Comments | average_homos: bottoming for tops

chamcha in average_homos

bottoming for tops

Dec 06, 2009 17:53

i am (or used to consider myself) all top. my boyfriend has trouble taking me, though. so, he wants to start topping. he is rather large, and i have never been fucked. advice on preparing? (best method?, how long should it take?, positions to consider?, anything i'm not considering?)

Comments 17

weekend_play December 7 2009, 02:21:50 UTC

I've read from Dan Savage that the first time isn't going to be sexy. Use enemas until anything that comes out is clear liquid. Plan it out, be relaxed, use lube, be prepared and be ready for it to be unlike a porno.

_candide_ December 7 2009, 03:37:04 UTC

Porno is all choreography. It's eye-candy. It bears no resemblance to reality.

With that in mind: if it hurts, stop.

It's not gonna magically "turn into pleasure"; it'll just hurt again. You've gone too quickly, and will have to try again some other evening.

Now, there's hurting that says, "OwOwOwOwOw," and leaves a stabbing pain in your sphincter. Then there's the dull-ache from being stretched pain. The former ends anal intercourse for the evening. The latter means you're not relaxed enough.

So, I'll summarize by saying: Go Slowly. Take as long as you need. Relax. Use more lube than you think. Practice opening yourself up.

pensivegargoyle December 7 2009, 14:14:46 UTC

Take it slow, use lots of lube and stop if it hurts. Don't worry about it taking a long time - it takes the time it's going to take. Rushing just makes it hurt and hurting causes you to tighten up. It might be a good idea for your partner to use his fingers or a couple of toys of increasing size to open you up. Finally, if it keeps hurting be prepared to call the whole thing off and do something else. Sometimes the body isn't willing to cooperate, and that's okay.

meridianchild December 8 2009, 02:30:38 UTC

Gross.

chamcha December 8 2009, 03:26:00 UTC

oh my god i feel so bad about myself now.

c_smudge December 8 2009, 03:35:48 UTC

how embarrassing for you

kaji_kun December 8 2009, 16:55:08 UTC

I would advise NOT waiting until you're in bed with him to start practicing. If it really is your first time, and he really is big, and your body doesn't have a huge frame (I think its easier for a guy whose 6'2 to take a big one as opposed to a guy whose 5'8) then its probably not going to go down the first time without hours of (honestly boring) effort. Work on yourself with fingers gradually working up and then buy a dildo that you would consider to be the next size down from him. By the time you get to where that is comfortable you're going to have a better understanding of your body as a "bottom" and the effort involved in topping him will be substantially less. Hell, sex could even be fun. Good luck ;)