i've pretty much been told two things... a. i've screwed up and b. that there isn't much passion in the relationship... how does one get passion? ... i suppose by not having huge walls up... i suppose by taking some sort of risks with your own feelings... i figure i have about another month or so for things to either smooth out or end... i knew ( Read more... )

i wanna escape... i wanna leave this world that i've created for myself... i wanna leave the "real" world... i get bored way too easily! ... i wanna travel... i wanna experience new things everday... i wanna be free...

one week until she returns... its amazing how fast 2 months can go really... its also amazing how much you can do and with whom when you have weekends off... i'm really going to miss this when i go back to london.. its also really amazed me how much i've missed her... how much i've just wanted to talk to her... i never thought i would feel this way ( Read more... )

so i'm going to eat sushi for the first time really... i tried it once but it was only 1 piece and it was veggie... so this should be an interesting experience for all... i do plan on getting drunk later though... so i get a little reward! wee! it will be nice to see a lot of people i've been able to see for the last couple weeks / months... the ( Read more... )

so here we are... a new year... it doesn't seem like we should be over 1/2 way through the decade already... time is going way too fast for my liking... so i've realized a couple things so far this year... one i really hate it when i'm the only one trying to think of things to say... too often i feel that people in conversations are way too lazy ( Read more... )

i am sad... i don't want to see most people... i want to run away... i don't want to go into work and pretend everything is all good and fine and happy... i think i am going back to my abandoning idea... i just want to shut the whole world out... i don't even want to go to work... i never do... work blows... actually i think its just working in ( Read more... )

1 more sleep until she is gone... why does this hurt so much? when did i become so attached to her? ... i really wish i could say... attraction and connections to people are so very wierd... i'm not sure at what point it became a relationship... it wasn't supposed to! i've known about this for months... we even discussed things getting more serious ( Read more... )

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so i got what i wanted... now i don't want it anymore... i feel so lost right now... i got the job i wanted... in a city thats not london... i got to move out... but why am i not happy? ... i think i took the cheap way out of leaving... i still work for the same company... just a different location... away from my friends... i want to disappear... ( Read more... )

i'm not sure if i want write down what i'm thinking or whats going on... i'm still not sure whats going on... i'm going to windsor in 2 weeks ... for 6 months... and my relationship is still on going... she's definately made it clear that we are not boyfriend / girlfriend and that she has no claim on me... but she could have also been saying that ( Read more... )