Nine months and every day is still a struggle. I think about something else or watch a TV show and the second I'm disengaged, I think "I want to go home." Struggle is part of being an artist right? Here, I'm not really an artist in the sense that I was back home. My art here comes from the things I don't do that I really want to do. Maybe my art ( Read more... )

But when your dreams come true, your identity fractures, you're not sure who to be anymore...

Bob Lefsetz

"She just wants to drink vodka tonics and dance on a speaker."

Looking at art and listening to punk puts me in a good mood. It's still foggy and chilly at 1:30 in the afternoon in the village and normally this would send me reeling from surface to surface thinking thoughts of destruction but I've spent four hours on the internet catching up on my favorite news sites, reading art blogs, looking up cities to ( Read more... )

What am I doing on my first day of Fall Break? Listening to Arma Angelus, boiling water, and looking at art websites. Oh and thinking about all the tattoos I want to get. I've always known Pete's old band was Arma like since FOB became my fav band nearly eight years ago. I don't know why it took until yesterday for me to look them up in itunes and ( Read more... )

You're like a child with old eyes ( Read more... )

The sort of boss lady is on her way. She should be here soon. I'm trying to not be nervous. I'm afraid she's going to tell me I'm lazy and should be doing more. Oh god.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing here. I know what kind of life I want. I know that if I leave here, I may not get to have that kind of life. I may not continue to get what I want ( Read more... )

I don't know why LJ homepage is coming up in Russian. I get that I live in Ukraine but seriously. Annoying ( Read more... )

I'm just gonna keep this going and write like two more sentences. Or maybe not. Maybe I changed my mind. I get in front of an audience (pretend one) and I'm all like, jacked up and ready to go. Like I'm so starved for normal human interaction where I'm not pretending to be a good person who's not fucking crazy sometimes that when I find it, no ( Read more... )