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Today, for the first time, my hip has me bedridden.
I need a hug. -
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This morning, I hurt so bad it woke me up from a dream. I hurt so bad I started crying. Walking was difficult today. Spasms were worse.
God, I've never been so scared. -
Local Happenings in Three Parts
Part the First: Numerous Health Complains
My hip has stabbity sharp pain today. I keep randomly losing circulation in random patches of skin, usually for about five to ten minutes. So I'm patched cold and warm. Fucking muscle spasms are getting worse and more frequent, even with two freaking types of medication. Speaking of medication, my ( Read more... ) -
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I can honestly say that I felt better about myself before I started therapy than I do now. I used to have lots of issues, but at least I was comfortable with most of them. Now? My self-esteem has plummeted, my anxiety is worse, my moods are further to the extremes, and I don't feel like I have "good days," just stable days. I don't feel better ( Read more... ) -
I Hate Facebook Copy+Paste Things
"Depression is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you have been trying to be strong for too long."
BullSHIT. Depression is a sign of a chemical imbalance in the brain. It's neither weakness or strength, it's just a psychological problem. I have depression and Hallmark messages like this make me want to vomit.
In other news, a lot of people ( Read more... ) -
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Can't have caffeine. Can't have alcohol. Can't stop taking my meds. Can't run. Can't fence. Can't play sports. Can't hike. Can't bike. Can't have sex unless I have a few days to recover afterwards. Can't seek medical help. Can't seek much other kinds of help. Can't talk about what I want, what I feel ( Read more... ) -
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I am back in a power chair again. My hips hurt to the point that I can't walk. I was in the chair last spring as well, but it's worse this time. It hurts more, more joints are affected (both hips, back, both shoulders, and neck), more body parts are affected (eyes, ears, balance, speech, large painful muscle tics) and I'm having internal organ ( Read more... ) -
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Blerg. Even though I have a date tonight, I'm still depressed as fuck on Valentine's Day. Past experience, perhaps? That in combination with feeling that I've no control over my body seemingly falling apart makes me irritated and snappish ( Read more... ) -
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I'm tired of not allowing myself to be happy. I'm tired of thinking I don't deserve things. I do. I have the right to be happy, just like everyone else.
I will state this right and ask for things that will make me happy - even if I don't get them. Because that's what this is all about, right? An ever-marching drive to happiness. -
Why Mathematical Impairment Aggravates My Insecurities
I should be doing math. I had to do only 30 problems tonight. Instead, I did four and then broke down crying.
When I was growing up, I was called a genius. By everyone. My parents, my teachers, my friends. It seemed to be true - I was good at absolutely everything I did. Not amazingly brilliant Harvard-at-twelve sort of kid, but it never took ( Read more... )