well i dont know where he is right now. he left. i locked the door. i didnt want him to leave. but he did. and there is nothing i can do about it. i feel like crying but i wont let myself i wont let myself become weak. he left. i am crazy maybe that is just it i am crazy. i cant take a joke. or maybe his jokes are too harsh at times maybe sometimes ( Read more... )

i lay down...he comes in later....i curl up in his arms....like every other fucking night....i try to get close to him....then i hear the words that i have come to despise that makes my blood boil....he asks am i mad at him NO!!!! i am not mad at him...i am mad at me i am mad at my father i am mad at this fucking house...i am mad that i am fucking ( Read more... )

i am in love truely this time. so many emotions it is rediculious. but i am happy. i just have so many fears i know i shouldnt have but they are there. and i dont even know if he loves me back as much as i love him. he wont show me. he never shows me.and i mean i am nothing special. i am not gods gift to beauty. all i have going for me is my ( Read more... )

so much has happened in this week. i met someone awesome and now he is in my bed sleeping. he came from ohio. i dont know what is going to happen. i am hpapy but worried all the time. seeing that i am hiding him from my father which whom i live with at this moment in time. i hope i wont get hurt. but this seems too good to be true so something bad ( Read more... )

well after the whole shock went away all that was left was a numb sad person. i know there is no love in this world those dreams have been crushed. and im not going to look anymore for that love. there is no romance in this world for me. i am dead to the idea of love. its sad that it had to end like this. all the fairy tales have become fake. all ( Read more... )

well the new year is apon me and it means new responsibilties that i dont want this is going to be the first year i will have to do taxes and i will need to get a full time professional job. on top of that i have to start looking for an apartment there is still 8 hrs before the new year and im already stressing. the only thing that is looking up is ( Read more... )

i have realized that there is no such thing as perfection. and the only way thier is perception of perfection is if you do not touch what you think is perfect. If you touch it will wilt and die and become tainted. and as you touch you realize that part of you has wilted and died as well. The world becomes skewed and you cannot tell what is real or ( Read more... )