By the way, Grandma died October 14, I haven't talked to Carol since before Thanksgiving and I am feeling extra guilty about Kiera and Cordell since Kiera is turning 10 this year March 28. I hope more than anything that they have calm and pleasant lives, and I love them.

Tyler smokes weed now, too.

so reading some entries from this from about a year ago really made me go "wow, that was me ( Read more... )

So I fucking went to band camp ( Read more... )

so basically I'm a nervous wreck. I'm fucking bouncing off the walls with emotions, and I don't even know what to think. I keep trying to convince myself of the good in the world, but it hasn't been working very well. I have an idea, but I have to do a lot of research and thinking. I'm just so bored with everything, and I want a new life. I just ( Read more... )

so this last weekend was the biggest waste of time to be productive in anything in my entire life. i'm not even going to go into it, I'm just fucking sick of it ( Read more... )

I think I've found myself again ( Read more... )

It's new years eve and I'm doing ecstasy :D

I'm SO fucking excited.

things have been boring and miserable lately.

I just read a page of this journal and the first thing I thought of was "what the FUCK is wrong with me?"

and I don't fucking know.

Why am I doing what I'm doing?

I think I want to die from drugs and alcohol, but I haven't realized it completely yet.

I'm so fucked up. Blacking out on friday was the worst thing EVER.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I am fucking up my life.

why am I not thin yet?

I keep askign myself that, and I just don't know.

I don't know if I know anything anymore.