so, i was going for three or four month breaks between coke seshes. i'd go for a few months clean and craving lines and that sense of perfect pleasure in delicious white flakes. then i'd have a couple nights where id do line after line. when i was craving, i'd forget what its REALLY like to do coke. you just remember how amazing everything feels ( Read more... )

jessie is such a sweet girl! when she was borrowing my phone to call her coke dealer, she saved his name and number in my contacts for me! that is so awesome of her.

totally deleted the number. sick of being some dealer's bitch.

last night was hella tight! at first, i was so fucking bored. the party was at my dealers flat and she declared it a no coke zone, and i took a few gravity bong hits, but nobody was very interesting and i zoned out on the couch until i started talking to a new friend, jessie! and jessie told me she had an AMAZING cocaine connection and we left the ( Read more... )

last october i went to this super-crazy party at my weed dealers house. everyone was smoking cigarettes and hitting bongs and i joined in and was soon ripped. around 9, becca said terry was taking orders for cocaine and i gave him some cash. around 10, he gave me my money back and said his guy wasn't coming through. around 11, after id burned ( Read more... )

uhh. yeah. i made some quick cash doing bad things to hot boys in front of cameras. enough to pay off my dealers and buy enough pot and cigs to stave off coke cravings until i find a better job. well. one that doesnt have me risking getting hepatitis ( Read more... )

once someone told me that if i did porn i'd get all the coke i could snort

lies. its never enuff

i can't believe i once encouraged a really amazing lj friend pulling her life back together to do cocaine

i can't believe this fucking worthless journal talks about how destroying your body is cool and you should try it. im such a piece of shit

i hate myself and i dont have anything to make the bad feeling go away

all my friends are trying so hard to go back to the way they were. they want to delete all the shit they've smoked and snorted and shot up in their past; they want to pretend they never had the fun they did and go back to normal ( Read more... )

i fucking love these shallow bitches

havent updated in awhile. my life is kind of stuck in a circle ( Read more... )