Is it so wrong to want someone who will want you. To not only be a 3rd or 4th choice, but a first or even 2nd. To be remembered, To be wanted. By ANYONE, a parent, a friend, a lover
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I was probably being just melodramatic and depressed and angry.
but the boring day to day list of endless demands. Thinking about my "mother", wan't helping my mood. Then I just realized that other than my daughter, I could leave and it would probably be months before any one noticed. The fact that I was depressed before hand didn't help.
Sometimes screaming at someone in anger is what you need to do, for you. But when it's all done, and you're quiet and alone - look around,Athena. What do you really want to run away from? Your daughter? Your life? The mess in the house? The shattered expectations? Pick them up - one at a time, embrace them, and stop longing for someone else - start liking yourself. Other people, things to do, places to go - these are all distractions that we seek out so we don't have to look at ourselves - because we are our greatest critics.
I say all of this only because I believe we are the same in many ways... I'm trying to hate myself less - and the only way to do that is accept the chaos that is me and try to force myself to do something with it. If I let someone else help me forget it or try to fix it for me, I'll only hate myself more... have to do this for myself.
Wouldn't it be nice to be by yourself and actually enjoy the company?
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but the boring day to day list of endless demands. Thinking about my "mother", wan't helping my mood. Then I just realized that other than my daughter, I could leave and it would probably be months before any one noticed. The fact that I was depressed before hand didn't help.
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I say all of this only because I believe we are the same in many ways... I'm trying to hate myself less - and the only way to do that is accept the chaos that is me and try to force myself to do something with it. If I let someone else help me forget it or try to fix it for me, I'll only hate myself more... have to do this for myself.
Wouldn't it be nice to be by yourself and actually enjoy the company?
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