(Untitled)

[oakfarm2]

Lets discus “theory of mind”. One of the most difficult things for me to do is to describe something for someone else. And one thing that makes it even more difficult is that people often read in, and assume things in every thing you tell them. For example, one time I talked with a guy we can call A

Comments

[sir_eldoran]

I don't think this has much to do with the theory of mind. I think it's more to do with the social circles people inhabit. It might really be hard to comprehend someone being able to shill out the entire price of a house right away. Most people in my circle are just renting because even a mortgage is far too risky and prohibitive.

Wouldn't exactly call it owning the bank though. I think it's literally the same deal as paying rent, except that in 20-30 years you get rewarded with a house you fully own.

[squidger]

Except if you stop paying your mortgage, they can potentially go after a deficiency judgment against you, meaning you could owe hundreds of thousands of dollars all at once.

[sir_eldoran]

Yeah, best if you don't do that sort of thing :)

[silverwhistle]

Yes: if you lose your job, you lose your home. I've never been securely employed to even be able to think of taking out a mortgage.

[pklemica]

I think that while the argument could be made that you did not employ enough theory of mind in this interaction - since A misunderstood your statement - one could just as easily argue that it is A who is failing to employ theory of mind in this interaction, making such blanket assumptions about B and her finances and decision-making. I tend to interpret a lot of the accusations that autistics lack theory of mind as rather a misunderstanding by of what it means to have a different neurology; people seeing something not working the way they expect and concluding that it does not work at all, rather than that it works differently

[silverwhistle]

"I tend to interpret a lot of the accusations that autistics lack theory of mind as rather a misunderstanding by of what it means to have a different neurology; people seeing something not working the way they expect and concluding that it does not work at all, rather than that it works differently."

I'm inclined to agree with you. Working differently, rather than not working. This was a long-term problem in my relationship with my mother: notwithstanding the fact she had a more noticeably autistic brother, she never picked up that I was 'different' in this way (the female Aspie tendency to mask, I suppose). Instead, because my emotional triggers weren't like most people's, I was either "a drama queen" or "hard as nails".

[oakfarm2]

That’s a good comment, when you write: “people seeing something not working the way they expect and concluding that it does not work at all, rather than that it works differently” I hope that’s true since it sounds good.

Yes, I didn’t correct him, thought it was too much work to do that, and yes that sounds weird I thought so.

[ertla]

Ditto. I experience a lot of NTs as lazily assuming everyone is identical to them. The only reason that can be called "having a theory of mind" is if you have no commitment to truth and accuracy in speech - also common among NTs.

well...

[froganon]

I think, as a few others have said, that this has to do with some what I view as "typical nt assumptions

RE: well...

[lordhellebore]

I never understood why I had to modulate my voice to reflect unrealistic excitement as a kid over presents-- I always figured that a simple thank-you would be enough.

This has less to do with NT behaviour than with societal conventions. though, in my opinion. For example, I've found out that while a heart-felt thank you is enough here in Germany where I live, it would come off as completely unenthusiastic and rude in the US or Canda, where a gift apparently has to be the "Oh my God best thing ever that I've always wanted!!!!" - or at least you have to pretend it is.

Re: well...social conventions

[froganon]

In that case, then I must take after my German grandmother and might find more happiness in Germany where heart-felt thanks are enough.

[lordhellebore]

I think I agree with commenter one - this is probably about the social circles of the person you talked to. Of course simply assuming that other people live in the same circumstances you do isn't exactly the most in-depth thinking, but apparently very normal (among NTs).