I was in a cafe late at night. There wern't alot of people around. But there was a man sitting in the corner table reading a newspaper. He came over and sat down across from me. He leaned over the table I was sitting at and looked directly into my eyes. I could see the pain in his face as he was trying to find the words. He looked away and sighed ( Read more... )

I see you differently now. I no longer fear you. It took years for me to see you for what you really are. I no longer associate you with screaming dry heaves. You know what? I see now that you gave me the courage to addict myself to the sickness your presence in my life offered. The puking and blackouts were just some of the slight side effects ( Read more... )

For a little while today, I hated you. I hated you for being so beautiful and real. I hated you for being up at night to find your arms around me. I hated your honestly and the way you make people relax when you're around them. I hated you for loving me unconditionally. You've called me on years of my cheap emotion and cruelty that came from my ( Read more... )

The mask laughs. The mask pulls its mouth into a cruel, hideous mask of a mask. This is appropriate behaivour for the mask. The mask suddenly turns angry and I realize that the anger is because my face is not rendering the effects of the pain that's being inflicted. The mask is infuriated by my inability to die. It only hurts to a certain point and ( Read more... )

You can get what you want. Never sell out. Don't break. Don't weaken. Don't let the kindness of strangers be your salvation. Unless you sleep alone, you sleep with the ememy. I walk this room well past mid night, unable to sleep. My thoughts driving me to move, to stop questioning things logically and become the definition of the word action. ( Read more... )

I want nothing more than to leave a clean slate for death. I want no shadows to obscure the path when it’s time to get taken out. Too much time is spent wondering about what is to be. Too much time is spent trying to gain the approval of others. All this time living for others while others are living for others. Does anyone ever live for themselves ( Read more... )

Why do people go to public places to be alone? Do they need witnesses? If you're sitting alone, feeling bad, are you wallowing in self pitty, or is it possible that things are bad for you and it's driving you so deeply into yourself that you forget what time it is, where you are and how to speak when spoken to? I have opened myself to ultimate ( Read more... )

There was a house I spent time in a few summers ago. I girl lived there. Imprisoned by her touch and mocking smile, time passed me. I didn't want to leave, but the longer I stayed, the weaker I became. The days passed and finally my self hatred grew inside this beautiful house, snapping me out of acoma of delusion I was in. All at once she was done ( Read more... )

The only thing I fear now is clear and total recognition of my own distinct wretchedness. What's sickening is that I'm fascinated by it like it was someone else's. I want unexistence. I want to find a place where I can live in darkness and silence forever. These words will be lost in the storms howl. They reside in small rooms, ground into old ( Read more... )

I have been living in the desert for quite some time. I got sick of the cities and the freaks they make out of people. There are no people out here. No people, no problems. In civilazation, what's wrong with the system becomes what's wrong with you. And you don't figure it out untill you've eaten yourself alive. A woman comes up to the front of my ( Read more... )