A Game of Scones, Part 1/4
Title: A Game of Scones
Rating: R, for mentions of adult situations and adult language
Characters/Pairings: Kanjani8, Arashi, NEWS, KAT-TUN. Cameos or mentions of almost everyone else. You think I'm joking, but they're ALL here. There's one in-group pairing for Arashi, but it's not remotely the point of the story - it's 99% gen and full of intergroup idiocy!
Summary: Winter is coming. Which means that Countdown is coming, and Johnny-san is still undecided about this year's hosts. The situation turns Johnny against Johnny, debuted group against debuted group as they conspire against and manipulate one another. Because when you play the game of scones, you win or you die.
Notes/Warnings: For this year's jerainbowbridge. Loosely based on A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin, but I don't think you really need to know the source material to follow along. A few plot holes arose over the course of writing this, at least in terms of pending group activities/variety shows/New Year's commitments. I hope you will overlook that in favor of the crack.
Chapter 1: Winter is Coming
In principle, Nakamaru Yuichi didn't like to follow Kame's orders. For one, Kame was not the boss of him, and for two...
Okay, maybe there wasn't a two since the whole "Kame was not the boss of him" point was obvious enough. But since he was already in the area that day, Kame's order was more a suggestion than an order, he supposed. He was currently in Osaka for a cousin's wedding that weekend, and the Kansai TV studios weren't exactly out of his way. It took a lot of finagling at the front desk to convince them that yes, he was in Johnny's. That yes, he was not only in Johnny's but in a debuted Johnny's group. And that yes, he actually did know the members of Kanjani8.
But once they believed him they proceeded to give him a visitor's badge with only a flash of his driver's license, so overall he guessed that security was a bit more lax down here. He waited in the Kanjani8 green room, pacing nervously as his phone kept pinging with irritating messages from Kame. "Did you talk to them yet?" "Well, did you?" "What the hell is taking so long?" "What kind of food are they serving at the wedding? Anything good?" "Do they know anything????"
Finally, the members came back after their Janiben filming, welcoming him immediately. "Nakamaru, what the hell are you doing here?" Murakami asked, looking at him as though he had sprouted a second head.
But it was after filming, and Nakamaru had suspected correctly - the members had plans to go drinking. He got himself invited along, crammed into a booth between a grinning Maruyama and a boisterous Yasuda. Nakamaru had played enough survival games to know that you couldn't show your hand right away. It was all about strategy. He waited until the third round of drinks before trying to grill the Kansai boys for information.
"Nakamaru, you've hardly touched your beer," Murakami growled. "I'm not going to pay for that."
Nakamaru only took out his cell phone, scrolling down to a message from an unknown sender. "Gentlemen, can any of you tell me the meaning of this message?"
He held out the phone and six pairs of slightly droopy-with-drink eyes blinked at the tiny screen that bore a short message. The subject line only said "Countdown" and the contents?
Winter is coming.
"Ugh!" Yasuda complained. "You guys are getting these, too?"
Nakamaru snapped his phone closed. "Wait, you know what this message is about? You know who it's from?" And Kame had thought that KAT-TUN had been especially singled out.
Each member of Kanjani8 held out their phones in near-unison (save for Nishikido, who was back in Tokyo filming what had to be his fourteenth drama series of the year and Shibutani, who was staring at the ceiling in apparent wonderment). Each phone had the same message from the unknown sender: "Winter is coming."
"So this has to do with Countdown?" Nakamaru asked.
"Well, that's the subject line," Ohkura noted, trying to flag down their waitress in hopes of getting another round of beers brought over.
Murakami looked grave, fingers stroking his chin. "We suspect that there's going to be some competition this year."
Competition, Nakamaru thought. This was the last thing that Kame needed to hear. "What kind of competition?"
Yokoyama sighed. "To host. Tackey and Tsubasa can't, Kinki's apparently not interested this year..."
Nakamaru narrowed his eyes. "So we're all expected to do what?" His phone was burning a hole in his pocket with its stupid message. Winter was coming, and why did it really matter who actually hosted Countdown?
"It doesn't mattter," Murakami continued. "Because we'll probably be at Kyocera Dome again anyway. Whoever sent those messages is being a dick. They'd never let us host at Tokyo Dome, are you kidding?"
"It's more fun here anyhow," Maruyama agreed with a smile. "We get awesome costumes that they'd never let us wear in Tokyo!"
Nakamaru distinctly remembered all of Kanjani suiting up in sushi costumes the year before, but then again, they'd always had a different idea of fun than Nakamaru had. He downed his beer. It had been a good year for Kanjani so far, but them hosting Countdown would be odd. It would never happen, and knowing that they weren't going to try and push for it left a spot for Kame and his damn competitive spirit. Which just meant more work for Nakamaru.
"You're sure you're not going to bother with the...competition?" he asked them.
"Nope," Murakami assured him. "It's all yours."
"Good to know," Nakamaru said. They'd helped him, provided him with information. It was probably his turn to buy a round. Instead, he excused himself from the booth. He had to report back to his group. Well, as soon as the wedding was over tomorrow. "I have to use the bathroom."
Shibutani held up his phone. "Doesn't winter come every year?"
Nakamaru could hear the noisy THWACK delivered by Murakami as he snuck off to the bathroom and out the bar's back door.
--
Yokoyama Yu hadn't expected the message from his brother Mitsuru that morning: "there's people posting on 4chan saying that Kanjani's going to host Countdown this year. don't you usually just stay in Osaka for that now?"
Winter was coming, Yoko feared, and the Internet was lighting up with gossip. To Yoko's knowledge, there'd never been any competition to host Countdown before. It was just a fun thing that they all did, and Kanjani stayed in Osaka to save their senpai from having to give them New Years' money. But could it actually be true? Would Johnny-san demand they host?
Yoko didn't have a problem with hosting because Yoko didn't really have a problem with talking. Even tonight the group was set to perform on Music Station to promote their latest single, and Yoko had spent hours in front of the mirror that morning honing the many embarrassing stories he could tell Tamori-san about his bandmates. But what if Tamori-san asked them about Countdown? Hina, however, was having none of it.
Rehearsal was in twenty minutes, and he and Hina were in the green room waiting. The others were already out checking out the stage set-up. "I don't like this," Hina complained, pacing the floor. "All this Countdown talk. We don't need to host at Tokyo Dome. I don't want to host at Tokyo Dome. Somebody's trying to start a fight."
He nodded. "But if they tell us to host, we have to, you know. We can't just say, 'sorry Johnny-san, but can't you make V6 do it?' because next year we'd be doing Countdown live from some back alley begging for change. Filming ourselves with a camera phone that we'd then have to burn for warmth."
Hina scowled at him. "Well, enough already then. The more we talk about it, the angrier I get. We're busy enough, you know."
There was a knock at the door, hopefully a manager with some snacks! "Come on in," Yoko said, hoping for something good.
But what he hadn't expected was for Aiba Masaki to enter, closing the door behind him and throwing the lock. "Helloooo," Aiba said with that look in his eye that had always gotten Yoko into way too much trouble when they were younger. Or last month when they'd been asked to leave a karaoke place for somehow submerging their microphones in a fish tank.
"What do you want?" Hina asked him by way of greeting, and Aiba only looked crazier. Yoko instinctively knew when Aiba was having a crazy time. There was the slightest twitch to his eye - Aiba couldn't wink, but he sure could twitch like a drug addict needing a fix. Not that Yoko knew a lot of drug addicts.
"Oh, I just wanted to say hello. By now the rest of Arashi has arrived here at TV Asahi," Aiba hinted in a friendly voice. "Just seeing what's up."
"But why are you here?" Hina insisted, rolling his eyes. "Don't you guys have a thousand commercials or tv shows to film?"
Aiba walked up to Yoko, resting a hand on his shoulder. "We're just here to talk a little business. Countdown business."
Hina grabbed a pillow from the green room couch and flung it at Aiba. It thunked against his arm and hit the linoleum, but Aiba was unfazed. "Did Arashi send those messages? All this winter is coming crap?"
Aiba smirked. "Uh, no." Aiba yanked his phone from the back pocket of his jeans and wiggled it in his hand. "We all got them, too. I think it would have been nicer if it had said 'Aiba-chan's birthday is coming', but I guess the sender thinks Countdown is more important."
"Countdown is definitely more important than your birthday," Hina said with a long-suffering sigh.
Aiba shrugged, still trying to sound utterly serious even as Yoko knew he was suppressing a giggle fit. Aiba's crazy time usually transitioned into that anyway. "Whatever you say. But I'm here to talk business. So Arashi's going to host this year."
"What?" Yoko exclaimed. "How? You guys were hosting Kouhaku last year, and all you did was prance around on the roof of NHK for Countdown. Aren't they going to ask you to host Kouhaku again anyhow?"
But now Hina was starting to look worried. Hina was starting to look affonted. "Double duty? You can't be serious."
Aiba only giggled. "Ambitious, I know. But it would be like, five hours straight of Arashi. My mom would be so excited!"
"So this is all about your mom now?" Yoko complained.
Aiba squeezed his shoulder. Hard. "It's about cooperation, Yokocho," Aiba insisted. "Because you'll all be down in Osaka right? At the dome? We go back a long time, the three of us."
Hina made for the door. "Aiba-chan, you are not a yakuza. You are not the least bit threatening, and we're here for work."
"Oh, you won't be late for rehearsal," Aiba said. "Arashi's in the building, chatting with friends. They'll delay rehearsal for hours."
Yoko was confused. "Okay, wait. So what are you actually here for?"
Aiba let him go, crossing his arms. "I'm sure Leader's got Maru's ear by now. It's only a matter of time before the rest of your group understands what we need you to do."
"And what is that exactly?" Hina asked, looking ready to beat Aiba to a bloody pulp. Yoko was increasingly worried - all this time Hina had been dead-set on having nothing to do with the Countdown mess.
"Arashi hosts Countdown. And Kanjani8 stays in Osaka," Aiba explained. "Even if Johnny asks you to host, you will decline."
Well, it didn't sound all that strange to Yoko. But Hina's face had changed. He was now officially pissed off. This was not going to end well at all.
"Anyhow," Aiba said, reverting to his usual goofy demeanor in a split second, almost as if he had some strange personality disorder. "Good luck tonight. We'll be cheering you on." And with that he left, shutting the door behind him.
Yoko was still disappointed that nobody had brought them food. "Well? It's not like they were going to host at Kyocera too, right?"
Hina looked downright scary. "They think they can push us around, huh? Winter is coming," he said gravely, "and maybe this year Kanjani8 should host at the Tokyo Dome."
--
They watched Kanjani8 rehearse their Music Station performance, and Ninomiya Kazunari had about twenty other things he'd rather be doing. Ten of them involved sleeping. But Jun was at his side, and there was no escaping him. Nino prided himself on being impish and clever. It was his main selling point as an idol, and on any given day, he'd find a clever way out of this situation, but there was no Ninomiya Kazunari, adorable imp when it came to something like Countdown. There was only Ninomiya Kazunari, one-fifth of Arashi. And that meant that he had to back his bandmates in every stupid endeavor.
Jun and Sho especially seemed to think that it had been too long since they'd hosted Countdown. The fans wanted to see them host, or at least it was what the pair of them had deluded themselves into thinking. And what the two strong-minded members wanted somehow became what the group wanted, at least since they'd gotten those strange messages on their phones. The group wouldn't be where they were without the many years they'd spent working for a common purpose, and for that they owed a debt to the fans who'd supported them. And Arashi always paid their debts.
Even now Jun had a hand on his shoulder, pressing down. "Kanjani's had a good year," he said, "but they've got a good thing going at the Kyocera Dome. I think it's only fair they continue to be there for the Kansai fans at New Year's."
"Uh huh," Nino responded, smirking as an obviously angered Murakami kept missing cues. "I think Aiba must have gotten Hina all riled up."
"Doesn't take much to do that," Jun decided. "They'll play ball. Yoko does whatever Aiba says."
But Nino wasn't entirely convinced. Threatening Kanjani had been a stupid plan, something that could have been far more easily smoothed over by just buying them food. Not that Nino wanted to buy them anything. "We'll see."
Jun ruffled his hair as if he was some little kid. Nino distinctly remembered a time when he'd been taller than Jun, too. "We can count on you, right, Nino? Have you been doing your part for our research?"
He shrugged Jun off of him. "Of course I'm doing my part." He grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket and shoved it into Jun's hand. "Here, everyone my mother ever knew from culinary school."
"Now we'll be doubly prepared," Jun said with a smile. "Winter is coming."
--
Everyone was eating their yakiniku in silence as the restaurant TV remained set on Himitsu no Arashi-chan. It was times like these, Koyama Keiichiro thought, that made him long for the good old days. The Soukon days. But everyone else was too busy shoving food in their mouths. He'd been eyeing his phone for days now, unable to look away from the ominous "Winter is coming" message that he and his other bandmates had received.
It wasn't very often that he was able to get all of NEWS together - and of course Ryo-chan had had to cancel at the last minute to do some re-shoots for his drama. But five out of six wasn't bad, and they had to talk about this. Yamapi could just tell Ryo later. He looked at his phone one last time before setting it back down on the table.
Tegoshi looked across the table and smiled at him. "Can I have some more, Kei-chan?" Tegoshi asked, and Koyama knew that protesting would be pointless. He had barely nodded his assent before Tegoshi already had his chopsticks on the last of Koyama's portion. "Thank youuuu."
Himitsu no Arashi-chan went to commercial, showing an ad for beer set high up in the mountains. Mountains. Snow. Cold. Winter was coming. Winter was coming. Winter was coming. Koyama shut his eyes, finally slamming his fist on the table. "Okay, listen up." Everyone turned to look, confused. "There's a reason I invited you all out tonight."
"I hope that reason includes you paying for us," Shige said, adding some more meat to the grill.
Koyama sighed. "Yeah, I'll pay, but only if you'll hear me out."
"Let's listen then," Yamapi said agreeably, and Koyama was thankful to have him in his corner, at least for as long as the plates of beef kept arriving.
He tapped his phone. "I trust that all of you have received the message about Countdown."
Massu smiled. "Secret messages! Maybe it means next year will be a big year for NEWS!"
Tegoshi shook his head, munching blissfully on Koyama's food. "No way, that's not what it means. It's just about Countdown."
Shige wrinkled his nose. "Countdown's just an excuse for the senpai to bully us. And for everyone to awkwardly stumble through Shounentai songs we don't really know for the thousandth time."
"Not this year," Koyama said defiantly. He rose to his feet, giving Tegoshi an excuse to grab his beer and finish it as well. "This year, I think NEWS will host the Countdown."
Nobody said anything for a few moments until Yamapi flagged down the waitress to order five more plates of meat.
"I'm serious!" Koyama protested, giving what he hoped was his most serious expression (though the six beers he'd consumed prior to standing up were not helping). "I think these messages are a call to arms. We haven't gotten to do much together lately. And I miss you guys. So what do you say? Let's go ask Johnny-san!"
More silence, followed by Tegoshi smiling his way into snagging some freshly grilled veggies from Massu's plate.
Yamapi set down his chopsticks, looking downright Leader-like for a moment as he crossed his arms. And if Koyama needed anyone to go to Johnny-san with him to argue their case, it was definitely Yamapi. "Kei-chan..."
"Yes?"
He leaned forward, nearly knocking over his beer glass. "Do you really think Johnny-san would pick us over the other groups?"
"What's wrong with NEWS? We used to have a lot of sway, you know! We've got everything that Arashi and V6 and Kanjani8 have!" Koyama protested. He pointed to Tegoshi. "We have looks." He pointed to Shige. "Brains." To himself. "Charisma." To Massu. "...uh, plus, we have Massu."
"Hey!" Massu complained.
Yamapi nodded. "If you're serious, we'll back you on this..."
"...do we have to?" Shige mumbled.
Koyama's heart was about to burst. He could address the whole Tokyo Dome. Koyama Keiichiro and NEWS, leading everyone into the New Year! "That's great! Isn't that great?"
But Yamapi held up a hand for silence. "We'll back you, but we're not enough. Be reasonable. We're going to need help."
"Help?" Massu asked. "How do you mean?"
But the hamster wheel in Tegoshi's head was spinning. "I like the way you think, Yamapi. We need partners."
"We have each other!" Koyama insisted, stomping his feet. "We've got Ryo-chan, too!"
Yamapi wrapped an arm around Tegoshi's shouders in solidarity. "We need to call in the big guns. One group hosting Countdown would be boring. I think we need to co-host with some senpais. It's the only way Johnny-san will pick us over someone else."
"But who?" Koyama asked.
Tegoshi was already ten steps ahead. He smiled and clinked glasses with Yamapi. "I think we need TOKIO."
--
He and Subaru were the last ones heading out of the Kanjani dressing room, and a car was waiting to take them home. It had been the strangest Music Station filming Yasuda Shota had ever attended. Arashi had shown up, twirling their invisible evil mustaches. It was all very dramatic, Yasu thought, and Sho-kun had personally come up to him for a chat.
"Ah Yasuda," Sho-kun had said. "We've always been so happy when Kanjani8 performed our songs at the Kyocera Dome. We'd love for you to do another relay broadcast this year. Maybe this year Kanjani could perform Monster."
And Yasu had to admit that it would be fun to try. Imagine the dance moves! Imagine all the pyro! Imagine all the bling on the costumes! But something had felt a bit off about Arashi's appearance that day. Sho-kun had been a little too friendly. As though Kanjani not hosting Countdown was a fact though it hadn't been decided. As though Arashi was going to host, which seemed kind of presumptuous. Not that he liked to think that Arashi had bad intentions, they were just used to being popular. Yasu could understand that.
He and Subaru were halfway to the car when Subaru gasped like a dead fish.
"What's wrong?" Yasu asked, shaking his friend by the shoulder. "Are you dying? Oh my god, Shibuyan, are you dying?"
But Subaru turned around, squeezing his hand. "I...forgot...my hat!"
Yasu sighed in relief. "You're freaking out like that over a hat."
Subaru looked forlorn. "But it was vintage..."
If this continued, Subaru was going to be whimpering and whining the whole car ride back, depending on who got dropped off first, and Yasu couldn't bear it. "Well, we can go back and get it? Do you remember where you left it?"
Subaru shrugged. "Inside?"
Yasu closed his eyes and counted to three. "Okay. Okay, let's go back inside and find it. Go tell the driver, and I'll get a head start, okay?"
Subaru's smile covered his whole face. "You're the best. What would I do without you?"
"It's okay," Yasu said, blushing slightly. It felt good to help his bandmates. He'd already found Yoko's wallet four times that day and returned it to him each time with a smile, so finding Subaru's hat would be a cake walk. He headed back to the TV Asahi entrance, planning to waltz back in when a security guard stopped him.
"I'm sorry, no unauthorized entry," the guard said.
He used his best idol smile. "I'm with Kanjani8. We just recorded Music Station inside."
The guard eyed him suspiciously, eyes looking with disdain at Yasu's rainbow cowboy hat and his bright pink and purple t-shirt and his green harem pants and yellow suede boots. Okay, to the untrained eye, Yasu might have looked like an escapee from the mental hospital, but that was just because people didn't understand how awesome he looked. In five years when everyone was wearing rainbow cowboy hats with green harem pants, Yasu would just have to forgive them.
"Yasuda Shota," he said politely. "From Kanjani8. One of my bandmates left his hat behind. May I please retrieve it?"
The guard shook his head. "Sorry, no unauthorized entry."
Well, that sucked. And Subaru still hadn't returned from the car, so it was up to Yasu to get inside some other way. He thanked the guard anyway and headed around the building, doing his best not to look suspicious. He trampled a few plants, finally spying an open window on the first floor. Yasuda thanked his lucky stars for his athleticism. Though the harem pants would slow him down, he knew he had what it took to get in there. Subaru's hat was on the line here! He looked left. He looked right. And he started to climb.
Thankfully he was on the far side of the building, so nobody noticed a Kanjani8 member scaling the wall, brick by brick. It also helped that it was dark outside. He got his fingers onto the windowsill and was just about to haul himself inside when he heard the moan.
And Yasu had watched enough pornographic movies to know just what kind of moan that was. His eyes widened as he poked his cowboy hatted-head over the sill, eyes widening at the sight before him. It wasn't possible. These two? When Ninomiya and Oh-chan played grab ass in public, it was these two?
He could only gape in shock as Sakurai Sho sat back on the couch in one of the green rooms inside the TV Asahi building, his eyes shut as a dark-haired man knelt on the floor before him, quite obviously giving him a fantastic blowjob. And that dark-haired man was none other than his bandmate, Matsumoto Jun.
"...feels so good," Sho-kun was moaning. The very same Sho-kun who had come up to Yasu earlier that day, all prim and proper and business-like. His hand was tight in Matsujun's hair, and Yasu knew he'd intruded on an intensely private moment. He had to find another way into the building. He didn't need Subaru finding him and calling out to him or anything.
So Yasu was just about to climb back down when his boot scraped against the brick a little too hard, and Sho-kun opened his eyes to look straight at him. "Matsujun," Sakurai hissed.
"What?" Matsujun complained, instantly irritable.
"Matsujun, stop!" Sho wrenched Jun's face away from his crotch and zipped up immediately. Yasu was still stunned, unable to move now that he'd been caught watching something he had absolutely no business watching.
And of course, it didn't help that the first words out of his mouth were, "Sho-kun, I swear I didn't see anything."
Matsujun got off his knees with a sigh, wiping his mouth and walking up to the window. "Yasuda, what the hell are you doing?"
"Well...well, you see, Matsujun...I...I...Shibuyan...Shibuyan's hat..."
"Shibutani left his stupid hat?" Sho screeched. "And you couldn't just go back in the front door?! Macchan, he saw us."
"Sho-kun, calm down," Matsujun snapped at him. "Yasu didn't see anything."
"I didn't! I was just looking for Shibuyan's hat, I swear! I won't tell anyone what I didn't see!" he pleaded.
Sho-kun, the Sho-kun he'd admired for so long, didn't necessarily agree. Yasu wouldn't tell anyone. He really wouldn't! There was nothing wrong with being gay anyhow! People were always assuming that Yasu was gay, and it didn't bother him. It seemed that Mr. Newscaster Sakurai Sho actually was, though. And in some sort of sexual relationship within his own group. It was kind of incestuous, Yasu thought. Everyone always said that Arashi was close, but they had no idea.
"Give me your hand then," Matsujun said. "Before you fall."
Yasu grabbed hold of Matsujun's hand and held on tight.
"Matsujun, what are you doing?" Sho howled. "Think of our careers, you idiot!"
Yasu looked pleadingly between Sakurai and Matsumoto, begging them not to be angry. And all this because Subaru couldn't remember his hat! He'd probably be hauled aside by one of Arashi's managers, given some sort of gag order. Not that he'd ever say anything. Showbiz was tough! And being gay in showbiz was even tougher. He had no judgment! He smiled, willing to do whatever they asked. So long as Jun stopped letting him dangle in the air. But what he didn't expect was Matsujun's long-suffering sigh.
"The things I do for love," Matsujun said, wrenching Yasu's fingers off of his wrist and giving him a shove. And then Yasu was falling, falling, falling and the ground rose to meet him.
Chapter 2: A Dance With Dragons
Koyama's hand was tight around his wrist, and if Tegoshi Yuya didn't know any better, it seemed that Kei-chan was angry. But it made sense, since Koyama had paid for a very expensive meal with NEWS a few nights back, and he'd most likely be footing the bill for this "business meeting" at one of Nagase-senpai's favorite restaurants.
The Meat Locker was famous for its American-sized portions, and Tegoshi knew he had a date with the treadmill come morning. But for now, he was supposed to be on his best behavior. That meant, Kei-chan had said, no begging for TOKIO's food. No whining. No phone calls, even if it was a really hot girl on the line. But it was a sacrifice Tegoshi was willing to make. After all, if NEWS could co-host the Countdown, it meant more face time on TV, and it had been a long time since Soukon. Sure, ItteQ had its perks, but it was more fun being on TV to sing and dance rather than being forced to jump out of helicopters.
Massu was with them, too, mostly for moral support. And Taichi-san would also be in attendance to broker whatever deal NEWS would be making with them. As they entered the restaurant, Koyama held him back. "You're cute," Koyama said.
"Ah, thanks Kei-chan, so I've been told," Tegoshi admitted, immediately suspicious about his bandmate's attitude.
"Just remember that you're cute, and Nagase-senpai apparently likes cute things."
"Since when?" He never remembered Nagase mentioning anything like that when they'd worked together before.
"Since I've heard it through the grapevine," Koyama assured him, running his fingers through Tegoshi's hair and pinching his cheeks to bring out some color. "So just...be cute, okay?"
Tegoshi crossed his arms. "Are you pimping me out? Because I feel very used right now."
"Listen up and listen good," Koyama threatened, and in all their years together, he had never heard the man address anyone that way. He meant business. "I'm going to host Countdown. I don't care if I have to pimp you to every member of TOKIO and their entire fan club, I will be hosting Countdown this year, Tegoshi."
Tegoshi raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean NEWS will be hosting Countdown, Kei-chan?"
"...same thing."
"Hey," Massu called from the inside of the restaurant. "They're waiting for us!"
"Just...don't screw this up, okay?" Koyama asked, reverting back to his usual pleasant self. Tegoshi was definitely weirded out. So this wasn't really a formal meeting at all, was it? They weren't just going to be sneaky little kohai and beg TOKIO to help them. They were going to make it into some creepy game. Whatever, Tegoshi thought. There were worse things in the world.
Nagase was already gnawing on some ribs when they entered, muttering some unintelligible greeting while Koyama slimed his way next to Taichi-san, making all sorts of apologies for being late and for being rude. Tegoshi sat down beside Nagase, Massu on his other side.
They made it through three meat courses before Taichi set down his fork and eyed Koyama. "So you want TOKIO to co-host the Countdown with you? You do realize we'll be at Kouhaku. We go all the time. It would be incredibly inconvenient for us if we get scheduled late in the Kouhaku broadcast."
"But it would mean so much to us if you'd help," Koyama said, batting his eyes like some junior high school girl. Tegoshi only brought over an empty plate so Nagase could dump another finished rib bone onto it. He felt Nagase's barbecue sauce-laden hand slap him on the back in gratitude, and Tegoshi immediately regretted wearing his designer skull hoodie to the restaurant. He'd make Kei-chan pay for the dry cleaning.
Taichi pulled out a stack of papers. "This is a contract that says TOKIO will do its best to see that NEWS is named hosts this year. Now to be honest with you, we aren't Johnny-san's favorites, so I don't know what your goal was here..."
Massu smiled. "We just like you guys."
Taichi rolled his eyes. "Wow, you should be an actor, Masuda." Taichi slid the papers across the table for Koyama to examine. Nagase didn't participate in the negotiations, instead accepting the mini-flosser Tegoshi handed him from his bag to clean bits of meat from between his teeth.
Koyama flipped through the papers eagerly. "So all we have to do..."
"...is let Nagase employ Tegoshi as a slave through the end of the year."
"What?!" Tegoshi screeched, immediately thankful that they were in a private room in the restaurant. He wasn't just getting pimped out for some one off...whatever. He was going to be Nagase's little chew toy for months?! He had his phone in his hand. He was going to call Yamapi. This was wrong!
Massu laughed. "You're kidding, right?" He smiled at Nagase. "It's a joke?"
Nagase shook his head, belching and then rubbing his belly after a satisfying meat-filled evening. "I won janken. I got to pick what I wanted." He leered at Tegoshi as he ran the mini-flosser between two of his bottom teeth. "I picked you, little one."
Tegoshi wanted to fall through the floor. Or stab Kei-chan in his stupid face with Nagase's steak knife. Either or. He was a person, not a commodity. Even if he was adorable, this wasn't right! "I...I don't want to be a slave," he muttered, looking for Massu to help him. Massu just looked confused.
Taichi cracked his knuckles. "It's all there in writing. I mean, you can always go talk to V6. I'm sure Sakamoto would give you all similar terms. I can see it now, all six of you working in the Nagano family bike shop for no pay. Babysitting for Inocchi. I'm sure Sakamoto can think of plenty of ways to make you useful."
"Or?" Tegoshi asked.
"One of you could take one for the team. Nagase won't be too mean," Taichi assured him with a smile. "Will you, Tomoya?"
Nagase grinned and ruffled Tegoshi's hair. "I'll let you use my bath salts! They smell great!"
Tegoshi narrowed his eyes at Koyama, finger still hovering over the speed dial to Yamapi. "Kei-chan, don't do this for your own stupid ambition. I'm a human being."
"Bath salts, though," Massu pointed out.
"Do we have an accord?" Taichi asked, holding out a pen.
Koyama didn't even bother looking Tegoshi's way as he signed the ridiculous contract. "It's a pleasure doing business with you, senpai."
--
Maruyama Ryuhei was just glad they didn't have any activities scheduled for a few days, and thus far, the press hadn't gotten word about Yasu's accident. And it was a bizarre accident, too, everyone thought. Maru had gotten a phone call from a hysterical Subaru, babbling about his hat and about Yasu and then more about his hat.
By the time he reached the hospital, the rest of Kanjani8 was gathered around Yasu's bedside looking forlorn. Maru moved to his bandmate's side, next to Hina, who looked grave. "What happened?" Maru asked. "Is he going to be okay?"
Hina nodded. "Yeah, I mean, they found him in a bush outside TV Asahi. What the hell was he doing? They guessed that he might have fallen, but all the windows were shut, so they have no idea why he was climbing."
Subaru was tangled up against Ryo-chan, blubbering. "Maybe my hat was stuck on a windowsill," Subaru cried, "I don't know, he was just trying to help me!"
"You're getting my jacket wet," Ryo complained, but didn't shove Subaru away.
Maru grabbed hold of Yasu's hand. "Is he going to die?"
Yasu opened his eyes and scowled at him. "You know, I'm trying to sleep here."
Hina immediately smacked Yasu on his bandage-wrapped head, and Maru helped Tacchon to restrain him. "You can't hit him now," Yoko shouted. "He's got a head injury!"
"For god's sake, he fell in a bush!" Hina complained. "He only has a concussion."
Yasu rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to die, Maru-chan. But thanks for caring. Unlike some people!"
"A bush, Yasuda!" Hina was still grumbling.
Tacchon sighed. "Okay, well now that you're awake, what the hell happened?"
"Well I was looking for Shibuyan's hat," Yasu explained as Ryo started flicking through the hospital TV channels. "And then I..."
"And then you?" Yoko asked.
Yasu's face grew solemn. "I...remember waking up here. In the hospital. And they told me I had a concussion."
"So you have no idea what happened?" Maru asked. "I mean, why were you trying to climb? Why did you fall?"
Yasu only looked more confused. "I guess...I don't know, I remember everything else. I remember performing and talking to Tamori-san and Arashi-san was there and..."
The hospital door slid open, and Maru smiled at the sight of Sakurai Sho entering with a bouquet of flowers. "Sho-kun!" everybody said, although Hina looked dubious at the Arashi member's sudden arrival.
"Ah, pardon my intrusion," he said, looking straight at Yasu. "I'm so glad to hear you're okay! The other members and I were so worried about you!"
Yasu seemed thrilled by the man's arrival. "Wow, Sho-kun, thank you!"
Yoko moved aside to let Sho pass and set the flowers on the bedside table. "He doesn't remember anything," Maru explained. "Was Arashi still there at TV Asahi? Did you see what happened?"
Sho shook his head, looking grim. "No, we'd already left. But that's awful, Yasuda-kun, you don't remember what happened?"
Yasu shook his head. "Nope! One minute I'm talking to Subaru, the next I'm waking up in a bush. Weird day!"
Maru saw a smile spread across Sho's face and thought it was almost odd for a moment, but he was probably just misreading it. "Ah, but you're okay now, aren't you?" Sho said, patting Yasu on the arm. "You're just fine."
Hina cleared his throat. "Well, yes, he's obviously fine. Thanks for checking in."
Maru blinked at the overly dismissive tone Hina was taking on. What was wrong with him? Sho-kun hadn't done anything wrong. He was always so busy, and he'd come all the way over to make sure Yasu was okay. This whole situation was weird.
But Sho didn't take any offense to it, giving another of his big-toothed smiles to the rest of the group. "Well, again, I'm glad Yasuda-kun is okay. And I look forward to working with you all again soon." Maru was surprised then when Sho looked straight at him. "Maruyama-kun, I'm sure our Leader will be in touch with you soon. Have a nice evening, everyone."
Yoko and Hina's eyes met across Yasu's hospital bed as soon as Sho had departed, Yasu looking between in them in confusion. "Did I miss something?" Yasu asked.
Hina only shook his head. "Someone will stay with you at all times," he told Yasu.
"What?" Ryo complained. "I don't have time to do that!"
Subaru gave Ryo a light smack and a warning look, and Yoko pulled up a chair and sat back down at Yasu's side. "Don't worry," Yoko said solemnly. "I'll stay here."
"But they're probably going to release me tomorrow," Yasu pointed out. "I'm fine, you know."
Hina smacked Yasu on his bandaged head again. "We're trying to be nice to you. Accept our kindness."
Tacchon just snorted, and Maru left the room with the others. It really had been a strange day. He wondered if Yasu would ever remember what had happened to him.
--
The Great Wall was not the best Chinese restaurant Kamenashi Kazuya had ever been to, but it wasn't popular with the paparazzi. It was north in Saitama Prefecture, and who would actively track them down so far from the bright lights of Tokyo? Nobody, Kame knew, as the other KAT-TUN members reluctantly strolled in, joining him in the room at the rear of the restaurant.
Ueda looked annoyed in his black t-shirt and black jeans as he sat across from Kame and picked up a menu, and Koki and Junno arrived next, similarly dressed. It was all about strategy, couldn't they see that? Wearing all black showed their solidarity as a group, and their dedication to the cause at hand. Because, as Kame checked his phone for maybe the millionth time in the past few weeks, winter was coming and solidarity was what they needed most.
Finally, Nakamaru arrived, and of all the others, he seemed the least bothered by their dark clothing requirement, probably because he was used to dressing tactically for all his weird games in the forest. Kame called the group meeting to order by lightly tapping a soy sauce bottle against the wooden table. "Good evening everyone, thanks for coming all the way out here."
"You'd think one of us was fessing up to a scandal or something," Koki joked, scratching his face. Kame was impressed that Koki had even painted his nails black in honor of the occasion.
"I'd like to turn the floor over to Nakamaru, who has some news for us," Kame said.
Nakamaru set down the menu. "Well, I talked with the Kanjani8 members. They got the same stupid messages on their phones."
Aha, Kame thought. So the whole thing was a game. Winter was coming. Countdown was coming. Nakamaru continued. "So they think this whole thing's meant to pit us against each other to see who gets to host this year."
"Well, that seems kind of stupid," Taguchi said, "I mean, does it really matter who hosts? I thought it's all about having fun."
Kame laughed. "Are you serious? It totally matters who hosts. It shows that Johnny-san has a lot of faith in you."
"But Johnny-san's not exactly our best buddy right now," Koki said. "I mean, sure we've had singles and things this year but, I mean, just look at Arashi. Look at Kanjani8. It's going to be one of them."
Ueda called for the waitress. "I'm ordering."
"We're having a meeting," Kame complained.
"And I'm ordering," Ueda continued, suddenly smiling brightly as a pretty waitress came over. The meeting ground to a halt as everyone took their turn to flirt and smile and order egg rolls. Kame, however, asked for water with no offered fan service. Didn't these guys understand how important the opportunity to host could be? Didn't they even care?
"We're going to get Johnny-san to like us," Kame continued, pulling out his iPad to take notes.
"At the table, Kame?" Nakamaru grumbled. "Can't we just eat?"
"Yeah, we came all this way," Taguchi said, "I don't even want to host Countdown."
"And that attitude," Kame said, tapping through his apps, "is why we never will. And why we'll never be like Arashi or Kanjani8. Because we're going to keep pissing opportunities down our leg."
Koki set down his lemonade in disgust. "Dude."
Kame met each of their eyes in turn. "We're going to host Countdown. People are going to see that we're more than just this group of disparate personalities. I mean, if we do a good job, we might get another variety show. Cartoon KAT-TUN is over, and it's been over for a long time."
"I do kind of miss it," Taguchi agreed. "I miss getting to do stupid stuff like that with you guys."
"And if we keep messing around," Nakamaru decided, "it means we'll never get an opportunity like that again."
Ueda sighed. "Fine, fine. Let's try and host Countdown. With one caveat."
Kame stared at him. "And what caveat is that?"
Ueda grinned. "We do it our way."
The meal went rather smoothly after that. While the others wolfed down their food and drank heavily, Kame sat with his iPad and half an egg roll, typing up ideas on his iPad. "How to Make Johnny-san Like Us Again" was the name of the file, and he had at least a dozen ideas. Take Johnny-san golfing. Bake Johnny-san cupcakes. Tell Johnny-san that he is looking nice today...
Though the night had started on shaky ground, Kame felt a lot more positive as he headed out of the Great Wall, ready to keep brainstorming. As he watched Koki and Junno pile into a cab, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He waved them on ahead, ducking into an alley to answer.
"Hello?"
"Kame-chan."
Kame was confused. Why would this person be calling him? He hadn't called Kame since Ohno-san had painted his portrait. "Hello Ninomiya-san."
"Ah, Kame-chan, we're friendlier than that, aren't we?" Nino said, sounding a little buzzed on the other end of the line if Kame had to venture a guess. "How are you?"
"I'm fine."
"Glad to hear it," Nino said. "Kame, tell me something. Have you been getting strange messages on your phone?"
What was this, Kame thought. Was Nino being overly chummy on purpose? Was he trying to finagle information out of him the same as when Kame had sent Nakamaru to talk to Kanjani8? Winter was definitely coming, Kame suddenly realized, and the stakes were higher than even he could have imagined.
"Strange messages?" Kame said, hoping he sounded convincing. Nino was pretty good at sniffing out lies. "I'm not sure what you're talking about. Is something the matter?"
"Oh no," Nino said sweetly. "Just curious. We should meet up, you and me. Arashi and KAT-TUN hardly work together. I mean, sometimes a year will go by and I'll only see you guys at Countdown, right?"
Alarm bells started going off in Kame's head. Hang up, he told himself. Hang up before you tell him anything! "Nino, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to call you back. Let's have lunch soon, okay? Okay, bye bye."
Kame snapped his phone closed quickly. Nino had come right out and asked about the strange messages - if Arashi had been the ones initiating the whole thing, surely Nino wouldn't have mentioned it. Unless that was Arashi's big bluff. Kame shut his eyes, worried.
The game was afoot, and Kame would have to do everything in his power to keep KAT-TUN in it.
--
It was turning into a long week, and Murakami Shingo had had enough. Arashi's meddling and insinuations, Yasuda's strange tumble into a bush, and now a call from his landlord. His building was undergoing sudden fumigation for cockroaches after someone on another floor had become a crazy slob. It was just not going his way. It was apparently so severe an infestation that residents couldn't even get home to retrieve their things - well, the people who'd been at home at the time had been allowed to, but Hina was busier than most people.
So now he was living out of a backpack that he'd been lucky enough to have on him, and he was looking for a place to crash. Logically, a hotel, even a capsule hotel, was the way to go, but there was no point in going to the expense if he could just stay with a friend who owed him. And he had plenty of people agency-wide who did. He tried Tackey first - no go. His other bandmates made up excuses, most likely since he'd been so grouchy ever since the incident with Aiba-chan at TV Asahi.
He could relieve Yoko at the hospital and just camp out with Yasu, but it would only make him angry, seeing Yasu in the bed and not knowing what the hell had happened. Hina wasn't born yesterday. He'd seen that little smirk Sakurai had made in the hospital room, that satisfied look. It was as though he was happy that Yasu had gotten hurt. He didn't have any evidence that Arashi was involved. It was a bit ridiculous to suspect that someone in Arashi could have conned Yasu into scaling the wall of TV Asahi, but his suspicions were growing.
And they continued to rise when his phone rang, and it was Ohno-kun on the line. When had he even gotten his phone number? It was more than just Ohno-kun though - from the sound of it, Arashi had Hina on speaker. "Hellooooo, Hina-chan," Aiba said happily. "When cockroaches attack, huh?"
He scowled, even though they couldn't see him. "What the hell do you guys want?"
"To help you," Ohno said, and Hina had to admit that he sounded halfway honest. "Maru-chan sent me a mail. He was making this weird face and said it was his impersonation of you running away from killer atomic-powered cockroaches."
Well, that didn't seem too far-fetched. At least for Maru. "My building's being fumigated."
"Ah," Ohno said before Aiba was talking again.
"So you should come stay with me! I'll cook for you."
Hina wrinkled his nose. "I'd rather eat my shoe."
Ohno laughed at that, and Hina heard Aiba give his Leader a little smack for it. Then Matsujun's voice was on the line. "Look Hina, tensions are high lately, and we know you've got enough stress dealing with Yasuda's problem. So Aiba-chan's got the space, why don't you just stay there?"
"Are you my mother?" Hina grumbled.
"Oh come on," Aiba complained. "We can have a slumber party!"
The thought of a slumber party with another grown man made Hina want to hurl, but if he stayed with Aiba-chan, there was no way Arashi could mess with him. Not really. They couldn't really plot if Hina was around. Maybe he could even uncover some of their dastardly secrets. Arashi was always so buddy buddy, there had to be some dark secret there. Something that had brought them to TV Asahi with smiles and threats the other day. And if it brought Kanjani8 closer to hosting Countdown, all the better.
"Well," Hina said, weighing his options, "I'm not going to give you any money for it."
"I'm not asking you to," Aiba said. "I'm your friend."
Somehow, Hina doubted that was really true at this point. They were up to something, he knew it. Maybe they were trying to get him out of the way, just like they'd somehow gotten to Yasu. And Leader and Maru were exchanging mails regularly. Was Arashi trying to undermine his entire group? Hina wouldn't be so easily fooled.
"Fine. I'll stay with you."
"Glad to hear it," Aiba said. "I'll even make you pancakes."
Hina hung up, exasperated. It couldn't get any worse, could it?
--
Most people would have gone home by now, but Yoko wasn't most people. He had vowed to stay at Yasu's side for the duration of the man's hospital stay, and it wasn't really so terrible. Maru had been nice enough to go home and get Yoko's game console and with a little finagling, it was now hooked up to the TV in Yasu's room. He listened to Yasu's even breaths in the bed, sucking down his fifth energy drink of the night as he played Monster Hunter.
If he was at home playing Monster Hunter, his manager would probably call and tell him off for wasting his time, but if he was here in a member's hospital room being a devoted friend, then Yoko could play video games to his heart's content. The room was dark save for the glow of the TV, and the time had come to use the washroom. His bladder had started warning him an hour earlier, but he'd stuck it out until Yasu had fallen asleep.
He paused the game, getting up and cracking his joints, fumbling his way around Yasu's bed to get to the small bathroom inside the room. He didn't bother fumbling in the dark for the lights, instead letting his sense of logic and the metal rail bolted to the wall help him figure out where the toilet was. Thoroughly relieved, he knew he could probably pull an all-nighter if he got another energy drink from the vending room down the hall. Hopefully he still had enough change.
But as he turned off the sink and dried his hands, he heard the beeping. "Yasu!" Yoko cried, stumbling around in the dark bathroom. "Yasu, don't die!"
He found the door and flung it open, seeing a shadowy figure lurking near Yasu's bed. All the machines were beeping, and Yasu was whining and holding onto his arm. "Don't you touch him!" Yoko screeched at the assassin, bounding across the room to try and tackle the assailant.
But the other man was too quick, grabbing the vase of flowers that Sho-kun had brought the other day and flinging them at Yoko. He ducked just in time, but he slipped on the water as he tried diving for Yasu's attacker. "My hand!" Yasu was grumbling. "Ow!"
Yoko got himself to his feet, chasing the attacker from the hospital room. It was late and none of the nurses were on duty as Yoko chased the person to the nearest stairwell, huffing and puffing. He wasn't used to this sort of thing, after all, and he had been sitting on his ass for the past several hours. "Come back here, you bastard!"
But it was too late, and the figure had darted down the stairwell as Yoko heaved and sighed, leaning against the railing. He'd failed. It had been his job to keep an eye on Yasu, and he'd let his bladder dictate terms. Never again. Well, never again if he could help it, anyway. He trudged back up the stairs, out of breath, and when he returned to Yasu's room, a nurse was there complaining about the mess.
"Yasu!" Yoko cried, moving to the bed. "Yasu, are you dying?"
He shook his head, looking at Yoko like he was crazy. "I must have moved in my sleep," his bandmate admitted, holding up his hand. "I knocked my IV out."
Yoko narrowed his eyes. No, that definitely hadn't been the way of it. "No. No, someone was here, Yasu. Someone just tried to kill you!"
Yasu rolled his eyes. "Pulling out my IV wasn't going to kill me...I don't need..."
Yoko slapped his hand down over Yasu's mouth. "There is an assassin in our midst, Yasuda. We must be vigilant."
"Mmfhmfhmm," Yasu protested as the nurse went to fetch a janitor to mop the floor.
"But don't you worry. I've played a detective before. I've got this." Yoko let him go as soon as he noticed the note that had dropped to the floor near the IV stand. "Aha, I've already spotted the first clue!"
"Clue? Yoko, I'm not going to die, it was just..."
Yoko snatched the note, opening it up. This was it. The killer had managed to drop it in their epic battle of bodies and minds prior to Yoko being unable to follow him in the stairwell. He stared at the scrawled handwriting. "Meadow Bakery, Shinjuku. Fantastic Treats, Toshima..." Yoko squinted again. "Papa-san's Cupcakes and More? The hell kind of clue is this?"
Yasu groaned. "But you don't even know..."
Yoko ignored him, refolding the paper and slipping it into his jeans pocket. "Someone attacks my bandmate, that means someone attacks me! Someone murders my bandmate, this means war!"
"But Yoko, I'm still alive..."
"Wherever you are, assassin," Yoko vowed, "I hereby accept your challenge!"
Yasu sighed. "You're such an idiot."
Part Two
Rating: R, for mentions of adult situations and adult language
Characters/Pairings: Kanjani8, Arashi, NEWS, KAT-TUN. Cameos or mentions of almost everyone else. You think I'm joking, but they're ALL here. There's one in-group pairing for Arashi, but it's not remotely the point of the story - it's 99% gen and full of intergroup idiocy!
Summary: Winter is coming. Which means that Countdown is coming, and Johnny-san is still undecided about this year's hosts. The situation turns Johnny against Johnny, debuted group against debuted group as they conspire against and manipulate one another. Because when you play the game of scones, you win or you die.
Notes/Warnings: For this year's jerainbowbridge. Loosely based on A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin, but I don't think you really need to know the source material to follow along. A few plot holes arose over the course of writing this, at least in terms of pending group activities/variety shows/New Year's commitments. I hope you will overlook that in favor of the crack.
Chapter 1: Winter is Coming
In principle, Nakamaru Yuichi didn't like to follow Kame's orders. For one, Kame was not the boss of him, and for two...
Okay, maybe there wasn't a two since the whole "Kame was not the boss of him" point was obvious enough. But since he was already in the area that day, Kame's order was more a suggestion than an order, he supposed. He was currently in Osaka for a cousin's wedding that weekend, and the Kansai TV studios weren't exactly out of his way. It took a lot of finagling at the front desk to convince them that yes, he was in Johnny's. That yes, he was not only in Johnny's but in a debuted Johnny's group. And that yes, he actually did know the members of Kanjani8.
But once they believed him they proceeded to give him a visitor's badge with only a flash of his driver's license, so overall he guessed that security was a bit more lax down here. He waited in the Kanjani8 green room, pacing nervously as his phone kept pinging with irritating messages from Kame. "Did you talk to them yet?" "Well, did you?" "What the hell is taking so long?" "What kind of food are they serving at the wedding? Anything good?" "Do they know anything????"
Finally, the members came back after their Janiben filming, welcoming him immediately. "Nakamaru, what the hell are you doing here?" Murakami asked, looking at him as though he had sprouted a second head.
But it was after filming, and Nakamaru had suspected correctly - the members had plans to go drinking. He got himself invited along, crammed into a booth between a grinning Maruyama and a boisterous Yasuda. Nakamaru had played enough survival games to know that you couldn't show your hand right away. It was all about strategy. He waited until the third round of drinks before trying to grill the Kansai boys for information.
"Nakamaru, you've hardly touched your beer," Murakami growled. "I'm not going to pay for that."
Nakamaru only took out his cell phone, scrolling down to a message from an unknown sender. "Gentlemen, can any of you tell me the meaning of this message?"
He held out the phone and six pairs of slightly droopy-with-drink eyes blinked at the tiny screen that bore a short message. The subject line only said "Countdown" and the contents?
Winter is coming.
"Ugh!" Yasuda complained. "You guys are getting these, too?"
Nakamaru snapped his phone closed. "Wait, you know what this message is about? You know who it's from?" And Kame had thought that KAT-TUN had been especially singled out.
Each member of Kanjani8 held out their phones in near-unison (save for Nishikido, who was back in Tokyo filming what had to be his fourteenth drama series of the year and Shibutani, who was staring at the ceiling in apparent wonderment). Each phone had the same message from the unknown sender: "Winter is coming."
"So this has to do with Countdown?" Nakamaru asked.
"Well, that's the subject line," Ohkura noted, trying to flag down their waitress in hopes of getting another round of beers brought over.
Murakami looked grave, fingers stroking his chin. "We suspect that there's going to be some competition this year."
Competition, Nakamaru thought. This was the last thing that Kame needed to hear. "What kind of competition?"
Yokoyama sighed. "To host. Tackey and Tsubasa can't, Kinki's apparently not interested this year..."
Nakamaru narrowed his eyes. "So we're all expected to do what?" His phone was burning a hole in his pocket with its stupid message. Winter was coming, and why did it really matter who actually hosted Countdown?
"It doesn't mattter," Murakami continued. "Because we'll probably be at Kyocera Dome again anyway. Whoever sent those messages is being a dick. They'd never let us host at Tokyo Dome, are you kidding?"
"It's more fun here anyhow," Maruyama agreed with a smile. "We get awesome costumes that they'd never let us wear in Tokyo!"
Nakamaru distinctly remembered all of Kanjani suiting up in sushi costumes the year before, but then again, they'd always had a different idea of fun than Nakamaru had. He downed his beer. It had been a good year for Kanjani so far, but them hosting Countdown would be odd. It would never happen, and knowing that they weren't going to try and push for it left a spot for Kame and his damn competitive spirit. Which just meant more work for Nakamaru.
"You're sure you're not going to bother with the...competition?" he asked them.
"Nope," Murakami assured him. "It's all yours."
"Good to know," Nakamaru said. They'd helped him, provided him with information. It was probably his turn to buy a round. Instead, he excused himself from the booth. He had to report back to his group. Well, as soon as the wedding was over tomorrow. "I have to use the bathroom."
Shibutani held up his phone. "Doesn't winter come every year?"
Nakamaru could hear the noisy THWACK delivered by Murakami as he snuck off to the bathroom and out the bar's back door.
--
Yokoyama Yu hadn't expected the message from his brother Mitsuru that morning: "there's people posting on 4chan saying that Kanjani's going to host Countdown this year. don't you usually just stay in Osaka for that now?"
Winter was coming, Yoko feared, and the Internet was lighting up with gossip. To Yoko's knowledge, there'd never been any competition to host Countdown before. It was just a fun thing that they all did, and Kanjani stayed in Osaka to save their senpai from having to give them New Years' money. But could it actually be true? Would Johnny-san demand they host?
Yoko didn't have a problem with hosting because Yoko didn't really have a problem with talking. Even tonight the group was set to perform on Music Station to promote their latest single, and Yoko had spent hours in front of the mirror that morning honing the many embarrassing stories he could tell Tamori-san about his bandmates. But what if Tamori-san asked them about Countdown? Hina, however, was having none of it.
Rehearsal was in twenty minutes, and he and Hina were in the green room waiting. The others were already out checking out the stage set-up. "I don't like this," Hina complained, pacing the floor. "All this Countdown talk. We don't need to host at Tokyo Dome. I don't want to host at Tokyo Dome. Somebody's trying to start a fight."
He nodded. "But if they tell us to host, we have to, you know. We can't just say, 'sorry Johnny-san, but can't you make V6 do it?' because next year we'd be doing Countdown live from some back alley begging for change. Filming ourselves with a camera phone that we'd then have to burn for warmth."
Hina scowled at him. "Well, enough already then. The more we talk about it, the angrier I get. We're busy enough, you know."
There was a knock at the door, hopefully a manager with some snacks! "Come on in," Yoko said, hoping for something good.
But what he hadn't expected was for Aiba Masaki to enter, closing the door behind him and throwing the lock. "Helloooo," Aiba said with that look in his eye that had always gotten Yoko into way too much trouble when they were younger. Or last month when they'd been asked to leave a karaoke place for somehow submerging their microphones in a fish tank.
"What do you want?" Hina asked him by way of greeting, and Aiba only looked crazier. Yoko instinctively knew when Aiba was having a crazy time. There was the slightest twitch to his eye - Aiba couldn't wink, but he sure could twitch like a drug addict needing a fix. Not that Yoko knew a lot of drug addicts.
"Oh, I just wanted to say hello. By now the rest of Arashi has arrived here at TV Asahi," Aiba hinted in a friendly voice. "Just seeing what's up."
"But why are you here?" Hina insisted, rolling his eyes. "Don't you guys have a thousand commercials or tv shows to film?"
Aiba walked up to Yoko, resting a hand on his shoulder. "We're just here to talk a little business. Countdown business."
Hina grabbed a pillow from the green room couch and flung it at Aiba. It thunked against his arm and hit the linoleum, but Aiba was unfazed. "Did Arashi send those messages? All this winter is coming crap?"
Aiba smirked. "Uh, no." Aiba yanked his phone from the back pocket of his jeans and wiggled it in his hand. "We all got them, too. I think it would have been nicer if it had said 'Aiba-chan's birthday is coming', but I guess the sender thinks Countdown is more important."
"Countdown is definitely more important than your birthday," Hina said with a long-suffering sigh.
Aiba shrugged, still trying to sound utterly serious even as Yoko knew he was suppressing a giggle fit. Aiba's crazy time usually transitioned into that anyway. "Whatever you say. But I'm here to talk business. So Arashi's going to host this year."
"What?" Yoko exclaimed. "How? You guys were hosting Kouhaku last year, and all you did was prance around on the roof of NHK for Countdown. Aren't they going to ask you to host Kouhaku again anyhow?"
But now Hina was starting to look worried. Hina was starting to look affonted. "Double duty? You can't be serious."
Aiba only giggled. "Ambitious, I know. But it would be like, five hours straight of Arashi. My mom would be so excited!"
"So this is all about your mom now?" Yoko complained.
Aiba squeezed his shoulder. Hard. "It's about cooperation, Yokocho," Aiba insisted. "Because you'll all be down in Osaka right? At the dome? We go back a long time, the three of us."
Hina made for the door. "Aiba-chan, you are not a yakuza. You are not the least bit threatening, and we're here for work."
"Oh, you won't be late for rehearsal," Aiba said. "Arashi's in the building, chatting with friends. They'll delay rehearsal for hours."
Yoko was confused. "Okay, wait. So what are you actually here for?"
Aiba let him go, crossing his arms. "I'm sure Leader's got Maru's ear by now. It's only a matter of time before the rest of your group understands what we need you to do."
"And what is that exactly?" Hina asked, looking ready to beat Aiba to a bloody pulp. Yoko was increasingly worried - all this time Hina had been dead-set on having nothing to do with the Countdown mess.
"Arashi hosts Countdown. And Kanjani8 stays in Osaka," Aiba explained. "Even if Johnny asks you to host, you will decline."
Well, it didn't sound all that strange to Yoko. But Hina's face had changed. He was now officially pissed off. This was not going to end well at all.
"Anyhow," Aiba said, reverting to his usual goofy demeanor in a split second, almost as if he had some strange personality disorder. "Good luck tonight. We'll be cheering you on." And with that he left, shutting the door behind him.
Yoko was still disappointed that nobody had brought them food. "Well? It's not like they were going to host at Kyocera too, right?"
Hina looked downright scary. "They think they can push us around, huh? Winter is coming," he said gravely, "and maybe this year Kanjani8 should host at the Tokyo Dome."
--
They watched Kanjani8 rehearse their Music Station performance, and Ninomiya Kazunari had about twenty other things he'd rather be doing. Ten of them involved sleeping. But Jun was at his side, and there was no escaping him. Nino prided himself on being impish and clever. It was his main selling point as an idol, and on any given day, he'd find a clever way out of this situation, but there was no Ninomiya Kazunari, adorable imp when it came to something like Countdown. There was only Ninomiya Kazunari, one-fifth of Arashi. And that meant that he had to back his bandmates in every stupid endeavor.
Jun and Sho especially seemed to think that it had been too long since they'd hosted Countdown. The fans wanted to see them host, or at least it was what the pair of them had deluded themselves into thinking. And what the two strong-minded members wanted somehow became what the group wanted, at least since they'd gotten those strange messages on their phones. The group wouldn't be where they were without the many years they'd spent working for a common purpose, and for that they owed a debt to the fans who'd supported them. And Arashi always paid their debts.
Even now Jun had a hand on his shoulder, pressing down. "Kanjani's had a good year," he said, "but they've got a good thing going at the Kyocera Dome. I think it's only fair they continue to be there for the Kansai fans at New Year's."
"Uh huh," Nino responded, smirking as an obviously angered Murakami kept missing cues. "I think Aiba must have gotten Hina all riled up."
"Doesn't take much to do that," Jun decided. "They'll play ball. Yoko does whatever Aiba says."
But Nino wasn't entirely convinced. Threatening Kanjani had been a stupid plan, something that could have been far more easily smoothed over by just buying them food. Not that Nino wanted to buy them anything. "We'll see."
Jun ruffled his hair as if he was some little kid. Nino distinctly remembered a time when he'd been taller than Jun, too. "We can count on you, right, Nino? Have you been doing your part for our research?"
He shrugged Jun off of him. "Of course I'm doing my part." He grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket and shoved it into Jun's hand. "Here, everyone my mother ever knew from culinary school."
"Now we'll be doubly prepared," Jun said with a smile. "Winter is coming."
--
Everyone was eating their yakiniku in silence as the restaurant TV remained set on Himitsu no Arashi-chan. It was times like these, Koyama Keiichiro thought, that made him long for the good old days. The Soukon days. But everyone else was too busy shoving food in their mouths. He'd been eyeing his phone for days now, unable to look away from the ominous "Winter is coming" message that he and his other bandmates had received.
It wasn't very often that he was able to get all of NEWS together - and of course Ryo-chan had had to cancel at the last minute to do some re-shoots for his drama. But five out of six wasn't bad, and they had to talk about this. Yamapi could just tell Ryo later. He looked at his phone one last time before setting it back down on the table.
Tegoshi looked across the table and smiled at him. "Can I have some more, Kei-chan?" Tegoshi asked, and Koyama knew that protesting would be pointless. He had barely nodded his assent before Tegoshi already had his chopsticks on the last of Koyama's portion. "Thank youuuu."
Himitsu no Arashi-chan went to commercial, showing an ad for beer set high up in the mountains. Mountains. Snow. Cold. Winter was coming. Winter was coming. Winter was coming. Koyama shut his eyes, finally slamming his fist on the table. "Okay, listen up." Everyone turned to look, confused. "There's a reason I invited you all out tonight."
"I hope that reason includes you paying for us," Shige said, adding some more meat to the grill.
Koyama sighed. "Yeah, I'll pay, but only if you'll hear me out."
"Let's listen then," Yamapi said agreeably, and Koyama was thankful to have him in his corner, at least for as long as the plates of beef kept arriving.
He tapped his phone. "I trust that all of you have received the message about Countdown."
Massu smiled. "Secret messages! Maybe it means next year will be a big year for NEWS!"
Tegoshi shook his head, munching blissfully on Koyama's food. "No way, that's not what it means. It's just about Countdown."
Shige wrinkled his nose. "Countdown's just an excuse for the senpai to bully us. And for everyone to awkwardly stumble through Shounentai songs we don't really know for the thousandth time."
"Not this year," Koyama said defiantly. He rose to his feet, giving Tegoshi an excuse to grab his beer and finish it as well. "This year, I think NEWS will host the Countdown."
Nobody said anything for a few moments until Yamapi flagged down the waitress to order five more plates of meat.
"I'm serious!" Koyama protested, giving what he hoped was his most serious expression (though the six beers he'd consumed prior to standing up were not helping). "I think these messages are a call to arms. We haven't gotten to do much together lately. And I miss you guys. So what do you say? Let's go ask Johnny-san!"
More silence, followed by Tegoshi smiling his way into snagging some freshly grilled veggies from Massu's plate.
Yamapi set down his chopsticks, looking downright Leader-like for a moment as he crossed his arms. And if Koyama needed anyone to go to Johnny-san with him to argue their case, it was definitely Yamapi. "Kei-chan..."
"Yes?"
He leaned forward, nearly knocking over his beer glass. "Do you really think Johnny-san would pick us over the other groups?"
"What's wrong with NEWS? We used to have a lot of sway, you know! We've got everything that Arashi and V6 and Kanjani8 have!" Koyama protested. He pointed to Tegoshi. "We have looks." He pointed to Shige. "Brains." To himself. "Charisma." To Massu. "...uh, plus, we have Massu."
"Hey!" Massu complained.
Yamapi nodded. "If you're serious, we'll back you on this..."
"...do we have to?" Shige mumbled.
Koyama's heart was about to burst. He could address the whole Tokyo Dome. Koyama Keiichiro and NEWS, leading everyone into the New Year! "That's great! Isn't that great?"
But Yamapi held up a hand for silence. "We'll back you, but we're not enough. Be reasonable. We're going to need help."
"Help?" Massu asked. "How do you mean?"
But the hamster wheel in Tegoshi's head was spinning. "I like the way you think, Yamapi. We need partners."
"We have each other!" Koyama insisted, stomping his feet. "We've got Ryo-chan, too!"
Yamapi wrapped an arm around Tegoshi's shouders in solidarity. "We need to call in the big guns. One group hosting Countdown would be boring. I think we need to co-host with some senpais. It's the only way Johnny-san will pick us over someone else."
"But who?" Koyama asked.
Tegoshi was already ten steps ahead. He smiled and clinked glasses with Yamapi. "I think we need TOKIO."
--
He and Subaru were the last ones heading out of the Kanjani dressing room, and a car was waiting to take them home. It had been the strangest Music Station filming Yasuda Shota had ever attended. Arashi had shown up, twirling their invisible evil mustaches. It was all very dramatic, Yasu thought, and Sho-kun had personally come up to him for a chat.
"Ah Yasuda," Sho-kun had said. "We've always been so happy when Kanjani8 performed our songs at the Kyocera Dome. We'd love for you to do another relay broadcast this year. Maybe this year Kanjani could perform Monster."
And Yasu had to admit that it would be fun to try. Imagine the dance moves! Imagine all the pyro! Imagine all the bling on the costumes! But something had felt a bit off about Arashi's appearance that day. Sho-kun had been a little too friendly. As though Kanjani not hosting Countdown was a fact though it hadn't been decided. As though Arashi was going to host, which seemed kind of presumptuous. Not that he liked to think that Arashi had bad intentions, they were just used to being popular. Yasu could understand that.
He and Subaru were halfway to the car when Subaru gasped like a dead fish.
"What's wrong?" Yasu asked, shaking his friend by the shoulder. "Are you dying? Oh my god, Shibuyan, are you dying?"
But Subaru turned around, squeezing his hand. "I...forgot...my hat!"
Yasu sighed in relief. "You're freaking out like that over a hat."
Subaru looked forlorn. "But it was vintage..."
If this continued, Subaru was going to be whimpering and whining the whole car ride back, depending on who got dropped off first, and Yasu couldn't bear it. "Well, we can go back and get it? Do you remember where you left it?"
Subaru shrugged. "Inside?"
Yasu closed his eyes and counted to three. "Okay. Okay, let's go back inside and find it. Go tell the driver, and I'll get a head start, okay?"
Subaru's smile covered his whole face. "You're the best. What would I do without you?"
"It's okay," Yasu said, blushing slightly. It felt good to help his bandmates. He'd already found Yoko's wallet four times that day and returned it to him each time with a smile, so finding Subaru's hat would be a cake walk. He headed back to the TV Asahi entrance, planning to waltz back in when a security guard stopped him.
"I'm sorry, no unauthorized entry," the guard said.
He used his best idol smile. "I'm with Kanjani8. We just recorded Music Station inside."
The guard eyed him suspiciously, eyes looking with disdain at Yasu's rainbow cowboy hat and his bright pink and purple t-shirt and his green harem pants and yellow suede boots. Okay, to the untrained eye, Yasu might have looked like an escapee from the mental hospital, but that was just because people didn't understand how awesome he looked. In five years when everyone was wearing rainbow cowboy hats with green harem pants, Yasu would just have to forgive them.
"Yasuda Shota," he said politely. "From Kanjani8. One of my bandmates left his hat behind. May I please retrieve it?"
The guard shook his head. "Sorry, no unauthorized entry."
Well, that sucked. And Subaru still hadn't returned from the car, so it was up to Yasu to get inside some other way. He thanked the guard anyway and headed around the building, doing his best not to look suspicious. He trampled a few plants, finally spying an open window on the first floor. Yasuda thanked his lucky stars for his athleticism. Though the harem pants would slow him down, he knew he had what it took to get in there. Subaru's hat was on the line here! He looked left. He looked right. And he started to climb.
Thankfully he was on the far side of the building, so nobody noticed a Kanjani8 member scaling the wall, brick by brick. It also helped that it was dark outside. He got his fingers onto the windowsill and was just about to haul himself inside when he heard the moan.
And Yasu had watched enough pornographic movies to know just what kind of moan that was. His eyes widened as he poked his cowboy hatted-head over the sill, eyes widening at the sight before him. It wasn't possible. These two? When Ninomiya and Oh-chan played grab ass in public, it was these two?
He could only gape in shock as Sakurai Sho sat back on the couch in one of the green rooms inside the TV Asahi building, his eyes shut as a dark-haired man knelt on the floor before him, quite obviously giving him a fantastic blowjob. And that dark-haired man was none other than his bandmate, Matsumoto Jun.
"...feels so good," Sho-kun was moaning. The very same Sho-kun who had come up to Yasu earlier that day, all prim and proper and business-like. His hand was tight in Matsujun's hair, and Yasu knew he'd intruded on an intensely private moment. He had to find another way into the building. He didn't need Subaru finding him and calling out to him or anything.
So Yasu was just about to climb back down when his boot scraped against the brick a little too hard, and Sho-kun opened his eyes to look straight at him. "Matsujun," Sakurai hissed.
"What?" Matsujun complained, instantly irritable.
"Matsujun, stop!" Sho wrenched Jun's face away from his crotch and zipped up immediately. Yasu was still stunned, unable to move now that he'd been caught watching something he had absolutely no business watching.
And of course, it didn't help that the first words out of his mouth were, "Sho-kun, I swear I didn't see anything."
Matsujun got off his knees with a sigh, wiping his mouth and walking up to the window. "Yasuda, what the hell are you doing?"
"Well...well, you see, Matsujun...I...I...Shibuyan...Shibuyan's hat..."
"Shibutani left his stupid hat?" Sho screeched. "And you couldn't just go back in the front door?! Macchan, he saw us."
"Sho-kun, calm down," Matsujun snapped at him. "Yasu didn't see anything."
"I didn't! I was just looking for Shibuyan's hat, I swear! I won't tell anyone what I didn't see!" he pleaded.
Sho-kun, the Sho-kun he'd admired for so long, didn't necessarily agree. Yasu wouldn't tell anyone. He really wouldn't! There was nothing wrong with being gay anyhow! People were always assuming that Yasu was gay, and it didn't bother him. It seemed that Mr. Newscaster Sakurai Sho actually was, though. And in some sort of sexual relationship within his own group. It was kind of incestuous, Yasu thought. Everyone always said that Arashi was close, but they had no idea.
"Give me your hand then," Matsujun said. "Before you fall."
Yasu grabbed hold of Matsujun's hand and held on tight.
"Matsujun, what are you doing?" Sho howled. "Think of our careers, you idiot!"
Yasu looked pleadingly between Sakurai and Matsumoto, begging them not to be angry. And all this because Subaru couldn't remember his hat! He'd probably be hauled aside by one of Arashi's managers, given some sort of gag order. Not that he'd ever say anything. Showbiz was tough! And being gay in showbiz was even tougher. He had no judgment! He smiled, willing to do whatever they asked. So long as Jun stopped letting him dangle in the air. But what he didn't expect was Matsujun's long-suffering sigh.
"The things I do for love," Matsujun said, wrenching Yasu's fingers off of his wrist and giving him a shove. And then Yasu was falling, falling, falling and the ground rose to meet him.
Chapter 2: A Dance With Dragons
Koyama's hand was tight around his wrist, and if Tegoshi Yuya didn't know any better, it seemed that Kei-chan was angry. But it made sense, since Koyama had paid for a very expensive meal with NEWS a few nights back, and he'd most likely be footing the bill for this "business meeting" at one of Nagase-senpai's favorite restaurants.
The Meat Locker was famous for its American-sized portions, and Tegoshi knew he had a date with the treadmill come morning. But for now, he was supposed to be on his best behavior. That meant, Kei-chan had said, no begging for TOKIO's food. No whining. No phone calls, even if it was a really hot girl on the line. But it was a sacrifice Tegoshi was willing to make. After all, if NEWS could co-host the Countdown, it meant more face time on TV, and it had been a long time since Soukon. Sure, ItteQ had its perks, but it was more fun being on TV to sing and dance rather than being forced to jump out of helicopters.
Massu was with them, too, mostly for moral support. And Taichi-san would also be in attendance to broker whatever deal NEWS would be making with them. As they entered the restaurant, Koyama held him back. "You're cute," Koyama said.
"Ah, thanks Kei-chan, so I've been told," Tegoshi admitted, immediately suspicious about his bandmate's attitude.
"Just remember that you're cute, and Nagase-senpai apparently likes cute things."
"Since when?" He never remembered Nagase mentioning anything like that when they'd worked together before.
"Since I've heard it through the grapevine," Koyama assured him, running his fingers through Tegoshi's hair and pinching his cheeks to bring out some color. "So just...be cute, okay?"
Tegoshi crossed his arms. "Are you pimping me out? Because I feel very used right now."
"Listen up and listen good," Koyama threatened, and in all their years together, he had never heard the man address anyone that way. He meant business. "I'm going to host Countdown. I don't care if I have to pimp you to every member of TOKIO and their entire fan club, I will be hosting Countdown this year, Tegoshi."
Tegoshi raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean NEWS will be hosting Countdown, Kei-chan?"
"...same thing."
"Hey," Massu called from the inside of the restaurant. "They're waiting for us!"
"Just...don't screw this up, okay?" Koyama asked, reverting back to his usual pleasant self. Tegoshi was definitely weirded out. So this wasn't really a formal meeting at all, was it? They weren't just going to be sneaky little kohai and beg TOKIO to help them. They were going to make it into some creepy game. Whatever, Tegoshi thought. There were worse things in the world.
Nagase was already gnawing on some ribs when they entered, muttering some unintelligible greeting while Koyama slimed his way next to Taichi-san, making all sorts of apologies for being late and for being rude. Tegoshi sat down beside Nagase, Massu on his other side.
They made it through three meat courses before Taichi set down his fork and eyed Koyama. "So you want TOKIO to co-host the Countdown with you? You do realize we'll be at Kouhaku. We go all the time. It would be incredibly inconvenient for us if we get scheduled late in the Kouhaku broadcast."
"But it would mean so much to us if you'd help," Koyama said, batting his eyes like some junior high school girl. Tegoshi only brought over an empty plate so Nagase could dump another finished rib bone onto it. He felt Nagase's barbecue sauce-laden hand slap him on the back in gratitude, and Tegoshi immediately regretted wearing his designer skull hoodie to the restaurant. He'd make Kei-chan pay for the dry cleaning.
Taichi pulled out a stack of papers. "This is a contract that says TOKIO will do its best to see that NEWS is named hosts this year. Now to be honest with you, we aren't Johnny-san's favorites, so I don't know what your goal was here..."
Massu smiled. "We just like you guys."
Taichi rolled his eyes. "Wow, you should be an actor, Masuda." Taichi slid the papers across the table for Koyama to examine. Nagase didn't participate in the negotiations, instead accepting the mini-flosser Tegoshi handed him from his bag to clean bits of meat from between his teeth.
Koyama flipped through the papers eagerly. "So all we have to do..."
"...is let Nagase employ Tegoshi as a slave through the end of the year."
"What?!" Tegoshi screeched, immediately thankful that they were in a private room in the restaurant. He wasn't just getting pimped out for some one off...whatever. He was going to be Nagase's little chew toy for months?! He had his phone in his hand. He was going to call Yamapi. This was wrong!
Massu laughed. "You're kidding, right?" He smiled at Nagase. "It's a joke?"
Nagase shook his head, belching and then rubbing his belly after a satisfying meat-filled evening. "I won janken. I got to pick what I wanted." He leered at Tegoshi as he ran the mini-flosser between two of his bottom teeth. "I picked you, little one."
Tegoshi wanted to fall through the floor. Or stab Kei-chan in his stupid face with Nagase's steak knife. Either or. He was a person, not a commodity. Even if he was adorable, this wasn't right! "I...I don't want to be a slave," he muttered, looking for Massu to help him. Massu just looked confused.
Taichi cracked his knuckles. "It's all there in writing. I mean, you can always go talk to V6. I'm sure Sakamoto would give you all similar terms. I can see it now, all six of you working in the Nagano family bike shop for no pay. Babysitting for Inocchi. I'm sure Sakamoto can think of plenty of ways to make you useful."
"Or?" Tegoshi asked.
"One of you could take one for the team. Nagase won't be too mean," Taichi assured him with a smile. "Will you, Tomoya?"
Nagase grinned and ruffled Tegoshi's hair. "I'll let you use my bath salts! They smell great!"
Tegoshi narrowed his eyes at Koyama, finger still hovering over the speed dial to Yamapi. "Kei-chan, don't do this for your own stupid ambition. I'm a human being."
"Bath salts, though," Massu pointed out.
"Do we have an accord?" Taichi asked, holding out a pen.
Koyama didn't even bother looking Tegoshi's way as he signed the ridiculous contract. "It's a pleasure doing business with you, senpai."
--
Maruyama Ryuhei was just glad they didn't have any activities scheduled for a few days, and thus far, the press hadn't gotten word about Yasu's accident. And it was a bizarre accident, too, everyone thought. Maru had gotten a phone call from a hysterical Subaru, babbling about his hat and about Yasu and then more about his hat.
By the time he reached the hospital, the rest of Kanjani8 was gathered around Yasu's bedside looking forlorn. Maru moved to his bandmate's side, next to Hina, who looked grave. "What happened?" Maru asked. "Is he going to be okay?"
Hina nodded. "Yeah, I mean, they found him in a bush outside TV Asahi. What the hell was he doing? They guessed that he might have fallen, but all the windows were shut, so they have no idea why he was climbing."
Subaru was tangled up against Ryo-chan, blubbering. "Maybe my hat was stuck on a windowsill," Subaru cried, "I don't know, he was just trying to help me!"
"You're getting my jacket wet," Ryo complained, but didn't shove Subaru away.
Maru grabbed hold of Yasu's hand. "Is he going to die?"
Yasu opened his eyes and scowled at him. "You know, I'm trying to sleep here."
Hina immediately smacked Yasu on his bandage-wrapped head, and Maru helped Tacchon to restrain him. "You can't hit him now," Yoko shouted. "He's got a head injury!"
"For god's sake, he fell in a bush!" Hina complained. "He only has a concussion."
Yasu rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to die, Maru-chan. But thanks for caring. Unlike some people!"
"A bush, Yasuda!" Hina was still grumbling.
Tacchon sighed. "Okay, well now that you're awake, what the hell happened?"
"Well I was looking for Shibuyan's hat," Yasu explained as Ryo started flicking through the hospital TV channels. "And then I..."
"And then you?" Yoko asked.
Yasu's face grew solemn. "I...remember waking up here. In the hospital. And they told me I had a concussion."
"So you have no idea what happened?" Maru asked. "I mean, why were you trying to climb? Why did you fall?"
Yasu only looked more confused. "I guess...I don't know, I remember everything else. I remember performing and talking to Tamori-san and Arashi-san was there and..."
The hospital door slid open, and Maru smiled at the sight of Sakurai Sho entering with a bouquet of flowers. "Sho-kun!" everybody said, although Hina looked dubious at the Arashi member's sudden arrival.
"Ah, pardon my intrusion," he said, looking straight at Yasu. "I'm so glad to hear you're okay! The other members and I were so worried about you!"
Yasu seemed thrilled by the man's arrival. "Wow, Sho-kun, thank you!"
Yoko moved aside to let Sho pass and set the flowers on the bedside table. "He doesn't remember anything," Maru explained. "Was Arashi still there at TV Asahi? Did you see what happened?"
Sho shook his head, looking grim. "No, we'd already left. But that's awful, Yasuda-kun, you don't remember what happened?"
Yasu shook his head. "Nope! One minute I'm talking to Subaru, the next I'm waking up in a bush. Weird day!"
Maru saw a smile spread across Sho's face and thought it was almost odd for a moment, but he was probably just misreading it. "Ah, but you're okay now, aren't you?" Sho said, patting Yasu on the arm. "You're just fine."
Hina cleared his throat. "Well, yes, he's obviously fine. Thanks for checking in."
Maru blinked at the overly dismissive tone Hina was taking on. What was wrong with him? Sho-kun hadn't done anything wrong. He was always so busy, and he'd come all the way over to make sure Yasu was okay. This whole situation was weird.
But Sho didn't take any offense to it, giving another of his big-toothed smiles to the rest of the group. "Well, again, I'm glad Yasuda-kun is okay. And I look forward to working with you all again soon." Maru was surprised then when Sho looked straight at him. "Maruyama-kun, I'm sure our Leader will be in touch with you soon. Have a nice evening, everyone."
Yoko and Hina's eyes met across Yasu's hospital bed as soon as Sho had departed, Yasu looking between in them in confusion. "Did I miss something?" Yasu asked.
Hina only shook his head. "Someone will stay with you at all times," he told Yasu.
"What?" Ryo complained. "I don't have time to do that!"
Subaru gave Ryo a light smack and a warning look, and Yoko pulled up a chair and sat back down at Yasu's side. "Don't worry," Yoko said solemnly. "I'll stay here."
"But they're probably going to release me tomorrow," Yasu pointed out. "I'm fine, you know."
Hina smacked Yasu on his bandaged head again. "We're trying to be nice to you. Accept our kindness."
Tacchon just snorted, and Maru left the room with the others. It really had been a strange day. He wondered if Yasu would ever remember what had happened to him.
--
The Great Wall was not the best Chinese restaurant Kamenashi Kazuya had ever been to, but it wasn't popular with the paparazzi. It was north in Saitama Prefecture, and who would actively track them down so far from the bright lights of Tokyo? Nobody, Kame knew, as the other KAT-TUN members reluctantly strolled in, joining him in the room at the rear of the restaurant.
Ueda looked annoyed in his black t-shirt and black jeans as he sat across from Kame and picked up a menu, and Koki and Junno arrived next, similarly dressed. It was all about strategy, couldn't they see that? Wearing all black showed their solidarity as a group, and their dedication to the cause at hand. Because, as Kame checked his phone for maybe the millionth time in the past few weeks, winter was coming and solidarity was what they needed most.
Finally, Nakamaru arrived, and of all the others, he seemed the least bothered by their dark clothing requirement, probably because he was used to dressing tactically for all his weird games in the forest. Kame called the group meeting to order by lightly tapping a soy sauce bottle against the wooden table. "Good evening everyone, thanks for coming all the way out here."
"You'd think one of us was fessing up to a scandal or something," Koki joked, scratching his face. Kame was impressed that Koki had even painted his nails black in honor of the occasion.
"I'd like to turn the floor over to Nakamaru, who has some news for us," Kame said.
Nakamaru set down the menu. "Well, I talked with the Kanjani8 members. They got the same stupid messages on their phones."
Aha, Kame thought. So the whole thing was a game. Winter was coming. Countdown was coming. Nakamaru continued. "So they think this whole thing's meant to pit us against each other to see who gets to host this year."
"Well, that seems kind of stupid," Taguchi said, "I mean, does it really matter who hosts? I thought it's all about having fun."
Kame laughed. "Are you serious? It totally matters who hosts. It shows that Johnny-san has a lot of faith in you."
"But Johnny-san's not exactly our best buddy right now," Koki said. "I mean, sure we've had singles and things this year but, I mean, just look at Arashi. Look at Kanjani8. It's going to be one of them."
Ueda called for the waitress. "I'm ordering."
"We're having a meeting," Kame complained.
"And I'm ordering," Ueda continued, suddenly smiling brightly as a pretty waitress came over. The meeting ground to a halt as everyone took their turn to flirt and smile and order egg rolls. Kame, however, asked for water with no offered fan service. Didn't these guys understand how important the opportunity to host could be? Didn't they even care?
"We're going to get Johnny-san to like us," Kame continued, pulling out his iPad to take notes.
"At the table, Kame?" Nakamaru grumbled. "Can't we just eat?"
"Yeah, we came all this way," Taguchi said, "I don't even want to host Countdown."
"And that attitude," Kame said, tapping through his apps, "is why we never will. And why we'll never be like Arashi or Kanjani8. Because we're going to keep pissing opportunities down our leg."
Koki set down his lemonade in disgust. "Dude."
Kame met each of their eyes in turn. "We're going to host Countdown. People are going to see that we're more than just this group of disparate personalities. I mean, if we do a good job, we might get another variety show. Cartoon KAT-TUN is over, and it's been over for a long time."
"I do kind of miss it," Taguchi agreed. "I miss getting to do stupid stuff like that with you guys."
"And if we keep messing around," Nakamaru decided, "it means we'll never get an opportunity like that again."
Ueda sighed. "Fine, fine. Let's try and host Countdown. With one caveat."
Kame stared at him. "And what caveat is that?"
Ueda grinned. "We do it our way."
The meal went rather smoothly after that. While the others wolfed down their food and drank heavily, Kame sat with his iPad and half an egg roll, typing up ideas on his iPad. "How to Make Johnny-san Like Us Again" was the name of the file, and he had at least a dozen ideas. Take Johnny-san golfing. Bake Johnny-san cupcakes. Tell Johnny-san that he is looking nice today...
Though the night had started on shaky ground, Kame felt a lot more positive as he headed out of the Great Wall, ready to keep brainstorming. As he watched Koki and Junno pile into a cab, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He waved them on ahead, ducking into an alley to answer.
"Hello?"
"Kame-chan."
Kame was confused. Why would this person be calling him? He hadn't called Kame since Ohno-san had painted his portrait. "Hello Ninomiya-san."
"Ah, Kame-chan, we're friendlier than that, aren't we?" Nino said, sounding a little buzzed on the other end of the line if Kame had to venture a guess. "How are you?"
"I'm fine."
"Glad to hear it," Nino said. "Kame, tell me something. Have you been getting strange messages on your phone?"
What was this, Kame thought. Was Nino being overly chummy on purpose? Was he trying to finagle information out of him the same as when Kame had sent Nakamaru to talk to Kanjani8? Winter was definitely coming, Kame suddenly realized, and the stakes were higher than even he could have imagined.
"Strange messages?" Kame said, hoping he sounded convincing. Nino was pretty good at sniffing out lies. "I'm not sure what you're talking about. Is something the matter?"
"Oh no," Nino said sweetly. "Just curious. We should meet up, you and me. Arashi and KAT-TUN hardly work together. I mean, sometimes a year will go by and I'll only see you guys at Countdown, right?"
Alarm bells started going off in Kame's head. Hang up, he told himself. Hang up before you tell him anything! "Nino, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to call you back. Let's have lunch soon, okay? Okay, bye bye."
Kame snapped his phone closed quickly. Nino had come right out and asked about the strange messages - if Arashi had been the ones initiating the whole thing, surely Nino wouldn't have mentioned it. Unless that was Arashi's big bluff. Kame shut his eyes, worried.
The game was afoot, and Kame would have to do everything in his power to keep KAT-TUN in it.
--
It was turning into a long week, and Murakami Shingo had had enough. Arashi's meddling and insinuations, Yasuda's strange tumble into a bush, and now a call from his landlord. His building was undergoing sudden fumigation for cockroaches after someone on another floor had become a crazy slob. It was just not going his way. It was apparently so severe an infestation that residents couldn't even get home to retrieve their things - well, the people who'd been at home at the time had been allowed to, but Hina was busier than most people.
So now he was living out of a backpack that he'd been lucky enough to have on him, and he was looking for a place to crash. Logically, a hotel, even a capsule hotel, was the way to go, but there was no point in going to the expense if he could just stay with a friend who owed him. And he had plenty of people agency-wide who did. He tried Tackey first - no go. His other bandmates made up excuses, most likely since he'd been so grouchy ever since the incident with Aiba-chan at TV Asahi.
He could relieve Yoko at the hospital and just camp out with Yasu, but it would only make him angry, seeing Yasu in the bed and not knowing what the hell had happened. Hina wasn't born yesterday. He'd seen that little smirk Sakurai had made in the hospital room, that satisfied look. It was as though he was happy that Yasu had gotten hurt. He didn't have any evidence that Arashi was involved. It was a bit ridiculous to suspect that someone in Arashi could have conned Yasu into scaling the wall of TV Asahi, but his suspicions were growing.
And they continued to rise when his phone rang, and it was Ohno-kun on the line. When had he even gotten his phone number? It was more than just Ohno-kun though - from the sound of it, Arashi had Hina on speaker. "Hellooooo, Hina-chan," Aiba said happily. "When cockroaches attack, huh?"
He scowled, even though they couldn't see him. "What the hell do you guys want?"
"To help you," Ohno said, and Hina had to admit that he sounded halfway honest. "Maru-chan sent me a mail. He was making this weird face and said it was his impersonation of you running away from killer atomic-powered cockroaches."
Well, that didn't seem too far-fetched. At least for Maru. "My building's being fumigated."
"Ah," Ohno said before Aiba was talking again.
"So you should come stay with me! I'll cook for you."
Hina wrinkled his nose. "I'd rather eat my shoe."
Ohno laughed at that, and Hina heard Aiba give his Leader a little smack for it. Then Matsujun's voice was on the line. "Look Hina, tensions are high lately, and we know you've got enough stress dealing with Yasuda's problem. So Aiba-chan's got the space, why don't you just stay there?"
"Are you my mother?" Hina grumbled.
"Oh come on," Aiba complained. "We can have a slumber party!"
The thought of a slumber party with another grown man made Hina want to hurl, but if he stayed with Aiba-chan, there was no way Arashi could mess with him. Not really. They couldn't really plot if Hina was around. Maybe he could even uncover some of their dastardly secrets. Arashi was always so buddy buddy, there had to be some dark secret there. Something that had brought them to TV Asahi with smiles and threats the other day. And if it brought Kanjani8 closer to hosting Countdown, all the better.
"Well," Hina said, weighing his options, "I'm not going to give you any money for it."
"I'm not asking you to," Aiba said. "I'm your friend."
Somehow, Hina doubted that was really true at this point. They were up to something, he knew it. Maybe they were trying to get him out of the way, just like they'd somehow gotten to Yasu. And Leader and Maru were exchanging mails regularly. Was Arashi trying to undermine his entire group? Hina wouldn't be so easily fooled.
"Fine. I'll stay with you."
"Glad to hear it," Aiba said. "I'll even make you pancakes."
Hina hung up, exasperated. It couldn't get any worse, could it?
--
Most people would have gone home by now, but Yoko wasn't most people. He had vowed to stay at Yasu's side for the duration of the man's hospital stay, and it wasn't really so terrible. Maru had been nice enough to go home and get Yoko's game console and with a little finagling, it was now hooked up to the TV in Yasu's room. He listened to Yasu's even breaths in the bed, sucking down his fifth energy drink of the night as he played Monster Hunter.
If he was at home playing Monster Hunter, his manager would probably call and tell him off for wasting his time, but if he was here in a member's hospital room being a devoted friend, then Yoko could play video games to his heart's content. The room was dark save for the glow of the TV, and the time had come to use the washroom. His bladder had started warning him an hour earlier, but he'd stuck it out until Yasu had fallen asleep.
He paused the game, getting up and cracking his joints, fumbling his way around Yasu's bed to get to the small bathroom inside the room. He didn't bother fumbling in the dark for the lights, instead letting his sense of logic and the metal rail bolted to the wall help him figure out where the toilet was. Thoroughly relieved, he knew he could probably pull an all-nighter if he got another energy drink from the vending room down the hall. Hopefully he still had enough change.
But as he turned off the sink and dried his hands, he heard the beeping. "Yasu!" Yoko cried, stumbling around in the dark bathroom. "Yasu, don't die!"
He found the door and flung it open, seeing a shadowy figure lurking near Yasu's bed. All the machines were beeping, and Yasu was whining and holding onto his arm. "Don't you touch him!" Yoko screeched at the assassin, bounding across the room to try and tackle the assailant.
But the other man was too quick, grabbing the vase of flowers that Sho-kun had brought the other day and flinging them at Yoko. He ducked just in time, but he slipped on the water as he tried diving for Yasu's attacker. "My hand!" Yasu was grumbling. "Ow!"
Yoko got himself to his feet, chasing the attacker from the hospital room. It was late and none of the nurses were on duty as Yoko chased the person to the nearest stairwell, huffing and puffing. He wasn't used to this sort of thing, after all, and he had been sitting on his ass for the past several hours. "Come back here, you bastard!"
But it was too late, and the figure had darted down the stairwell as Yoko heaved and sighed, leaning against the railing. He'd failed. It had been his job to keep an eye on Yasu, and he'd let his bladder dictate terms. Never again. Well, never again if he could help it, anyway. He trudged back up the stairs, out of breath, and when he returned to Yasu's room, a nurse was there complaining about the mess.
"Yasu!" Yoko cried, moving to the bed. "Yasu, are you dying?"
He shook his head, looking at Yoko like he was crazy. "I must have moved in my sleep," his bandmate admitted, holding up his hand. "I knocked my IV out."
Yoko narrowed his eyes. No, that definitely hadn't been the way of it. "No. No, someone was here, Yasu. Someone just tried to kill you!"
Yasu rolled his eyes. "Pulling out my IV wasn't going to kill me...I don't need..."
Yoko slapped his hand down over Yasu's mouth. "There is an assassin in our midst, Yasuda. We must be vigilant."
"Mmfhmfhmm," Yasu protested as the nurse went to fetch a janitor to mop the floor.
"But don't you worry. I've played a detective before. I've got this." Yoko let him go as soon as he noticed the note that had dropped to the floor near the IV stand. "Aha, I've already spotted the first clue!"
"Clue? Yoko, I'm not going to die, it was just..."
Yoko snatched the note, opening it up. This was it. The killer had managed to drop it in their epic battle of bodies and minds prior to Yoko being unable to follow him in the stairwell. He stared at the scrawled handwriting. "Meadow Bakery, Shinjuku. Fantastic Treats, Toshima..." Yoko squinted again. "Papa-san's Cupcakes and More? The hell kind of clue is this?"
Yasu groaned. "But you don't even know..."
Yoko ignored him, refolding the paper and slipping it into his jeans pocket. "Someone attacks my bandmate, that means someone attacks me! Someone murders my bandmate, this means war!"
"But Yoko, I'm still alive..."
"Wherever you are, assassin," Yoko vowed, "I hereby accept your challenge!"
Yasu sighed. "You're such an idiot."
Part Two