Evil Overlord List Cellblocks Picspams
A sequel to this post, using the Evil Overlord List Cellblocks A and B.
108: Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.
FAIL
110: I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.
FAIL
113: I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.
Wrong Door!
Right Door!
PASS
114: I will never accept a challenge from the hero.
FAIL
115: I will not engage an enemy single-handedly until all my soldiers are dead.
FAIL
117: No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling "Leave him. He's mine!"
FAIL
130: All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.
FAIL
132: Before appointing someone as my trusted lieutenant, I will conduct a thorough background investigation and security clearance.
FAIL because "You miscalculated."
137: Before spending available funds on giant gargoyles, gothic arches, or other cosmetically intimidating pieces of architecture, I will see if there are any valid military expenditures that could use the extra budget.
STILL PENDING
138: The passageways to and within my domain will be well-lit with fluorescent lighting. Regrettably, the spooky atmosphere will be lost, but my security patrols will be more effective.
PASS
151: I will not set myself up as a god. That perilous position is reserved for my trusted lieutenant.
FAIL
155: If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends.
FAIL... all of the above
160: Before being accepted into my Legions of Terror, potential recruits will have to pass peripheral vision and hearing tests, and be able to recognize the sound of a pebble thrown to distract them.
FAIL
165: As an equal-opportunity employer, I will have several hearing-impaired body-guards. That way if I wish to speak confidentially with someone, I'll just turn my back so the guards can't read my lips instead of sending all of them out of the room.**
FAIL
** An interesting note: The Tisroc of Calormen in The Horse and his Boy (one of The Chronicles of Narnia) does have deaf attendants for this very purpose!
171: I will not locate a base in a volcano, cave, or any other location where it would be ridiculously easy to bypass security by rapelling down from above.
FAIL
174: If I am dangling over a precipice and the hero reaches his hand down to me, I will not attempt to pull him down with me. I will allow him to rescue me, thank him properly, then return to the safety of my fortress and order his execution.
FAIL
188: I will funnel some of my ill-gotten gains into urban renewal projects. Although slums add a quaint and picturesque quality to any city, they too often contain unexpected allies for heroes.
FAIL
196: I will hire an expert marksman to stand by the entrance to my fortress. His job will be to shoot anyone who rides up to challenge me.
PASS
199: I will not make alliances with those more powerful than myself. Such a person would only double-cross me in my moment of glory. I will make alliances with those less powerful than myself. I will then double-cross them in their moment of glory.
PASS
208: Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good public relations for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction.
FAIL
219: I will be selective in the hiring of assassins. Anyone who attempt to strike down the hero the first instant his back is turned will not even be considered for the job.
Forget assassins; even said evil overlord isn't cut out for that job.
226: I will have a staff of competent detectives handy. If I learn that someone in a certain village is plotting against me, I will have them find out who rather than wipe out the entire village in a preemptive strike.
MAJOR FAIL
© This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.
* Since this is the Internet, let me clarify I am not criticizing the show; this is strictly for lulz.
108: Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.
FAIL
110: I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.
FAIL
113: I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.
Wrong Door!
Right Door!
PASS
114: I will never accept a challenge from the hero.
FAIL
115: I will not engage an enemy single-handedly until all my soldiers are dead.
FAIL
117: No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling "Leave him. He's mine!"
FAIL
130: All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.
FAIL
132: Before appointing someone as my trusted lieutenant, I will conduct a thorough background investigation and security clearance.
FAIL because "You miscalculated."
137: Before spending available funds on giant gargoyles, gothic arches, or other cosmetically intimidating pieces of architecture, I will see if there are any valid military expenditures that could use the extra budget.
STILL PENDING
138: The passageways to and within my domain will be well-lit with fluorescent lighting. Regrettably, the spooky atmosphere will be lost, but my security patrols will be more effective.
PASS
151: I will not set myself up as a god. That perilous position is reserved for my trusted lieutenant.
FAIL
155: If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends.
FAIL... all of the above
160: Before being accepted into my Legions of Terror, potential recruits will have to pass peripheral vision and hearing tests, and be able to recognize the sound of a pebble thrown to distract them.
FAIL
165: As an equal-opportunity employer, I will have several hearing-impaired body-guards. That way if I wish to speak confidentially with someone, I'll just turn my back so the guards can't read my lips instead of sending all of them out of the room.**
FAIL
** An interesting note: The Tisroc of Calormen in The Horse and his Boy (one of The Chronicles of Narnia) does have deaf attendants for this very purpose!
171: I will not locate a base in a volcano, cave, or any other location where it would be ridiculously easy to bypass security by rapelling down from above.
FAIL
174: If I am dangling over a precipice and the hero reaches his hand down to me, I will not attempt to pull him down with me. I will allow him to rescue me, thank him properly, then return to the safety of my fortress and order his execution.
FAIL
188: I will funnel some of my ill-gotten gains into urban renewal projects. Although slums add a quaint and picturesque quality to any city, they too often contain unexpected allies for heroes.
FAIL
196: I will hire an expert marksman to stand by the entrance to my fortress. His job will be to shoot anyone who rides up to challenge me.
PASS
199: I will not make alliances with those more powerful than myself. Such a person would only double-cross me in my moment of glory. I will make alliances with those less powerful than myself. I will then double-cross them in their moment of glory.
PASS
208: Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good public relations for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction.
FAIL
219: I will be selective in the hiring of assassins. Anyone who attempt to strike down the hero the first instant his back is turned will not even be considered for the job.
Forget assassins; even said evil overlord isn't cut out for that job.
226: I will have a staff of competent detectives handy. If I learn that someone in a certain village is plotting against me, I will have them find out who rather than wipe out the entire village in a preemptive strike.
MAJOR FAIL
© This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.
* Since this is the Internet, let me clarify I am not criticizing the show; this is strictly for lulz.