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fell off the wagon
I'm not at my highest weight but I am at my "healthy weight." unhealthily of course. i got here with the help of lack of self control and many b/p's. i weigh around 115. i used the last of my doctor prescribed concerta a month ago, and although i've tried very very hard to maintain my thin frame I just couldn't. Its a fact, I simply cannot get ( Read more... ) -
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ooh perfect. i thought'd i'd type this down just for the record.
i have gotten so "thin" wtf-ever, that i can no longer sleep. so i take sleeping pills. and i can't sleep without them. I'm also afraid ill take them and one day not wake up...
but i can't just NOT sleep. i need sleep. everyone does... -
can i just VENT
okay ( Read more... ) -
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so last month, i lost 15 pounds in 30 days. for that past 19 days of july i have been b/ping. i just had a long, serious talk with my director. he basically scolded me and lectured me about the importance of taking my job seriously. and he's 100% right. GOD how could i be so stupid?? i cant dwell on condemning myself right now, i need to get down ( Read more... ) -
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i wonder if i should be recovered before my name starts showing up in films. like what if one movie blows up and then i become a household name with an ed? then paps will be crawling all over, and if my ed gets outted, it might ruin my career.
or, i can stick with it and try to recover myself and maintain a thin appearance for life like audrey ( Read more... ) -
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new low for me. at least its not as bad as weighing 134 pounds, but im at 115 ish. which is NOT acceptable for me. i gave myself a limit of 110, and nothing above that number, not even a 0.1, and i feel sooo... rock bottom almost. im tired of my stomach always being full. its annoying. but im also tired of purging. at least i've finally gotten to ( Read more... ) -
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I have a massive crush on my manager. My MANAGER. It's pathetic really. I'm talking school girl crush, like butterflies when he walks in the room & I can't stop smiling. Wahh. I always want what I can't have.
Anyways. I've maintained a weight of 110 ish DESPITE my b/p for the past TWO WEEKS. it's disgusting.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
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i've gained 7 pounds. i want to die.
