Random: A Sporking, part III
We're back! And we learn that it used to be a veritable zoo aboard Calypso!
Part I
Part II
Chapter 3
The chapter opens on another ridiculously long and elaborate log entry in which Drinkwater informs us that he believes that the captain has been kidnapped along with Will and Davey, based on the testimony of some drunken hobo. I don't want Drinkwater to be a cop in my hometown to be honest.
Anyhow, while Drinkwater abuses the ship's log as his personal diary he soberly ends the entry on this line: I am, in the meantime, attending to the repair and refitting of the Calypso. When she will sail again, and whether it will be under the command of her rightful Captain, God only knows.
Good to see you're keeping your head, Bracey Drinkwater, and not succumbing to melodramatics!
Meanwhile, on the rape-boat, Captain Smith finds his new quarters a little "cramped", which is unsurprising, since he is a horse and naturally any berth below decks would appear a little cramped to him. The fearsome pirate Adrian-bwahahahahaha- sorry, provides him with paper and pen so he can eventually set up a ransom note. But not yet. Because Adrian hasn't decided yet whether he wants to ransom the other two guys as well, or, dunno, keep them to use as footstools or something, he doesn't say. Since Smith isn't exactly fond of the idea of being ransomed he proposes that instead of this whole extortion business they fight to the death instead, i.e. pistols at dawn and that whole stick. Adrian declines. I wonder why that is, Captain Smith? Probably because handing a weapon to the man he just captured and locked up would be a step backwards for him. Also, it's sort of hard to demand ransom money for a corpse. I gotta admit, I love Captain Smith though. He's got balls.
Since Smith is still reluctant to write his own ransom note Adrian threatens to have Will shot. He regards the poor sod as dispensable since he doesn't believe that anyone is going to pay for him anyway. Captain Smith reassures him that he is willing to pay for Will's life himself - again, because he is awesome, and also because, well: THINK OF THE POOR NAVY! “Indeed, my men are not expendable, sir. I am as concerned for their safety as for my own. If you had captured the lowliest landsman who cleans the bilges, you would still be interfering with your country’s defense.”
You are never going to shut up about that, are you?
“You would do better to have it delivered to the Calypso, in care of my First Lieutenant, Mr. Anthony Drinkwater.”
“This is not a Navy affair.”
“I have been endeavoring to make something clear to you: as a Captain in His Majesty’s Navy, virtually every aspect of my life is, in fact, a Navy affair.
No, he is never going to shut up about it.
Even Adrian is catching on to how ridiculous Smith's obsession with the navy is and wondering whether the captain's helpful suggestions and cooperativeness is "some kind of trick" -- forgetting that barely a page ago he threatened to have Will shot because Smith wasn't being cooperative enough! Pirates these days, they have the attention span of goldfish! Goldfish suffering from severe head trauma...
Of course Smith has a comeback to that: I have spent the last several years commanding a frigate in wartime service, sir. If I were not accustomed to quick decisions, my ship would no longer be afloat.
I love you Captain Smith. If only you weren't a horse and already hopelessly in love with England.
Anyway, Adrian eventually agrees to have the ransom note delivered to Drinkwater, since as we found out last time these pirates aren't very smart. Adrian tells Smith to write the note now, by himself. Without being dictated to. Oh, and he's going to leave the room for it: “I will leave that to your discretion, though of course I shall read it first. Simply give it to the guard who will be outside this door.”
I think what we have here is a rare bunch of kidnapping pirates that are even dumber than the slash pirates.
Before he leaves, Adrian promises that Will and Davy will come to no harm. I call that a blatant lie.
“As long as you all behave yourselves, they will not be harmed. They are in similar accommodations-slightly less comfortable, I’m afraid, as their cabin is where I usually put any servants traveling with my guests. They will have fresh water to drink and seawater for washing-as you have-”
Smith glanced down. Three buckets stood near the door; two held water and one of them had a lid.
The one with the lid contains fruitcake.
“And they will eat the same food as my crew. I suspect it will be a trifle better than what they get from His Majesty. Does that meet with your approval?”
Um, just a hint: I really wouldn't insult the navy in front of Captain Smith if I were you. Going by what we've seen of him so far he must have a whole stash of dead bodies -- all of whom at one time said they didn't like maggots with their ship's biscuit.
You may still wish to reconsider your course of action. Once this reaches the Admiralty, every Navy ship in every harbor will be alerted to what has occurred.
See? He kinda has a lot of feels on that subject. Do you realize, sir, that there are over 100,000 men sailing in His Majesty’s service?
All of which have nothing better to do than to blow up a bunch of kidnappers. In wartime... ... you are adorable!
As Adrian finally leaves, Smith checks on his guard: Smith waited until his footsteps had died away, then went to the door and peered out.
I am assuming this door has some kind of window to look through, but honestly I wouldn't put it past these pirates to not have bothered to lock the door. So far they have proven to be such clever and intimidating villains! The guard Adrian had mentioned was standing against the wall opposite the door, a few feet away, well out of arm’s reach.
Out of earshot! BEST PIRATES EVER!
With no one watching Smith sits back and pulls out: a small stoppered medicine vial from an inside pocket of his waistcoat. Whether they’d missed it or were simply not so depraved as to deny him a medication he might require did not matter. With luck, they would regret the oversight.
BEST PIRATES EVER!
Meanwhile Drinkwater continues to abuse the Calpyso's log to write about his sleuthing adventures in detail. Captain Smith is going to have a fit once he comes back and sees it. How dare someone do that to NAVY property?
But currently Smith has other concerns, as he tries to bribe his guards who turn out to speak in amusing dialect: The man shook his head. “It’s as much as my life’s worth to say what I’ve said already, an’ I hope you’ll be a gentleman an’ keep it to yourself. ‘Sides, I can’t do much. You won’t have the same guards two nights runnin’. Just sit tight, let ‘im collect the ransom, and you’ll be out of ‘ere, slick as a weasel.”
“Damn it, man, there’s a war on!”
Are you ever going to shut up about the navy? … is this … is this what I sound like when I'm on an AoS binge?
Anyway, his attempts at bribery frustrated, Smiths finds that the pirates did not only not take away his mystery vial, but he also still got his notes on the damage done to Calypso. While he worries about the repairs she is undergoing right now he considers whether Drinkwater has earned himself a promotion: One of the drawbacks of command: it meant training one’s officers up until they could be trusted with one’s life-and more importantly, one’s ship-and as soon as they reached that point, in all fairness one had to nominate them for promotion to independent command.
Why, book, why? Why do you torture me by containing such gems of characterisation and insight like this and then burying them under heaps of stupid?
Chapter 4
This part finally takes us back to our sexy, young heroes, in case that chapter focusing on Captain Smith made you forget who this story is really about in favour of the character you wish this story were about. Thus far, the routine in their little cell had been much like the routine on the Calypso, except for the matter of being confined. An early, simple breakfast: oatmeal and biscuit. Then dinner: biscuit, and a piece of cheese. Supper was biscuit, dried beef, and halfway decent tea. Three guards came to remove the slop bucket and pour water into the other two.
You spent your day eating and sitting around useless, and occasionally someone comes in and takes away your poop. Exactly "like the routine on the Calypso." Um... on the Calypso … did you two share the position of ship's cat?
The book tries to give a little more detail on their cell but ends up horribly confused about ship anatomy (no, a gun port is not a room, I'm not even gonna draw you a diagram for that), when shit gets real: A guard walks up to their cell door and asks Arch-er to identify himself. “You’re ‘aving supper with the Captain. We’re giving you a razor, but you ‘ave to put it back out before we opens the door.”
They even have a cat-flap in their door! “They’re afraid we’ll leap out and shave them,” Marshall said scornfully, but in truth the caution was reasonable. A razor could be a vicious weapon, and neither of them would hesitate to use it as such.
Although, to be honest, after having watched the Russian musical series based on The Three Musketeers I am actually glad they clarified that. Seriously, NEVER joke about that.
(This poor random mook found out what protagonists truly are capable of when left alone with a razor.)
For all we know the novel could take place in the same universe as that show. Captain Smith could verly likely be a descendant of Treville's singing horse.
Since Marshall isn't invited to the dinner Arch-er would prefer not to go at all. But apparently that would mean: “Then you both misses supper.”
It's disheartening to see that Gollum only ever appears to get hired by evil bosses.
After some encouraging words form Will our Woobie-protagonist agrees to come. “I wonder if Captain Smith will be there.” It would be heartening to see him.
I know, right? He's the only semi-competent, confidence-inspiring character in this thing. That is, whenever he stops raving about the navy and England long enough to form a coherent thought.
Arch-er, blindfolded and with his hands tied, is led to Captain Adrian, who has prepared a lavish dinner for them, consisting of different kinds of meat, fresh greens and a pie. The only concession to shipboard life was a plate of the ubiquitous biscuit.
He has worm-ridden ship's biscuit with his expensive fowl, served on the prettiest china imaginable? This proves it: Adrian is a pervert.
And since this story started life as a fic, we get more descriptions of hair and eye colours. Here's what Adrian's eyes look like: They were an icy, nearly colorless blue, with such peculiar intensity that they made the mask useless. Archer would know those eyes again even if he saw them staring out of a block of wood. He wondered if Adrian knew how ineffective his disguise really was, or if he simply enjoyed the drama of it all.
He is leading a KIDNAPPING ring and does not bother effectively protecting his identity for the sake of fashion! HOW are these guys still in business?
Davy is not handed any sharp cutlery. “I see.” This prison might have the trappings of elegance, but it was a prison nonetheless.
As might have already been obvious by the fact that your door locks from the outside and you have to shit into a bucket. It fills me with much confidence in our heroes that if not for the lack of a sharpened knife Davy would have forgotten about that at the sight of a tasty chicken.
Book, you're not doing much to detract me from believing that Davy and Will are actually cats.
While Arch-er grudgingly finishes his meal Adrian tries to engage him in small-talk about his fellow officers. Adrian wants Arch-er to admit that Will isn't exactly worth a ransom but Arch-er sticks to the story that he is a distant cousin of Captain Smith, only the fact's not well known, because they wanted to ensure that Will make his way in the navy on his own merits and not due to nepotism (which is cute considering who Smith is based on. Pellew pampered and spoiled both his relatives and favourite young officers to ridiculous degrees and everyone knew it. And that to the point that some of them turned into really entitled, little brats. He truly was Captain Dad. Both in the best and worst of senses). During the conversation Arch-er realises that he simply is not as ambitious as Will when it comes to furthering his career, which he is fine with. You might want to keep this perfectly sound point of characterisation in mind for later.
Aaaaand this is also where you may begin to feel sorry for Arch-er, as Adrian begins smooth-talking him like the creepy old pervert he is. He begins by suggesting a toast: “My Captain’s good health,” Archer suggested. “And a speedy conclusion to our visit.”
“And a profitable one,” Adrian added. “Mr. Archer, I believe your presence with your captain, while unexpected, will prove fortuitous.”
Arch-er is confused and asks Adrian what he means by that: “I had expected only the Captain, or perhaps your first lieutenant, Mr. Drinkwater. His family would no doubt have come well up to the mark as regards ransom. But Mr. Drinkwater, however worthy and well-funded, is rather stout. I do not believe that excess weight is becoming to an officer, do you?”
a) do your business associates know that you prefer poor but shaggable hostages to rich ones you don't wanna fuck?
b) your finding someone attractive is not desirable - to anyone!
c) did you just call Bracey fat?
Arch-er argues that Br-Drinkwater is awesome despite being him being a whale. Um. Yay. You tell him, boy!
“And a loyal, well-spoken lad you are,” Adrian responded smoothly. “As well as a most attractive young man.”
If Archer had been a dog, his hackles would have stood on end.
But he is a cat, so they didn't.
“As I was saying, your presence here promises to make my evenings more interesting. Haven’t you served as a cabin boy, Mr. Archer? My instinct for such matters is unerring.”
I also take offence at the insinuation that ship's boys get fucked as a matter of principle. Especially coming from a character who we are later to believe served in the navy, even when he's the villain. Especially in a book that uses rape for drama.
“Lad, you know perfectly well what I’m talking about; there is no point in being so deliberately obtuse. I refer, of course, to a function that would require you be at least partly out of uniform.”
Archer wondered wildly if there were some sort of target painted on his back, but he forced his voice to coldness. “I take your meaning, sir. I also take offense.”
I actually really like this part. It is only half a line, but Arch-er feeling like there is something wrong with him for again being the one to be picked out to be victimised is depressingly realistic.
So of course this bit has to be ruined in the very next lines by puns and witty quips that might have been lifted straight out of a porn flick: “And next I suppose you’ll ask for satisfaction. Well, laddie, that’s all I want, myself... but I expect to get it from your pretty little arse.”
And that kind of snappy talk continues throughout the whole scene: “If you are soliciting my cooperation, the answer is no.”
He laughed again. “I don’t require your cooperation, Mr. Archer Mr. Bond.
[...]
Sooner or later, laddie, you’ll find you want to cooperate”
I hope you guys didn't break anything cringing.
Thankfully the scene ends after a couple more lines of questionable dialogue as Adrian is not quite in the mood for forcing the matter. So Arch-er gets sent back towards his cell where he feeds Will a couple of table scraps he managed to hide away in his handkerchief. Bon appétit!
While Will is curious about the details of the dinner Arch-er leaves out anything about Adrian's proposition. During the conversation the Recluse or whatever her name was is established as a ship of fair size. Not as large as a frigate but larger than their recent prizes. Yeah, expect me to call bullshit on that one later. Before the chapter closes, the two end up wondering whether Adrian really is called Adrian. “True, but why would any of them use their real names and wear masks?
Credit where it's due. That is an intelligent question (that does not get asked on certain pilot episodes of shows I could mention right now ;) ). Or it would be an intelligent question, unfortunately you already established that the MASKS DO NOTHING (but they look fabulous)!
Although, I have to say, if anyone chose a pirate name for themselves you wouldn't expect it to be "Adrian", would you?
Part I
Part II
Chapter 3
The chapter opens on another ridiculously long and elaborate log entry in which Drinkwater informs us that he believes that the captain has been kidnapped along with Will and Davey, based on the testimony of some drunken hobo. I don't want Drinkwater to be a cop in my hometown to be honest.
Anyhow, while Drinkwater abuses the ship's log as his personal diary he soberly ends the entry on this line: I am, in the meantime, attending to the repair and refitting of the Calypso. When she will sail again, and whether it will be under the command of her rightful Captain, God only knows.
Good to see you're keeping your head, Bracey Drinkwater, and not succumbing to melodramatics!
Meanwhile, on the rape-boat, Captain Smith finds his new quarters a little "cramped", which is unsurprising, since he is a horse and naturally any berth below decks would appear a little cramped to him. The fearsome pirate Adrian-bwahahahahaha- sorry, provides him with paper and pen so he can eventually set up a ransom note. But not yet. Because Adrian hasn't decided yet whether he wants to ransom the other two guys as well, or, dunno, keep them to use as footstools or something, he doesn't say. Since Smith isn't exactly fond of the idea of being ransomed he proposes that instead of this whole extortion business they fight to the death instead, i.e. pistols at dawn and that whole stick. Adrian declines. I wonder why that is, Captain Smith? Probably because handing a weapon to the man he just captured and locked up would be a step backwards for him. Also, it's sort of hard to demand ransom money for a corpse. I gotta admit, I love Captain Smith though. He's got balls.
Since Smith is still reluctant to write his own ransom note Adrian threatens to have Will shot. He regards the poor sod as dispensable since he doesn't believe that anyone is going to pay for him anyway. Captain Smith reassures him that he is willing to pay for Will's life himself - again, because he is awesome, and also because, well: THINK OF THE POOR NAVY! “Indeed, my men are not expendable, sir. I am as concerned for their safety as for my own. If you had captured the lowliest landsman who cleans the bilges, you would still be interfering with your country’s defense.”
You are never going to shut up about that, are you?
“You would do better to have it delivered to the Calypso, in care of my First Lieutenant, Mr. Anthony Drinkwater.”
“This is not a Navy affair.”
“I have been endeavoring to make something clear to you: as a Captain in His Majesty’s Navy, virtually every aspect of my life is, in fact, a Navy affair.
No, he is never going to shut up about it.
Even Adrian is catching on to how ridiculous Smith's obsession with the navy is and wondering whether the captain's helpful suggestions and cooperativeness is "some kind of trick" -- forgetting that barely a page ago he threatened to have Will shot because Smith wasn't being cooperative enough! Pirates these days, they have the attention span of goldfish! Goldfish suffering from severe head trauma...
Of course Smith has a comeback to that: I have spent the last several years commanding a frigate in wartime service, sir. If I were not accustomed to quick decisions, my ship would no longer be afloat.
I love you Captain Smith. If only you weren't a horse and already hopelessly in love with England.
Anyway, Adrian eventually agrees to have the ransom note delivered to Drinkwater, since as we found out last time these pirates aren't very smart. Adrian tells Smith to write the note now, by himself. Without being dictated to. Oh, and he's going to leave the room for it: “I will leave that to your discretion, though of course I shall read it first. Simply give it to the guard who will be outside this door.”
I think what we have here is a rare bunch of kidnapping pirates that are even dumber than the slash pirates.
Before he leaves, Adrian promises that Will and Davy will come to no harm. I call that a blatant lie.
“As long as you all behave yourselves, they will not be harmed. They are in similar accommodations-slightly less comfortable, I’m afraid, as their cabin is where I usually put any servants traveling with my guests. They will have fresh water to drink and seawater for washing-as you have-”
Smith glanced down. Three buckets stood near the door; two held water and one of them had a lid.
The one with the lid contains fruitcake.
“And they will eat the same food as my crew. I suspect it will be a trifle better than what they get from His Majesty. Does that meet with your approval?”
Um, just a hint: I really wouldn't insult the navy in front of Captain Smith if I were you. Going by what we've seen of him so far he must have a whole stash of dead bodies -- all of whom at one time said they didn't like maggots with their ship's biscuit.
You may still wish to reconsider your course of action. Once this reaches the Admiralty, every Navy ship in every harbor will be alerted to what has occurred.
See? He kinda has a lot of feels on that subject. Do you realize, sir, that there are over 100,000 men sailing in His Majesty’s service?
All of which have nothing better to do than to blow up a bunch of kidnappers. In wartime... ... you are adorable!
As Adrian finally leaves, Smith checks on his guard: Smith waited until his footsteps had died away, then went to the door and peered out.
I am assuming this door has some kind of window to look through, but honestly I wouldn't put it past these pirates to not have bothered to lock the door. So far they have proven to be such clever and intimidating villains! The guard Adrian had mentioned was standing against the wall opposite the door, a few feet away, well out of arm’s reach.
Out of earshot! BEST PIRATES EVER!
With no one watching Smith sits back and pulls out: a small stoppered medicine vial from an inside pocket of his waistcoat. Whether they’d missed it or were simply not so depraved as to deny him a medication he might require did not matter. With luck, they would regret the oversight.
BEST PIRATES EVER!
Meanwhile Drinkwater continues to abuse the Calpyso's log to write about his sleuthing adventures in detail. Captain Smith is going to have a fit once he comes back and sees it. How dare someone do that to NAVY property?
But currently Smith has other concerns, as he tries to bribe his guards who turn out to speak in amusing dialect: The man shook his head. “It’s as much as my life’s worth to say what I’ve said already, an’ I hope you’ll be a gentleman an’ keep it to yourself. ‘Sides, I can’t do much. You won’t have the same guards two nights runnin’. Just sit tight, let ‘im collect the ransom, and you’ll be out of ‘ere, slick as a weasel.”
“Damn it, man, there’s a war on!”
Are you ever going to shut up about the navy? … is this … is this what I sound like when I'm on an AoS binge?
Anyway, his attempts at bribery frustrated, Smiths finds that the pirates did not only not take away his mystery vial, but he also still got his notes on the damage done to Calypso. While he worries about the repairs she is undergoing right now he considers whether Drinkwater has earned himself a promotion: One of the drawbacks of command: it meant training one’s officers up until they could be trusted with one’s life-and more importantly, one’s ship-and as soon as they reached that point, in all fairness one had to nominate them for promotion to independent command.
Why, book, why? Why do you torture me by containing such gems of characterisation and insight like this and then burying them under heaps of stupid?
Chapter 4
This part finally takes us back to our sexy, young heroes, in case that chapter focusing on Captain Smith made you forget who this story is really about in favour of the character you wish this story were about. Thus far, the routine in their little cell had been much like the routine on the Calypso, except for the matter of being confined. An early, simple breakfast: oatmeal and biscuit. Then dinner: biscuit, and a piece of cheese. Supper was biscuit, dried beef, and halfway decent tea. Three guards came to remove the slop bucket and pour water into the other two.
You spent your day eating and sitting around useless, and occasionally someone comes in and takes away your poop. Exactly "like the routine on the Calypso." Um... on the Calypso … did you two share the position of ship's cat?
The book tries to give a little more detail on their cell but ends up horribly confused about ship anatomy (no, a gun port is not a room, I'm not even gonna draw you a diagram for that), when shit gets real: A guard walks up to their cell door and asks Arch-er to identify himself. “You’re ‘aving supper with the Captain. We’re giving you a razor, but you ‘ave to put it back out before we opens the door.”
They even have a cat-flap in their door! “They’re afraid we’ll leap out and shave them,” Marshall said scornfully, but in truth the caution was reasonable. A razor could be a vicious weapon, and neither of them would hesitate to use it as such.
Although, to be honest, after having watched the Russian musical series based on The Three Musketeers I am actually glad they clarified that. Seriously, NEVER joke about that.
(This poor random mook found out what protagonists truly are capable of when left alone with a razor.)
For all we know the novel could take place in the same universe as that show. Captain Smith could verly likely be a descendant of Treville's singing horse.
Since Marshall isn't invited to the dinner Arch-er would prefer not to go at all. But apparently that would mean: “Then you both misses supper.”
It's disheartening to see that Gollum only ever appears to get hired by evil bosses.
After some encouraging words form Will our Woobie-protagonist agrees to come. “I wonder if Captain Smith will be there.” It would be heartening to see him.
I know, right? He's the only semi-competent, confidence-inspiring character in this thing. That is, whenever he stops raving about the navy and England long enough to form a coherent thought.
Arch-er, blindfolded and with his hands tied, is led to Captain Adrian, who has prepared a lavish dinner for them, consisting of different kinds of meat, fresh greens and a pie. The only concession to shipboard life was a plate of the ubiquitous biscuit.
He has worm-ridden ship's biscuit with his expensive fowl, served on the prettiest china imaginable? This proves it: Adrian is a pervert.
And since this story started life as a fic, we get more descriptions of hair and eye colours. Here's what Adrian's eyes look like: They were an icy, nearly colorless blue, with such peculiar intensity that they made the mask useless. Archer would know those eyes again even if he saw them staring out of a block of wood. He wondered if Adrian knew how ineffective his disguise really was, or if he simply enjoyed the drama of it all.
He is leading a KIDNAPPING ring and does not bother effectively protecting his identity for the sake of fashion! HOW are these guys still in business?
Davy is not handed any sharp cutlery. “I see.” This prison might have the trappings of elegance, but it was a prison nonetheless.
As might have already been obvious by the fact that your door locks from the outside and you have to shit into a bucket. It fills me with much confidence in our heroes that if not for the lack of a sharpened knife Davy would have forgotten about that at the sight of a tasty chicken.
Book, you're not doing much to detract me from believing that Davy and Will are actually cats.
While Arch-er grudgingly finishes his meal Adrian tries to engage him in small-talk about his fellow officers. Adrian wants Arch-er to admit that Will isn't exactly worth a ransom but Arch-er sticks to the story that he is a distant cousin of Captain Smith, only the fact's not well known, because they wanted to ensure that Will make his way in the navy on his own merits and not due to nepotism (which is cute considering who Smith is based on. Pellew pampered and spoiled both his relatives and favourite young officers to ridiculous degrees and everyone knew it. And that to the point that some of them turned into really entitled, little brats. He truly was Captain Dad. Both in the best and worst of senses). During the conversation Arch-er realises that he simply is not as ambitious as Will when it comes to furthering his career, which he is fine with. You might want to keep this perfectly sound point of characterisation in mind for later.
Aaaaand this is also where you may begin to feel sorry for Arch-er, as Adrian begins smooth-talking him like the creepy old pervert he is. He begins by suggesting a toast: “My Captain’s good health,” Archer suggested. “And a speedy conclusion to our visit.”
“And a profitable one,” Adrian added. “Mr. Archer, I believe your presence with your captain, while unexpected, will prove fortuitous.”
Arch-er is confused and asks Adrian what he means by that: “I had expected only the Captain, or perhaps your first lieutenant, Mr. Drinkwater. His family would no doubt have come well up to the mark as regards ransom. But Mr. Drinkwater, however worthy and well-funded, is rather stout. I do not believe that excess weight is becoming to an officer, do you?”
a) do your business associates know that you prefer poor but shaggable hostages to rich ones you don't wanna fuck?
b) your finding someone attractive is not desirable - to anyone!
c) did you just call Bracey fat?
Arch-er argues that Br-Drinkwater is awesome despite being him being a whale. Um. Yay. You tell him, boy!
“And a loyal, well-spoken lad you are,” Adrian responded smoothly. “As well as a most attractive young man.”
If Archer had been a dog, his hackles would have stood on end.
But he is a cat, so they didn't.
“As I was saying, your presence here promises to make my evenings more interesting. Haven’t you served as a cabin boy, Mr. Archer? My instinct for such matters is unerring.”
I also take offence at the insinuation that ship's boys get fucked as a matter of principle. Especially coming from a character who we are later to believe served in the navy, even when he's the villain. Especially in a book that uses rape for drama.
“Lad, you know perfectly well what I’m talking about; there is no point in being so deliberately obtuse. I refer, of course, to a function that would require you be at least partly out of uniform.”
Archer wondered wildly if there were some sort of target painted on his back, but he forced his voice to coldness. “I take your meaning, sir. I also take offense.”
I actually really like this part. It is only half a line, but Arch-er feeling like there is something wrong with him for again being the one to be picked out to be victimised is depressingly realistic.
So of course this bit has to be ruined in the very next lines by puns and witty quips that might have been lifted straight out of a porn flick: “And next I suppose you’ll ask for satisfaction. Well, laddie, that’s all I want, myself... but I expect to get it from your pretty little arse.”
And that kind of snappy talk continues throughout the whole scene: “If you are soliciting my cooperation, the answer is no.”
He laughed again. “I don’t require your cooperation, Mr. Archer Mr. Bond.
[...]
Sooner or later, laddie, you’ll find you want to cooperate”
I hope you guys didn't break anything cringing.
Thankfully the scene ends after a couple more lines of questionable dialogue as Adrian is not quite in the mood for forcing the matter. So Arch-er gets sent back towards his cell where he feeds Will a couple of table scraps he managed to hide away in his handkerchief. Bon appétit!
While Will is curious about the details of the dinner Arch-er leaves out anything about Adrian's proposition. During the conversation the Recluse or whatever her name was is established as a ship of fair size. Not as large as a frigate but larger than their recent prizes. Yeah, expect me to call bullshit on that one later. Before the chapter closes, the two end up wondering whether Adrian really is called Adrian. “True, but why would any of them use their real names and wear masks?
Credit where it's due. That is an intelligent question (that does not get asked on certain pilot episodes of shows I could mention right now ;) ). Or it would be an intelligent question, unfortunately you already established that the MASKS DO NOTHING (but they look fabulous)!
Although, I have to say, if anyone chose a pirate name for themselves you wouldn't expect it to be "Adrian", would you?