Get Yourself Arrested (1/2)
Title: Get Yourself Arrested
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Sakurai Sho/Matsumoto Jun; Arashi OT5 friendship
Summary: While all the staff seemed to remember that today was January the 25th, four other people in his life had not. No calls. No messages. Not even a Gourmet Cupcake of the Month subscription renewal notification from Aiba-chan. Sakurai Sho was 31 years old, and Arashi had completely forgotten him.
Notes/Warnings: Crack fic for je_holiday. This story's structure is based on an episode of Community called "Remedial Chaos Theory" which is not Required Viewing to read this story (but it's still an awesome episode). Also, the title comes from Sho and Jun's duet, Get Yourself Arrested.
Sakurai Sho waited until he was clear of the set and in the safety of the green room alone before letting his frown become visible. He'd just completed filming an Experience the Unknown segment for Arashi ni Shiyagare, and while all the staff seemed to remember that today was January the 25th, four other people in his life had not.
No calls. No messages. Not even a Gourmet Cupcake of the Month subscription renewal notification from Aiba-chan.
Sakurai Sho was 31 years old, and Arashi had completely forgotten him.
He supposed it wasn't the best day. It was a Friday, and the members were obviously busy. Aiba-chan with his drama, the other three with various activities and personal appointments. But Sho had made a very concerted effort to clear his calendar for the evening of Friday the 25th. It had taken a lot of planning, rearranging drinks with college friends, scheduling other friends and colleagues all the way into March. All because Satoshi-kun had promised that "this year we'll treat Sho-kun to something nice."
He checked his watch. Well. It was already 9:00 PM, and in three hours his 31st birthday would be over and nothing had happened. He sighed, washing the makeup from his face and changing into his t-shirt, jeans, and coat. It was cold for January, and as he bid farewell to the staff, he sent a message to his manager saying that he was headed straight home from the NTV studios.
He was halfway to his car in the parking garage under the building when a dark black van came whipping around the corner, tires screeching against the concrete. Sho jumped back with a squeak, bracing himself on someone's Honda. As the van rolled up, coming to a squealing stop just in front of him, he wondered if he was about to be abducted. Held for ransom by some crazy fan or stalker or something. He hadn't even packed mace. Or an umbrella. Or anything to defend himself with.
But the van door slid open, and the first face he saw was Nino's.
"Get in, loser. It's your birthday."
--
It turned out that the other members had not forgotten his birthday. In fact, they'd been planning this for weeks, Satoshi-kun informed him as Aiba drove the rented van out of the NTV parking lot.
"Ah, don't worry about your car," Nino said, wrapping an arm around Sho's shoulders. "Your manager knows we snatched you."
Sho was embarrassed. He'd been preparing a passive-aggressive speech to be delivered to his four bandmates in a few days when they would be filming some new episodes of VS Arashi. A speech that involved shaming them all in not so nice ways while at the same time alleging that he would get better at Cliff Climb if they just believed in him, etc etc.
Jun turned around in the front seat beside Aiba, frowning at him. "Look, we won't have you out all night."
"We know Sho-kun needs his beauty sleep," Satoshi-kun teased from the way back of the van, reaching forward to ruffle Sho's hair.
"It means a lot that you'd think of me," Sho admitted. "Thank you. All of you. I'm happy to spend my birthday with you guys, truly."
Aiba pulled out into the Shimbashi streets, weaving the van around slower cars. "Here's the deal. We're celebrating your birthday as a group, Sho-chan. Matsujun...the binder..."
Jun turned on the van's dome light and held up a bright red binder labeled "Sho-chan Birthday YAY!" in distinctly Aiba handwriting, rolling his eyes as he wiggled it. Sho noticed that the thing was completely taped shut with black electrical tape.
"We all paid for the van," Satoshi-kun explained, "but Aiba-chan did all the planning."
"Which I didn't agree to," Jun complained, trying to peel the tape off the binder. "What the hell did you do to this thing? For the record, I didn't sign off on whatever's in that binder, Sho-san."
"Ah ah ah," Aiba said, pulling the van over onto a side street and pulling into the parking lot of a family restaurant. If only the people inside could see them now - some of Japan's most famous idols, kidnapping a fellow member and driving through the streets of Tokyo in a van that screamed "SWAT team wannabes."
"Ah ah ah, huh?" Nino parroted back. "I don't like the sound of that. I thought we were just going to take him to a club and get him wasted."
Aiba put the van in park, snatching the binder out of Jun's hands before he could slap Aiba's fingers away. "Oh come on, when would I ever do something so boring when it comes to Sho-chan?" he cried, sending them all into a panic as he pulled out a switchblade and opened it up.
"Oh my god," Sho muttered, about to wet his pants. Who was this crazy driver and what had he done with Aiba Masaki?
Instead, Aiba sliced through all the tape holding the binder closed, smiling the whole time. "I don't just have one plan, I have six."
"Aiba-chan, let's not get ahead of ourselves," their leader warned them, leaning over the seat to wiggle his finger at Aiba in warning.
Aiba finally cracked the binder open and pulled a small die out of his pocket. He unbuckled his seat belt so he could lean back and drop it into Sho's palm. "Six plans," Aiba declared. "And we do whichever one Sho picks based on a roll of the dice. How's that for fun?"
"How's that for the dumbest thing I ever heard?" Nino complained, climbing over Sho awkwardly to get to the van's door. "Come on, Sho-chan, I'll take you to the club where the girls tweak your nipples as a special service..."
Aiba locked the van doors decisively, scowling at each of them. "Listen up," he said, and Sho thought he'd never heard Aiba sound so serious before in his life. "It's Sho-chan's 31st birthday, and you all totally agreed to let me come up with a plan. I promise it's going to be fun no matter how he rolls the dice, so just have a little faith in me. And have faith in Sho-chan."
"I don't know," Sho said quietly. "The nipple-tweaking club can't be that bad..."
"Haven't you seen, like, anything sci-fi ever?" Nino continued, lying completely across Sho's lap instead of putting forth the effort of getting back into his seat. "With a roll of a die you create alternate timelines!"
"Huh?" Ohno mumbled.
"There are six different outcomes when Sho-chan rolls that die," Nino said. "Six different futures of Arashi. Six different realities."
"This is reality, idiot," Jun grumbled.
"Fine," Nino said. "Go ahead, roll the dice. Take that chance. You're potentially changing all of our futures. And when that happens, the first person I am blaming is obviously Aiba-chan."
Aiba sighed. "Fine. We can go to the nipple club. And after all the hours I spent coming up with these ideas..."
All four of his bandmates were staring at him, waiting for an answer. Nino with irritation, Ohno with curiosity, Aiba-chan with hope, and Matsujun with...well, things had been kind of odd between the two of them lately. Sho didn't exactly have a word for what that look from Jun really meant. And besides it was his birthday and he didn't really have time to think about that right now.
"Think about your time stream, Sho-chan," Nino warned him.
"Hurry up," Jun said.
"Please, Sho-chan?" Aiba pleaded.
Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."
Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.
--
ONE
--
"Snake eyes!" Aiba cheered.
"You need two dice for that, dumbass," Nino complained, getting up off of Sho's lap and curling up in the corner of the seat.
Aiba yanked the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. "Ah, plan number one. I like plan number one."
"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.
"Okay, roger that!"
Sho looked at the small die in his palm, smirking to himself. Six different realities, huh? Well, whatever. One was just as good as any other number, right?
Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going south. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"
"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.
"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said, although he certainly wasn't reaching for his wallet first.
Reluctantly, Jun forked over the cash for the first toll, and they were on their way. Sho peered out the window at the bright city lights. They went south past the exit for Rainbow Bridge, on towards Kawasaki and out of the city. "Are we going where I think we're going?
Aiba giggled. "Maybe."
"Where does Sho-chan think we're going?" Nino asked.
"His dream date location," Jun admitted quietly.
"The beach? It's January!" Ohno gasped.
"The beach is not my dream date location." Sho looked at Jun oddly. "How did you...?"
Jun blushed and looked out the window. Sho ignored it, bouncing in his seat. "But how? How did you manage? They close at 9 PM!"
Aiba winked at Sho in the rearview mirror. Or, as usual, Aiba's closest approximation to a wink - he nearly rear ended someone in the process, swerving the van into another lane before they all crashed and died.
"Would someone tell us where we're going?" Nino shouted to be heard.
"Yokohama!" Sho said dreamily, staring out the van window. He was feeling so much better now that they were going on a driving date to Yokohama. Well, maybe not a real date since it was five guys, and they were all extremely famous. But how long had he hinted on variety shows and in magazines about this? Yokohama was the best! Like always, Aiba-kun had an eerie understanding of him, and this was already becoming the best birthday ever.
The giant ferris wheel, Cosmo Clock 21, closed at 9 PM but when they pulled into the parking lot near Cosmo World and started walking to the small amusement park, the wheel was still turning, as if it was waiting for Arashi's arrival.
Aiba had disguises for all five of them which mostly consisted of baseball caps and fake mustaches, though Jun had refused to wear one and opted for a face mask. It was a cold January night, and the rare couple out on a date that they spotted on their walk were too busy snuggling close for warmth than bothering to notice the five odd guys hurrying and shivering their way to the giant ferris wheel.
When they got into the official queue, a nervous-looking guy was moving from foot to foot, holding open the door on one of the passenger cars. Nino squished himself close to Sho, having obviously not worn a warm-enough coat. Aiba paid the man for their special after-hours fare and signed a completely against-company-policy autograph for the guy, but Sho was too happy to yell at Aiba for it.
The five of them boarded, Aiba and Ohno taking a seat on one side of the car, Jun sitting opposite Aiba and then Nino sitting next to Jun and yanking Sho down after him, clinging to him as his teeth chattered.
"We should have left you in the van," Jun muttered, his voice the slightest bit muffled by the mask. The cars weren't very well heated, but everyone save for Nino seemed to be in high spirits as the Cosmo Clock 21 lurched into action. What a special birthday surprise, a time for the five of them to simply enjoy the view of the harbor and one another's company without the studio lights or staff hovering around them.
"A single turn is fifteen minutes," Aiba said, waving the Sho birthday binder around while Ohno itched the fake mustache on his upper lip. "So I think that gives us each plenty of time to give Sho-chan a special birthday message. Who wants to start?"
Nino replied by pulling his legs up onto the car's bench and trying to strangle Sho with his own scarf. "I'm cold. Need this," he said, gagging Sho before finally untwisting it with zero grace and wrapping it around his own neck. "Okay, I'll start."
Sho rubbed his neck, coughing slightly. "You don't have to..."
Nino looked far more cozy now that he had Sho's scarf around his neck. "Sakurai Sho-san, my friend. If there's one thing you do, it's that you share. Whether it's your clothes or your food or your Jay-Z cds..."
"Wait a minute," Sho interrupted, "you took those? I've been looking everywhere..."
Nino smiled, snuggling up at Sho's side and pinching his chilly cheek. "Thanks for being such a good friend, Sho. Happy birthday. Oh. And I didn't get you a gift."
Sho blinked, at least appreciating Nino's warmth at his side as the other three seemed to be determining who would say something next. Ohno won (or lost?) and he got to his feet in the car as it rose higher and higher into the night sky. It was way easier on Sho's fear of heights if he was up high in the dark. Made it harder to see the ground.
"Ah, Sho-kun, today is your birthday. Happy birthday."
Sho nodded, smiling. And then Ohno sat right back down, immediately digging his nose.
This time Aiba got up without even giving Sho a chance to complain about the two rather lame birthday wishes he'd received so far. Cosmo Clock 21, Sho kept telling himself. He was in downtown Yokohama, enjoying the sights, enjoying everyone's company. So what if they hadn't bothered to prepare anything nice to say after all that, right? It wasn't really as half-assed as it sounded. When he thought back on it later, he'd be so happy, right?
"In the spirit of your birthday and the spirit of...acceptance and love," Aiba began, looking for some reason at Jun instead of at Sho, "I have decided to give my allotted birthday message time to Matsujun as I know he has something very important to say."
Sho watched Jun turn an odd shade of purple. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about," Jun seethed, getting to his feet and holding out his hands, the fine Italian leather-gloved fingers of his twitching as though he was about to strangle Aiba right there and then.
"This isn't the right time for that," Nino admonished, and Sho was increasingly confused.
"It's the perfect time," Aiba said. "It's Sho-chan's birthday!"
"Perfect time for what?" Sho asked, bewildered. "What's going on?"
Jun took a menacing step toward Aiba. "Sho-kun, I bought you a set of aromatherapy scented oils. I will be giving them to you next time I see you at work."
Sho was still confused because Jun wouldn't meet his eyes. "Um...thank you?"
Aiba wrapped an arm around Jun's waist, turning them. "Aw, come on, Matsujun...tell him how you really feel!"
"Don't bully him," Ohno complained.
Jun shoved Aiba off of him. "For the last time, no!"
Aiba shoved him back. "I just thought it would be easier if we were here to support you!"
"Well then you're an idiot!" Jun screamed, his voice cracking.
Nino shut his eyes. "Don't move so much, the car will shake!"
Sho got to his feet, grabbing hold of Aiba's arm. "What are you two arguing about?"
And that was when the Cosmo Clock 21 lurched to a halt, all the lights going dark. They were right at the top, their car swinging a bit in the cool winter winds.
"Oh god, we're going to die," Nino murmured.
Sho shut his eyes and fumbled his way back to his seat, nearly landing on Nino. As long as the ferris wheel was lit up, he was fine with the heights. As long as it was dark outside, he was fine with the heights. As long as the ferris wheel was moving, he was fine with the heights.
Sho was no longer fine with the heights, reaching for Nino's hand and squeezing it in panic. Nino squeezed back hard enough to set Sho on course for a future of arthritis.
"Hmm," Ohno said. "Maybe it's stuck."
Whatever Jun and Aiba were arguing about was ignored in favor of Aiba frantically pressing the emergency call button near the door of the car. "Aiba-san!" came the voice of the nervous-looking fan-slash-operator way at the opposite end of the wheel. "Aiba-san, can you hear me?"
"We're stuck!" Aiba cried. "What's going on?"
"Ah, I'm terribly sorry, Aiba-san, Arashi-san. Please forgive me! My manager could see the ferris wheel lit up all the way from his apartment building. He's ordered me to shut down..."
Jun elbowed Aiba out of the way, pressing the call button. "Well I don't care what your manager said. Get us down!"
"But...but he'll notice the wheel moving...I'm not supposed to take on passengers this late, and I could lose my job."
"Well, we don't want him to lose his job," Ohno said.
Jun seethed, fumbling with the handle on the door. "I will climb down there and kill him!"
"Don't open that door!" Nino and Sho screamed in panicked unison.
"But, uh..." the nervous fellow said, "maybe if we waited for some time I can let you down in say, an hour? Then my boss won't..."
"An hour?!" Jun cried. "We've got someone scared of heights up here!"
"Then maybe a ferris wheel wasn't your best option?" the operator replied back, and Ohno had to physically pull Jun away from the door before he kicked it open, pushing him back into his seat.
Ohno gave Aiba a shove too, pushing the call button and taking charge. If Sho wasn't so terrified for his life, he'd have let Satoshi-kun know how leaderly he was being right at that moment. "Very well," Ohno decided. "We will wait up here one hour, and then you'll let us down. And if not, Johnny's management will probably sell your organs on the black market for putting us in danger."
Aiba's eyes widened. "Would they really do that?" he asked as soon as the intercom went off.
Ohno just shrugged.
The minutes passed in an awkward silence. Sho was clinging to Nino, doing his best to keep from yelling at Aiba for his horrible, horrible planning skills. Of course, their previous "date" in Chiba had been courtesy of Aiba's planning skills, but there'd also been staff around to, obviously, ensure that places weren't going to shut down and leave them trapped at the top of a ferris wheel at the end of January in the dead of night with icy cold winds whooshing off of the bay at them.
Nobody had any snacks or water or anything, and Sho's stomach grumbled. He hadn't had a chance to eat dinner because of filming. This was pretty much the worst birthday ever.
After about 20 minutes of quiet, Aiba seemed to sense the negative feelings all around, deciding to be the first to try and break the tension. "We could, um, how about a round of magical banana?"
"No," replied four voices, shivering with cold.
"No magical banana," Aiba mumbled, adjusting his fake mustache.
Another ten minutes passed.
"How about 31 reasons why Sho-chan is an awesome person?"
"No," replied three voices, shivering with cold.
Sho himself was too cold and scared to take offense. He'd have time to be angry with them later once he had the ground under his feet. Well, he wouldn't be angry with all of them. Matsujun had said that he'd bought Sho some aromatherapy scented oils, which sounded pretty nice.
But Jun had been acting so strangely the whole evening, especially once Aiba started teasing him. What did he have to say, anyway? He wondered if it was something serious. If Jun was maybe...getting married?
He shut his eyes and frowned, ignoring the idea of Matsujun and marriage, wondering if icicles were going to form on his eyelashes at this rate. If his snot was going to freeze. If all five of them were going to freeze and die and become Arashi popsicles and oh, the fans would be so disappointed and...
Aiba got to his feet. "I have to go to the bathroom."
"Too bad," Nino said with a shiver. "Hold it. We're halfway through this stupid catastrophe of yours."
Ohno raised his hand for calm. "We shouldn't argue. This isn't totally Aiba-chan's fault."
"It's just mostly Aiba-chan's fault," Jun grumbled.
Ohno got to his feet, sending Sho and Nino into an embarrassing display of pathetic whining. He stood on top of his seat, the car swinging precariously, and he slid open the window panel, letting in a burst of cold, cold air.
"The hell are you doing?" Sho complained.
Ohno gestured to the open window. "Aiba-chan, you can aim, can't you?"
"Oh god, he is not doing what I think you want him to do," Jun said, getting to his feet and swaying the car all the more.
"Stop moving," Nino begged them, burying his face in the scarf he'd stolen from Sho and would probably not be returning any time soon. In fact, Sho thought, Nino would probably wrap it up and give it to Sho as a present next year with a look of pride on his face.
For his part, Aiba looked eager to accept Ohno's challenge. "I can totally do it!"
"This is disgusting," Jun said in protest, moving to the other end of the car and looking the opposite way. Sho, cold and miserable and scared as he was, couldn't help being curious though. He, Ohno, and Nino watched in awe as Aiba unzipped his jeans and took aim at the open window.
Ohno moved back lest a blast of wind result in a nasty splash-back.
"One! Two! Go!" Ohno cheered.
And that was when the ferris wheel started to move again.
--
It was a lot warmer in the Kanagawa Prefectural Police Department's holding cell, which made the smell of Aiba's urine on Sho's coat all the more noticeable. He wriggled out of the coat and tossed it in the corner, shuddering in disgust.
A cute female police officer entered the cell, wiggling her nose the slightest bit at the smell, but brought around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."
"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.
They'd been greeted at the bottom of the Cosmo Clock 21 by the nervous employee, his fuming boss, and two squad cars. Aiba still had his pants unzipped at the time. On account of their obvious fame, it appeared that they'd only spend a few hours at the police station, and no formal charges would be filed despite their illegal use of the ferris wheel after hours and Aiba's bribery of the employee. In the ride to the station, the officer had been a huge fan and had eagerly explained that he wouldn't even book Aiba for public urination.
Ohno was sleeping soundly, his body laid out across three chairs while Nino was standing at the bars of the cell using his charm to get the cute police officer to bring him some marshmallows for his hot chocolate. Aiba was being interviewed in another room, leaving Jun and Sho sitting next to each other on a bench at the opposite end of the holding cell.
"Some birthday, huh?" Jun mumbled, constantly sniffing his own coat in case there was a trace of Aiba pee on it. Sho was pretty certain that he and Nino had borne the brunt of Aiba Junior's misfire.
"No kidding," Sho replied, sipping the last of his hot chocolate. "Maybe we should have just gone to the club."
"And miss out on this wonderful opportunity to bond as a group?" Jun replied, his sarcasm thicker than Sho's scarf where it lay abandoned on top of his and Nino's pee-covered peacoats in the corner of the cell.
"We have good lawyers," Sho reassured him. "The press will never catch wind of this."
"Sho-san," Jun said quietly when the officers brought Aiba back and asked Nino to come for questioning.
"Hmm?"
Aiba was so tired that he collapsed on top of the coats and fell asleep immediately, clearly immune to the scent of his own bodily fluids. Sho shuddered.
Jun was looking embarrassed again, just like he had on the ferris wheel. "I do have something to say to you. But I just didn't want to say it in front of everyone."
"Are you getting married?" Sho blurted out, nearly crushing his empty cup in his hand. "I mean, it's great if you are and all..."
"I like you."
Sho stared straight ahead, watching Satoshi-kun blow snot bubbles in his sleep.
"Things have been a little strange between us lately," Jun admitted. "And I suppose it's my fault because I don't really know what to do about liking you. I mean, since we're grown men and Arashi and all, and I'd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. But well, now that I've seen you soaked in Aiba-kun's piss I suppose me admitting my feelings can't possibly be as uncomfortable as that, right?"
He finally turned to look at Jun, someone he'd known for more than half his life. Someone he'd liked for a long time but had never really known what to do about it. Was it the best time and place for a confession? Sho wasn't too sure.
But he found himself reaching for Jun's hand anyway, squeezing his fingers even as one of Jun's obnoxious rings scraped his pinky.
"I like you, too," he said, seeing visible relief cross Jun's face. "But this really was the worst birthday ever."
Jun laughed, slipping his hand away before someone out in the police squad room saw them. "I wonder what would have happened if you'd rolled something else on that die."
Sho smiled. "Well, nothing could be as bad as this, right?"
--
Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."
Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.
--
TWO
--
Aiba held in a smile as Sho concentrated with all his might and rolled the dice. "Two!" Sho said.
Aiba yanked the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. "Ah, plan number two. I like plan number two."
Well, Aiba thought. Some of the other plans were more interesting, but plan number two really would give Arashi lots of time to celebrate Sho-chan. It was his special day after all, and it wouldn't be right if they didn't take the time to appreciate his place in their lives. Plus, the reward at the end of the night would totally be worth it, at least for Sho.
"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.
"Okay, roger that!" Aiba said cheerfully, ignoring Jun's grumpy attitude. It was like the others didn't trust him to give Sho-chan the best birthday surprise of all time. And shame on them for thinking that way.
Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going south. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"
"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.
"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said, although he certainly wasn't reaching for his wallet first.
Reluctantly, Jun forked over the cash for the first toll, and they were on their way. Aiba didn't even need to open the binder to check the printed out directions - he'd been in close contact with Sho's grandma all week, and between the two of them, they'd hashed out the exact route to get them to her house just as the sun rose.
It would be perfect, Aiba decided. The van would arrive at her house, Grandma would welcome them inside for breakfast, and Sho would be super happy. He loved his grandma, Aiba knew, but he didn't get to see her as often as he liked.
"Where are we going?" Nino asked, thumping the back of Aiba's driver's seat with his foot.
"It's a secret!" Aiba said as they continued along the highway. Sho would probably get an inkling of where they were going in a few hours if he wasn't asleep. He hoped most of the others would sleep through the night, just so he could focus on driving. It wasn't the easiest to drive on the highway through the mountains this late, and Aiba wasn't exactly used to the van yet. But he was a quick learner, he figured. How hard could it be?
Aiba was already itching to pull over at a rest stop and tug Leader and Nino aside so Jun could finally confess. What a great birthday surprise for Sho! A visit to his grandma in the countryside AND a love confession! It would be like some old movie. Not a movie Aiba could readily remember, but it was definitely movie-like. He looked over, seeing Jun staring out the window as the lights of Tokyo started to fade behind them.
For as long as Aiba had known Matsumoto Jun, he'd known that Jun wore his heart on his sleeve. It was obvious to, like, everybody that Jun had the hots for Sho-chan. It was hard not to, Aiba had to admit. If he was interested in guys, Sho would be quite the catch. Smart, handsome, well-mannered. And he'd stood by for far too long watching Jun pine after Sho but too embarrassed or shy to do anything about it.
He'd finally confronted Jun after a Himitsu share house filming the other day, telling him that Sho would be at his happiest and most receptive during his birthday. Wouldn't that be the best time to confess his feelings? Jun had tried to get all angry and deny what Aiba knew was true, but come on.
"You bought him aromatherapy oils," Aiba had said during their confrontation. "You probably spent five hours at the store trying to scent-match him!"
"Six," Jun had admitted shyly.
Well, that was all Aiba had needed to hear. Since he knew Sho-chan as well as he knew Matsujun, it was obvious to, like, everybody that Sho had the hots for Jun too. Wearing purple ties on News Zero, the paparazzi photos from Aa, Kouya Sho thought he'd hidden well enough in his sock drawer at home. Aiba knew secret, yearning love when he saw it. And he was going to do something about it.
Because really, if they kept going on like this it was going to affect Arashi. Aiba needed to be their Cupid!
"You're driving kind of fast, Aiba-chan," Ohno noted from the back of the van.
Aiba looked down at the speedometer - he was going 30 km over the limit. Yikes! He slowly eased off the gas pedal. Focus on the road, he told himself. It was all too easy to get caught up in his birthday plans for Sho and his matchmaking plans at the same time. That combined with the jumble of medical terms in his head that he had to keep track of for his drama was really starting to affect his concentration.
Now doing the speed limit, the others were starting to grow restless in the van. "How long is it going to be?" Sho asked, and even in the rearview mirror Aiba could notice Sho's gaze darting to Jun in the front seat every once in a while. So obvious!
"Ah, a long time. You should all take a nap."
"This is stupid," Jun pointed out. Always putting up a tough front, Aiba thought with a smile. But they'd get to Grandma's house and there'd be a feast waiting for them. With drama filming, Aiba hadn't had much time to enjoy a home-cooked breakfast in ages. Maybe he had selfishly designed plan number two with that in mind.
An hour passed, then two, and they were well out of Tokyo. It got slower going from here on out as the highway curved more, winding around mountains and into the more rural parts of Japan. Clusters of lights that signaled cities became lights that signaled towns. And then gradually the towns started to give way to smaller towns, bits of light with darkness in between them - mountain valleys, farmland. Stuff that wasn't exactly visible at this time of night.
There were fewer drivers on the road, which did make Aiba feel a little more confident driving the big van, if only because he was less likely to rear end anyone out here in the boonies. He looked back in the mirror again, and Leader was gone. Or more likely he'd unbuckled his seat belt in favor of laying down in the back row of seats. Sho was still a nervous bundle of energy, staring out the window trying to figure out where they were going, but his face was tired nonetheless. Nino was sprawled across Sho's lap at what looked to Aiba like an uncomfortable angle - but knowing Nino like he did, Nino was probably at the peak of comfort. He'd at least been decent enough to silence the sound on his game system, the faint glow of its screen enough of a distraction to make Aiba look straight out at the highway ahead.
"Still with me, Matsujun?" Aiba asked him.
Jun grumbled some kind of non-committal response, implying that even he had given in and was going to rest.
He'd gotten off the main highway ages back, the van twisting and turning around the back roads. And it was then that Aiba realized his fatal mistake - the rental van didn't come close to getting the same gas mileage his own car did. Even now as he blinked in horror at the gas level, the E for Empty was looming. Obviously he hadn't factored that in to his Route to Sho's Grandma's House travel itinerary.
"Crap," he muttered to himself, squinting out into the darkness. He'd gone through the outskirts of some village a while back, but he couldn't remember seeing a gas station. He took a quick look through the van once again - sleeping Leader, drowsy Sho, game-focused Nino, napping Jun. He smirked with a small bit of pride, pushing his foot down to speed up. The quicker they found a gas station and fueled up again, the better they'd be able to keep to the itinerary and make it to Grandma's in time. And all the better that they wouldn't find out how close they'd come to being stuck on the side of the road.
It was a race against the gas tank, Aiba decided. He wondered if he'd be able to sneak into Leader's wallet and use his money to buy the gas - after all, filling a gas tank on a van was way expensive and it was one of those things a leader was probably supposed to do and Ohno never did. It would be fair, Aiba figured, since he was doing all the driving and Ohno didn't even know how.
The van zoomed along, cresting a hill, and Aiba felt invincible. A road trip with his friends and colleagues (well, the ride back would form more of the road trip since they were mostly unconscious right now), a drama, another successful Arashi tour, the ability to know just what Sho would want for his birthday...everything was going his way.
So it took him another mile of speeding down the country road before he noticed the lights and the siren.
And of course Jun noticed first, reaching across the seat to give Aiba a really noisy and quite frankly unwarranted slap in the arm. "You're going 40 over! Are you insane?"
This woke the others. Even Nino perked up from his tiny screen. "I think siren means pull over, dumb ass."
Aiba felt his blood boil, reluctantly slowing the van down and pulling off into the gravel at the side of the road. The small police car pulled up behind him. Great. He killed the engine - didn't need to waste any gas while he negotiated with the officer. "I should never have fallen asleep," Jun was muttering.
He looked in his side mirror to see the man emerge from the car and come walking up. Aiba blinked a few times, hoping he didn't look drowsy or drunk or otherwise suspicious, and he rolled the window down. Behind him, Nino shivered and complained - he hadn't worn a warm enough coat.
The officer was middle-aged with a rather sour expression on his face. Aiba prepared his best "I'm in Arashi and this country loves me" smile as the officer approached.
"Do you know how fast you were going, sir?" the officer asked, Aiba's smile clearly not working.
In the backseat, the others remained completely silent, Sho most of all - he probably had the best reputation among them, and Aiba wished he'd open his mouth and say something.
Instead Jun started talking. "Officer, my name is Matsumoto Jun. I'm a member of Arashi."
The officer's face remained blank.
"Arashi?" Jun stuttered out. This must have gotten him out of some scrapes before, Aiba thought. "We're all Arashi, the five of us. Do you know Arashi?"
"What I know," the police officer interrupted, making Aiba's hands shake on the steering wheel, "is that your driver here was disobeying the posted speed limit signs. And that's something we take seriously here in Kiso District."
"Where the hell is that?" Ohno called from the back of the van, having picked the absolute worst time to wake up with a question.
Aiba tried to smile and placate the officer. It didn't work. The man leaned against the van, scowling at each of them in turn. "Kiso District, Nagano Prefecture. Step out of the van, please."
"Huh?" Aiba asked. For speeding? "Can't you just give us a ticket? We have to get somewhere..."
The officer didn't blink. "It's 1:30 in the morning. You guys drug runners?"
"We're not drug runners!" Jun howled, smacking the dashboard. "We're Arashi! Celebrities! We're on TV!"
Nino leaned forward and shoved his hand over Jun's mouth before he said anything else horrible, and Aiba nervously held up his hands. "Okay, okay, I can get out of the van. I'm sorry, we're all very sorry, Officer."
The second his boots hit the gravel the police officer shoved him against the hood of the van. "What kinda drugs you bringing to my town?"
Aiba squealed in surprise, keeping his hands up. "I swear, it's not drugs. You really don't know who we are?"
Sho pulled open the van door slowly, poking his head out. Aiba felt awful - his birthday celebration was definitely not going according to plan. "Officer, I assure you. We're not involved in drug trafficking. We're celebrating my birthday."
"Oh yeah?" the officer said, "And where are you going?"
Sho's face froze, and Aiba's embarrassment and fright made him so scared he was about to pee. "Actually it's supposed to be a surprise," Aiba said. "For Sho-chan's birthday. So I can't tell you."
The officer picked up his walkie-talkie. "This is car 3, I'm going to need a van at mile marker 21. Got five troublemakers disturbing the peace out here."
"Nooooo!" Sho cried. "No, you can't arrest us!"
"Aiba-chan, just tell him where we're going!" Jun shouted, having dislodged Nino's tiny hands from his face with a well placed scratch of his fancy rings.
Aiba clasped his hands together. "Officer, this is all a misunderstanding!"
"Call our management," Sho pleaded. "Please!"
And then Ohno stepped out of the van. "I'm the leader. Let them go please."
The officer's eyes widened. "Kaibutsu-kun!"
Ohno smiled at the recognition.
"Kaibutsu-kun, I'm very sorry, but you're still under arrest."
--
It was a lot warmer in the Nagano Prefectural Police Department's holding cell, which sure beat shivering in the cold where the police officer had made Aiba wait until his backup arrived. Kaibutsu-kun or no, Aiba was getting booked for speeding and the other four for allegedly "resisting arrest." On the ride to the station, Matsujun would not stop complaining about the police officer being "mad with power."
A cute female police officer entered the cell, bringing around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."
"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.
The other four had used their one phone call to get in touch with their managers, who were already on the way out in company cars and lawyered up. It was now Aiba's turn to make his call, and he took his cup of hot chocolate with him as he followed the cute young woman out of the cell to a filthy looking green pay phone in the corner of the station.
He'd tried so hard to make this work, to put together a special night for Sho-chan and he'd completely failed. And until the lawyers arrived, Arashi had police records. They'd been photographed and fingerprinted, and the mean officer had yelled at Aiba for flashing a peace sign during his mugshot photo. It wasn't like Aiba could help it - he'd spent more than half his life posing for pictures. These things just came naturally.
He was sniffling a little bit when he picked up the phone receiver, dialing the number out of the Sho-chan birthday binder. It was past 3:00 in the morning now, and he was a terrible person for calling, but if he didn't, then she'd never know they weren't going to make it.
It took six rings before he finally heard a tired, scratchy voice. "Good morning, Sakurai residence."
"Ah, Grandma? Hello, sorry for calling at such a bad time. It's Aiba Masaki."
"Oh! Masaki-chan!" she said, all traces of tiredness gone in an instant. "Are you getting close? Does my Shochi know you're coming to visit?"
Aiba sniffed again. "Grandma, I messed up. I'm so sorry, we won't be able to make it." Because we're in jail, he almost said, clapping his hand over his mouth before he gave the poor old woman a stroke.
"Masaki-chan," she chided him. "You boys are so busy, I've always known that. You never have to apologize to me if you have to cancel plans."
"But Grandma..."
"We'll have a party some other time, I just know it. Give Shochi all my love, will you?"
"I will, Grandma."
The line went dead, and Aiba wiped his eyes. He downed the rest of his hot chocolate and headed back for the holding cell, his sneakers scuffing against the floor in his frustration. But when he arrived back at the cell, Nino and Leader were both sleeping awkwardly in the plastic chairs - and Sho-chan and Matsujun were holding hands!
He watched them both exchange a very significant glance before their hands separated hurriedly as they seemed to sense Aiba approaching. Well, Aiba thought. They'd been arrested, and Sho's birthday was a bust, but other things had seemed to work themselves out.
He wondered if this would have even been possible if Sho had rolled a different number.
PART TWO
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Sakurai Sho/Matsumoto Jun; Arashi OT5 friendship
Summary: While all the staff seemed to remember that today was January the 25th, four other people in his life had not. No calls. No messages. Not even a Gourmet Cupcake of the Month subscription renewal notification from Aiba-chan. Sakurai Sho was 31 years old, and Arashi had completely forgotten him.
Notes/Warnings: Crack fic for je_holiday. This story's structure is based on an episode of Community called "Remedial Chaos Theory" which is not Required Viewing to read this story (but it's still an awesome episode). Also, the title comes from Sho and Jun's duet, Get Yourself Arrested.
Sakurai Sho waited until he was clear of the set and in the safety of the green room alone before letting his frown become visible. He'd just completed filming an Experience the Unknown segment for Arashi ni Shiyagare, and while all the staff seemed to remember that today was January the 25th, four other people in his life had not.
No calls. No messages. Not even a Gourmet Cupcake of the Month subscription renewal notification from Aiba-chan.
Sakurai Sho was 31 years old, and Arashi had completely forgotten him.
He supposed it wasn't the best day. It was a Friday, and the members were obviously busy. Aiba-chan with his drama, the other three with various activities and personal appointments. But Sho had made a very concerted effort to clear his calendar for the evening of Friday the 25th. It had taken a lot of planning, rearranging drinks with college friends, scheduling other friends and colleagues all the way into March. All because Satoshi-kun had promised that "this year we'll treat Sho-kun to something nice."
He checked his watch. Well. It was already 9:00 PM, and in three hours his 31st birthday would be over and nothing had happened. He sighed, washing the makeup from his face and changing into his t-shirt, jeans, and coat. It was cold for January, and as he bid farewell to the staff, he sent a message to his manager saying that he was headed straight home from the NTV studios.
He was halfway to his car in the parking garage under the building when a dark black van came whipping around the corner, tires screeching against the concrete. Sho jumped back with a squeak, bracing himself on someone's Honda. As the van rolled up, coming to a squealing stop just in front of him, he wondered if he was about to be abducted. Held for ransom by some crazy fan or stalker or something. He hadn't even packed mace. Or an umbrella. Or anything to defend himself with.
But the van door slid open, and the first face he saw was Nino's.
"Get in, loser. It's your birthday."
--
It turned out that the other members had not forgotten his birthday. In fact, they'd been planning this for weeks, Satoshi-kun informed him as Aiba drove the rented van out of the NTV parking lot.
"Ah, don't worry about your car," Nino said, wrapping an arm around Sho's shoulders. "Your manager knows we snatched you."
Sho was embarrassed. He'd been preparing a passive-aggressive speech to be delivered to his four bandmates in a few days when they would be filming some new episodes of VS Arashi. A speech that involved shaming them all in not so nice ways while at the same time alleging that he would get better at Cliff Climb if they just believed in him, etc etc.
Jun turned around in the front seat beside Aiba, frowning at him. "Look, we won't have you out all night."
"We know Sho-kun needs his beauty sleep," Satoshi-kun teased from the way back of the van, reaching forward to ruffle Sho's hair.
"It means a lot that you'd think of me," Sho admitted. "Thank you. All of you. I'm happy to spend my birthday with you guys, truly."
Aiba pulled out into the Shimbashi streets, weaving the van around slower cars. "Here's the deal. We're celebrating your birthday as a group, Sho-chan. Matsujun...the binder..."
Jun turned on the van's dome light and held up a bright red binder labeled "Sho-chan Birthday YAY!" in distinctly Aiba handwriting, rolling his eyes as he wiggled it. Sho noticed that the thing was completely taped shut with black electrical tape.
"We all paid for the van," Satoshi-kun explained, "but Aiba-chan did all the planning."
"Which I didn't agree to," Jun complained, trying to peel the tape off the binder. "What the hell did you do to this thing? For the record, I didn't sign off on whatever's in that binder, Sho-san."
"Ah ah ah," Aiba said, pulling the van over onto a side street and pulling into the parking lot of a family restaurant. If only the people inside could see them now - some of Japan's most famous idols, kidnapping a fellow member and driving through the streets of Tokyo in a van that screamed "SWAT team wannabes."
"Ah ah ah, huh?" Nino parroted back. "I don't like the sound of that. I thought we were just going to take him to a club and get him wasted."
Aiba put the van in park, snatching the binder out of Jun's hands before he could slap Aiba's fingers away. "Oh come on, when would I ever do something so boring when it comes to Sho-chan?" he cried, sending them all into a panic as he pulled out a switchblade and opened it up.
"Oh my god," Sho muttered, about to wet his pants. Who was this crazy driver and what had he done with Aiba Masaki?
Instead, Aiba sliced through all the tape holding the binder closed, smiling the whole time. "I don't just have one plan, I have six."
"Aiba-chan, let's not get ahead of ourselves," their leader warned them, leaning over the seat to wiggle his finger at Aiba in warning.
Aiba finally cracked the binder open and pulled a small die out of his pocket. He unbuckled his seat belt so he could lean back and drop it into Sho's palm. "Six plans," Aiba declared. "And we do whichever one Sho picks based on a roll of the dice. How's that for fun?"
"How's that for the dumbest thing I ever heard?" Nino complained, climbing over Sho awkwardly to get to the van's door. "Come on, Sho-chan, I'll take you to the club where the girls tweak your nipples as a special service..."
Aiba locked the van doors decisively, scowling at each of them. "Listen up," he said, and Sho thought he'd never heard Aiba sound so serious before in his life. "It's Sho-chan's 31st birthday, and you all totally agreed to let me come up with a plan. I promise it's going to be fun no matter how he rolls the dice, so just have a little faith in me. And have faith in Sho-chan."
"I don't know," Sho said quietly. "The nipple-tweaking club can't be that bad..."
"Haven't you seen, like, anything sci-fi ever?" Nino continued, lying completely across Sho's lap instead of putting forth the effort of getting back into his seat. "With a roll of a die you create alternate timelines!"
"Huh?" Ohno mumbled.
"There are six different outcomes when Sho-chan rolls that die," Nino said. "Six different futures of Arashi. Six different realities."
"This is reality, idiot," Jun grumbled.
"Fine," Nino said. "Go ahead, roll the dice. Take that chance. You're potentially changing all of our futures. And when that happens, the first person I am blaming is obviously Aiba-chan."
Aiba sighed. "Fine. We can go to the nipple club. And after all the hours I spent coming up with these ideas..."
All four of his bandmates were staring at him, waiting for an answer. Nino with irritation, Ohno with curiosity, Aiba-chan with hope, and Matsujun with...well, things had been kind of odd between the two of them lately. Sho didn't exactly have a word for what that look from Jun really meant. And besides it was his birthday and he didn't really have time to think about that right now.
"Think about your time stream, Sho-chan," Nino warned him.
"Hurry up," Jun said.
"Please, Sho-chan?" Aiba pleaded.
Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."
Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.
--
ONE
--
"Snake eyes!" Aiba cheered.
"You need two dice for that, dumbass," Nino complained, getting up off of Sho's lap and curling up in the corner of the seat.
Aiba yanked the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. "Ah, plan number one. I like plan number one."
"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.
"Okay, roger that!"
Sho looked at the small die in his palm, smirking to himself. Six different realities, huh? Well, whatever. One was just as good as any other number, right?
Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going south. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"
"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.
"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said, although he certainly wasn't reaching for his wallet first.
Reluctantly, Jun forked over the cash for the first toll, and they were on their way. Sho peered out the window at the bright city lights. They went south past the exit for Rainbow Bridge, on towards Kawasaki and out of the city. "Are we going where I think we're going?
Aiba giggled. "Maybe."
"Where does Sho-chan think we're going?" Nino asked.
"His dream date location," Jun admitted quietly.
"The beach? It's January!" Ohno gasped.
"The beach is not my dream date location." Sho looked at Jun oddly. "How did you...?"
Jun blushed and looked out the window. Sho ignored it, bouncing in his seat. "But how? How did you manage? They close at 9 PM!"
Aiba winked at Sho in the rearview mirror. Or, as usual, Aiba's closest approximation to a wink - he nearly rear ended someone in the process, swerving the van into another lane before they all crashed and died.
"Would someone tell us where we're going?" Nino shouted to be heard.
"Yokohama!" Sho said dreamily, staring out the van window. He was feeling so much better now that they were going on a driving date to Yokohama. Well, maybe not a real date since it was five guys, and they were all extremely famous. But how long had he hinted on variety shows and in magazines about this? Yokohama was the best! Like always, Aiba-kun had an eerie understanding of him, and this was already becoming the best birthday ever.
The giant ferris wheel, Cosmo Clock 21, closed at 9 PM but when they pulled into the parking lot near Cosmo World and started walking to the small amusement park, the wheel was still turning, as if it was waiting for Arashi's arrival.
Aiba had disguises for all five of them which mostly consisted of baseball caps and fake mustaches, though Jun had refused to wear one and opted for a face mask. It was a cold January night, and the rare couple out on a date that they spotted on their walk were too busy snuggling close for warmth than bothering to notice the five odd guys hurrying and shivering their way to the giant ferris wheel.
When they got into the official queue, a nervous-looking guy was moving from foot to foot, holding open the door on one of the passenger cars. Nino squished himself close to Sho, having obviously not worn a warm-enough coat. Aiba paid the man for their special after-hours fare and signed a completely against-company-policy autograph for the guy, but Sho was too happy to yell at Aiba for it.
The five of them boarded, Aiba and Ohno taking a seat on one side of the car, Jun sitting opposite Aiba and then Nino sitting next to Jun and yanking Sho down after him, clinging to him as his teeth chattered.
"We should have left you in the van," Jun muttered, his voice the slightest bit muffled by the mask. The cars weren't very well heated, but everyone save for Nino seemed to be in high spirits as the Cosmo Clock 21 lurched into action. What a special birthday surprise, a time for the five of them to simply enjoy the view of the harbor and one another's company without the studio lights or staff hovering around them.
"A single turn is fifteen minutes," Aiba said, waving the Sho birthday binder around while Ohno itched the fake mustache on his upper lip. "So I think that gives us each plenty of time to give Sho-chan a special birthday message. Who wants to start?"
Nino replied by pulling his legs up onto the car's bench and trying to strangle Sho with his own scarf. "I'm cold. Need this," he said, gagging Sho before finally untwisting it with zero grace and wrapping it around his own neck. "Okay, I'll start."
Sho rubbed his neck, coughing slightly. "You don't have to..."
Nino looked far more cozy now that he had Sho's scarf around his neck. "Sakurai Sho-san, my friend. If there's one thing you do, it's that you share. Whether it's your clothes or your food or your Jay-Z cds..."
"Wait a minute," Sho interrupted, "you took those? I've been looking everywhere..."
Nino smiled, snuggling up at Sho's side and pinching his chilly cheek. "Thanks for being such a good friend, Sho. Happy birthday. Oh. And I didn't get you a gift."
Sho blinked, at least appreciating Nino's warmth at his side as the other three seemed to be determining who would say something next. Ohno won (or lost?) and he got to his feet in the car as it rose higher and higher into the night sky. It was way easier on Sho's fear of heights if he was up high in the dark. Made it harder to see the ground.
"Ah, Sho-kun, today is your birthday. Happy birthday."
Sho nodded, smiling. And then Ohno sat right back down, immediately digging his nose.
This time Aiba got up without even giving Sho a chance to complain about the two rather lame birthday wishes he'd received so far. Cosmo Clock 21, Sho kept telling himself. He was in downtown Yokohama, enjoying the sights, enjoying everyone's company. So what if they hadn't bothered to prepare anything nice to say after all that, right? It wasn't really as half-assed as it sounded. When he thought back on it later, he'd be so happy, right?
"In the spirit of your birthday and the spirit of...acceptance and love," Aiba began, looking for some reason at Jun instead of at Sho, "I have decided to give my allotted birthday message time to Matsujun as I know he has something very important to say."
Sho watched Jun turn an odd shade of purple. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about," Jun seethed, getting to his feet and holding out his hands, the fine Italian leather-gloved fingers of his twitching as though he was about to strangle Aiba right there and then.
"This isn't the right time for that," Nino admonished, and Sho was increasingly confused.
"It's the perfect time," Aiba said. "It's Sho-chan's birthday!"
"Perfect time for what?" Sho asked, bewildered. "What's going on?"
Jun took a menacing step toward Aiba. "Sho-kun, I bought you a set of aromatherapy scented oils. I will be giving them to you next time I see you at work."
Sho was still confused because Jun wouldn't meet his eyes. "Um...thank you?"
Aiba wrapped an arm around Jun's waist, turning them. "Aw, come on, Matsujun...tell him how you really feel!"
"Don't bully him," Ohno complained.
Jun shoved Aiba off of him. "For the last time, no!"
Aiba shoved him back. "I just thought it would be easier if we were here to support you!"
"Well then you're an idiot!" Jun screamed, his voice cracking.
Nino shut his eyes. "Don't move so much, the car will shake!"
Sho got to his feet, grabbing hold of Aiba's arm. "What are you two arguing about?"
And that was when the Cosmo Clock 21 lurched to a halt, all the lights going dark. They were right at the top, their car swinging a bit in the cool winter winds.
"Oh god, we're going to die," Nino murmured.
Sho shut his eyes and fumbled his way back to his seat, nearly landing on Nino. As long as the ferris wheel was lit up, he was fine with the heights. As long as it was dark outside, he was fine with the heights. As long as the ferris wheel was moving, he was fine with the heights.
Sho was no longer fine with the heights, reaching for Nino's hand and squeezing it in panic. Nino squeezed back hard enough to set Sho on course for a future of arthritis.
"Hmm," Ohno said. "Maybe it's stuck."
Whatever Jun and Aiba were arguing about was ignored in favor of Aiba frantically pressing the emergency call button near the door of the car. "Aiba-san!" came the voice of the nervous-looking fan-slash-operator way at the opposite end of the wheel. "Aiba-san, can you hear me?"
"We're stuck!" Aiba cried. "What's going on?"
"Ah, I'm terribly sorry, Aiba-san, Arashi-san. Please forgive me! My manager could see the ferris wheel lit up all the way from his apartment building. He's ordered me to shut down..."
Jun elbowed Aiba out of the way, pressing the call button. "Well I don't care what your manager said. Get us down!"
"But...but he'll notice the wheel moving...I'm not supposed to take on passengers this late, and I could lose my job."
"Well, we don't want him to lose his job," Ohno said.
Jun seethed, fumbling with the handle on the door. "I will climb down there and kill him!"
"Don't open that door!" Nino and Sho screamed in panicked unison.
"But, uh..." the nervous fellow said, "maybe if we waited for some time I can let you down in say, an hour? Then my boss won't..."
"An hour?!" Jun cried. "We've got someone scared of heights up here!"
"Then maybe a ferris wheel wasn't your best option?" the operator replied back, and Ohno had to physically pull Jun away from the door before he kicked it open, pushing him back into his seat.
Ohno gave Aiba a shove too, pushing the call button and taking charge. If Sho wasn't so terrified for his life, he'd have let Satoshi-kun know how leaderly he was being right at that moment. "Very well," Ohno decided. "We will wait up here one hour, and then you'll let us down. And if not, Johnny's management will probably sell your organs on the black market for putting us in danger."
Aiba's eyes widened. "Would they really do that?" he asked as soon as the intercom went off.
Ohno just shrugged.
The minutes passed in an awkward silence. Sho was clinging to Nino, doing his best to keep from yelling at Aiba for his horrible, horrible planning skills. Of course, their previous "date" in Chiba had been courtesy of Aiba's planning skills, but there'd also been staff around to, obviously, ensure that places weren't going to shut down and leave them trapped at the top of a ferris wheel at the end of January in the dead of night with icy cold winds whooshing off of the bay at them.
Nobody had any snacks or water or anything, and Sho's stomach grumbled. He hadn't had a chance to eat dinner because of filming. This was pretty much the worst birthday ever.
After about 20 minutes of quiet, Aiba seemed to sense the negative feelings all around, deciding to be the first to try and break the tension. "We could, um, how about a round of magical banana?"
"No," replied four voices, shivering with cold.
"No magical banana," Aiba mumbled, adjusting his fake mustache.
Another ten minutes passed.
"How about 31 reasons why Sho-chan is an awesome person?"
"No," replied three voices, shivering with cold.
Sho himself was too cold and scared to take offense. He'd have time to be angry with them later once he had the ground under his feet. Well, he wouldn't be angry with all of them. Matsujun had said that he'd bought Sho some aromatherapy scented oils, which sounded pretty nice.
But Jun had been acting so strangely the whole evening, especially once Aiba started teasing him. What did he have to say, anyway? He wondered if it was something serious. If Jun was maybe...getting married?
He shut his eyes and frowned, ignoring the idea of Matsujun and marriage, wondering if icicles were going to form on his eyelashes at this rate. If his snot was going to freeze. If all five of them were going to freeze and die and become Arashi popsicles and oh, the fans would be so disappointed and...
Aiba got to his feet. "I have to go to the bathroom."
"Too bad," Nino said with a shiver. "Hold it. We're halfway through this stupid catastrophe of yours."
Ohno raised his hand for calm. "We shouldn't argue. This isn't totally Aiba-chan's fault."
"It's just mostly Aiba-chan's fault," Jun grumbled.
Ohno got to his feet, sending Sho and Nino into an embarrassing display of pathetic whining. He stood on top of his seat, the car swinging precariously, and he slid open the window panel, letting in a burst of cold, cold air.
"The hell are you doing?" Sho complained.
Ohno gestured to the open window. "Aiba-chan, you can aim, can't you?"
"Oh god, he is not doing what I think you want him to do," Jun said, getting to his feet and swaying the car all the more.
"Stop moving," Nino begged them, burying his face in the scarf he'd stolen from Sho and would probably not be returning any time soon. In fact, Sho thought, Nino would probably wrap it up and give it to Sho as a present next year with a look of pride on his face.
For his part, Aiba looked eager to accept Ohno's challenge. "I can totally do it!"
"This is disgusting," Jun said in protest, moving to the other end of the car and looking the opposite way. Sho, cold and miserable and scared as he was, couldn't help being curious though. He, Ohno, and Nino watched in awe as Aiba unzipped his jeans and took aim at the open window.
Ohno moved back lest a blast of wind result in a nasty splash-back.
"One! Two! Go!" Ohno cheered.
And that was when the ferris wheel started to move again.
--
It was a lot warmer in the Kanagawa Prefectural Police Department's holding cell, which made the smell of Aiba's urine on Sho's coat all the more noticeable. He wriggled out of the coat and tossed it in the corner, shuddering in disgust.
A cute female police officer entered the cell, wiggling her nose the slightest bit at the smell, but brought around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."
"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.
They'd been greeted at the bottom of the Cosmo Clock 21 by the nervous employee, his fuming boss, and two squad cars. Aiba still had his pants unzipped at the time. On account of their obvious fame, it appeared that they'd only spend a few hours at the police station, and no formal charges would be filed despite their illegal use of the ferris wheel after hours and Aiba's bribery of the employee. In the ride to the station, the officer had been a huge fan and had eagerly explained that he wouldn't even book Aiba for public urination.
Ohno was sleeping soundly, his body laid out across three chairs while Nino was standing at the bars of the cell using his charm to get the cute police officer to bring him some marshmallows for his hot chocolate. Aiba was being interviewed in another room, leaving Jun and Sho sitting next to each other on a bench at the opposite end of the holding cell.
"Some birthday, huh?" Jun mumbled, constantly sniffing his own coat in case there was a trace of Aiba pee on it. Sho was pretty certain that he and Nino had borne the brunt of Aiba Junior's misfire.
"No kidding," Sho replied, sipping the last of his hot chocolate. "Maybe we should have just gone to the club."
"And miss out on this wonderful opportunity to bond as a group?" Jun replied, his sarcasm thicker than Sho's scarf where it lay abandoned on top of his and Nino's pee-covered peacoats in the corner of the cell.
"We have good lawyers," Sho reassured him. "The press will never catch wind of this."
"Sho-san," Jun said quietly when the officers brought Aiba back and asked Nino to come for questioning.
"Hmm?"
Aiba was so tired that he collapsed on top of the coats and fell asleep immediately, clearly immune to the scent of his own bodily fluids. Sho shuddered.
Jun was looking embarrassed again, just like he had on the ferris wheel. "I do have something to say to you. But I just didn't want to say it in front of everyone."
"Are you getting married?" Sho blurted out, nearly crushing his empty cup in his hand. "I mean, it's great if you are and all..."
"I like you."
Sho stared straight ahead, watching Satoshi-kun blow snot bubbles in his sleep.
"Things have been a little strange between us lately," Jun admitted. "And I suppose it's my fault because I don't really know what to do about liking you. I mean, since we're grown men and Arashi and all, and I'd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. But well, now that I've seen you soaked in Aiba-kun's piss I suppose me admitting my feelings can't possibly be as uncomfortable as that, right?"
He finally turned to look at Jun, someone he'd known for more than half his life. Someone he'd liked for a long time but had never really known what to do about it. Was it the best time and place for a confession? Sho wasn't too sure.
But he found himself reaching for Jun's hand anyway, squeezing his fingers even as one of Jun's obnoxious rings scraped his pinky.
"I like you, too," he said, seeing visible relief cross Jun's face. "But this really was the worst birthday ever."
Jun laughed, slipping his hand away before someone out in the police squad room saw them. "I wonder what would have happened if you'd rolled something else on that die."
Sho smiled. "Well, nothing could be as bad as this, right?"
--
Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."
Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.
--
TWO
--
Aiba held in a smile as Sho concentrated with all his might and rolled the dice. "Two!" Sho said.
Aiba yanked the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. "Ah, plan number two. I like plan number two."
Well, Aiba thought. Some of the other plans were more interesting, but plan number two really would give Arashi lots of time to celebrate Sho-chan. It was his special day after all, and it wouldn't be right if they didn't take the time to appreciate his place in their lives. Plus, the reward at the end of the night would totally be worth it, at least for Sho.
"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.
"Okay, roger that!" Aiba said cheerfully, ignoring Jun's grumpy attitude. It was like the others didn't trust him to give Sho-chan the best birthday surprise of all time. And shame on them for thinking that way.
Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going south. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"
"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.
"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said, although he certainly wasn't reaching for his wallet first.
Reluctantly, Jun forked over the cash for the first toll, and they were on their way. Aiba didn't even need to open the binder to check the printed out directions - he'd been in close contact with Sho's grandma all week, and between the two of them, they'd hashed out the exact route to get them to her house just as the sun rose.
It would be perfect, Aiba decided. The van would arrive at her house, Grandma would welcome them inside for breakfast, and Sho would be super happy. He loved his grandma, Aiba knew, but he didn't get to see her as often as he liked.
"Where are we going?" Nino asked, thumping the back of Aiba's driver's seat with his foot.
"It's a secret!" Aiba said as they continued along the highway. Sho would probably get an inkling of where they were going in a few hours if he wasn't asleep. He hoped most of the others would sleep through the night, just so he could focus on driving. It wasn't the easiest to drive on the highway through the mountains this late, and Aiba wasn't exactly used to the van yet. But he was a quick learner, he figured. How hard could it be?
Aiba was already itching to pull over at a rest stop and tug Leader and Nino aside so Jun could finally confess. What a great birthday surprise for Sho! A visit to his grandma in the countryside AND a love confession! It would be like some old movie. Not a movie Aiba could readily remember, but it was definitely movie-like. He looked over, seeing Jun staring out the window as the lights of Tokyo started to fade behind them.
For as long as Aiba had known Matsumoto Jun, he'd known that Jun wore his heart on his sleeve. It was obvious to, like, everybody that Jun had the hots for Sho-chan. It was hard not to, Aiba had to admit. If he was interested in guys, Sho would be quite the catch. Smart, handsome, well-mannered. And he'd stood by for far too long watching Jun pine after Sho but too embarrassed or shy to do anything about it.
He'd finally confronted Jun after a Himitsu share house filming the other day, telling him that Sho would be at his happiest and most receptive during his birthday. Wouldn't that be the best time to confess his feelings? Jun had tried to get all angry and deny what Aiba knew was true, but come on.
"You bought him aromatherapy oils," Aiba had said during their confrontation. "You probably spent five hours at the store trying to scent-match him!"
"Six," Jun had admitted shyly.
Well, that was all Aiba had needed to hear. Since he knew Sho-chan as well as he knew Matsujun, it was obvious to, like, everybody that Sho had the hots for Jun too. Wearing purple ties on News Zero, the paparazzi photos from Aa, Kouya Sho thought he'd hidden well enough in his sock drawer at home. Aiba knew secret, yearning love when he saw it. And he was going to do something about it.
Because really, if they kept going on like this it was going to affect Arashi. Aiba needed to be their Cupid!
"You're driving kind of fast, Aiba-chan," Ohno noted from the back of the van.
Aiba looked down at the speedometer - he was going 30 km over the limit. Yikes! He slowly eased off the gas pedal. Focus on the road, he told himself. It was all too easy to get caught up in his birthday plans for Sho and his matchmaking plans at the same time. That combined with the jumble of medical terms in his head that he had to keep track of for his drama was really starting to affect his concentration.
Now doing the speed limit, the others were starting to grow restless in the van. "How long is it going to be?" Sho asked, and even in the rearview mirror Aiba could notice Sho's gaze darting to Jun in the front seat every once in a while. So obvious!
"Ah, a long time. You should all take a nap."
"This is stupid," Jun pointed out. Always putting up a tough front, Aiba thought with a smile. But they'd get to Grandma's house and there'd be a feast waiting for them. With drama filming, Aiba hadn't had much time to enjoy a home-cooked breakfast in ages. Maybe he had selfishly designed plan number two with that in mind.
An hour passed, then two, and they were well out of Tokyo. It got slower going from here on out as the highway curved more, winding around mountains and into the more rural parts of Japan. Clusters of lights that signaled cities became lights that signaled towns. And then gradually the towns started to give way to smaller towns, bits of light with darkness in between them - mountain valleys, farmland. Stuff that wasn't exactly visible at this time of night.
There were fewer drivers on the road, which did make Aiba feel a little more confident driving the big van, if only because he was less likely to rear end anyone out here in the boonies. He looked back in the mirror again, and Leader was gone. Or more likely he'd unbuckled his seat belt in favor of laying down in the back row of seats. Sho was still a nervous bundle of energy, staring out the window trying to figure out where they were going, but his face was tired nonetheless. Nino was sprawled across Sho's lap at what looked to Aiba like an uncomfortable angle - but knowing Nino like he did, Nino was probably at the peak of comfort. He'd at least been decent enough to silence the sound on his game system, the faint glow of its screen enough of a distraction to make Aiba look straight out at the highway ahead.
"Still with me, Matsujun?" Aiba asked him.
Jun grumbled some kind of non-committal response, implying that even he had given in and was going to rest.
He'd gotten off the main highway ages back, the van twisting and turning around the back roads. And it was then that Aiba realized his fatal mistake - the rental van didn't come close to getting the same gas mileage his own car did. Even now as he blinked in horror at the gas level, the E for Empty was looming. Obviously he hadn't factored that in to his Route to Sho's Grandma's House travel itinerary.
"Crap," he muttered to himself, squinting out into the darkness. He'd gone through the outskirts of some village a while back, but he couldn't remember seeing a gas station. He took a quick look through the van once again - sleeping Leader, drowsy Sho, game-focused Nino, napping Jun. He smirked with a small bit of pride, pushing his foot down to speed up. The quicker they found a gas station and fueled up again, the better they'd be able to keep to the itinerary and make it to Grandma's in time. And all the better that they wouldn't find out how close they'd come to being stuck on the side of the road.
It was a race against the gas tank, Aiba decided. He wondered if he'd be able to sneak into Leader's wallet and use his money to buy the gas - after all, filling a gas tank on a van was way expensive and it was one of those things a leader was probably supposed to do and Ohno never did. It would be fair, Aiba figured, since he was doing all the driving and Ohno didn't even know how.
The van zoomed along, cresting a hill, and Aiba felt invincible. A road trip with his friends and colleagues (well, the ride back would form more of the road trip since they were mostly unconscious right now), a drama, another successful Arashi tour, the ability to know just what Sho would want for his birthday...everything was going his way.
So it took him another mile of speeding down the country road before he noticed the lights and the siren.
And of course Jun noticed first, reaching across the seat to give Aiba a really noisy and quite frankly unwarranted slap in the arm. "You're going 40 over! Are you insane?"
This woke the others. Even Nino perked up from his tiny screen. "I think siren means pull over, dumb ass."
Aiba felt his blood boil, reluctantly slowing the van down and pulling off into the gravel at the side of the road. The small police car pulled up behind him. Great. He killed the engine - didn't need to waste any gas while he negotiated with the officer. "I should never have fallen asleep," Jun was muttering.
He looked in his side mirror to see the man emerge from the car and come walking up. Aiba blinked a few times, hoping he didn't look drowsy or drunk or otherwise suspicious, and he rolled the window down. Behind him, Nino shivered and complained - he hadn't worn a warm enough coat.
The officer was middle-aged with a rather sour expression on his face. Aiba prepared his best "I'm in Arashi and this country loves me" smile as the officer approached.
"Do you know how fast you were going, sir?" the officer asked, Aiba's smile clearly not working.
In the backseat, the others remained completely silent, Sho most of all - he probably had the best reputation among them, and Aiba wished he'd open his mouth and say something.
Instead Jun started talking. "Officer, my name is Matsumoto Jun. I'm a member of Arashi."
The officer's face remained blank.
"Arashi?" Jun stuttered out. This must have gotten him out of some scrapes before, Aiba thought. "We're all Arashi, the five of us. Do you know Arashi?"
"What I know," the police officer interrupted, making Aiba's hands shake on the steering wheel, "is that your driver here was disobeying the posted speed limit signs. And that's something we take seriously here in Kiso District."
"Where the hell is that?" Ohno called from the back of the van, having picked the absolute worst time to wake up with a question.
Aiba tried to smile and placate the officer. It didn't work. The man leaned against the van, scowling at each of them in turn. "Kiso District, Nagano Prefecture. Step out of the van, please."
"Huh?" Aiba asked. For speeding? "Can't you just give us a ticket? We have to get somewhere..."
The officer didn't blink. "It's 1:30 in the morning. You guys drug runners?"
"We're not drug runners!" Jun howled, smacking the dashboard. "We're Arashi! Celebrities! We're on TV!"
Nino leaned forward and shoved his hand over Jun's mouth before he said anything else horrible, and Aiba nervously held up his hands. "Okay, okay, I can get out of the van. I'm sorry, we're all very sorry, Officer."
The second his boots hit the gravel the police officer shoved him against the hood of the van. "What kinda drugs you bringing to my town?"
Aiba squealed in surprise, keeping his hands up. "I swear, it's not drugs. You really don't know who we are?"
Sho pulled open the van door slowly, poking his head out. Aiba felt awful - his birthday celebration was definitely not going according to plan. "Officer, I assure you. We're not involved in drug trafficking. We're celebrating my birthday."
"Oh yeah?" the officer said, "And where are you going?"
Sho's face froze, and Aiba's embarrassment and fright made him so scared he was about to pee. "Actually it's supposed to be a surprise," Aiba said. "For Sho-chan's birthday. So I can't tell you."
The officer picked up his walkie-talkie. "This is car 3, I'm going to need a van at mile marker 21. Got five troublemakers disturbing the peace out here."
"Nooooo!" Sho cried. "No, you can't arrest us!"
"Aiba-chan, just tell him where we're going!" Jun shouted, having dislodged Nino's tiny hands from his face with a well placed scratch of his fancy rings.
Aiba clasped his hands together. "Officer, this is all a misunderstanding!"
"Call our management," Sho pleaded. "Please!"
And then Ohno stepped out of the van. "I'm the leader. Let them go please."
The officer's eyes widened. "Kaibutsu-kun!"
Ohno smiled at the recognition.
"Kaibutsu-kun, I'm very sorry, but you're still under arrest."
--
It was a lot warmer in the Nagano Prefectural Police Department's holding cell, which sure beat shivering in the cold where the police officer had made Aiba wait until his backup arrived. Kaibutsu-kun or no, Aiba was getting booked for speeding and the other four for allegedly "resisting arrest." On the ride to the station, Matsujun would not stop complaining about the police officer being "mad with power."
A cute female police officer entered the cell, bringing around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."
"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.
The other four had used their one phone call to get in touch with their managers, who were already on the way out in company cars and lawyered up. It was now Aiba's turn to make his call, and he took his cup of hot chocolate with him as he followed the cute young woman out of the cell to a filthy looking green pay phone in the corner of the station.
He'd tried so hard to make this work, to put together a special night for Sho-chan and he'd completely failed. And until the lawyers arrived, Arashi had police records. They'd been photographed and fingerprinted, and the mean officer had yelled at Aiba for flashing a peace sign during his mugshot photo. It wasn't like Aiba could help it - he'd spent more than half his life posing for pictures. These things just came naturally.
He was sniffling a little bit when he picked up the phone receiver, dialing the number out of the Sho-chan birthday binder. It was past 3:00 in the morning now, and he was a terrible person for calling, but if he didn't, then she'd never know they weren't going to make it.
It took six rings before he finally heard a tired, scratchy voice. "Good morning, Sakurai residence."
"Ah, Grandma? Hello, sorry for calling at such a bad time. It's Aiba Masaki."
"Oh! Masaki-chan!" she said, all traces of tiredness gone in an instant. "Are you getting close? Does my Shochi know you're coming to visit?"
Aiba sniffed again. "Grandma, I messed up. I'm so sorry, we won't be able to make it." Because we're in jail, he almost said, clapping his hand over his mouth before he gave the poor old woman a stroke.
"Masaki-chan," she chided him. "You boys are so busy, I've always known that. You never have to apologize to me if you have to cancel plans."
"But Grandma..."
"We'll have a party some other time, I just know it. Give Shochi all my love, will you?"
"I will, Grandma."
The line went dead, and Aiba wiped his eyes. He downed the rest of his hot chocolate and headed back for the holding cell, his sneakers scuffing against the floor in his frustration. But when he arrived back at the cell, Nino and Leader were both sleeping awkwardly in the plastic chairs - and Sho-chan and Matsujun were holding hands!
He watched them both exchange a very significant glance before their hands separated hurriedly as they seemed to sense Aiba approaching. Well, Aiba thought. They'd been arrested, and Sho's birthday was a bust, but other things had seemed to work themselves out.
He wondered if this would have even been possible if Sho had rolled a different number.
PART TWO