It's been 10 years since my last post. That decade was...incredible. Incredibly painful and joyful and indescribable. But I'm going to try to describe it over time.

I want to start writing again. I want to reconnect. The past didn't leave me; I left. Those things I loved and let go of, they're still out there. I can't say I will write every day, but ( Read more... )

Happy Valentine’s Day. I was thinking today how there has only been one Valentine’s Day-in my whole life-where I’ve done anything romantic. I’m not sure if I should be bothered by that or not. Romance shouldn’t be confined to one day, and there’s nothing intrinsic about Valentine’s Day that makes it ipso facto more romantic. But, I don’t know, ( Read more... )

This is for Rachel, since I pestered her to update her journal, and I haven't updated mine in umpteen days. But I'm too close to this bottle of wine to think coherently enough to update right now, so I can only hope this will suffice.

I was thinking yesterday how nice it would be to make out with someone again. Nothing more than that, not that I could really handle any more than that anyway, but just the ephemeral sweetness of a kiss. With tongues ( Read more... )

My work week is almost over. I was going to end that sentence with an exclamation mark or a hallelujah, but that would make it seem like I was happy to be done with the week. I am, of course, for the time off, but work has been much better of late. So much better, in fact, that exclaiming seems rude. (But weekend ( Read more... )

I wonder if it’s even possible for me to write when I’m happy. (Trust me, I want to, but I’m not sure I even know how to write sentences that don’t have the undertow of a weepy, slash-and-burn fandango.) Maybe I feel less intensely when I’m happy. Or maybe happiness is something I don’t actually feel in its Platonic, throw-off-the-shackles-and- ( Read more... )

I can’t be sure if coming back to Livejournal was such a good idea, because it’s making miss the past intensely. I miss my old friends, in a way that is not entirely describable, but that is no less powerful. And kind of depressing. I can’t help but wonder if anyone else feels this way-any of those people that I’ve drifted away from. What I really ( Read more... )

I began rewatching Lost yesterday, probably due to this nostalgia kick I’m on. Oh man, one of the characters just had her lung perforated and blood came a-spurtin’ out. Delightful ( Read more... )

What a long day. Well, that’s not entirely true. It’s only about 5:o’clock right now, so the day isn’t even over yet. Each though each shift at GreenTree feels long, and although today went by surprising quickly (in fact, I only looked at the clock twice-at 11 and 2, and I’m out at 3), I’m feeling somewhat worn down anyway ( Read more... )

I don’t know what it is about winter that makes me feel melancholy. I’ve spent a lot time recently advising others to move on or let go of the past or whatever-you know, taking a tough stance, because that’s what I do. That’s what I’m good for. But that doesn’t seem to be something I can do myself. And I don’t want to let go yet, not when I don’t ( Read more... )