Shine in Summer's Glimmer, 4/6
All that’s waiting for him at home is the stack of mail his neighbor diligently gathered for him and the realization that he forgot to throw out some leftover takeout. He cleans the stinky bag out of the fridge, already missing the shore.
When he gets to the school for his scheduled meetings the next morning, many of his colleagues seem jealous. “Look at the tan you’ve gotten already,” some of them say. “And you’re going back to the beach after this, no fair.”
When they ask what he’s been up to, most of what he recalls first are the meals. His mother’s fried fish, the onigiri. Jun’s tempura and spaghetti bolognese. The skewers and clams at Triple Kitchen. And yet he hasn’t gained an ounce. All the surfing, all the walking, and all the sweating in the sunshine has kept him from the tedium of work where all he does is stand at the front of the class or sit at his desk in the staff room.
His mother and Maya send him several pictures. Blurry shots of Daisuke and Jun on surfboards, skewers from Triple Kitchen. Photos of Yukie, Maya, and Daisuke that Jun clearly took, including a series with the infamous Onjuku camels. They’re only two hours away, but sitting in the staff room, going over changes in the curriculum makes it feel like they’re much further away than that.
Sho spends Tuesday night with his father, ordering in Thai food and watching documentaries on NHK. He tells his father about Yukie’s good days and her less good days. About Maya and Daisuke, who won’t have time to stop in Tokyo before they’re expected back at work.
Sho doesn’t ask if his father’s going to come to Onjuku. He’s not really interested in hearing the answer out loud.
Wednesday is nothing but meetings until the day winds down. There’s a new teacher filling in for the remainder of the term since one of the other teachers is on maternity leave. He joins the welcome party for the new instructor, having one beer at the start and water for the remainder. It goes on longer than Sho anticipates, and he doesn’t get on the road back to Chiba until nearly 10:00 PM.
That brings him to Onjuku after midnight and after Jun’s curfew. He’d sent Jun a text about it before getting on the road, and all he received in reply was a photo of a flower pot. The spare key. Jun’s trusting him to let himself in and lock up for the night.
Onjuku is quiet and dark as he pulls in to the parking lot beside the izakaya. All he’s brought with him is his laptop bag, and he slings it over his shoulder, locking his car. He strolls quietly across the lot. The izakaya’s closed since most of the usual customers are fishermen who will be waking up and hitting the water in a few hours.
He hears them before he sees them, Jun and Aiba’s voices in the dark. Jun’s low tones, Aiba’s silly laugh. Sho hesitates for a moment when he sees they’re standing on Jun’s front steps, mostly in shadow. They’re standing close. Really close.
Aiba’s a step below Jun, saying something. Jun shakes his head and then leans down. Sho can only watch them kiss for a few seconds before he turns around, heads back for the izakaya parking lot.
Sho thinks of the photographs in Triple Kitchen, the photographs in his room.
Sho thinks of the Hidamari Guest House discount.
Sho thinks of his conversation with Aiba in the restaurant, Onjuku in the rain. “He won’t take my calls, he won’t reply to my messages.”
Sho thinks of the other night, waiting in the living room for Jun to come home. Waiting five hours for Jun to come home.
He almost laughs.
“Of course,” Sho mumbles to himself. “Of course.”
He cuts through the parking lot, goes around the back instead. He almost considers going for a late night walk along the beach until he calms down, but he can see that the light is on in the kitchenette. He knocks lightly on the door, holding tight to the strap of his bag.
Jun opens the door for him. His eyes are dark. He’s drunk.
“Hey…didn’t you get my photo?”
“Your photo?” Sho asks quietly, playing dumb. The kitchen light leaves a halo around Jun’s head.
“Yeah. Yeah, the flower pot. The spare key.”
“Oh. I didn’t check my phone once I was driving. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Come on in, welcome back.”
Sho steps into the house, removing his shoes and hoping his hands aren’t shaking.
Of course, Sho’s mind tells him repeatedly. Of course. Of course.
“You want anything to eat? There’s leftovers from dinner,” Jun offers, his voice rather light and cheerful.
Of course.
“No, I ate before I left. Thanks.” He finally looks over, sees that Jun is heading for his rooms. “Everything okay here?”
Jun gives him a playful thumbs-up. “Your noisier family members are a lot of fun. Mom’s good too.”
“Thanks. Well. I’ll be going to bed.”
He turns and heads for the stairs.
“Hey. Sho-san.”
Jun’s smile for him is kind, sweet.
“I’m glad you’re back.”
Sho nods, heading back up to his room. He wishes he could believe that.
/ / / / /
His mother comes along for the drive over to the train station, and they see Maya and Daisuke off mid-morning. They spend the rest of the day at the beach, and when Yukie asks him if he wants to grab a bite at Triple Kitchen, he declines in favor of the onigiri she’s already packed them.
He and his mother are invited to the Ohno house for dinner, a happy distraction. While the older folks talk, he sits out in the small yard in a pair of well-loved lawn chairs with Ohno. They live a few blocks farther from the water than the guest house, so there’s not much of a view. Just the moths clustering around the light on the house’s back porch.
They talk about a lot of nothing. Fishing stuff mostly, the usually soft-spoken Ohno enthusiastically recounting several of his more successful catches. Whenever there’s a lull in the conversation, he almost asks. He almost asks Ohno what’s going on between Jun and Aiba. But then Sho talks himself out of it. Maybe it’s a secret from Ohno. He doesn’t want to be the bearer of such interesting news.
Sho started his vacation learning from his mother that Matsumoto Jun is single. And then Sho left, returning and getting the definitive answer to a question that’s been lingering in his mind ever since. Is Matsumoto Jun interested in men? That knowledge came at a cost, of course.
He’s not angry. He might not even be that jealous. Jun is an attractive guy. Aiba is an attractive guy. Jun’s a nice host, a good cook, a considerate man. Aiba’s also a good cook, a considerate man. So Jun and Aiba? It makes sense. A lot of sense.
Now Sho can spend the rest of his vacation focusing on Yukie, her health. Getting his reading in. Getting his exercise in. Sand and sun. Now he knows for certain that thinking about Matsumoto Jun as something other than his kind and generous host is a lost cause, a waste of time. It’s a relief, he tells himself. The butterflies in his stomach will fade. He won’t have to second-guess the meaning behind a camel photoshoot, behind plastic cups of wine on the balcony. Just camaraderie. Just friendship.
So he’s not angry. He’s not jealous. Is he disappointed? A little. Just a little. It’s been so long since he’s been the recipient of a smile like Matsumoto Jun’s. But when August ends, so will the smiles and Sho can just get back to work. When he feels ready, he can look again. Can date again. No matter what the soap operas and romantic comedies say, love doesn’t just fall into your lap. You have to look for it. Especially if you’re thirty-five, gay, and slow to trust again.
And so when Sho is ready, he’ll look.
Ohno sighs, leaning back in the chair beside him. He’ll need to get to bed soon if he’s going to head out as usual. “My mom made some cookies today. Can you bring some back for Matsujun?”
“Of course,” Sho says.
He and his mother drive back to the house, heading upstairs. He stands by while she pulls her planner out of her bag, sets it neatly on the chest of drawers. Sho fills a glass with water, standing by while she takes her pills. Standing by while she uncaps her favorite green pen and makes a note in the planner that she has done everything she planned for the day.
“It was good to see Maya,” his mother says, tugging a clean pair of pajamas from the drawer.
“Wish I could have been here longer for it.”
“Well, she’ll be back for the New Year. Much to do then.”
Not much for Sho to do, but Maya is coming up for New Year’s and the wedding planning will start in earnest. He’s glad for it. It will give his mother something to pour her energy into, something to keep her mind going. And maybe it will help her back off from her ongoing quest to find someone new for Sho.
“Katsuura tomorrow? Want to go early?” he asks, and she seems surprised.
“Early? Sure, if that’s what you’d like to do, Sho-chan.”
“We could rent some chairs or one of those beach cabanas we saw there last week. We could spend the whole day down there.”
She nods, setting her pajamas on the bed. “That sounds lovely.”
“We’ll buy lunch at the market, bring it to the beach with us. Weather’s supposed to be great.”
Yukie pauses before speaking again. “Jun-kun will be alone here all day tomorrow.”
He opts for a smile. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate the break, right? After having Maya and Daisuke here. He’ll be able to do whatever he likes, have the house to himself.”
“I suppose you’re right. I just…I don’t want to exclude him…”
“Mom, we don’t have to invite him to everything we do. He’s just renting these rooms to us, he’s not the one on vacation here.”
He knows the last sentence is a mistake because the look she gives him in response is full of suspicion, almost confusion.
Sho’s not angry. Sho’s not jealous. He’s only disappointed. Just a little.
“Well, if we’re going to leave early then I’d better wash up and get to bed.” She moves over, patting his cheek. “Good night, Sho-chan.”
/ / / / /
They spend all of Friday in Katsuura, enjoying the weather and a different beach from the usual. Ohno’s mother calls Friday night and invites Yukie to go to an outlet mall in Kisarazu with her on Saturday. A shuttle bus for older folks leaves from the Onjuku JR station at 8:30 and is gone most of the day. Though Sho is initially hesitant, his mother is in one of her happiest moods Saturday morning, assuring him that she’ll be fine and will call if there’s any trouble.
Before Jun even emerges from his room, likely wearing his glasses and desperate for coffee, Sho drives Yukie over to meet the bus. There’s a veritable swarm of older ladies ready for retail therapy, and he feels as though he’s leaving her in good hands.
He considers driving back to the house, asking Jun to open the shed so he can borrow a beach chair and spend the day reading with his feet in the sand.
He considers an early lunch at Triple Kitchen.
Instead Sho gets back in his car and drives inland to the city of Otaki, spending the better part of the morning and early afternoon visiting the castle there. He nearly takes himself to one of the many golf courses in the area but decides against golfing alone. The area is heavily forested, a real contrast from the beach, and after picking up some bug spray and sunscreen, he finds a trail to walk until it’s almost sunset. He hikes, takes dozens of photos, breathes in the mountain air and tells himself this is vacation. He’s enjoying himself, enjoying unfamiliar surroundings. Nothing more.
His mother calls him when the bus is halfway back from Kisarazu, and he’s happy to even have a signal where he is.
“I didn’t buy anything,” she says, “but Ohno-san certainly did.”
Sho can hear a bit of laughter in the background of the call.
“I’m going to stay over for dinner, and then help her sort through everything she bought. Would it be too much trouble for you to pick me up from there later? Ohno-san’s husband will get us from the train station in his truck. And that’s probably for the best because of all the shopping bags!”
More laughter.
“Of course. Call me whenever you’re ready. It sounds like you had a good time today, Mom.”
“I certainly did!”
“Glad to hear it. Just give me a ring.”
“Thank you, Sho-chan. I hope Jun-kun hasn’t prepared any dinner tonight, I’d hate for him to have gone to so much trouble…”
Sho wouldn’t know. He hasn’t been home all day.
“If he did, you can always eat leftovers tomorrow.”
“That’s very true. Okay! I will call you later.”
“Have fun.”
It’s after dark when he makes it back to the house, finding the door unlocked. He heads upstairs, finding that the ‘Do Not Disturb’ tag he left on the door is still there. Opening his door, he sees that Jun has not been inside. The bed’s still unmade, his dirty clothes are still on the floor where he left them.
He goes down to the kitchenette to see what he can throw together for dinner.
“You’re back.”
Sho jumps, slamming the refrigerator door shut. Jun’s standing in the doorway between the living room and the kitchenette.
“You scared me!”
Jun’s dressed to his usual devastating effect, a tight gray t-shirt and his long striped shorts. He’s got his glasses on, a book in his hand.
He grins. “I was sitting on the couch. You didn’t even notice me.”
Sho laughs. He can be singularly minded when he’s hungry. “Wow. Sorry. I guess I didn’t.”
He watches Jun replace his finger inside the book with a bookmark, shutting it completely. When he looks up, Sho can’t really read his expression.
“Good day?”
Sho tells Jun where he’s gone, what he’s seen.
“It’s pretty out there, isn’t it? Ah, I don’t really golf, but there’s a lot of courses out that way.”
“I drove past a few.”
Jun’s leaning back against the doorway, hair a little messy. Sho has to remind himself that it’s still okay to look. But only to look.
“I’ve got some leftovers from last night in my fridge. Did a linguini and clam sauce. Want some?”
“Sure.”
“Come on back.”
Sho hesitates, letting Jun drop his book on the table and open the door to his living area. He turns around, grinning.
“Come on, I give you permission.”
Reluctantly, Sho follows him in, down the corridor he’d seen before. The door to the left side is open. It’s just a bathroom. The door on the right is closed, so Sho figures that’s his bedroom. He arrives in a kitchen that’s not much bigger than the kitchenette, but there’s more appliances. A stove with four burners, a grill underneath the unit. The refrigerator is larger, too. There’s only a table for two, and Jun pulls a storage container out of the fridge. There’s plenty for both of them.
“Have a seat.”
Sho does so, noticing that Jun’s living quarters aren’t decorated like the rest of the house. There’s nothing very personal in here, just appliances, pots, and pans. There’s only a dry erase calendar on the refrigerator set to August. The schedule of guests visiting the house.
He sees that the characters for “Sakurai” have been neatly written in red marker, an arrow extending through each week for the entire month while other days are filled in with the names of other guests. He sees blue for Nagase, pink for Maya and Daisuke. In another week, Sou will come up for the weekend, and he’s marked in green. He sees only one other guest notation, for the Monday and Tuesday of the coming week.
“Hold on,” Sho says, chuckling. “Who are the ‘Idiots’?”
Jun’s warming the food up in the microwave. “Exactly what it says. Idiots.”
“That seems a bit mean.”
“When they show up, you might change your mind.”
“Who are they?”
“My best friends.”
No wonder. Jun would never treat a guest that way, even on a calendar they’d never see. Sho wonders why Jun has welcomed him so easily into his inner sanctum tonight. These rooms are his and his alone, a place to separate Matsumoto Jun the person from Matsumoto Jun the friendly host.
Jun sets a plate before him, piled high with pasta. Even reheated a day later, it smells amazing. “Wine? Beer?”
“Whatever you’re having,” he says this time, just to be agreeable. He’s already feeling awkward enough sitting in Jun’s kitchen.
Jun opens a bottle of white wine, pours for both of them. This time into wine glasses, not cheap plastic cups. Jun settles across from him, and they both give thanks for the meal before digging in.
Like everything else Matsumoto Jun makes, it’s really good. Sho can’t help wondering if Jun’s just a natural at cooking or if he’s gotten a few pointers from Aiba Masaki. He twirls pasta around his fork, biting the inside of his cheek and trying to avoid the thought of the two of them here, in this kitchen, standing at the stove together. Side by side. Touching, talking softly. “Here,” Sho imagines Jun saying to Aiba. “Here, try this.” He imagines Jun holding a spoonful of sauce, blowing on it gently before lifting it to Aiba’s…
“Is there a reason why you’ve been avoiding me, Sho-san?”
Jun has waited until Sho has his mouth full, and all he can do is look at Jun in a slight panic, chewing.
He finally manages to swallow. “I’m not avoiding you.”
Jun raises one of his thick eyebrows. “This is the most I’ve seen of you all week.”
He waves his hand dismissively. “I’ve been all over the place. The Ohno family kindly invited me over the other night, Mom and I had our big day in Katsuura…”
“You’ve had your ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign up ever since you came back.” Jun has a sip of wine, setting the glass back down. His fingers tap the table with a slightly nervous rhythm. “If you’re having a problem, I really hope you’d tell me.”
“A problem? I’m not having any problems. Well, I might have gotten a few mosquito bites today, but…”
“Have I done something to offend you?”
His eyes widen. Had Jun seen him that night? Had Jun seen him spying on them? There’s no way, it was dark…at least it was darker by the izakaya wall.
“No, you haven’t done anything wrong,” he protests, setting down his fork. “You haven’t done anything wrong. I’m happy, my mom’s happy. I got a text from Maya saying to tell you she’d love to come back next year. We’re happy. We’re all very happy.”
Jun accepts his answer, nodding before taking another bite of food. They eat in a rather awkward silence until Sho’s plate is cleared and his wine glass is empty. He gets up to retrieve the bottle from the kitchen counter, his chair scraping too loudly across the floor. Jun gets up too, and they meet at the same time, both of their hands going for the bottle and colliding.
He’s having trouble breathing, feeling Jun so close, their hands both wrapped around the neck of the wine bottle. He can smell Jun, a fresh soothing scent. His soap maybe, perhaps his deodorant.
“Let me at least pour it for you,” Jun says quietly, and Sho doesn’t miss the hurt tone in his voice.
He slips his hand away. Instead of sitting back down at the table, Sho takes the glass. He holds it out expectantly, unable to meet Jun’s eyes. He inhales, exhales when Jun’s free hand wraps around his wrist, holding him and the wine glass steady. He can feel Jun watching him as he pours wine into the glass.
Sho hears Jun set the wine bottle down on the counter, but he doesn’t let go.
“Sho-san,” Jun says.
Sho can only look at the wine in the glass, its light golden color. Jun’s fingers around his wrist are warm. “Yeah?”
“Invite me next time.”
“Invite you where?”
“Wherever you want to go.” He can hear Jun breathing. So steady. So sure. “Then you don’t have to go alone.”
“Okay.”
Sho’s glad that he doesn’t drop his glass when Jun lets go of him. He takes a long, slow sip as Jun brings their plates to the sink, sets them down inside. While Jun washes the dishes, Sho drinks the wine.
He’s not sure what to think. He’s not sure what to do. Because he knows what he saw on Wednesday night. Jun on one step, Aiba on the step below. He heard their murmured voices, heard their gentle laughter. Saw the moment Jun leaned in.
Is Jun just messing with him? Is Jun being serious? They’ve barely seen each other the last three days. Three days where Sho has done his best to forget what he felt that first week. Forget what he felt from that first moment, seeing Jun come out of the house to welcome him. It’s been so long since Sho has felt like this. It’s been so long since Sho has allowed himself to feel anything like this at all.
Damn it, he’s done the right thing. He’s played fair. He’s behaved honorably. He saw what he saw and withdrew himself from the field immediately.
But Sho’s not a fucking idiot. He recognizes what Jun just did. He knows what it means and knows what it implies. And if what he saw Wednesday night hadn’t happened, then he wouldn’t be feeling as guilty as he does right now. Guilty for wanting to press Jun back against the sink, to kiss him. Touch him. Press his lips to each mole, each beauty mark. Take him away, claim him for himself.
Jun turns off the sink, and Sho sets his empty wine glass down.
“The pictures in my room, the beach pictures,” he says, his voice low. Uncompromising. “Who took them?”
Jun’s drying his hands on a dish towel, watching him. Behind his glasses, his pupils are large. His eyes are almost black. “I did. Why?”
“I like them.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
“Are they the same as the ones Aiba-san has hanging up in his restaurant?”
Jun seems a bit confused by the question, but he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, he liked them so I gave him copies.” Jun crosses his arms. Sho doesn’t need Ninomiya-sensei here to tell him it’s a defensive posture. “I took them a few years ago when my hobby of the summer was photography. As you know, this summer the hobby is…”
“The Kojiki,” Sho finishes.
Jun smiles softly. “Yep.”
Sho’s phone starts ringing in his pocket, and they both jump.
“That will be Mom,” he says, stepping away from the counter, away from the Jun trap that’s standing in front of him. “Excuse me a minute.”
Yukie is ready to be picked up, if it’s not too much trouble.
“Of course it’s no trouble. Matsujun and I were just finishing up our dinner here.” He takes a breath. “I’ll come right now.”
He hangs up, shoving his phone back in his pocket. He barely looks back over his shoulder, meeting Jun’s eyes.
“I’ll be back in a while.”
The lights are off inside Triple Kitchen when Sho drives past, going blocks and blocks out of his way before he heads off to the Ohno house.
/ / / / /
His mother spends Sunday in bed, though she spends a lot of it sitting up, reading the books she’s brought with her. Jun runs errands, filling the kitchenette cupboards and refrigerator with food for both the Sakurai family as Yukie has requested as well as food for the guests who will arrive tomorrow.
Sho rents a board and spends the morning surfing. It’s not as much fun without Nagase, that’s for sure, but spending at least part of the day outdoors lets him justify spending the rest of it in the living room of the Hidamari Guest House, lesson planning for the months to come.
In the evening, the three of them have dinner - Jun, Sho, Yukie. Sho is almost grateful his mother gets out of bed for it. Sho’s not sure he has the energy to have another meal alone with Jun, another conversation alone.
The “Idiots” coming to visit are also high school friends of Jun’s. Ikuta Toma and Oguri Shun. Ikuta works in finance, Oguri owns a bar in Kawasaki. They’re both married, escaping home life for a few days to come and bother Jun.
“I’m sure it’s not really a bother,” Sho’s mother says, grinning.
“Two days is my limit,” Jun complains. “If they stay in the area longer, I tell them to get a room at one of the resort hotels.”
They arrive before Jun wakes in the morning. Sho’s drinking coffee in the kitchenette with his mother when he hears the key turn in the front door lock. So they know about the flower pot.
Two men appear in the kitchen a few moments later, duffel bags and surfboards in tow. “Oh wow, pardon the intrusion,” says the shorter of the two men (though still taller than Sho), a guy with a friendly smile. The taller guy seems a little bit more shy, and he inclines his head, looking embarrassed.
Sho gets up, holding out his hand. “Sakurai Sho, we’re the long-term guests. This is my mother, Yukie.”
The shorter one is Ikuta, the taller is Oguri. “I’m so sorry to interrupt your breakfast,” Oguri apologizes, bowing his head to Yukie. “We thought somebody would already be up and ready for our arrival.”
Yukie smiles. Jun’s trouble with mornings continues. “Have you boys had breakfast yet? Sit a moment with us, we’ve got plenty of coffee and I can whip something together…”
The door to Jun’s living area opens with a bang, and the man himself is there in a rather unfashionable blue bathrobe, his glasses, his hair sticking out in a dozen different directions. Sho hides a smile at the dramatic entrance. It’s just about the grumpiest face he’s seen on a person in ages.
“Yukie-san, you’ll do no such thing.” Jun points at his friends. “You said buy this and that and this and that. And even though I know I won’t see any of that money back, I went to the supermarket yesterday. So make your own damn coffee!”
“Jun-kun,” Yukie chides him, unable to keep in a laugh. “Don’t be unpleasant.”
“Listen to your guest, Junnosuke,” Ikuta says cheerfully.
“And put some clothes on. You look terrible,” Oguri chimes in.
Jun narrows his eyes. “I will take those surfboards and I will shove them so far up your…” He blinks, seeing that Yukie is watching closely, prepared to scold him again. “…so far up your you-know-whats that…that…that dislodging them will be extremely difficult.”
And with that, he turns around and slams the door. Ikuta and Oguri laugh so hard they nearly start to cry, and Sho can’t help joining in. He now has a better idea why “The Idiots” was what Jun wrote on his calendar. He hopes the next two days will be a good distraction from his weird, awkward feelings about Jun.
“Our food is your food,” Oguri says, and they dump their belongings right there on the floor. “Coffee sounds great, but we’ll probably go have lunch at Triple Kitchen later.”
Triple Kitchen. So much for the distraction.
“Gotta have an empty stomach for that,” Ikuta agrees.
The four of them sit around the kitchenette table and get better acquainted. Ikuta and Oguri introduce themselves. When Oguri reveals that he has two small children, he instantly becomes Yukie’s new favorite and she insists on being shown every single picture on his phone. While the proud papa shows off his two admittedly adorable daughters, Sho and Ikuta chat.
Sho doesn’t ask Ikuta if they also know Ninomiya - doing so will reveal too much about why Sho and his mother are here at the guest house, that Yukie is Ninomiya’s patient. Instead, they chat about their jobs, the weather, their plans for their short trip to Onjuku. Ikuta reveals that they’ll spend the rest of the day surfing, and tomorrow they’re renting a boat from the marina.
“Shun has a boating license, so he doesn’t get to drink. But we’ll just head out, park ourselves somewhere, kick back and relax. Catch up on things.” Ikuta grins. “It was just gonna be me, Shun, and Junnosuke, but you’re welcome to join us. Your mom too…if she can stand it.”
He looks over, sees his mom cooing over Oguri’s photos. “I’ll ask what she wants to do. We’ll see. Thanks for inviting us.”
“No problem. If anything, you’d be doing me and Shun a favor. If we have you and your mom as witnesses, Jun won’t do anything stupid like push us overboard and turn me or Shun into fish food if we tease him a little too hard.”
Sho grins. “Are you guys really his friends?”
Ikuta laughs. “I can see where you’d think that. Many apologies for our terrible first impression. But no, seriously, we love Jun. And since you’re his guest here, I’m sure you can see why. He’s just…he’s so good, isn’t he? You just want to smack him, he’s so good.”
Sho nods. “He’s been very kind and welcoming to us.”
“Who’d have ever thought the world famous Matsumoto Jun would be running a guest house,” Ikuta muses. “Dusting, making beds, scrubbing toilets.”
He blinks. Wait, what?
“World famous?” Sho asks, but he doesn’t get an answer because Jun pulls his door open again.
He’s now a bit more presentable for company, in another selection from his Hawaiian shirt collection. This one’s purple and covered in little palm trees. The glasses remain but he’s at least dragged a comb through his dark hair. Without a word he moves to grab their bags, heading for the living room and the staircase.
“You’re in your usual rooms!” he calls back down the stairs.
“Roger that!” Ikuta shouts back, not moving a muscle while his friend waits on him.
Eventually Oguri and Ikuta get up, lifting their surfboards. They go back to the front of the house to get their shoes and go outside, walking around. From the kitchenette window, Sho can see them lean the boards against the shed. They come back inside.
“Would you like to come to the water with us? If you don’t want to surf, we can always set our chairs and things up a little further down the beach,” Oguri says.
“Closer to Triple Kitchen, ideally,” Ikuta chimes in, looking like he hasn’t eaten in days just so he can get some crazy skewers.
“You boys will need someone to watch your things, and I’m just the woman for the job,” Yukie volunteers. She looks to him and smiles. “You too, Sho-chan, I’ll watch your things too. Don’t sit in here and work all day again.”
By now Jun has come back down the stairs, is standing in the doorway. But all he can do is look at Sho. “Go on, make sure those two clowns don’t kill themselves showing off.”
“What about you?” Sho can’t help asking, knowing that if Jun doesn’t come that he’s just going to stick around the house cleaning. Doesn’t he want to come out with his friends?
“I’ll come by later,” Jun decides.
“Once you’ve had your coffee and transform back into a human?” Oguri teases.
“Is there enough coffee in the world for that?” Ikuta adds.
“You know, I’d call your wives and tell them you’ve both been eaten by sharks, but I don’t know if I’d be able to handle their screams of pure joy,” Jun snaps back.
With that both Ikuta and Oguri move across the room, nearly knocking Jun back with the force of their hugs. Jun complains the whole time as they squeeze him tight. Ikuta even plants a big kiss on Jun’s forehead.
“We’ve missed all your whining, Junnosuke,” Ikuta says.
“Yukie-san,” Jun grumbles, “I’m so sorry you have to babysit today. It wasn’t my intention.”
But Yukie seems fairly content with how she’s choosing to spend her morning. “Boys, let me put my beach bag together, and we can all get moving.”
“Take your time,” Oguri says softly.
Sho follows her upstairs, changing quickly into swim trunks. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he shuts the door to his room, ‘Do Not Disturb’ tag in his hand almost instinctively after so many days in a row.
He changes his mind, opening his door again and leaving the tag inside. He supposes that Jun will need at least one ally in the house the next two days.
/ / / / /
True to his word, Jun does come along later. Just in time for lunch at Triple Kitchen.
Sho lets the three friends walk ahead toward the tent in the distance while he hangs back with his mother. “While you were in the water, I made a call,” Yukie tells him.
“Is that so?”
“Actually, I made two.” She gives him a teasing poke. “Since you boys were having so much fun.”
His mother tells him that her first call was to Ninomiya-sensei. She’s been on the new medication regimen for nearly three weeks now, and she diligently reported to him all of her good days and not-so-good days. Unless her condition changes, she is to stick with the current dosages until her next appointment with the doctor in mid-September.
“Do you feel better than you did before, Mom?”
Their pace slows as they move through the hot sand, moving around other towels and beachgoers. “Yes and no,” she admits to him. “I let it go too long this last time, so I caused a lot of trouble for myself. Trouble for you and Papa.”
“It’s not any trouble…”
She smiles bitterly. “Some days I wake up and I feel like I have so much energy. And then on others I don’t. And because I don’t, it’s very easy to feel bad about it. I ask myself what’s wrong, why am I not going at the same pace I was yesterday? It’s so easy to be disappointed in yourself.”
“I’m sure it is.”
“But Ninomiya-sensei said that’s okay. He says cherish the good days, the high energy days. He says to recognize them for what they are - they’re days to get things done! And then he says when my energy is lower, it’s okay to simply relax and rest. So long as I still try my best, take my pills, write things down in my planner, it’s okay. But of course that’s easier said than done. I pray every single night that you and Maya and Sou never know what it feels like to wake up on one of those not-so-good days.”
He wraps an arm around her shoulder, squeezing tight.
“Ninomiya-sensei is right,” he tells her. “I’m glad you talked to him. And who else did you call?”
She chuckles a little. “I called your Papa. I reported to him as I always do.”
He lets her go, looking down at her curiously as they get into line. “You always do?”
“He is my husband, after all. Now you may not have a very high opinion of him sometimes, at least when it comes to when I have my not-so-good days, but he’s been with me from the beginning,” she says.
“Where is he now, Mom?” he can’t help complaining. “He’s not here, is he? He’s at home.”
She smiles anyhow, unbothered. “He’s been with me from the beginning,” she says again, her hand over her heart. “He’s seen the good days, and he’s seen the very bad days. He’s seen the days when they didn’t have the pills they have now either. You may not agree with me, I know Maya doesn’t, but your father did his best with me. No matter how busy he got, he always did his best. Weaker men might have given up. Weaker men might have left me in those hospitals for good. But he knew when he married me that I have not-so-good days, that I have utterly rotten days. He still said yes.”
Sho tries not to roll his eyes. Maybe he’ll never understand. Does his father really deserve a prize for basic decency?
His mother’s words are competing with Aiba’s shouts, with the other noisy employees under the tent. Sho gently brings his hand to his mother’s shoulder, letting her stand in front of him in the long lunch queue.
She turns back to look at him. “Sho-chan. Find someone who will be there on the utterly rotten days. It’s easy to find someone for the good days. But find someone who will still be there on the rotten ones.”
Sho feels weak, disappointed when he sees the happy look on Aiba’s face, sees the way he greets Shun and Toma, the big grin he saves for Jun. There’s a whole universe here, a history here, the Onjuku summer crew. Though Jun’s friends are only here for two days and Sho’s here for the whole month, he still feels like an outsider, an interloper. He feels like the Onjuku he experiences will never be the same one shared by Jun, Aiba, Toma, Shun…probably even Ohno.
He shakes the depressing thoughts away, finally making it to the front of the line.
Aiba’s smile is the same as it’s been every time. “Welcome, Sho-chan! What can I get you?”
He takes a glance at the menu. Whatever he’s feeling, at least the food will be good. “Today I’ll try your fish sandwich.”
“And you’ll need a beer, right?”
“Sure.”
“Coming right up.” Sho digs around in his wallet, forcing himself to look away when Aiba calls out his order.
Sho knows that nothing’s changed. He looks down the counter, sees how happy Jun looks, standing between his friends, waiting for his food. Relaxed. None of the tension in him that he’d had the last time they came to Triple Kitchen.
Sho knows that nothing’s changed. But it feels like almost everything has.
/ / / / /
He almost stays home when the guys pack up to go to the marina the following morning, not wanting to intrude on their time together. But then his mother says she’ll be going over to the Ohno house for the day so Sho doesn’t have to worry about her being alone. She doesn’t have to say so, but it’s obvious that Yukie is still hopeful about her “Matsumoto-kun is single” notion, even though she doesn’t know the full story.
Sho can see that Jun looks tired that morning, wearing his sunglasses and his cap as Shun expertly pilots their rental boat away from the marina. Sho went into his room around 10:00 the night before, but he could still hear muffled laughter coming from the second floor balcony long after that. Sho wonders what Jun’s friends think of his precious Kogo-sama.
They don’t go that far out, and they can still see the shoreline in the distance when Shun kills the engine. A half-assed argument starts over the fact that nobody brought a radio. When the shit-talking winds down, they drink, eat lunch, talk about their lives.
Toma wants to learn all the strange teen slang that Sho’s managed to pick up from overhearing his students talk to each other. Jun wants to hear about the people visiting Shun’s bar, the weirder the better. And after they’ve thoroughly exhausted those topics, Shun wants to know what Ohno’s up to.
“Not me?” Jun complains. “You’d rather know about that guy than about me?”
“What more is there to learn about you that we won’t learn when you’re back in September?” Toma grumbles.
Sho can’t help interrupting. “What’s in September?”
“That’s when I go home,” Jun says.
“And where is home?”
“Sho-kun, you’ve been stuck with this guy every day for more than two weeks and you don’t know anything about him?” Toma asks before gesturing at Jun with his beer can. “Why do you always have to act so mysterious? There’s nothing mysterious about you.”
Jun laughs. “Shut up.”
Toma gets up, moving to sit beside Sho. “This is all you need to know about Matsumoto Jun. Unlike the rest of us who have to work to earn a living, this guy can just drop everything and come live at the beach two months out of the year.”
“Because he’s loaded,” Shun adds.
At that Jun looks a bit annoyed. “Hey. Come on.”
“Loaded?” Sho asks.
“Rich! Wealthy! Flush with cash! Whatever term you prefer. All thanks to his illustrious career!” Toma continues.
“Toma. Stop.”
But Toma doesn’t stop, wrapping an arm around Sho. He’s drunk, doesn’t seem to notice the effect he’s having. Sho can only watch as Jun’s obvious discomfort grows. This isn’t like the usual teasing, where Jun gives back as much as he gets.
“The world famous Matsumoto Jun,” Toma says, sounding rather proud. And rather annoyed that Jun isn’t bragging about it himself. “International dance superstar!”
“You can Google him,” Shun suggests, and Sho can see that Jun’s had just about enough.
Sho holds up his hands, trying for a laugh. “It’s alright, it’s alright. I don’t need to know everything, I’m just a guest…”
“Paris and London and New York and wherever the hell else. Likely breaking hearts all along the way, that’s Junnosuke for you,” Toma jokes.
Shun laughs. “He was the most popular guy at our 10-year reunion, that’s for sure.”
“Although,” Toma continues, “It wasn’t the superstar thing that made him rich. It was me, the not yet world famous financial advisor Ikuta Toma, who knows all the best stocks. By the way, Sho-kun, if you’re looking to invest, I wouldn’t be afraid of it. We’ve got plenty of teachers, professionals in that kind of pay grade looking to speculate in the market a bit. People are always saying that they don’t make enough to risk it, but I can put together an investment plan that’s guaranteed to…”
“Why don’t you just leave him the fuck alone?” Jun snaps, and they fall silent. “Stop talking about me. Stop talking about money. Just fucking stop.”
“Jun-kun…” Shun mumbles.
Toma looks embarrassed, not helping matters by moving away from Sho to open the cooler and grab another beer. “Sorry. Really. I’m sorry. I just…how was I supposed to know you didn’t tell him this shit…”
Jun doesn’t say anything, turning slightly so he’s looking out at the horizon, away from them. The boat bobs up and down on the water, Toma and Shun exchanging concerned glances. If Sho had stayed back at the house, this argument might never have happened. And he’s more confused than ever.
Matsumoto Jun, international dance superstar. You can Google him. What did that even mean? Jun was famous? Jun was rich? Then how did he end up in Onjuku? If his life was so privileged, why did he spend his summers waiting on people hand and foot?
“Somebody’s parasailing over there,” Shun announces once the lull in conversation becomes unbearable.
Sho and Toma watch with little enthusiasm.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Jun eventually says, though he doesn’t turn back around.
“I deserved it,” Toma admits.
“My guests usually aren’t too curious about me anyway.”
Sho finds that hard to believe.
Talk shifts away from money, from Jun’s intriguing past that everyone in the boat but Sho knows about. Shun talks a little about his kids. Toma talks about his wife, the cooking class they’re taking together as a couple. Sho tries his best to shift the teasing away from Jun, explaining how terrible he is in the kitchen.
“Take a class,” Toma encourages him. “Honestly I thought it was going to be way over my head, but you can find some that start with the absolute basics.”
“Like which end of the knife to hold, Sho-san,” Shun teases, giving him a knowing and almost grateful look for trying to defuse the odd situation.
Sho regales the group with tales of his failures and minor successes. He made a hard-boiled egg a few weeks back, got it just right. Even Jun can’t help but laugh at him for it. Their eyes meet, and Jun’s irritation seems to fade a little. The worst of it is over.
They make it back to the marina mid-afternoon, where Shun announces in a silly accent that he is in the mood for a “siesta.” All four of them end up napping in their respective rooms for an hour or two before Yukie returns from the Ohno house, kindly requesting an escort to Triple Kitchen for dinner.
She receives three eager volunteers…and one son who will go because she asked.
Toma and Jun trail behind them, and by the time they make it to the tent, it seems that Jun’s in a better mood. More apologies may have been offered. Sho at least hopes they were. The friends appear to have sorted out their disagreements.
Aiba’s thrilled to see them all for a second day in a row, invoking the “Super Special Ikuta-Oguri discount.” Jun, Yukie, and Sho eat for free - Toma and Shun pay double.
“You’re a lousy guy, Aiba-chan!” Toma laughs, actually trying to shove twice as much cash into Aiba’s hand. He refuses to take it, and then Shun tries to do the same before Aiba threatens to throw their extra bills and coins in the sand. In the end, Toma and Shun split the bill for all five of them.
Sho has never met an odder assortment of people.
He’s invited to go out with them that evening, the three friends planning to go to the beach with some firecrackers like they’re a bunch of kids. Since they’re going out after dark, Aiba is planning to meet up with them.
Toma. Shun. Jun. Aiba.
Sho knows they’ll want to bullshit with each other. They probably all know one another’s secrets. If Sho’s there, out of the loop, it’s just a risk they don’t need to take. He doesn’t want to learn something about Jun (or Jun and Aiba) that Jun had no intention of telling him. He’s just a guest, Sho reminds himself.
He’s not their friend. He’s just a guest.
He declines, asking Jun if he can read on the balcony.
“You don’t have to ask me,” Jun says, grinning. “I’ve been very neglectful of Kogo-sama today, I’m sure she’ll appreciate the company.”
Sho bids them a good night, standing in the kitchenette as they go out the back door. Jun seems in a much better mood. He’s probably relieved, Sho tells himself. Relieved he doesn’t have to worry about what his friends say in front of you. Relieved that he can be with the people who know him best, love him best. When he’s with his friends, he can be himself. And when he’s with Aiba…
He turns around, and his mother’s been listening in, standing on the stairs instead of going up and to bed.
“Sho-chan,” she says softly. “You don’t have to stay behind because of me. I’m so sorry if I gave you that impression…”
“Of course not,” he says, moving over to rest his hand over hers on the wooden bannister. “It’s not that. They’re all friends. And Matsujun should be able to be with his friends instead of being in host mode all the time.”
She seems disappointed with his answer.
“I think I’ll call and check in with Sou-chan and then get to sleep.”
“Have a good night, Mom.”
“Good night.”
He washes up, changes into a comfortable t-shirt and shorts. The balcony is a little chillier tonight, and he makes it maybe five pages in to his book before giving up. He looks up. Kogo-sama watches over him, unmoving.
He grabs his phone against his better judgment, types the name “Matsumoto Jun” into Google. There are other people with that name who come back, people that he knows aren’t the one he’s looking for. So he adds “dance” to his search. He clicks on something, but the website times out. He clicks on the next one and finds an article from a little more than fifteen years ago. It notes that Matsumoto Jun of Tokyo (18) has passed an elite audition for a modern dance troupe in America called the Haley Alvin Dance Theater. He will be moving to New York for training.
Sho searches again, this time without using Japanese characters. The most recent article is from six years ago, published in a magazine Sho’s never heard of. It’s in English. And it’s not really an article. It’s from a news and announcements section. As far as his limited English tells him, it states that Jun Matsumoto has announced his retirement from the Haley Alvin Dance Theater at age 27.
He doesn’t know much about dance, ballet or modern or otherwise, but 27 seems a bit…young? As he looks through more English articles, he gets the feeling that Jun’s retirement was probably unexpected. Toma described Jun as “world famous” and it seems that within the modern dance world he was for a time.
Sho’s English skills are severely lacking, and in some articles he doesn’t recognize much more than “Jun Matsumoto.” But he finds things about the dance troupe where his name is included. Performances around the world. London. Paris. Tokyo. Zurich. Dubai. New York. San Francisco.
One article has a picture of the troupe, and there’s no mistaking that face, those eyes. He’s a little slimmer, but it’s him. Jun’s in the very center of the photograph, the absolute focal point.
So it’s all true.
“World-renowned dancer” wouldn’t have been his first guess if he’d been asked what he thought Jun had done before coming to Onjuku. Though Jun may not be training his body for it any longer, there’s no mistaking the graceful way he still moves around.
He finally gives up on his stalking, setting his phone beside him. He rubs his hands across his face. Part of him is ashamed for sitting in Jun’s own home and looking for information about him online. And another part of him is a little upset, a little confused that Jun didn’t think this was information worth sharing. Jun knows pretty much everything about Sho’s job, Sho’s relatively boring life. Hell, Sho knows more about the lives of Jun’s friends, more about Toma and Shun, Nagase and Ohno. Even Aiba’s life seems pretty straightforward.
Sho can’t help asking aloud, knowing only Kogo-sama can hear him. Kogo-sama, the gift Jun received from a teacher. Not a social studies teacher.
“Why did you quit?”
His question must go unanswered, at least tonight, because it’s late and he’s tired. He goes to bed, wondering what would cause someone so young to quit a career like that. To maybe even give up on his dreams.
Part Five