it's been a very, very frustrating process here lately. I just lost primary custody of my daughters thanks to BOTH of my ex husbands. Phillip's attorney made me out to look like some kind of crazed cannibal; the girls' guardian ad litem awarded HIM primary custody... I get every other weekend, Weds nights, holidays... and a VERY confused three and ( Read more... )

I'm an idiot ( Read more... )

So the narcissistic turd decided to try and plea with me last night to change my mind about leaving him ( Read more... )

I'm in a pickle now ( Read more... )

Today we had a wonderful message from the book of Esther. The lady giving it was one of our youth group coordinators. She did awesome ( Read more... )

I totally hate myself right now. I want to chop my hair off short and color it, but we can't. We are broke.

He lied to me, too. He'd told me he would get me a gym membership after we got the car legal. I saw my dr yesterday. She wants me to lose weight NOW. She spoke to me about changing my meds but also that any one of them for fibromyalgia pain ( Read more... )

This is not at all where i thought i would be at by 36.

Here i am, a fat loaf lying on a bed i share with an abusive husband, comfort nursing my 3 year old son while he insists on tearing at one of my only two comfortable bras and stretching out my shirt... while he hits and kicks me intermittently.

If i discipline him, he bites down.

I hate being a ( Read more... )

Yesterday was tramatic.

We got into a huge fight. I'd been suffering from anxiety attacks and depression all weekend. He finally decided that we all go for a car ride, which Axl fell asleep during.

So...no rest for me.

I guess words mean nothing to him. He told me i gotta leave. He's getting rid of my cats, and today is my Sam's 11th birthday.

But ( Read more... )

I'm missing my daughters terribly today. I haven't seen them in over a week.

The pessimistic in me is screaming "because you're such a horrible mom, you don't deserve your kids, your ex husbands are right"

So here i lay, crying, comfort nursing my three year old because he doesn't want to stop nursing... and by God, I'm going to do it because if i ( Read more... )

I've taken off my wedding rings, put them away.

I have been told so many hideous things today. I feel like I'm nothing but a burden, nothing but an empty shell and i can't do anything right. I didn't say a whole lot to him today.

I was afraid to.

I was even too afraid to ask him to grab me some feminine hygiene products when he was at the store. But ( Read more... )