wrong. “Let’s go to bed and hope that you won’t have a fever.” The older added as he checked the boy’s body temperature with the back of his hand on the other’s forehead. He pursed his lips, only now noticing that Kazuya was indeed burning a little.

Kazuya simply nodded and let himself be led to the bed where he snuggled up like a little baby, though the bathrobe was still a hassle, because it was kind of wet and squishy. He looked at Jin with burning eyes and he smiled dreamily. “Dress me up.” He asked, sneezing a little.

Jin sighed, trying to look annoyed even if it was obvious that he enjoyed taking care of Kazuya, especially if he was acting cute and demanded attention. “And where are the clothes that I gave you to dress up?” he asked with a raised eyebrow, only now realizing that Kazuya had headed out of the bathroom dressed in a bathrobe and not in the clothes Jin had picked for him.

Kazuya looked confused for a few seconds before his eyes widened in remembering, then he gave Jin an innocent and shy smile. “I forgot…” he mumbled, his cheeks coloring fast. “Though it was your fault to begin with.” He then added with a solemn nod as if he had nothing to do with this. Kazuya sneezed once more.

Jin sighed again and shook his head, laughing inside because of Kazuya’s childishness. He didn’t say anything more and just went to the bathroom, grabbed the clothes and came back to the bedroom, sitting on the bed and looking at Kazuya. “You know, as much as I love doing things with you, I think I prefer undressing you than this.” The older chuckled as his fingers gently touched the robe’s belt and unwrapped the nod, letting it loose alongside Kazuya’s body.

Kazuya returned the chuckle and there was a different gleam in his dreamy eyes. And his now feverish face was split in a teasing smile as he watched Jin’s hands fumble with his bathrobe. “And that’s why it makes it more interesting seeing you do this.” He said with a half low, half husky voice. “I think I’m enjoying this - seeing you dress me up and fret a little over it.” Kazuya continued and he lifted a bit, so that the bathrobe was now revealing his bare shoulders. Trust Kazuya to be teasing when he should be shutting up like an obedient child and wait for someone to tuck him in bed and nurse him to recovery.

“I’m sure you do.” Jin answered with a neutral tone, his face not betraying his thoughts or if he was affected in any way by Kazuya’s attempts. He didn’t seem baffled when he got rid of the bathrobe - and learned that the younger was fully naked under it - and didn’t flinch when his eyes fell on the boy’s cock. He just continued his task, caressing Kazuya’s legs with his fingers from top to bottom as he lifted his legs and pulled up his underwear, letting his hand rest a little more than necessary on his lover’s shaft.

A smirk appeared on Jin’s face. “I’m sure you enjoy something more than this though.” He said with a nonchalant tone, as if he was talking about the weather or something equally boring. His expression said a totally different thing though.

Kazuya’s eyes glittered and he tilted his head a little, parting his lips with a hot breath escaping from it. “Hmm…” he licked his lips, apparently thinking. “I still think I find you more enjoyable when you’re restraining yourself from taking me when I’m here lying naked and helpless.” Kazuya said as he waved his hand over his bare torso. “And a bit dizzy from the fever.” He added with a soft chuckle.

Jin snorted as a curse escaped his lips. “And when exactly aren’t you lying naked and helpless in my arms?” he asked with a raised eyebrow as he lifted Kazuya’s upper body and pulled the sweater on his head, bringing it down along with his fingers which ghostly touched Kazuya’s skin as the shirt covered every part of it.

Kazuya closed his eyes and a muffled sound came out through his parted lips. “All the time.” He replied with a smirk. “I let you have me, but I wasn’t helpless in your arms. I clearly remember how I was quite…” Kazuya faked a cough, though it wasn’t far from a real one. “… active in making you the helpless and pleading one.” The younger continued, looking quite pleased with himself. And a bit smug.

“As if you never begged.” Jin rolled his eyes, now dressing the younger with his fluffy pants and pulling them up, tightening the knot to stop them from falling. He stared Kazuya with his narrowed eyes and then very slowly he approached him, leaning over him and whispering in his ear. “I clearly remember your moaning voice begging me to have you, how you kept holding on me and ask me to take you.” He chuckled smugly and buried his teeth into the younger’s ear, backing away in the next second and getting off bed, his eyes still on Kazuya.

Kazuya made a face at him, looking sleepy and freshly aroused. “I begged, but you begged more.” He stuck his tongue and pulled the sheets over his head, hiding his face from Jin. Then a muffled and tired voice was heard - “Aren’t you going to sleep with me?”

“If you beg me.” Jin shrugged a little and smiled devilishly.

“Then, I’m already sleeping so I can’t beg.” Kazuya replied and peeked at Jin with a naughty glint in his eyes.

“If you’re already sleeping it means you also don’t need me, right?” the older said with the same nonchalant and teasing tone.

“I have a pillow to hug, of course.” Kazuya retorted, but not saying he didn’t need Jin as he quickly grabbed a pillow, holding it dearly. He made a content face, a smile fluttering over his sleepy and feverish face.

“If that’s enough for you, then good night.” Jin said with a smile as he turned to leave the bedroom.

“Jiiiiin~” Kazuya whined from the bed and stood up, his hair ruffled and his expression slightly annoyed. “You getting in or not?” he asked with a pout.

Jin chuckled but hid it as he turned to look at Kazuya with a pending expression. “Hmm… what should I do?” he seemed to ask himself for a decision. He laughed when Kazuya threw him a glare and then smiled gently. “I’ll be right back.” He said and left the room, thinking that he never had any intention to sleep somewhere else and he had wanted from the first place to come back to Kazuya’s room but it had been too tempting to not tease his sweet lover a little.

“Missed me?” he asked with a grin when he came back, a wet cloth in his hand and a little bowl with cold water in it. He put the bowl on a nightstand next to the bed and grabbed the cloth to put it on Kazuya’s forehead without a word, seeming concentrated on his task. Well, it wasn’t as if he had ever done something like that to know if it was right or not or if the fever won’t worsen with this.

“Stupid.” Kazuya muttered, but stayed obedient under Jin’s hands, enjoying the cooling sensation of the cloth. “Great, I’m having a fever and you’re teasing me.” He continued to mumble, closing his eyes and sighing. He had never been treated by his mother when he had a cold and the fact that Jin was doing it for him now was making him feel weak and vulnerable.

“Well, I’m stupid like that.” Jin chuckled as he settled the cloth better and carefully covered Kazuya’s body with the blanket. “Just sleep.” He added with a gentle tone and kissed the younger’s hair affectionately.

“Un.” Kazuya hummed as he searched for Jin’s hand to hold. In less than two minutes, the younger was already asleep. Jin didn’t move from his spot for another ten minutes, just admiring Kazuya’s peaceful expression and thinking at how close he had been to lose it. He then got up, changed in some comfortable clothes and slipped under the covers next to Kazuya, linking their hands and falling asleep like that.