Only in dreams...

[avasa_edan]

I sit on a lounge chair in the middle of the desert, a large beach umbrella shadowed above my head. There’s a sound in the distance, a cawing. And then silence.

I sit up in my chair, feeling a sudden change, something-no, someone is here.

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[cassie_newton_]

There's music playing again, and I'm dancing. Dancing because I love to dance. Dancing because I should be for some reason. It's bright and warm here, wherever here is, but it doesn't matter, I've got my eyes closed. I spin and come to a slow stop, a shadow coming over my face and I open my eyes.

And there he is.

My first reaction is a smile. I can't help it. "Avasa..."

[avasa_edan]

Her smile's infectious, and I can't help but smile with her. I wonder if other people have the same reaction when they look at her? How could they not? I stand up, grinning like a fool, "Cass."

[cassie_newton_]

I reach up to put my palms to his cheeks. "You look good. Are you good? You're okay now?" I ask, my concern for his well being overriding everything else at the moment--even the agreement made previously. I don't want to think about it. At the moment I'm traitorously happy to see him instead.

[avasa_edan]

The conflict on my face speaks levels. Now? I'm good, yes. But when I wake up... I don't want to tell her the truth. She seems too happy right now, and I don't want to ruin that.

"What of you? Are you better?" I say instead, not minding at all that she's in close proximity.

[avasa_edan]

"You and I-" this conversation can't end well.

"You're a good person, and all I'm causing you is pain," I look up at her finally. She knows this. But I still cringe at the hurt in her eyes. "And we both know your heart can't take that."

[cassie_newton_]

I flinch. I flinch and pull my hands away and sit farther by myself, pulling my knees up to my chest to hug them. I look into the brightness and then shut my eyes. Seems everything's easier lately if I just shut my eyes. Close the world out. I promise myself I'm not going to cry. I cried last time.

"I just...I'm sorry. I wish I could shut it off." which isn't entirely true. "You're just..." perfect.

[avasa_edan]

I blush-- "I know" --I want to reach out to her but instead clasp my hands in front of me. This is wrong. I'm making it worse.

"It's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, Cass."

[cassie_newton_]

"No, it wouldn't be if I didn't know that you were in love with someone else already." I correct, voice quiet. I sigh and turn my face to look at him. "I'm really happy when I'm around you. I miss you when I don't see you. Isn't that silly? I don't even know you that well but there's this..." connection... I look away again. "You being around makes me happy and smiley til I remember that oh yeah...not gonna happen."