Anyone looking to hire the fastest gun around?

Anyone?

Seriously, guys. I need food here. Surely somebody wants something shot.

GUYS

YOU KNOW TODAY IS AN AWESOME DAY RIGHT

BECAUSE IT SO IS

HOW ARE YOU CELEBRATING SUCH AN AWESOME DAY

Okay. So I need beer, and the house is out. I'm going out to get more.

If anyone - anyone - laughs at my outfit, they're getting kicked in the crotch. And I have fucking spiked heels right now.

Understood?

WHAT THE FUCK HAS BEEN GOING ON

WEST I NEED A GUN

[Voice]

So, just to be completely sure: nobody here remembers that I'm blind?

[Voice]

Adler's forgotten all the tricks I taught him, and my dog is missing. My cane, too.

If this is a joke, it isn't fucking funny.

So, the attic is totally an awesome nest for Adler now. Giant!

Pretty cool, huh?

[ACTION SPAM POST]

[Teutonic Order's wandering through Cordova now, hopelessly lost and long since separated from HRE. There are bloodstains on his white clothes - particularly on one sleeve - and a slight trickle of blood down from his mouth. Overall, he's not looking healthy, but he keeps walking.]

...This place is dumb.

[Audio; German]

[clearly a bit away from the recorder]

Goddamn whoever's kidnapped me! I can't be here! The battle, they fucking need me! They need me to fight with them! I'm their spirit! They can't--!

[Old Prussian; the Baltic countries might be able to pick out some words]

But it's stopped hurting, it's not hurting, it's not, it's...

[ ( Read more... )

WEST I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING DOWN THERE BUT IT IS LOUD AND ANNOYING SO KNOCK IT OFF

I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HAVE TO SPANK YOU I WILL YOU'RE NOT TOO BIG FOR IT

THIS IS NOT A GOOD DAY FOR THIS SHIT.