*That* picture

[aussiedave]

Comments

[rhube]

FWIW, I believe you, and I'm so sorry you went through this. I don't think I can imagine exactly what it was like, but I know what it is to live with an abuser and not be able to leave. I still don't feel like I can talk about it freely online, because there are people I love who are still in contact with her and who care about her, however much they may not like her all that much. People I would hurt by calling attention to what they stood by and allowed to happen to me. I don't think the person who was in a relationship with her would call it abuse, even now that he's finally left her. There was rarely violence - sometimes she threw things, she threatened to hit me once, but she never actually did. It was the shouting. The shouting all night. When it's directed at you it's awful, but it's pretty bad having to listen to someone else being shouted at all night, especially if you know a lot of the time it's about you. What it does to you to try and keep a hold of yourself in a situation where someone else is wearing you down every

[aussiedave]

Thanks, Ro. Yeah, it sounds like exactly the same sort of thing. I'm still friends with both my housemates from that time; curiously, I don't think we've ever really talked about what it was like from their points of view. I might have to ask sometime. It was really them that helped me out of that situation, really.

[ext_2030156]

Thank you for this. My own experience didn't quite include the physicality (though it got close a couple of times), & obviously was different in many ways as each person's experience is; but yes, cowering in a corner, crying, while/because someone I love is bellowing abuse at me, & a tiny but infinitely cold & hard part of my mind knowing that, in physical differential terms (as well as in so many other ways), this is the most completely ridiculous thing I've ever let happen to me, & that I'm letting it happen to me, & that all by itself makes the situation & me in it even more ashamedly ridiculous, & on & down in ever-tightening mental whorls... For you to have written this post, which has allowed me to say this, for the first time, to anyone outside of a therapist's room. For this, thank you.

[aussiedave]

You're making me well up a bit, Rob. Thank you, and I'm pleased if I've been able to have that effect!

I seem to have tapped into something; you're not the only person who's come out with things like this.

[ladyfayne]

It annoys me that people become very vocal about abuse against women yet turn a blind and embarrassed eye to domestic abuse against men.

I worked with women escaping DA of all sorts. Physical, mental and HBV. But I think the scars that hurt the most are always the ones left behind after the mental abuse. Physical scars can be worn with a certain pride. "I'm a survivor!" they cry. But the ones that are left on your mind and heart are almost impossible to erase. They are with you for life and usually leave you doubting yourself and the image you give to others.

I fought my way out of 2 seperate and very different types of relationships where I was abused, one physical and one mental, maybe that's why I did the charity work. It's hard and horrible and painful. But it can be done and you can come out stronger. As I was once told it helps to build you and make you who you are, to take it as a positive.

[aussiedave]

Cheers, Lottie. It's a bit strange. And as Ro says, blindness about female-on-male abuse just distorts understanding of male-on-female abuse. If it's all about the physical dominance, people start asking "why doesn't she just leave him, then?" and fail to see the point.

[anonymous]

I wrote a really long post about my experiences and then wussed out. This was a brave post Dave, and it's appreciated.
Adele
x

[aussiedave]

Thanks, Adele. I appreciate it. And I understand. :)

[tarvae]

Just wanted to say thanks and well done for speaking out

Despite the overwhelming amount of support and publicity being aimed at the assumption of man = abuser/woman = victim there are those of us out there who know differently and there is support - just no where near as much as there should be.

http://www.mankind.org.uk/typesdomesticabuse.html is one of them

[aussiedave]

Thanks for that, Tarvae! I'm alright, myself - this is all ancient history, and I have a wonderful, healthy marriage to a supportive, loving woman and a beautiful baby daughter - but it's good to know there are people campaigning to improve awareness.